You're There For Me--Part 2 of 3
by VeraRose19
Summary: Just in time for the holidays, Nicky is being released from prison. Eager to be with her mom and experience all of the joys of the family life she has been promised, Nicky is determined to make the most of this second chance. [Complete]
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Orange is the New Black.**

 **Please leave me a review and let me know your thoughts!**

"You getting excited?" Alex asked, wiggling into the last available space in front of the crowded mirror in the washroom. She squeezed some toothpaste onto her toothbrush and glanced down at Nicky, raising her eyebrows as she regarded the younger girl with a knowing smile.

"Who could resist getting excited about the sight of you dressed in that towel," Nicky said coyly, looking Alex up from top to bottom with an appreciative eye. She shook her head and sighed, "such a waste though, since you decided to go celibate." Piper and Alex were still going strong, something that surprised Nicky who had expected Piper to flake out long before now. Piper hadn't though; she visited regularly and faithfully wrote Alex lengthy letters multiple times a week. The two had gotten engaged a few months ago on Alex's birthday, when Piper came for visitation and proposed right at the table. Nicky respected their relationship, but it didn't stop her from teasing and flirting with Alex from time to time. It was just their way, and it was harmless.

"I'm in a committed relationship," Alex reminded her with a smirk, her voice muffled from the toothbrush in it, "and you've certainly been keeping yourself busy without my help." She leaned over the sink and spit. Nicky twirled her eyeliner pencil between her fingertips and smiled wistfully. She had kept herself preoccupied with the ladies in the ever expanding prison population. One good thing about the overcrowding was that there was plenty of women to choose from. There had been nobody serious since Lorna, but Nicky wasn't looking for commitment, she only wanted to have a little harmless fun.

"Yeah, but I'm getting tired of the same old straight girls experimenting in prison scene," Nicky clicked her tongue and returned the pencil to her makeup bag, having already applied her trademark thick liner to her bottom lid. "Which is why my liberation from this dump could not come at a better time. I can't wait to hit the town and stay out all night with the hottest women I can find." Nicky opened her mouth and widened her eyes as she began applying a thick coat of mascara to her lashes.

"Yeah, right," Alex said sarcastically, "you and I both know you'll be snuggling up with mommy for a bedtime story as soon as the sun goes down tonight." She rinsed out her mouth and returned her toothbrush and toothpaste to her shower bag.

"Well, maybe I'll take it easy tonight," Nicky admitted, "I'll get settled in first, and then I'll hit town." She had never been bothered in the slightest by Alex's teasing her about Red. Being loved by Red was the best part about Nicky's life and it actually pleased her that their closeness was so obvious to her friends. She blinked in the mirror while waiting for her eye makeup to dry. "I wonder how weird it's going to be between us now that we'll both be outside the prison bubble," she said, ruffling her mane so as to give it even more volume. She paused and stared at her reflection in the mirror, her hand tangled in her hair, "I mean, I'm a different person in real life then I am in here."

"You mean you weren't a sweet little mama's girl in your pre-prison life?" Alex asked in mock surprise, turning to face Nicky while hiking up her towel. Nicky bit into her plump bottom lip and her fingers scratched into her scalp. Suddenly she looked so young and anxious. Nicky talked such a big game and acted confident, but every now and then she let her guard down and allowed Alex a glimpse of the scared little girl that was hidden inside of her. Nicky had been thinking about this day, and all that Red had promised her, for a long time. It always seemed too good to be true, but Nicky held onto that dream because she had never wanted anything more. Her mom had created a home for them, she had a loving family, and a fresh chance to make her life so much more than what it had been before. Everything was wonderful and her expectations had been raised so high, that Nicky feared disappointment was inevitable.

"One thing I never was before prison was a mama's girl," Nicky said releasing the secure grip she had on her hair. Avoiding Alex's eye, she gathered up her things and moved away from the sink. "You're forgetting that I grew up with a mom who sent me to overnight camp when I was three." She rolled her eyes dramatically as she waited for Alex to follow her, "I got pretty used to being by myself."

"Well, now you have Red," Alex said as they left the claustrophobic confines of the overcrowded bathroom and walked through the dormitory, "the mother who has been here to see you every single week, without fail, for this entire year." She looked down at Nicky whose lips had stretched into a slight smile at her words, and whose cheeks had pinkened with pleasure.

"What can I say? I'm loved," Nicky said, sounding much more confident than she felt. She plopped herself down on Alex's bunk as they walked into the cube. "Either that, or Red just misses being in prison," she joked, "because, even in here, I am way more fun then all three of her sons put together." There was a hint of resentment behind Nicky's joking. It had been very difficult for her to sit still inside while her brothers took Red out and had fun times all year long. Inwardly, Nicky had always been afraid that if Red enjoyed her family so much the way it was, she might forget why she had asked Nicky to become a part of it in the first place.

"Your humbleness astounds me," Alex said sarcastically, pulling her grey sweatshirt over her head. She put her glasses back on and gave Nicky a sisterly smile, "you're a brat, but I am going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too," Nicky admitted with a rueful smile. She was lying on her stomach and swinging her bent legs back and forth in the air. Alex had become the sister that Nicky had never had, and she knew that Alex felt the same way about her. They both had been only children, they both grew up feeling like they didn't fit in, and they both had something that the other one had desired. Alex had had a loving mother, but growing up poor she had often been treated as lesser than the rich snobby girls she went to school with. In contrast, Nicky had always had the best of everything, but her mother had rarely given her the time of day. They were two different sides of the same coin, and a realization like that bonded people through an intimate form of understanding. Nicky knew that she had found a friend for life in Alex Vause.

'You make the time pass by quicker," Alex told her generously. She pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants over her white cotton granny panties, and sat down on the bunk next to Nicky. "Now I don't know what I'm going to do for entertainment."

"It won't be much longer," Nicky said, sitting back up so that there was more room for both of them on the bed. "you can spend that time planning your wedding," Nicky laughed, "this place has been seriously lacking in the romance department ever since Lorna got out."

"You always hated when Lorna would gush about wedding plans," Alex pointed out, crossing her legs and punching Nicky playfully on the shoulder, "although I guess that's just because she wasn't making those plans with you."

"Yeah," Nicky scoffed, recalling the agony of listening to Lorna ramble on about the most minute details concerning a wedding that was never going to happen. Nicky knew that Lorna was delusional, but she had always hoped that eventually Lorna would figure things out and realize that her feelings for Nicky were what was real. It hadn't exactly worked out that way though. Despite the pain she still felt whenever her thoughts turned to Lorna, Nicky could not help but smile. She still adored that crazy girl. "Do you remember that wedding collage I made her that time for Secret Santa?" Nicky asked Alex heartily.

"I do," Alex said. She took off her glasses and began to clean the smeared glass on her shirt. "Didn't you draw yourself in the groom's place?" She chuckled in amusement, "talk about subtle, Nichols." She refrained from mentioning the touching that occurred beneath that collage, in the middle of the dormitory, in plain sight of the guard bubble, but both Nicky and Alex's thoughts turned there for a moment.

"Hey, I was just trying to let her know that she could still have the wedding, and the house, and the kids, without a man," Nicky said defensively, "Lorna got too caught up on the hetero part." She tried to keep her tone light, not wanting Alex to see how hurt she still was by how things had ended.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked in surprise, "that Miss. Nicky Nichols was actually considering settling down and living the white picket fence family life? Somehow I have a hard time picturing you in that role." Nicky still slept around with every woman she could get in this place, but it was clear that a part of her had never stopped pining for Lorna. Quite possibly Nicky tried to fill the void of Lorna with different women, even though it was never going to work.

"I wouldn't have minded it if it was with somebody I was in love with," Nicky said vaguely, although there was no room to question who that _somebody_ would need to be. Usually Nicky tried to avoid thinking about Lorna, but the fact that she was getting out today had made her more than a little sentimental. It was bizarre to feel sentimental about five years in prison, but those years hadn't all been bad. Nicky couldn't say she was glad she had been locked up, but she was appreciative to Litchfield for the relationships she had formed there and for finally managing to stay clean. They hadn't been wasted years, by any means.

"I wonder what she's doing now," Alex said thoughtfully, she glanced at Nicky with a quizzical expression on her face, "do you have any plans to look her up now that you're getting out?" Nicky shrugged impassively, not wanting to admit that what Alex had just asked her had been the same question that Nicky had been asking herself for days. She still didn't have an answer.

"You only get one chance to break my heart," Nicky said bluntly, wiping her clammy hands on her pant legs. "I think Lorna made it crystal clear where we stand considering that she hasn't come back to visit me once since she got let out."

"She writes to you though," Alex reminded Nicky, "so she does still care." Lorna wrote Nicky nonsensical little drabbles every couple of weeks. She'd complain about her sister and her kids being too loud, write about the cute guys that had hit on her, and whatever other thoughts flew through her mind. Lorna always told Nicky that she missed her and loved her, but Nicky had never wanted to read too much into those lines. She did not want to get her heart broken again.

"There you are!" Gloria exclaimed, entering Alex's cube and giving Nicky a stern look, "were you just planning to hide out until it was time to go, or were you going to come find me and say a proper goodbye?" Gloria was holding two empty carboard boxes that she had gotten from the kitchen, and she watched in amusement as Nicky's eyes darted side to side like a naughty child.

"Oh, Gloria," Nicky said sweetly, "I didn't think you and I were the type for emotional farewells. Are you going to miss me that much? You called me a pain in your ass just yesterday." Nicky bent her legs and hugged them against her chest, rested her chin on them, and attempted to look the picture of innocence. Gloria wasn't buying it though.

"That's because you are a pain in the ass," Gloria said unapologetically, resting her black booted foot against the cement partition wall. "I was just by your cube, Nicky, and I noticed that you haven't even started packing up your things yet." She tilted her head and regarded Nicky with a searching look.

"I don't want any of it," Nicky said, looking up at Gloria and shaking her hand dismissively in the air, "I'm going to go shopping tomorrow. Marka already said she'd send me some money to buy everything I need." Nicky rested her head back on her knees lazily, as if that settled everything.

"I thought you weren't going to take her money?" Alex asked, elbowing Nicky in the ribs.

"Are you kidding?" Nicky said, turning her head to look sideways at Alex, "giving me money is the only redeeming quality that woman has. I won't have money of my own until I find a job, and I don't want Red to feel burdened to buy me stuff."

"What about Red's books and the photographs she left you?" Gloria asked, rocking herself forward slightly as she continued to try and balance on one foot, "you don't want to take those with you?"

"Actually, I was planning to leave them for you," Nicky said generously with a winning smile, "isn't that nice of me?"

"Oh C _hica_ ," Gloria shook her head, "I think you just want me to pack for you and that's not about to happen." She lowered her foot and straightened herself up, "March yourself over there and get everything cleaned up right now." She pointed across the hall at Nicky's bunk.

"Okay," Nicky said reluctantly, standing up and sighing loudly, as if what Gloria had just commanded was completely unreasonable. "Are you in that big a hurry to get rid of me?" she asked, as she walked by Gloria, "because I've still got lots of time. Those guards are so incompetent that I predict it will be nighttime before I get out of here."

"Healy told you ten this morning," Gloria said walking behind Nicky and still carrying the boxes that she had brought for packing, "and that's what time you told Red to be here for."

"I know," Nicky sighed, looking over her shoulder at Gloria, "I'm moving, okay?"

Nicky entered her cube and immediately stood on tiptoe to pull the crochet blanket and pillow set off of her bunk. Red had given them to Nicky when she had been released from prison. She had told Nicky that every night when she slept with them it would be like Red was giving her a hug. It had really helped when Nicky was having trouble sleeping or feeling particularly lonely. "Here, Gloria," she said, tossing them to Gloria, "they were Red's and I know she'd want you to have them now."

"Thanks," said Gloria, sitting down on the bottom bunk, that used to belong to Red, and hugging the blanket and pillow to her chest. Alex sat down next to her and they both watched as Nicky plopped herself heavily on the floor in front of her locker and opened it up. "Let's see," she murmured, "Food. Do you want it all, Vause?"

"Sure," Alex said agreeably, and Nicky pulled out about a dozen packets of ramen noodles, bags of candy, and chips, and packed them into the largest box that Gloria had brought her.

"Why do you still have so much food if you knew you were getting out soon?" Gloria asked her, amazed by all the food that Nicky had been hoarding.

"I stocked up a long time ago," Nicky replied, "Just in case the commissary ran out of the things I liked. You expected me to eat that gross slop for every meal, so I needed to be prepared."

"You think I was going to scrounge around for ingredients to make you a separate meal from the rest of the prison population?" Gloria asked incredulously.

"Red did," Nicky retorted, as if that settled things. Red had always enjoyed spoiling Nicky, but Gloria was not quite as enabling. She had her own little ways of letting Nicky know she cared though, they both just enjoyed giving one another a hard time.

"You can have these too," Nicky said, handing Alex all of her cosmetics and the large bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and soap. "Now you won't need to buy from commissary for a long time."

"Thanks," said Alex, stacking her ramen noodles a little differently so that she could fit everything into the box together.

"Gloria, you can have my Tylenol," Nicky said generously, passing Gloria the pain medication.

"Oh, but I thought my headache was leaving," Gloria joked, ruffling Nicky's hair affectionately as she leaned forward to take the bottle from her.

"Funny," said Nicky sarcastically, ducking out of Gloria's reach with a protesting giggle, "do you want Red's books too?"

"Where the hell am I supposed to find room for all of those?" Gloria asked, picking up a volume and stroking the pages with her fingertips. Red had amassed a large collection while she had been locked up and Nicky had kept every one of them.

"I found room for them," Nicky shrugged, "and aren't you supposed to take an interest in your significant other's passions?" She grinned mischievously, "I bet it would really impress Red if you read all of her favourite books."

"Well this passion is written in Russian," Gloria replied, handing Nicky back the book she had been holding, "so I think you better take that back to your mama Russia. I'll keep the English ones, somebody will want to read them."

Once she had removed all of the books from her locker, Nicky pulled out the envelope that held all of the photographs that Red had left her. Nicky didn't have any pictures herself, she had no family memories of her own worth keeping, but she had enjoyed living vicariously through the stilled images of a young Red and her family. Nicky would close her eyes and imagine that she had been there too, that Red had been her mother then. "Here, Gloria, you can have these," she said generously, handing Gloria all but one of the photos, which she kept clutched in her hand.

"Thanks, Nicky," Gloria said taking the envelope for her, "so long as there aren't a ton of her and Dmitri together, I'll be good."

"There might be one or two," Nicky replied, "but if you really want to, you could just draw mustaches and funny glasses on him to make yourself feel better." Gloria gave Nicky a sardonic smile. Her stepdaughter was outrageous, but the past eleven months in this place together had brought them closer together than Gloria had ever imagined. She loved this girl.

"You're ridiculous," Alex laughed, "what picture is that you're keeping?" She poked at the back of the image in Nicky's hand, and Nicky swiftly pulled the picture away from Alex, her mouth twisting as she considered whether or not to share it with them. Deciding, Nicky turned the image around and both Alex and Gloria squinted at it.

"What's so special about that one?" Gloria asked, gently reaching out to touch the image of Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily grinning at the camera with their arms around each other. She smiled at the image of the boys whom she had only known as grown men, and then looked at Nicky with a questioning stare.

"It's Red's favourite picture," Nicky explained, fingering the badly wrinkled photograph, "you can tell by how much more creased it is than the others. She told me that she took it on a day trip to Coney Island. It was just her and the boys, Dmitri didn't want to go so Red took them by herself. That's why there aren't any pictures of her from that day. She's not in that many pictures because nobody was ever with her to take them. She went on every single ride with the boys, even the ones she knew would make her sick, and you can just tell how happy the boys are. They're smiling at the camera like they really love the person behind it."

Nicky sniffled and wiped her misty eyes on her sleeve, "Jesus, why the f**k am I crying?" she laughed embarrassingly.

"It's a big day," Gloria said resting her hand on Nicky's shoulder, "a very good day, but also a very emotional one. It would be weirder if you weren't feeling anything." Nicky nodded and sniffed as she patted Gloria's hand.

"Now then," Gloria said brightly, removing the hand from Nicky's shoulder and peering into the almost empty safe, "is there anything besides that that you are taking?"

"Sure," Nicky said with a hearty laugh, pulling out a composition notebook from the nearly empty locker. "I can't believe I almost forgot about this," she told them gleefully.

"What is it?" asked Alex curiously, "your diary or something?"

"This," Nicky said brightly, holding the notebook straight up in front of her like it was the Holy Bible, "holds the details about every lady I was ever with in here," she laughed and turned the notebook around, opened it, and skimmed some of the pages, "five years worth of names."

"You have a f**k journal?" Alex asked incredulously, then she did a double take, "wait a second," she said skeptically, "am I in there?"

"Did you sleep with me?" Nicky asked, blinking innocently, as she tapped the white lined pages threateningly.

Alex made to grab for the book but Nicky clutched it to her chest and scampered out of Alex's reach. "I want to read what you wrote about me," Alex insisted.

"Which time?" Nicky chortled, opening the book once again, "the first time or the best time?"

"What was the best time?" Alex asked her.

"Oh, Jesus," Gloria rolled her eyes, "are we really going to take that walk down memory lane?"

"Don't sound so surprised, Gloria," said Nicky, matter-of-factly, "since it's pretty obvious that I'm not going to get the same epic goodbye that Red got on her last day here, all I have left are my memories." She gave Gloria a playful wink.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked in amusement, looking over at Gloria.

"Don't ask," said Gloria, squeezing the blanket in her arms even tighter.

"Don't be embarrassed!" Nicky told Gloria, "why wouldn't you want to talk about the passionate send off that you gave Red on her last night, Gloria?" she nodded at Alex, "it happened exactly where you're currently sitting, in fact, Al."

"Ew," said Alex, shifting uncomfortable on the mattress. The image of Red getting all hot on this bed with Gloria, was one that she could go a lifetime without.

"You think that's bad?" Nicky laughed, clearly enjoying herself, "I was in the bed with them when it happened."

"You were asleep," Gloria said defensively, which was the truth. Nicky had slept straight through the discreet and urgent lovemaking that had occurred beside her. She had only realized what had happened because of Red's lipstick marks all over Gloria, and for the fact that it was pretty easy to tell exactly how Red was feeling by the expression on her face.

"So, you admit it happened?" Nicky asked, leaning against the windowsill.

Gloria glanced at the clock on the wall by the guard station, "is it ten yet? It will be the first moment of peace I've had since I met you."

"You're going to miss me," Nicky insisted, bumping her notebook against her lap.

Gloria looked back at Nicky and nodded sadly, "you're right about that."

"It's not like we'll never see you, though," Alex said, tapping her fingers on the sides of the cardboard box in her lap, "aren't you going to be back here to visit for Christmas in like two days?"

"Yup," Nicky said, "and Red already said she's bringing Julio and Benny too."

"I'll believe that when I see it," Gloria scoffed, "I haven't seen Benny in months, and he rarely even takes my phone calls." She sighed and shook her head, as though she were attempting to rid herself of those thoughts. "So is that everything?" she asked Nicky, attempting to sound upbeat, "what else is in there?"

"Nothing," Nicky replied, "My clothes are all boxed up and the guard will come take them once I'm gone."

"Good," Gloria nodded approvingly, "that wasn't so hard, was it? And much better than waiting until the last minute." She glanced over at the clock again, "we've still got about an hour before they'll call you." She nodded at Alex, "why don't you go put your new stuff away and Nicky can help me carry all of my stuff?"

"Sure," said Alex, who could clearly understand that Gloria was requesting some time alone with Nicky before she left. The two of them had grown even closer in Red's absence, and Alex knew that letting Nicky go would be very difficult for Gloria.

Alex stood up and began walking towards her own bunk. "Meet us in the kitchen in a few minutes," Gloria said to Alex's retreating back, "I've made a treat that we can share before Nicky leaves."

"Okay," Alex agreed, looking back over her shoulder, "see you in ten." She walked into her own cube and dropped the box onto her bed.

"I don't think I can eat," said Nicky honestly. She felt like she had butterflies in her stomach. Freedom Day was finally here and Nicky could barely concentrate on anything besides her nerves and jubilation.

"You didn't have breakfast and I don't need Red accusing me of starving you if you pass out from hunger on your way out of the prison," Gloria replied, gathering up Red's blanket, pillow, and the photographs, "let's go."

Nicky picked up the box of books and trailed behind Gloria as they headed for Spanish Harlem. She dropped the box onto the bed and then sat down beside it, watching as Gloria opened her locker and started rearranging things so that everything would fit.

Gloria turned around and gave Nicky an expectant look as she held out her arm for some books. "Do you think you'll even read these?" Nicky asked her, as she handed Gloria a small stack of Red's books.

"Maybe," said Gloria clicking her tongue, "I'm going to have to find something to do to pass the time." It was the first insight Gloria had given to Nicky that she was not completely alright with the isolating circumstances she would face in a few hours. Aleida and Dayanara were long gone, Red had been released for nearly a year, Nicky was getting out today, and Gloria would be alone until summertime. She was respected and she had acquaintances inside, but there was nobody there anymore for her to love or be loved by. Nicky knew that she would be freaking out if she had been in the same position, but Gloria seemed composed and accepting of her reality. Nicky thought she was very brave.

"I'll come visit," Nicky told her, trying to sound comforting. She wanted Gloria to understand that she wasn't being forgotten, even if she was being left behind.

"Only if you want to," Gloria said with a funny sort of smile on her face, "you're going to be really busy, Nicky. This is your second chance at life now that you're clean, stable, and healthy. You need to focus on getting to work, maybe going to school. Whatever you need to do."

"Well I can do that and not abandon you," Nicky said defensively, "you have to admit that your life would be pretty hard to imagine without me in it now."

"I'll admit that," Gloria said, getting back to her feet, "you've been hanging off of my apron strings ever since Red left." She ran her fingers through her short hair.

"You never complained," Nicky insisted, from her spot on the bed, and Gloria smiled at her warmly.

"Let's go find Alex and head to the kitchen now," Gloria said, nodding her head towards the exit, "we've still got a little time." Nicky got up off of the bed and reached Gloria, their elbows touching as they walked side by side.

"You baked me cookies?" Nicky asked with a smile, when they entered the vacant kitchen and Gloria pulled out a plate of sugar cookies with candy baked into them. She had worked on them that morning, wanting to gift Nicky something before she sent her out into the world. As shitty as Gloria was feeling about her own circumstances right now, she was genuinely happy for Nicky, and she wanted to make sure that it was communicated.

"Mmm," Alex said biting into one, "these are so good. I'm almost glad you're leaving, Nicky, just so that I can eat like this."

"How much time do you have left, Alex?" Gloria asked, offering the plate to Nicky who took one. If Gloria had wanted to make her feel loved, she had succeeded. Beneath the stern and tough image, Gloria was a really nice person and it made Nicky sad that her son always gave her such a hard time. Nicky knew all about the woes with Benny because Red kept her regularly updated. It was such a shame that he had known about Gloria's new relationship for nearly a year, and was still so angry about it.

"About three months," Alex answered. She took another nibble of cookie and looked up, "every time I talk to Piper lately she's describing these apartments to me. She's on the hunt for a place for us, even though I keep telling her to wait until I'm out."

"She's excited," Gloria smiled, leaning back and resting her elbows on the counter, "she can't wait to start her life with you."

"I think it's more to do with her losing her mind staying with her parents," Alex said, sounding amused, "they're driving her nuts, but I don't want her moving out until I can pick the place with her. I'm going to have to live there too."

"Nichols," called Officer Dixon, stepping into the kitchen where the three women were huddled together, "train's pulling out of the station, let's move!"

"F**k, it's not even ten yet," Nicky said, placing her nibbled on cookie down on the countertop. It had made her happy that Gloria had baked something especially for her, but Nicky had been right when she had said that she couldn't eat a bite. She hoped that wouldn't hurt Gloria's feelings.

"Even better," Alex said, "you get a half an hour less time served than you thought." She ate the last bit of her cookie and brushed the crumbs off of her clothing.

"It's okay, Nicky," Gloria smiled encouragingly, "Red is going to be right outside that door waiting for you." She walked towards the girl and, resting her hand on Nicky's arm, leaned forward so that her chin was on Nicky's shoulder. A light, but meaningful hug.

"I know it's okay," Nicky said smoothly, nodding her head as she twisted a strand of hair around her finger, "I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about the two of you maintaining morale in this place without your little ray of sunshine."

"Okay, when have either of us ever referred to you as a ray of sunshine?" Alex said sarcastically, "you are the crankiest morning person in the place."

"Your eyes beneath those striking spectacles say it every time you look at me," Nicky grinned, as she followed the CO down the hall to the admittance room where they would process her out. Alex and Gloria walked on either side of her, being Nicky's pillars of support, even if Nicky maintained she wasn't worried.

"Now don't do anything stupid, you hear?" Gloria said, wrapping Nicky in her arms outside the door, "I want to get lots of good reports from Red about how you're killing it out there."

"I'll behave," Nicky promised her. She kissed Gloria's cheek and then looked up at Alex. "Come here, Vause," she teased, laughing so that she wouldn't cry. They both hugged, "your friendship has meant everything to me," Nicky whispered, "I can't wait to watch you get married to the girl of your dreams!"

"That reminds me," Alex laughed, "I was going to wait to ask you this, but…." She smiled whimsically at Nicky, "will you be my maid of honour?"

"Seriously?" Nicky asked in surprise, her mouth gaping open in astonishment.

"No, I'm lying," Alex said sarcastically, she brushed her hair back and looked at Nicky expectantly, "what do you think?"

"I'm honoured to be a person of honour," Nicky said, wrapping her arms around Alex's shoulders and giving her friend another squeeze. "Just don't force me into some mother f**king ugly dress, or go all bridezilla on me and it should be fun."

"I think Piper's more the bridezilla type than me," Alex said, "she has a vision," she sighed dramatically and raised her eyebrows.

"Probably," Nicky agreed, she turned to look at Gloria who was watching the exchange with a happy smile, "what about you Gloria?" she asked.

"What about me what?" asked Gloria, wrapping her arms around herself as though she were giving herself a hug.

"Who do you think, between you and Red, would be the most bridezilla?" Nicky asked her, eagerly.

"Don't know, don't care," Gloria replied, with a huff, "it's never going to happen."

"Never say never," Alex said with a knowing smile.

"Personally, I'd have to say Red," Nicky continued, "and I say this as a person who loves that woman very much, but she'd be an absolute nightmare." She looked back at Alex, "can you imagine being the caterers of that wedding? They'd probably fake their own deaths just to get out of it once they realized how impossible she'd be."

"Let's go," Dixon said, who had been leaning again the wall and watching their goodbyes impatiently. They had gone on long enough and he was ready to get this part of his job over with and go sit down somewhere.

"Alright, man, I'm coming," Nicky said, turning to follow Dixon out the door. She looked over her shoulder and waved cheerfully back at Alex and Gloria, "see you later! Love you!" She walked away pleased with herself for not becoming a blubbering mess as she left. It was hard to say goodbye, but it was even harder to be the ones left behind. Nicky knew that from experience.

When they walked into the processing room, McCullough took over for Dixon, escorting Nicky into a private room for a strip search. Nicky silently prayed that this would be the last time in her life that she would ever have to go through this humiliating and degrading process.

"Sign here," Dixon ordered, when Nicky reappeared, dressed in faded jeans and a maroon sweater, both much too big for her. While McCullough had done the strip search, Dixon had organized a large pile of forms that Nicky apparently had to work through before they would let her leave. Nicky walked up to the counter and accepted the pen that Dixon handed her. Of course, nothing could ever be as simple as them simply opening the door and kicking her out.

"So, you going to miss me?" Nicky asked jokingly, as she began to messily sign her name. She stole a glance up at Dixon who was regarding her with an impassive expression and did not answer. "That's okay," Nicky told him, passing him the pen once she had signed her name on all of the forms, "I don't think I'm going to miss you either."

"I need to take your fingerprints before you get out, inmate" Dixon said, grabbing Nicky's hand and forcing her fingers onto the pad of ink.

"You won't be able to call me that in a few minutes," Nicky told him enthusiastically, as he dabbed each of the fingers of her left hand onto the papers, and then proceeded to do the same with her right.

"I won't have to talk to you ever again in a few minutes," Dixon replied, releasing Nicky's hand once he had finished taking her prints.

"That's not true," Nicky said cheerfully, "I'll be back for a visit in two days, Healy already got my name on the lists and everything. So, if you were planning to get me a Christmas present, there's still time."

"You haven't gotten enough of this place?" Dixon asked. He handed Nicky a wet nap so that she could clean the ink off of her fingers.

"It's sort of become my home away from home," Nicky replied, as she walked towards the door, Dixon following.

"So, I can leave?" Nicky looked back at him hesitantly, "just like that?"

"Just like that," answered Dixon, "don't let the door hit you on your way out."

"See you man!" Nicky saluted sarcastically. She walked out the front doors of the prison to freedom, her heart pounding in her chest. Every pore in her body currently felt like it was on fire but she still felt excited. She had just been given her life back.

"Nicky!" Red exclaimed, jumping out of the idling car and rushing towards her with her arms outstretched. Nicky's face broke into a huge grin as she spotted her mother, "oh my god!" Red gasped, the air so cold that Nicky could see her breath. Red wrapped her arms around Nicky tightly and rocked her on the spot. Red smoothed the hair back from Nicky's face and looked her over carefully. "Are you okay?" Red asked her, frowning slightly.

"Of course, I'm okay," Nicky said, looking back at Red and smiling serenely, "it's great to see you, mom." Red's eyes were sparkling and all of Nicky's doubts went away as she basked in the love that she could feel radiating off of her mother in abundance. A warmth spread through Nicky's body and she leaned forward to kiss her mother's crimson hair, "Can we go home now, mom?"

"Let's go home," Red said, stroking Nicky's cheek with her thumb. Red had wanted to be able to say those words to Nicky for so long and now the day had finally arrived. With their arms wrapped around one another, Red and Nicky began to walk toward the waiting car.

Red let go of Nicky only when they reached the car and had to get in. She sat down in the driver's seat and buckled her seatbelt, while Nicky mirrored her movements almost exactly. Red placed her hand on the shifter and paused when she felt Nicky's hand encase her own and squeeze.

"I'm so glad to see you," Red said fervently, her accent thick with emotion. She looked up at Nicky, her eyes shining with the love that Nicky had grown to depend on for everything. "Are you happy?" she asked, her breath catching in her throat.

"You are my happy," Nicky said shyly.


	2. Chapter 2

Driving down the road, Red couldn't help but glance at Nicky out of the corner of her eye every few seconds or so. The smile upon her face hadn't slackened for a moment, not since she caught sight of her girl walking out of those prison doors. Her lips parted, Red bit the tip of her tongue between her teeth, trying to remain calm so that she wouldn't overwhelm Nicky with everything she wanted to tell her. "I'm so happy you're here," Red blurted out when she couldn't remain quiet anymore. She squeezed Nicky's shoulder and shook her excitedly.

Nicky laughed softly and tilted her head to nuzzle the hand on her shoulder. "What's so funny?" Red asked, giving Nicky one final squeeze before she returned her hand to the steering wheel.

"Nothing," Nicky said, with a shake of her head, "it just feels like I'm being picked up from the weirdest overnight camp ever." Her mouth twisted into a smile as she considered the absurdity of their situation. Being sentenced to prison was supposed to have been the worst thing that ever happened in Nicky's life, but it had turned out to be one of the best. Nicky and Red never would have met if not for their paths of misfortune, mistakes, and regrets. Whatever they had been, their crimes had led them to one another. Nicky was thankful for that.

Red gave a small chuckle of appreciation and moistened her lips with her tongue. "So, what's the first thing you want to do when we get there?" she asked, glancing over at Nicky with a quizzical expression on her face.

"Hmm," Nicky tapped her mouth with her index finger and scrunched her face up to give the impression of thinking hard. Finally, she shrugged, "I just want to see our home and hang out together." She looked over at Red and bit her lip.

"Tell me what else," Red coaxed, noticing Nicky's hesitancy. She raised her eyebrows in expectation.

"It's nothing really," Nicky reached her hands up and tousled her wild hair, "I was just going to ask if it could just be you and me tonight." She smiled guiltily, only slightly worried that Red would take offence at her reluctance to interact with everybody in the family. She'd see them soon enough and she was sure she would love it, but for now Red was enough. Nicky just wanted her mom.

"Oh honey, that's already taken care of," Red soothed. She wasn't ready to share Nicky with the others right now either. "I told your brothers that they need to let you get settled before they come over." She looked back over at Nicky with a reassuring smile, "besides, we'll see them tomorrow for Christmas Eve."

"I almost forgot about Christmas," said Nicky in her gravelly voice, "I've had too much else to think about." She kicked off the cheap shoes the prison had given her to leave in and criss-crossed her legs on the seat.

"Well, I haven't forgotten about Christmas," Red said happily, patting Nicky's knee, "and I have a feeling that this is going to be the best Christmas of your life. At least if I have anything to say about it."

Nicky's brown pupils dilated in eagerness and she looked over at Red suspiciously, "I can't even imagine what's going on in that crazy Russian mind of yours," she joked, "but whatever it is, I'm excited. What's the plan?" Red gave Nicky's knee a final squeeze and then moved her hand back to the wheel.

"The plan is to have a peaceful night at home together tonight," Red said, "because we're going to be busy for the next two days. We're doing Christmas Eve at Vasily's with the entire family, and after Christmas morning, at our place, we'll drive up to spend the day with Gloria." Red's hands on the steering wheel tightened when she spoke Gloria's name. She was trying not to think about her right now, but a knot tightened in Red's stomach when she thought of how she had been steps away from Gloria this morning and had not been able to see her. Gloria had been on the other side of a wall, but it may as well have been the other side of the planet.

"How was Gloria when you said goodbye this morning?" Red asked in a would-be-casual voice. She hated herself for asking, she had sworn to herself that morning that she wouldn't. She was supposed to be celebrating Nicky's freedom today, not mourning for Gloria, who had been left behind. There was nothing Red could do for her anyways, but still she needed to know.

"Bossy, irritable, and nice all at once," Nicky replied, with an understanding smile, "basically the same as always. I left her all the stuff you gave me when you got out."

"You did?" Red asked in surprise, "that was nice of you." She stroked the steering wheel with both of her thumbs.

"It made her happy, and I figured it's what you would have wanted," Nicky said generously, "and to answer your unspoken question, I think she's going to be okay," Nicky glanced over at Red and their eyes met. Nicky nodded confidently, "I mean obviously it really sucks that she's still in there, but Gloria will handle being alone way better then you or I would."

Red laughed lightly, "you're right about that," she agreed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "I don't know why I'm so worried."

"Because you love her," Nicky said simply, smiling when she saw Red's face flush with a pink glow. Being in love looked good on Red. The woman wore her heart on her sleeve so unforgivingly that the radiant happiness Gloria had inspired had taken over every aspect of Red's life. She was energetic and hopeful, seemed younger and more carefree. Nicky thought her brothers must be dumb as door knobs for Red to have kept her relationship with Gloria a secret for as long as she had. It was written right across her face.

Red cleared her throat, "I went shopping this morning before I came to pick you up. I needed to buy groceries for Christmas dinner tomorrow and I bought the ingredients to make spaghetti tonight, if you'd like that for supper."

"Sounds good to me," said Nicky agreeably, "you know spaghetti is my favourite."

"I was just checking," Red smiled, "I want your first meal at home to be special." Nicky chuckled at the thought that anything Red would cook could be anything but special. Even in prison, with gross pre-prepped meals and barely anything to work with, Red had managed to find ways to spruce up the food to make it more edible Feeding people was one of Red's favourite ways to show that she loved you.

"So, Christmas dinner is on Christmas Eve?" Nicky asked, "that's weird. Won't that make the actual day a little boring?" Nicky had habitually spent Christmas Eve's alone with a nanny as a child, while her parents went out to a black-tie event that lasted into the wee hours of Christmas morning. Marka's assistant would buy all of Nicky's lavish presents, based upon what she assumed a girl her age would like, and Nicky's parents would sip their coffee and read the paper while Nicky opened them on Christmas morning. They barely even noticed her. Christmas had served no other purpose in the Nichols' household besides to show off for everybody that they knew. They always hosted a huge, impersonal, and catered Christmas lunch on the actual day, and Nicky would be assigned to the kid's table in a different room than her parents. It had never been much of a familial holiday.

"Not at all," Red said confidently, "in our family, we keep the celebrations going for as long as we can. Christmas Eve is our formal dinner where everyone changes into their best clothes after an exhausting day cooking up a feast in the kitchen all day."

"Won't you be the only person exhausted?" Nicky asked, "you'll be cooking and the rest of us will just be fat and lazy from eating all day." She played with the fabric of her oversized sweater while she spoke.

"Everybody helps," Red corrected her, "even you." Christmas had always been such a big deal for the Reznikov family and they all pitched in to help make their celebration special. They had never had much in the way of presents, when her boys had been small, but it had never mattered either. Red had always found little ways to make the spirit of Christmas come alive in her boys and, even as adults, all three of them cherished the season.

"I don't cook," Nicky protested, "what can I do?"

"You can help me bake the pies," Red suggested.

"No way," Nicky objected, "the pies are my favourite part of Christmas, I don't want to f**k them up."

"If you don't want to bake pies with me, you could always decorate sugar cookies with Alexei," Red said with a small smile.

"Fine, I'll help you," Nicky scoffed and rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. It meant a great deal for her to be included in all of Red's family traditions. She really was one of them, but she couldn't fathom how decorating cookies with a messy toddler could be anybody's idea of a good time. A triumphant smile appeared on Red's face when Nicky agreed.

Nicky reclined her seat all the way back and curled up on her side, facing her mother. Red glanced down sideways at her before returning her gaze to the road. "Are you going to have a nap?" she asked Nicky.

"No," Nicky said, "I'm just trying to get comfortable." She stretched out her hand and rested it on Red's thigh, "keep talking, I just feel like listening to you right now." Red reached down and patted the hand in her lap. "So what else do you have planned for us?" Nicky asked eagerly, "what happens on actual Christmas day?"

"Actual Christmas day we have a huge breakfast and open presents," Red replied, still holding Nicky's hand, "and then we go spend the day with Gloria. Yuri is going to see his kids Christmas day, so we'll probably open some presents on Christmas Eve with everybody else." Nicky nodded agreeably.

"Keep talking to me," Nicky pressed eagerly, when Red paused. Red squeezed her hand and continued speaking about the Christmas traditions Nicky soon would be experiencing with her true family. A warmth spread through Nicky's body as she listened, making her feel totally relaxed. She could have easily fallen asleep like that, but she didn't want to miss a second. Nicky knew that she was where she was always meant to be.

"Is this it?" Nicky asked, straightening up in her seat as Red pulled the car up to the curb. They were parked in front of a huge red brick house that had been reconverted into separate apartments, each with their own private staircase and porch.

"This is it," Red replied, "you ready to go inside?" She unbuckled her seat belt and smiled over at Nicky. Red couldn't stop looking at her girl, as though she was worried that she would disappear if she looked away. She hadn't just been waiting for Nicky to come home for the year since her own release, Red had been waiting to bring her baby home since the moment they had met. Red had always wanted to give Nicky the life she felt she had been cheated of in the past. Now was her chance.

"Am I ever," said Nicky, opening up her door and jumping out of the car. "Listen to all this noise and chaos," she grinned happily at Red, "I feel like I'm back where I belong."

"You are where you belong," Red replied, leading Nicky towards the stairs that would lead to their apartment. They lived on the upper level. Standing on the porch, Red turned the key in the door which alerted the golden retriever inside that his mistress was home. When Red and Nicky walked into the home, the dog leaped forward, wagging his tail in excitement. Duke retreated at the sight of Nicky and growled territorially, though he continued to wag his tail as proof that he wasn't actually threatening.

"Hey boy," said Nicky, kneeling down on the floor and holding out her hand for the dog to sniff. He creeped towards her hesitantly, sniffed, and then licked Nicky's hand affectionately. He seemed to innately understand that she was meant to be there with them. Nicky stood up but kept a hand on Duke's head as she looked around the small and immaculately clean apartment.

"Wow," she said, her eyes widening in amazement. It was even more incredible than she had dared to dream. It was quaint and entirely unimposing, especially when compared to the grand apartments Nicky had grown up in. Red's place was homey and beautiful. The honey oak floors and the clean white walls made the room seem bright and larger than the small space actually was. Nicky walked in circles around the living room and ran her fingertips across the tall bookshelves allocated on either side of the fireplace, the tv over the mantle, and the comfortable overstuffed arm chair and couch. The couch had a red throw tossed casually over one side, suggesting it to be a place where you could curl up and relax. At last, Nicky approached the tall evergreen tree that was lit up with white lights and had a shining white star on top. It stood in front of the large picture window, and at night you would be able to see its lights from the street. Large red, gold, and clear balls hung from its branches. When Nicky leaned forward to examine them more closely she saw that the clear ornaments held family photographs inside.

Red removed her boots and hung up her jacket while she anxiously kept an eye on Nicky as she watched her take in every square inch of her new home. Nicky moved away from the tree after a few moments and walked down the small hallway. Red didn't follow her, she wanted to give Nicky the chance to explore the space for herself. Nicky peeked into the bathroom, which had two freshly laundered towels hung on the rail, one clearly meant to be for her. She walked into the first room, which she assumed to be Red's. The bedspread and pillowcases were both lilac, as were the curtains in the window, and the area rug on the floor. An unusual choice for Red, except that Gloria had once slipped that her favourite colour was purple. Red had clearly made these selections with that in mind.

Walking back out of Red's bedroom, Nicky moved over to the final room with the door closed. She gripped the handle and slowly opened it to reveal her own bedroom. Her mouth gaped open and her eyes widened as she took in the beautiful room that had been prepared for her. The bed was covered by a comforter with different hues and waves of blue, green, and gray that reminded Nicky of the sea. The walls were painted a pale greyish blue, the curtains were a stark white and her furniture was primed in the same wood finishing as the floor. It was a beautiful bedroom and Nicky was in awe of the love she could sense in here. This wasn't the impersonal stylish rooms of her childhood, that Marka had always hired a decorator to do. Every detail in this room had been chosen with Nicky in mind. It looked like a picture of Red's love for her.

Spinning around on her heels, Nicky rushed back into the living room and found Red at the kitchen counter preparing a cup of coffee. Nicky wrapped her arms around Red and her happiness surged to unprecedented heights when Red hugged her back. "Do you like it?" Red asked gently.

"I love it," Nicky said hoarsely, her heart swelling in her chest when she was given an extra squeeze. Releasing Red, she walked back to the door to kick off her shoes. "This is the best place I have every lived," she said laying down on the couch. She wrapped her hands above her head and beamed at Red when she walked over to join her.

"Lift your feet," Red ordered. Nicky raised her feet into the air and Red sat down on the end of the couch. As soon as she was seated, Nicky draped her legs over her lap.

"Did you see the boxes in the closet?" Red asked. She casually began to rub Nicky's legs, using long strokes that went from above the knees to the tip of her toes.

"No, I didn't look in the closet." Nicky replied.

"Marka had some movers bring by all of the things that she had been keeping for you in storage," Red said, continuing to rub Nicky's legs back and forth.

"Oh," said Nicky dully, "well at least I can change my clothes then."

"Yes," agreed Red.

Nicky gave a hoarse laugh, "I'm surprised the witch didn't just burn all my things when I got sent to prison, to hide the evidence that I was ever even born."

"She wouldn't do _that_ ," Red said, feeling the need to defend the woman where she could. Marka and Red had spoken on the phone a couple of times in the months preceding Nicky's release. Marka had been appreciative that Nicky had a good home to go to and had offered Red money once again, which Red had staunchly refused. Marka had hired workers to take Nicky's things out of storage and brought over to the apartment. Red had put them away in the closet, not wanting to invade Nicky's privacy by going though her belongings when she wasn't there.

Nicky refrained from commenting on Red's defense of Marka. She focused on watching Red's hand make their steady strokes up and down her legs. She had needed this affection from her mother for so very long. Thirty second hugs at the start and end of visitation had never been enough. Nicky sighed contentedly and wiggled deeper into her comfy spot on the couch. "Do you want to watch tv?" she asked Red groggily. Red reached for the remote that was on the end table and passed it to Nicky. Then her hand resumed its steady rubbing. Nicky flicked the television on to a talk show. Duke came back into the room, and jumped up on the couch beside her.

"This is the life," Nicky breathed, petting Duke behind the ears. Red murmured in agreement at Nicky's words. There was nowhere that Red would rather be right now, besides sitting with her daughter on this couch, in their home. Nicky rubbed at her eyes and Red could tell that she was beginning to get sleepy. This had been an emotionally taxing day, even if it was a very good one. Red finished the last of her coffee and placed it atop the coaster she had on the side table for such purposes. She reached above her head for the red shawl that was there and draped it on top of Nicky, tucking the girl in tightly. Nicky looked over at Red and smiled drowsily at her. She was still resisting sleep, blinking and rubbing her eyes as she watched her tv program. Nicky felt warm, snuggled, and content, and she wanted to savour those feelings by prolonging the sleep that was inevitable. Using both hands now, Red began to rub Nicky's legs gently, coaxing her little girl to fall asleep. There was something about Nicky's innocence and trust that exhilarated Red whenever the girl fell asleep on or beside her. Nicky's eyes grew heavy, she was so comfortable, and when she couldn't fight it any longer, she fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.

It was Duke barking that woke Red up. She hadn't been planning to fall asleep herself, but had ended up napping on the couch with Nicky. Duke was scratching at the front door eagerly. "Mmm," Red groaned, still groggy from sleep. She lifted Nicky's feet up so that she could stand up. Stiffly, she walked towards the door. "Shut up," she hissed at the dog, petting him reassuringly on the head so that he would stop barking before he woke the sleeping girl.

Glancing at the figure through the window, Red blinked in surprise and swung open the door. "Hi," she said to Julio Mendoza, who was standing on the porch with his hands in his pocket.

"Hi," Julio said hesitantly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I know you said that you were getting Nicky today, but—,"

"Come inside out of the cold," Red cut him off, opening the door wider and stepping back, "you know that you're always welcome here." Julio stepped into the apartment and stayed on the mat while he took off his coat, boots, and hat, which were all covered in snow.

"White Christmas," he said lightly, shaking the last few flakes out of his dark brown hair.

"I guess so," Red said, leaning her head out of the door to watch the thick snow that had begun to fall, though the sun was still shining. Shivering, she slammed the door shut against the frigid air.

"Is Nicky here?" Julio asked casually, looking around the apparently vacant room.

"Yes, she's asleep on the couch," Red said quietly, pointing with her finger at the back of the beige couch. "Come keep me company while I get supper started," she said invitingly, walking towards the kitchen. Julio followed her without hesitation. He had become a frequent visitor to Red's home in the recent months and she had even attended some college information sessions with him in the fall as she had promised him last summer that she would.

"What's for supper?" asked Julio jokingly, not waiting for an invitation. He knew that he didn't need one. He usually joined Red for supper about once a week, especially on Saturdays when they drove up together to visit Gloria in prison.

"Spaghetti," Red answered, "and a salad too, if you want to give me a hand and peel some carrots."

"Sure," said Julio easily, walking over to the fridge to retrieve the bag of carrots. He opened a cupboard door and selected a knife from where he knew she kept them. He was quite familiar with where things went in her apartment. He laid everything down on the cutting board.

"Can we have garlic bread too?" Julio asked her, as he selected a carrot and began to peel it.

"Sure," Red answered. She bent down to retrieve a large pot and a frying pan from the bottom cupboard, and then straightened back up, with some difficulty. Sighing from the exertion, Red placed the pot and pan on the stove, and rubbed her lower back.

"Are you okay?" Julio asked in concern, glancing up at Red before turning his focus back to the vegetables.

"Yes, I'm fine," Red replied, "my back is just extra stiff from the long drive this morning. Usually I take something for it, but today I forgot to."

"Did you see mom?" Julio asked.

"No," Red shook her head, "it's not a visitation day so they wouldn't have allowed it." Red filled the pot with water to boil for the pasta, and put the hamburger into the frying pan. "This won't take too long to make," Red said, motioning towards the stove, "I made the sauce yesterday, so I only need to heat it up."

Red walked over to the fridge and pulled out the romaine lettuce and the other vegetables she wanted to include in the salad. She placed them on the counter, next to the sink, and went to work rinsing them off beneath the tap. Grabbing a bowl, she picking up the vegetables and joined Julio at the table. "Did anything happen today?" she asked Julio quietly, keeping her eyes on the lettuce that she was shredding into the salad bowl, "or did you just feel like visiting me?"

"Uh," Julio's face twisted into a grimace, "both?" he answered skeptically.

"What happened?" Red asked him directly.

"Benny and Tia Lourdes are just fighting," Julio told her, "I just wanted to get away for a bit."

"Of course," Red murmured sympathetically. This was nothing new.

"I don't think it's going to be a very good Christmas," Julio said softly, "it usually isn't, but I thought this one might be better because we get to see mom. Benny had agreed to go."

"He's not coming now?" Red asked, feeling a pang in her heart at those words. Gloria hadn't seen Benny in months because he refused to ride with Red, and Lourdes didn't go that often. He had agreed to come with them all for Christmas though. He hadn't wanted to be left behind when his entire family was going.

Julio shook his head sadly, "that's what the fight was about."

Red sighed, and dropped the last of the lettuce into the bowl. She reached next for the tomato to prep. Julio was still working on the carrots, he was pretty slow in the kitchen. "He might change his mind," she said weakly, knowing how unlikely that was.

"He won't," Julio said confidently, sticking out his chin.

"Well, never mind," Red said encouragingly, in far too good a mood today to be discouraged. "It's still going to be a good Christmas. If Benny wants to sulk, he's only going to ruin it for himself." She knew that wasn't entirely true, his mood did have a powerful effect on the general tone of things, especially for Gloria.

Julio shrugged at her words and began dicing the carrots carefully. Red glanced at him inquisitively, "you know," she said, "you could stay over tonight and give them both time to cool off before you go home."

"What about Nicky?" Julio asked uncertainly.

"It's fine," Red said confidently, "I can make up a bed for you on the couch." Putting down her knife she walked over to the stove to turn off the burners, after checking to confirm that everything was ready.

"Okay," Julio agreed, "so long as you're sure it will be alright."

"Why do you think I gave you that key to the apartment?" Red asked, beginning to chop up the cucumber now. "You're welcome to come and go whenever you please. It's small here, but we can always find a way to make it work. You don't even have to ask me. Alright?" Julio nodded, his head bent over the carrots so that Red wouldn't see how happy he looked.

"Ughhhh," Nicky groaned loudly, sitting up on the couch and rubbing her eyes, "how long was I asleep for?" She glanced over at Red in the kitchen and blinked in surprise when she saw that they had company.

Sensing danger, Red walked over to Nicky, "for a couple of hours," she said calmly. She leaned over to kiss the unruly mane of curls, while Nicky glowered at her. Red ignored the look and ran her fingers through Nicky's hair affectionately, attempting to silently communicate to her girl that she was still her baby. Red had noticed the stormy expression on Nicky's face when she had caught sight of Julio intruding on their time, but it was something she was going to have to get used to. Things here weren't the same as in prison, where they were cut off from everybody else they loved and living in a world of their own. Red had told her sons and Lida to give her and Nicky space that day, but it was not a request she felt comfortable making of Julio. He was still a child and, because of her connection to Gloria, Red was responsible for him. She wasn't his mother, but the role she had in his life was not something she could just take time off from. Julio had sought her out today and Red would never turn him away. He was hers.

"Hey Nicky," Julio said smiling sheepishly, "I'm glad you're out now."

Nicky felt Red's fingers grip into her scalp warningly, "ow," she muttered, shaking Red off,."Uh, thanks," she said to Julio, brushing past Red and walking into the kitchen where Julio was finishing up the salad.

"The salad's done," Julio said to Red.

"Thanks honey," Red told him, which earned her another glare from Nicky. Nicky was leaning against the counter drinking a can of ginger ale that she had pulled out of the fridge. "Everything is done", Red said, opening the oven door and pulling out the golden coloured garlic bread with cheese on top. "Are you hungry, Nicky?" Red asked, still choosing to act like she didn't notice the looks Nicky was shooting her.

"Yeah," Nicky admitted begrudgingly.

"Sit down at the table, honey," Red told her kindly, "I'll get your plate for you." A small smile appeared on her lips as she observed Nicky's brattiness. She didn't mind it, Red actually found it adorable. It was endearing how much Nicky obviously loved her and it was Red's job to make sure that Nicky always felt that love in return. She dished a generous serving of spaghetti, salad, and a piece of garlic toast onto Nicky's plate and brought it over to her.

"You deserve a little bit of spoiling," Red cooed to Nicky, as she set the plate down before her, "it makes me happy to be able to take care of you again." Nicky raised her eyebrows and gave Red a look of incredulity. "Do you want some parmesan?" Red asked her calmly, and Nicky nodded sullenly. "I'll get you some," said Red, squeezing Nicky's shoulder.

Julio had prepared his own plate and sat himself across from Nicky. He glanced at her quizzically, sensing the tension between her and Red currently, which he could only assume was because of him. It was only dread at what awaited him at home that kept him rooted to his chair. "I'll probably go home after supper," he told Red when she walked back to the table. "Tia Lourdes will want to know where I am." Red handed Nicky the parmesan and then sat down between the two.

"I already texted Lourdes that you were going to stay here tonight and she thought that was a good idea," Red said gently, "Benny is still pretty upset and she thinks it best that he just be left alone until he calms himself down."

"What's he upset about?" asked Nicky.

Red sighed and put down her fork, but Julio answered before she could, "he doesn't want to come to visit my mom on Christmas anymore," he explained monotonously, "and Tia said he had to which just made him angrier. He threw a chair at the Christmas tree and it shattered a bunch of ornaments."

"Jeez," was all Nicky could think to say. She spun some spaghetti around her fork and said, "I didn't think it was that bad."

"It's usually not," said Julio shortly, but he did not elaborate. His loyalty to Benny was too great. Julio hated the way that his brother could be sometimes but he still loved him more than anybody else in the world. They had been consistently there for one another their entire lives and especially since their mother had been taken to prison.

"What would you two like to do tonight?" Red asked them, to break the tense silence around the table. Both of them shrugged. "We could watch a Christmas movie," Red suggested, "and I need some help finishing up the tree."

Nicky glanced over at the beautifully decorated tree and then back at Red curiously "it looks pretty done to me," she said, "what more could you need to do to it?"

"You'll see," was all Red said. After supper, Julio took Duke out for a walk around the block. Red made him promise not to go too far and checked to make sure he had his cell phone on him before he left. It was only about seven right now, but it was dark.

"You should have gone too," Red said, gathering up the dishes to wash.

"I'm too tired," Nicky said grumpily, "and what? Are you trying to get rid of me during the few spare minutes we get alone together this evening?"

"Nicky," Red sighed, as she began to wash the first dinner plate, "I would have loved to spend the evening alone with you, but Julio is family too and he needed a place to stay tonight."

"He actually said he wanted to go home and you wouldn't let him," Nicky pointed out. Hopping up onto the counter next to where Red was standing. Red gave her a stern look, but did not vocalize her objection to Nicky sitting there.

"He doesn't want to go home," Red said adamantly, "he just feels like he should. He's stayed over here before a few times when the fighting was too much to bear, and he visits quite often." She reached for a scrubber and went to work on a stubborn pan.

"I didn't know that the two of you had become _that_ close," said Nicky tartly.

"I'm trying," Red said honestly, "he's Gloria's son, of course I want to be close to him."

"What about the chair thrower?" asked Nicky, "you seem to have conveniently forgotten about him." She pretended to be examining her nails, but really, she was just watching Red's expression.

"I haven't forgotten about him," Red insisted, "I just gave up. That boy has serious attitude problems."

"Sounds a lot like me when I was his age," Nicky said with a smirk, "I never threw chairs though. I did throw a ball through a glass window one time. I pretended it was an accident but really I just wanted to see if a window would actually break as easy as they seem to in the movies." She laughed fondly at the memory, "they do break that easily, by the way".

"You're a brat," Red exclaimed, shaking her head in amusement as she washed and rinsed the final frying pan. "Vasily broke a window one time, but in his case, it actually was an accident. He still had to pay to replace it out of his own money though, by doing extra chores until his debt was paid off."

"Yeah, you probably wouldn't have liked me much, back then," Nicky said honestly, but with an amused chuckle.

"Oh," Red scoffed, flicking Nicky with the dishtowel in her hand. "I would have loved and adored you at any age." She drained the water in the sink and wiped her hands on the towel. "You also wouldn't have behaved that way if you had been mine back then."

"Why, because you're just that good of a mother?" Nicky teased.

"Because I would have spanked you," Red said, effectively wiping the smirk off of Nicky's face.

"It's really snowing out there now!" Julio exclaimed excitedly, as he rushed back into the apartment, "Duke loved it." Nicky slid off of the kitchen counter, grateful for the interruption that had saved her from having to come up with a witty retort to what Red had just said.

"Just in time for Christmas," Red said happily, "I don't understand how anybody can enjoy a Christmas without snow. It just makes everything more magical."

"When I lived in Florida we didn't have any snow," Julio told her, "it was pretty cool. We went swimming at the beach on Christmas afternoon." He unhooked the dog's leash and then removed his jacket.

"That just feels wrong somehow," Red shook her head.

"That's because you're Russian," Nicky told her.

"Are we going to do the tree now?" Julio asked, walking into the living room and motioning to the beautiful and complete evergreen in the window, "whatever it is you want us to do with it."

"Yes," Red said excitedly, as though she suddenly just remembered what she had wanted to do. "Julio, do you see two packages und

er the tree, for you and Nicky, in the red foil wrapping paper?"

"We get to open presents tonight?" asked Nicky, sounding as excited as any small child would be at the news. "Just one present," Red told her. As they watched Julio rummaging beneath the tree for the gifts Red had described.

"Found them," Julio exclaimed, pulling out two red presents. Nicky's was a fair bit larger than his. Nicky took her present from him and sat cross legged down on the floor with the gift in her lap.

"Good," said Red, sitting down on the edge of the sofa, and watching them both with her chin in her hand.

"Can we open them now?" Julio asked eagerly.

"Go ahead," said Red, with a gentle smile. She had felt so good doing this for them, but now she was a little anxious about how these gifts would be received.

"Cool!" Julio exclaimed, as he unveiled a small model of a train, "it's the Hogwarts Express!" Julio was a passionate Harry Potter fan, as Red had discovered. He glanced up at Red in amazement and then went to work taking the model out of the box.

"Your favourite," Red confirmed with a gentle smile.

"Have you started reading them yet?" Julio asked her.

"I'm midway through the fourth books," Red replied, "Dobby just helped Harry Potter by bringing him some gillyweed that he needed for that task."

"Pretty impressive," Julio nodded, "I only lent you the books last week. You'll be done in no time."

"These are all Christmas ornaments," Nicky said, gently rubbing her finger over one, while four more stayed stacked on the floor next to her.

"What did you get?" Julio asked, glancing over at Nicky curiously, "wow, you got a lot."

"So, let me explain a little bit about this," Red said, crossing her legs and entwining her hands together, "when my first son was born, I got him a 'First Christmas" ornament and I bought him a new ornament every year after that. I did the same with Maxim and Vasily as well. Every Christmas Eve, my boys would get to hang their new ornaments on the tree before they went to bed. My idea was that once they grew up and moved away, they would already have a beautiful collection of Christmas ornaments for their own trees. I tried to always pick something that would reflect their interests or tell a story from the past year."

"You're doing it for us now?" Julio asked her, as he succeeded in releasing his beautiful Hogwarts train ornament from the packaging.

"Yes," said Red simply, "because we are all family now. You can hang it on the tree if you want, Julio."

"Better to keep it here then at home where someone might throw a chair at it," Julio said enthusiastically. He got to his feed and hung his ornament on an empty branch in the front of the tree.

"Nicky?" Red said hesitantly, "everything alright?" Nicky was still sitting quietly on the floor, examining each of her ornaments closely.

"Yeah," Nicky said, laughing lightly, "I'm just amazed at how well you get me."

"Oh, I had lots of fun choosing for you," Red said passionately, "why don't you come sit beside me with them?" Nicky gathered up her boxed ornaments and dropped them into Red's lap before she sat down beside her and snuggled in close, resting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"So, this is your daughter ornament," Red said unnecessarily, holding up the silver ornament that was shaped into the figures of a mother and daughter, "and if you look really closely, you can see that I had it engraved for the year and month that I first met you on."

"What about the day?" teased Nicky.

"I don't remember the specific day," Red scoffed, as though such a notion would be ridiculous. In prison, every day was one in the same.

"You don't remember my prison birth?" Nicky teased in mock disbelief.

"You mean your near prison death?" Red raised her eyebrows.

"Nah, I was always safe once you came in," Nicky said happily, snuggling herself even tighter against Red's side. "Laugh," she said, picking up the second and running her finger over the silver word written in scroll.

"Because you are so good at making people laugh," Red murmured, kissing the top of Nicky's head, "even when all they really want to do is cry."

"My strawberries," Nicky said gleefully, "my favourites!" She held up a beautiful solid model of a red delicious strawberry.

"I know what you like," Red said warmly.

"Nicky," said Nicky, as she regarded the silver heart shaped ornament that had her name spelt out in the centre of it.

"Nicky in a heart because you are my heart," Red said lovingly.

"But this one is just mean," Nicky protested, looking at the little figurine of a white dog.

"Why is it mean?" asked Red, "you love dogs."

"Yeah, but I wanted a real one," Nicky rolled her eyes, "and you wouldn't let me have one."

"Oh, you never know," Red said vaguely, picking an imaginary speck of lint from her sweater.

"What does that mean?" Nicky demanded, "are you getting me one?"

"No," Red scoffed, "it just means maybe someday." She continued to pick at her sweater and avoided Nicky's piercing stare.

"Huh," Nicky sighed, falling back against the back of the couch, "someday might as well be never." She nuzzled Red's shoulder again, "but I do love these. Thank you, mommy."

"So, you have five," Red said, reaching up to rustle Nicky's hair, "because I've been your mother for five years. I'll keep going until you have eighteen, just like all of your brothers."

"How do they all have eighteen?" Nicky asked, "you went to prison before they were that old."

"I used to tell Dmitri what to get them for Christmas every year," Red explained, "not just for these, but toys or whatever I knew they would need." She moved her hand from Nicky's hair and draped it around her shoulder, "which reminds me, I need to check Vasily's tree tomorrow and make sure that Dmitri didn't f**k it all up."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Nicky said happily, "I'm going to hang these now." She leaned over and kissed Red's pale cheek, "I love you mommy," she said, before getting up

"Can we watch the movie now?" Julio asked, walking out of the kitchen. He had wandered away while Nicky and Red had been talking. He hadn't wanted to intrude on such an intimate moment.

"Yes, let's watch one," Red said warmly, "you and Nicky can pick whatever you'd like, and I'll make us some hot chocolate."

"Nothing like 'The Sound of Music' or "It's a Wonderful Life'," Nicky said to Julio, turning away from the tree, where she was busy moving pre-standing ornaments around so that hers could be centre stage.

"Relax," said Julio, "I don't like those ones either. Although, if my mom were here she'd probably make us watch 'The Sound of Music'. I don't know why though," he shrugged, "she only likes the beginning and the ending. She'd get up and do things right in the middle of it."

He flipped on the tv with the remote, and looked through the options. "We should watch this one," he said.

"Flintstones' Christmas Carol," Nicky read, walking over to stand behind his shoulder. "Sure," she agreed.

That night was the happiest night that Nicky could remember. She felt safe and loved, and she didn't even mind much that Julio had joined them. Nothing could take away from how loved she was feeling. The three of them watched the movie together and sipped on the hot chocolate that Red had prepared. They turned off the lights and the apartment was dark, except for the shimmering lights of the Christmas tree and the glow of the tv screen. Julio curled up in the plush armchair. Nicky, lay down on the couch with her head in Red's lap, savouring the feel of her mother's fingers running through her hair. Nicky was home.


	3. Chapter 3

Red woke up early, as she always did, and smiled when she noticed Nicky's warm figure curled up next to her. "Merry Christmas, sweet girl," Red whispered, stroking Nicky's cheek, "when did you get here?" Nicky's lashes fluttered and she peered up at Red for a moment, before she closed her eyes again, nuzzling in even closer than she had been before. Her fist clenched the fabric of Red's blue silk pajama top, as she enjoyed the feel of it against her cheek when she burrowed her face against the side of Red's breast. Red chuckled as she leaned down to kiss her daughter's golden hair.

"I guess I'm not getting out of this bed anytime soon, am I?" Red asked. Nicky shook her head no stubbornly, with her eyes still firmly closed. Smiling affectionately, Red reached for her glasses and the book that she had laid on the nightstand the night before. She had planned to get an early start on the pies she was bringing for dinner, but clearly they would have to wait. Although, to be honest, Red had no desire to move right now either. There was a lightness and a relief in her heart that could only come from holding your child near and knowing with certainty that they were okay. Red didn't have to sit and wonder where Nicky was, whether she was lonely, sad, and missing her. Nicky was here with her now and Red never wanted to let her go.

"That's okay, honey," Red murmured, as she put on her glasses and propped the book on her abdomen to read, "I'll stay here." Red wrapped her left hand around Nicky and pulled the girl even tighter against her. Nicky smiled and draped her left leg over Red's, snuggling in so closely that one couldn't even slide a piece of paper between them. Using her mother's breast as a pillow, Nicky seemed content to know that Red had no intention of leaving her. Red watched tenderly as Nicky's breathing deepened and her lashes stopped flickering. She ran her fingertips up and down the curve of Nicky's side, letting out a contented breath of her own when her daughter fell back into a peaceful slumber. Infatuated by Nicky's beauty while she slept, Red's book lay open across her middle, quite forgotten.

Feigning sleep, Nicky had tried not to think about how much she missed being held this way. She had been Red's strong girl for an entire year and it had taken everything she had to be that. She fought back tears and never begged Red to stay at the end of visitation because it would do her no good anyway, and she didn't want Red to waste a moment of freedom being worn down by a guilt that she didn't deserve. Nicky had encouraged Red as she watched her navigate the real world from the sidelines. She had become a pillar of support and logic when Red struggled to find her place as a mother and grandmother. Nicky had done her best to be as selfless as she could be, accepting that the freedom they all coveted would also mean less time together and more people to consider. She was struggling to find the words to express how she was feeling right now. Nicky liked being trusted and valued enough to support her mother, but she had missed being the recipient of this kind of care. She needed this time.

"You're just pretending to be asleep, aren't you, little girl?" Red's voice growled as she tapped Nicky on the nose. Nicky giggled like a child and hid her face against Red's chest. "You just don't want to wake up this morning, hmm?" Red asked her and Nicky shook her head no.

"Silly girl," Red chided, using her right had to maneuver herself with some difficulty into a sitting position, her back against the backboard. Nicky grumbled in discontent at being shifted and quickly draped her torso across Red's lap, refusing to let her mother get any further away. Red ran her hand through Nicky's hair and down her spine. "Is that my shirt?" she asked, pinching the red checkered flannel that she had just noticed Nicky was wearing.

"Yeah," Nicky said defiantly, tilting her head to grin adorably up at her mother, "I don't have any clothes of my own." She had gone through Red's closet in the middle of the night when she finally decided it was about time she changed out of the ill-fitting garments the prison had given her. Secretly, Nicky had been quite disappointed that Red hadn't insisted she change before that point. Nicky had been lounging around in the prison clothes all day.

"Yes, you do," Red reminded her, reaching out to grip Nicky's chin, "All of your clothes are in your closet, remember? Marka had them brought over last month." She gave Nicky a piercing stare.

"Too much work," Nicky said lazily, pulling her chin away from Red's hand and resting her cheek back against the softness of her mother's chest.

"Do you want me to go through them with you?" asked Red, "hmm?" she tangled her fingers inside Nicky's hair, admiring the contrast of her red polished fingernails against the golden locks. Nicky nodded with her face still pressed against Red's chest, pouting out her bottom lip in a drive to look younger than she was.

"I spoil you," Red smiled, understanding what it was that Nicky seemed to be needing and asking for. She wrapped her arms around Nicky and swayed them side to side, as Nicky curled her legs up as though she were a baby. "Alright, baby," Red said teasingly, kissing Nicky's forehead, "I'll go through your clothes and pick you out something adorable to wear today." She smoothed the curls off of Nicky's face, "I would have done it before but I didn't want you to feel like I was invading your privacy."

"What privacy?" Nicky joked, her lips twisting in a peculiar smile as a flush creeped across her nose, "you know everything there is to know about me. I have no secrets from you."

"And I want it to stay that way," Red said warningly, digging her nails into Nicky's creamy pale skin. Nicky nodded and Red kissed her forehead rewardingly, just grateful to have her little girl back under the same roof as her.

Red tried to edge out of the bed but Nicky refused to budge. Giggling at her own stubbornness, Nicky leaned more of her weight on top of Red so that she was pinned in place, unable to escape. "Nicky," Red protested, "we have to get moving. It's getting late."

"I don't care," Nicky pouted, "I don't want you to leave yet."

"I'm not leaving you," Red insisted with a sigh, "I'm literally going to go make myself a cup of coffee, check on Julio, and then go find something for you to wear." Nicky's face clouded over at the mention of the apartment's other occupant, a detail that did not go unnoticed by her mother.

"Come on," Red chided Nicky playfully, "don't be grumpy. We have a big day ahead of us. And we still need to bake those pies before we leave for dinner at Vasily's."

"Get Julio to help you," Nicky said, sticking out her bottom lip forlornly. She sat up and scooted over to the other side of the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Red squeezed Nicky's kneecap gently, "you're not getting out of it that easily, my darling," she murmured, "you're still my good girl, right?" Nicky shook her head reproachfully but the small smile on her lips betrayed her. Red knew that Nicky had ticklish knees.

Red slid out of the bed and pulled on a white sweater over her silk pajamas, never once taking her eyes off of Nicky. She walked around the bed towards the door and turned back to look at Nicky who was resting her chin on her bended knees and pouting. "How about you get a little bit more sleep and I'll bring you your breakfast in bed?" Red asked cheerily. Nicky's face scrunched into a frown, offended that Red thought her forgiveness could be bought so easily with bacon and eggs. Clicking her tongue, Red walked out of her bedroom deciding to give Nicky some time to herself.

She padded down the hall barefooted to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Nicky was always grumpy in the morning so her behaviour was not completely unexpected, although Red knew that she needed to accept the blame for some of it. Nobody knew better than Red how difficult it was to adjust to being released from prison and immediately thrust into a huge, but loving family. Nicky couldn't ask for a more supportive environment, but Nicky also really desired their alone time and Red knew she wasn't providing it in the capacity that Nicky desired. She glanced over at Julio who was watching television and munching on some toast and jam, while the dog sat greedily at his feet. Smiling wistfully, Red leaned against the counter with her arms crossed. "Well this explains why the dog hasn't learned to stop begging, even though he never gets a scrap off of my plate," Red stated, when she saw Julio feed Duke the crust of his toast directly off the plate.

Julio looked over at Red and smiled sheepishly, "I didn't know you were there."

"Clearly," Red rolled her eyes, turning her back to pour herself a cup of coffee. How typical of young boys to believe rules only needed to be followed when the mother was watching. Red's sons had been the same, always eating junk food on the couch when she wasn't in the room and thinking themselves too clever to be caught, despite all the crumbs they left behind.

"He likes peanut butter," Julio insisted, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and bringing his empty plate and glass to the sink. Duke following at his heel with a huge doggy smile and a wagging tail.

Red took a long sip of her coffee. "So, what are your plans for today?" she asked him. She patted her thigh to motion for her dog to come over and scratched him affectionately behind the ears.

Julio shrugged, pressing his back against the sink with his elbows perched up, "I guess I'll go home soon," he said, "it is Christmas Eve after all." He didn't sound overly enthused at the prospect, perhaps aware that Benny's mood would still be dominating over the apartment, like a black cloud blocking the sun.

"You don't have to," Red told him, taking another sip of her coffee before continuing, "Nicky and I are going to Vasily's this afternoon if I can ever get those pies into the oven. You should come with us." She had planned to extend the invitation to him a week ago but had been so caught up in her preparations for Nicky that she had forgotten. Now she was afraid that her sincere wish to have him there would be taken as a gesture of sympathy.

"I can't," Julio said unsurprisingly, "we always go to church on Christmas Eve and they'd be upset if I missed it."

"Alright," Red said simply, "before you go though, I am going to make some scrambled eggs and some bacon. You're not going to convince me that a single piece of toast, that you shared with a dog nonetheless, is enough to eat." She gave him a stern look of reproach, but Julio could tell she wasn't really mad. Laying down her cup of coffee, Red pulled out the mixing bowl and frying pans she would need.

"Okay," Julio relented, sitting himself at the table while Red opened the fridge to get the eggs and bacon. He pulled out his phone and began to browse through it.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Julio said, after a few minutes, "Vasily phoned this morning when you were still sleeping. I answered the phone though because I didn't want the ringing to wake you and Nicky up."

"What did he want?" asked Red unconcernedly, pouring the eggs into the pan. She already had the bacon sizzling on the back burner.

"He just said that you needed to call him back as soon as you woke up," Julio replied, "I just remembered now though. Sorry."

"That's alright," Red said, beginning to poke at the eggs in the pan that she apparently was incapable of leaving alone, "I'm sure it's nothing important." She poked at the food she was cooking for a few more deliberate minutes before she seemed satisfied. Reaching for two plates, Red dished some of the food onto them before covering the pans with lids to keep the warmth in.

"This looks really good," Julio said complimentary.

"Thanks," said Red warmly, who always appreciated compliments about her cooking. Julio wondered where Nicky was but decided not to broach the subject. He was trying to imagine how things would be in six months when his mother was in Nicky's situation.

"Have you spoken to your mother recently?" asked Red, as though she could read his mind.

"Yeah," answered Julio, "yesterday, before I came over."

Red wiped her lips on a napkin, "I guess I better call Vasily and see what he wants," she stood up from the table, leaving her plate only half finished, and retrieved her phone from the stand it had been charging on. She pressed the phone to her ear and walked over to the kitchen sink to wash her hands.

"Hey, mama," said Vasily, sounding rueful, "Merry Christmas!" Red shook her washed hands before drying them on her tea towel.

"Merry Christmas, honey," Red replied, as she took out the dough for the pie crust that she had prepared yesterday morning.

"How's Nicky doing?" asked Vasily, trying to sound upbeat.

"She's okay," answered Red, taking out her wax paper and rolling pin. "She's still asleep, poor thing hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a week, I think." Growing impatient with having to hold her phone in place between her ear and her shoulder, Red turned it onto speakerphone and propped it near the microwave. "So, Julio said you wanted me to call you…" Red prompted distractedly, taking a handful of dough and beginning to flatten it with her rolling pin.

"Uh, yeah," said Vasily, hiccupping nervously, "uh…so I know Klara said that she wasn't going to come for Christmas Eve, but she changed her mind and will be over this afternoon," His voice intoned uncertainly, as he braced himself for his mother's explosion. At his spot at the table, Julio gulped down the food in his mouth and stared determinedly at his phone, thanking God that he wasn't Vasily.

"Are you asking or telling me?" Red demanded, pausing in her work, laying her hands flat against the dough.

"What would make you less mad?" Vasily asked in a voice about two octaves higher than usual, attempting to make light of the situation. It had been nearly a year since the spontaneous introduction on Maxim's front porch between Red and Dmitri's girlfriend Klara, and since then Red had cleverly managed to avoid any encounters with the woman she preferred to pretend did not exist. She could hold a grudge like nobody else.

"I thought she was coming over on Christmas when I was going to be gone," Red said stiffly, banging her hand with unnecessary force into the dough she was flattening.

"That was her decision," said Vasily, "although we never requested her to do so. It's Christmas, Mama. We're not going to insist she spend the day alone away from her family."

"But you're going to force me away from my family on the first Christmas I'm home?" Red asked tightly, attempting to disguise the lump in her throat. She put the dough into the first pie plate, and immediately grabbed another ball of dough to start on the second. Her hands worked in efficient precision, Red barely needing to think about what she was doing. Her hands flowed like a painter holding a brush. The intensity of the conversation she was having seeming to push her ahead rather than distract from the quality of her food.

"What you're not going to come now?" Vasily asked incredulously.

"Maybe I won't," Red said stiffly, "because none of you seem to care that she disrespected your mother and your parents' marriage."

"You divorced Pops before you even knew about her," Vasily pointed out, beginning to find his voice. He sympathized with his mother and he loved her to death, but he couldn't let her get away with acting like an innocent victim of his father's infidelity without saying something in his defence. "You told me yourself that the marriage was emotionally over before it even began."

"That doesn't matter," Red said tightly, "we were still married and she was living under my roof with my children before I was even gone a year. How are you okay with that?" She draped the second pie plate with dough and started on her third. Five pies was her plan.

"I'm not okay with that," Vasily said, "it was a terrible thing to do but it doesn't make her a terrible person. I mean you committed crimes and went to prison, Ma, but that doesn't make you a bad person. I don't think you're exactly in a position to throw stones."

Red bit the inside of her cheek and continued to work on the dough for her pie shells. She didn't even notice Nicky walk into the room and lean against the counter next to her. Julio ate his last bite of breakfast and shrugged at Nicky's questioning stare before he retreated back to the couch. "Mama, please be nice?" Vasily pleaded, "you might even wind up friends if you give her a chance."

"Ha!" Red scoffed haughtily.

"Okay, maybe not friends," Vasily said hurriedly, "maybe that was a dumb thing to say."

"You think?" Red asked sarcastically.

"Sorry," Vasily said tiredly, "just be here for two like we planned. Mamochka, please?"

"Fine," Red relented.

"Everything is going to be fine," Vasily tried to sound reassuring.

"I need to go check on your sister now," Red said shortly, hitting the end call button before Vasily could say any more. She looked up and her eyes met Nicky's, who was leaning against the counter with her arms crossed, still dressed only in the red shirt that she had borrowed from her, although it was long enough that it reached her mid-thigh.

"What did he do?" Nicky asked curiously, "I only got here towards the end."

"I thought you were still sleeping," Red said, "I was just about to bring you your breakfast."

"I would have died from starvation waiting for you to come back," Nicky replied, "and don't act like you don't want to talk about it. People who want to have private phone conversations generally don't switch their phones onto speaker and start shouting when there are two other people in the apartment."

"I was trying to multitask," Red said defensively, as she took a plate over to the stove and began to load it up with food for Nicky.

"Uh huh," said Nicky with widened eyes. She took the plate that Red handed her and then went to the utensil drawer to get a fork. Nicky decided that she'd rather eat breakfast on the couch in front of the television, rather than at the table. She knew that Red wouldn't stop her, although she'd probably complain about the invisible mess Nicky made later. She walked over and sat on the end of the couch opposite Julio, who was tuning into an episode of The Simpsons, leaving Red to mutter to herself as she added the fillings to her pies and prepared them for the oven. Whatever had just transpired with Vasily had evidently caused Red to forget that they were supposed to be baking the Christmas pies together. Nicky didn't care too much though, they would taste better if Red did it herself, and she'd rather lounge about for the morning anyways. It was going to be a big day.

Nicky and Julio both kept their eyes glued to the screen while Red bustled around the kitchen slamming cupboard doors, shoving her pies into the oven as though she were angry with them, and tossing dishes into the sink with a clang. If she was trying to act like everything was fine she was certainly doing a terrible job of it.

Nicky jumped in surprise when she felt Red's hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to go take a shower," Red said, "you two keep an eye on the oven for me. They should be good for half an hour, but keep checking them, don't let them burn." Once Julio and Nicky had both given Red their word to watch over her beloved pies, Red left the room.

Nicky waited until she heard the water running before she turned to Julio and shoved him on the shoulder to get his attention. "What?" asked Julio.

"You were in here the whole time," Nicky whispered, "what did Vasily tell her to put her in such a mood?"

"He told her that his stepmother was coming for Christmas too," Julio whispered back, glancing anxiously over his shoulder, as though afraid Red would hear him talking about her.

"Oh, shit," Nicky said dryly, "well that would do it. She's actually handling this better then I would expect in that case."

"I don't see why it is such a big deal," Julio said, "if she wants to be with my mom, why does she care if her husband wanted to be with somebody else as well?"

"It's not really about her husband," Nicky explained, "some of it might be, I know she's pissed that he lied to her. The hardest part is having to share her kids with this other woman. She was locked up for so much of her sons' lives and now she knows that they found a replacement mother. It makes her feel insecure."

"Oh," said Julio softly.

"Yep," sighed Nicky, "so it's our job to make sure that no matter what happens at Christmas dinner today, that Red knows she's loved and has a good time. Holidays are really important to her. She wants everything to be special."

"I'm not going to dinner," Julio replied, "I was going to go home right after I finished breakfast but then she called Vasily and I didn't want to walk out in the middle of all of that."

"Well, why can't you come?" asked Nicky, "I know she wants you to."

"I don't know," Julio shrugged, "I don't want to be in the way and I should probably go home and check on Benny anyway."

"Tell him to come with," Nicky joked, "that will surely distract her from this imaginary rivalry she's got going."

"There's not a chance in hell of him agreeing to that," Julio informed her.

"I get where he's coming from," Nicky said meaningfully, "I hated every single person my mom every dated. Some of them I had a good enough reason to hate, but others I just hated for existing."

"He hates her for existing," Julio said, nodding with his head towards Red's bedroom.

"That might pass," said Nicky, "on the other hand it might not. For everyone's sake, but especially his own, I hope he gets it together. I never really had much of a family, and I think this one is shaping up to be a pretty good one. Hopefully, Benny isn't self destructive enough to miss out on it."

"It's still pretty weird to me," Julio admitted, "and I think it's going to be really awkward once mom is out here and I actually have to see them together. Not just, sitting across from one another at a table."

"It is the gay thing?" asked Nicky, "or just the seeing your mom be romantic with anyone thing?"

"Gay," Julio whispered, looking completely ashamed of himself, as though worried that Nicky was going to call him out as some sort of homophobic bigot. Of course, Nicky did no such thing.

"Don't feel so bad," Nicky exclaimed in reassurance, "you're allowed to feel that way. It is a lot to handle, and personally, you're handling it a lot better than most people in your situation would."

"Really?" asked Julio.

"Yeah," Nicky reaffirmed, "and believe me, both your mom and Red struggled with that fact about themselves more then I could ever describe."

"Mom seems pretty comfortable about it to me," Julio stated.

"They are now, for the most part," Nicky conceded, "but I think your mom also tends to put on a strong and brave front so people won't worry about her. I felt pretty bad getting out of prison and having to leave her behind. She acted like she didn't care, but I could tell she was sad. She's going to be so happy to have all of us visit on Christmas tomorrow, especially you and Benny."

"Benny said he isn't coming," Julio said shortly, looking pained at how much he knew that revelation would hurt his mother.

"Fuck," Nicky whistled, "why not?"

"He's just mad," Julio said simply, "it's not for any single reason. It's just everything."

"I think I'm going to have to hang out with Benny someday because he pretty much reminds me exactly of how I was at about the same age," said Nicky.

"Well, Lourdes did say yesterday that if he keeps going the way he is he'll wind up in prison, just like mom," said Julio sadly.

"Is he getting into trouble with the law now too?" asked Nicky, "I thought he was doing alright, just being a jerk around the house."

"He got suspended from school again for ditching class," said Julio, "he's flunking most of his classes and the school already said that he's going to have to go to summer school or repeat the year."

"Hey," Nicky said positively, "at least he won't get out of attending summer school. I already have an image of Gloria kicking his ass all the way to the school every morning."

Julio chuckled, "probably," he agreed, "she's pretty strict."

"It's better than a mom who doesn't give a fuck," Nicky said knowingly, "that's what I grew up with." She sighed, "I know things suck right now, but I think things will change once your mom gets home."

"I hope so," Julio said softly.

"And in the meantime," Nicky said, "will you _please_ come to Vasily's with us? I really don't want to have to deal with Red and the girlfriend all by myself."

"I'm supposed to go the church with my aunt," said Julio regretfully, "she'll be upset if I won't."

"Call her and tell her to come pick you up there when it's time," said Nicky logically, "isn't church not until nighttime anyways on Christmas Eve?"

"Alright, I'll come," Julio agreed with a smile.

"Have you even checked this oven once?" Red asked anxiously, hurrying back into the kitchen.

"It hasn't been a half an hour," Nicky replied, looking over at her.

"And my mom always says you're not supposed to keep opening the over door because it lets all of the hot air out," Julio added, watching Red leaning into the oven to examine the pies.

"Nonsense," Red scoffed, "you need to check on your food." She straightened back up and shut the door.

"They aren't ready yet, are they?" asked Nicky in amusement.

"Five more minutes," Red admitted.

"So, you didn't have to yell at me for not doing what you said," Nicky told her, "and anyways, I was busy getting Julio to agree to come to Christmas dinner with us."

"Oh, good," Red said warmly, smiling at Julio, "you are going to come?"

"So long as my aunt says that it's okay," Julio answered.

Red walked back over to the couch and placed her hands on both of Nicky's shoulders. Nicky tilted her head up, "you look nice," she said lovingly. Red's hair was still damp from the shower and she hadn't applied her makeup yet, but she was wearing a green blouse with black dress pants.

"Once I'm finished in the kitchen we'll go through your things and find you some clothes to wear," Red said.

"Why can't I just wear this?" asked Nicky motioning to the red flannel shirt of Red's that she was currently wearing, "it's Christmasy colours."

"You need pants, Nicky," Red answered, squeezing her shoulders a final time before turning to walk back to the stove to take the pies out.

"I should go home and change," said Julio, "and talk to my Tia."

"Alright," said Red, "do you want to come back here and we can all drive to Vasily's together?"

"I can come back," said Julio, "can I take Duke for the walk?"

"Of course, you can," said Red warmly, "I think he likes you more than me now anyways."

"I think he likes us the same," Julio replied. He slipped on his coat and boots and then attached the dog's leash to his collar. "See you soon," he called to Red and Nicky.

"Are you feeling better about the whole girlfriend thing now, mom?" asked Nicky bluntly. She walked into the kitchen and leaned her head down on Red's shoulder.

Red shrugged, "I don't have much choice, do I?" she answered stiffly.

"I really don't think it's going to be a big deal," said Nicky, "there are so many people in this family you probably won't even notice her. And you don't have to say anything to her besides hi and bye. Just be polite."

"I am polite," Red stated strongly.

"Yeah, okay," Nicky rolled her eyes, deciding not to go there today, "will you help me find clothes now?"

"Yes," Red agreed. She reached out to take Nicky's hand, and the two walked into the bedroom she had prepared so lovingly for her little girl's homecoming. She had had a fair bit of help from Vasily and his two brothers in painting it and putting the furniture together. Red and her sons all coming together to prepare for the little sister they had been gifted.

"Look at this shit," Nicky groaned, when she opened the sliding closet door to reveal the stack of boxes inside. She pulled out one and put it at Red's feet, and then grabbed a second for herself. "Probably all junk," she grumbled.

"Well, you'll need these clothes until you have time to go shopping," Red replied, opening up the box that contained neatly folded pants. She opened the third drawer of Nicky's dresser and began depositing the pants into it. "This won't take us long," Red said, "everything is so organized."

"You can thank the hired help for that," Nicky said, groaning loudly as she plopped down on the floor next to her box. "This feels way too much like work," she complained, "I just got out of prison, I should be allowed to take it easy for a bit."

"You are," Red pointed out, "you're sitting on the floor while your mother puts your clothes away for you."

"I'm going to help," Nicky retorted. She sighed as if it was the most gruesome task imaginable, as she lifted the plastic lid off of the container in front of her. She smiled slightly as she peered into it. "Wow."

"What?" asked Red, sounding distracted, she had just found a pair of red corduroy pants at the bottom of the box and had laid them on the bed for Nicky to wear today.

"I can't believe I still have this," Nicky remarked, "or that she actually kept it."

"Hmm?" Red glanced over, and Nicky pulled a well-worn bear out of the box and held it up for her to see. It was a brown bear, with stuffing seeping out of a tear in the side, and fur that was severely faded and matted from washing. It had clearly been a well loved teddy bear.

Red smiled, "was that your favourite toy?" she asked fondly.

Without thinking, Nicky squeezed the bear against her, "my dad brought him home from one of his business trips."

"Very nice," Red smiled, ruffling Nicky's hair as she passed her to retrieve another box from the closet. "What else is in there? I like this, getting to find out even more about my little girl before I knew her."

"I don't think a whole lot of sentimental tear-jerker mementos," Nicky replied, tossing the bear onto her pillow and then standing up to carry the box over to the foot of the bookshelf, where she began to organize the books that her bear had been packed with. "Marka wasn't the type to save her kid's artwork or book reports," Nicky added as she stood up and kicked the empty box on the floor out of her way.

"Oh, Malyshka," Red murmured, as she watched Nicky walk over to the closet. Red dropped the shirt she was currently holding and pulled Nicky into her arms.

Nicky hugged her back and emitted a small laugh. "I'm not upset about it," she insisted, "that was a long time ago. And who really gives a shit about a kid's crappy drawings anyway?"

"I would have," Red replied firmly. She pulled back and held Nicky's face with both of her hands. "Things are better now, honey," she said, nodding her head meaningfully, "you are so loved." Red released Nicky's face and wrapped her arms around her again, pulling her daughter into another hug.

Nicky had been correct that there wasn't much else noteworthy amongst her belongings. Most of the boxes had contained her clothes, shoes, and a silver locket that was the only jewellery that Nicky still owned because it was monetarily worthless. It had been a gift from her grandmother. All of her valuables had been pawned for drug money. Her stereo and cd collection were distant memories, as were her designer handbags and television. Looking through all of this stuff, the few things that she hadn't managed to trade for heroin, reminded Nicky of how damaged and broken her life had been back then. She never wanted to be that person again and, with Red's support, Nicky knew she never would be.

"Who'd have thought from the contents of these boxes that I grew up privileged," Nicky joked lamely, sitting down on the bed beside the old bear.

"You have everything that you need," Red reminded her, "and whatever else you need we can buy after Christmas." She finished emptying the final box and then walked over to join Nicky on the bed.

"I have more than I ever did before," Nicky said, laying down so that her head was in Red's lap.

"My little girl," Red sighed, "it makes me so sad to think that you needed me then and I didn't know, that I wasn't there. Everything is alright now. You have me again and I will never leave you. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you and you can tell me anything."

Nicky purred contently when Red began to stroke her hair, wishing that they could stay here forever, holed up in the little apartment by themselves. In Red's arms she was loved, safe, and warm. "You know," Nicky said, encouraged to speak by Red's words, "it's not that Marka chose to throw out or not send over my things. This is all that is left."

"I know," Red said matter-of-factly, her hands continuing to stroke the golden locks, despite Nicky's blatant confession.

"It's all that's left because I hocked everything else to buy drugs," Nicky reiterated, wanting Red to comprehend how truly despicable she had been before prison, before Red had helped her through detox. It was Nicky's self-destructive impulses that made her need Red to know this. She was offering the woman a final chance to walk away. Desperate to support her addiction, Nicky had stripped her own apartment, stolen jewels from Marka out of the family safe, and used any cash handed to her to score heroin. When rehab failed her, Marka had been at a loss of what to do. Cutting Nicky off would only mean she would steal elsewhere and end up getting the law involved, which eventually happened anyways.

"Marka told me," Red said calmly.

"You talked to her?" asked Nicky, her fingertips pressing down against Red's soft thighs. She didn't know how she felt about that.

"I told you she contacted me a few weeks ago," Red said quietly, "and I'll admit we spoke quite amicably. She said you can call her if you need anything but said she'd leave that up to you."

"I don't want to talk to her," Nicky said immediately, not needing any time to think about it.

"I figured," Red replied. She reached for Nicky's hand and brought to her lips to kiss. "I don't think poorly of you for any mistakes you made in the past, honey. Just like you love me despite my own past. It's time to move on. You were sick then. I know you sometimes still crave and struggle with it, you will forever, but I'm here, darling. I'll protect you from that. You just need to be honest with me always, like you are right now. I can't fix what I don't know."

"Okay, mommy," Nicky said sweetly, kissing Red's thigh, "I love you."

"I love you so much, sweet girl," Red replied. She ran her hand down Nicky's back and playfully slapped her bottom through the fabric of the long shirt she was wearing. "Enough dawdling, let's get you dressed," Red said, "Julio will be back at any minute and we need to leave."

Nicky reluctantly sat up from her comfortable position and glanced over at the clothes Red had placed on the bed for her. "So, I guess we're all theme dressing today?" she asked in amusement, pointing at the red pants laid out for her. Red herself was wearing green. "Do we getting matching Santa hats to wear to dinner too?"

"It's not that over the top," Red insisted, "but you should wear Christmas colours." Nicky raised her arms into the air and allowed Red to pull the shirt she was wearing up over her head. She shivered as the air hit her pale skin and quickly put on the panties and bra that Red handed her. Nicky stood up and slipped on the red corduroy pants.

"When my boys were little I used to always dress them up in matching outfits on Christmas," Red reminisced, "little Santa Clause suits or elf costumes." She smiled at the memory, "I'd take a picture of them and mail it to my Mama and Papa in Russia. Mamochka would keep the photo in her wallet and show it to everybody she knew."

Red picked up the black cable knit sweater and helped Nicky put it on. "See, a little black," Red teased, "not too much Christmas."

"Yeah," Nicky agreed, "at least it's not a Santa or elf suit, now that I know what you're capable of." She jumped off of the bed and kissed her mother's cheek on her way to the door. "Let's get this show on the road."


	4. Chapter 4

Staring out the car window, Nicky smiled. She had always thought that the city was most beautiful at Christmastime. The twinkling lights and decorations had never ceased to make her happy. Though she had never enjoyed the day of Christmas itself, she had always found a great deal of amusement in watching people rush through the streets, buying presents to appease their spoiled family members in a holiday that was far too commercial.

As a little girl, Christmas had always been a lavish affair, her parents hosting big parties, desperately wining and dining their inner circle. The living room would be littered in gifts, toys and clothes that she really didn't need, and though she was grateful for everything she received, the thing she wanted most - her parents love - was something she usually went with out.

As Nicky grew up she had managed to find her own peace with the Holiday. As a teenager, she would slip away from her house, and lose herself in walking the near-empty streets of Manhattan. With everyone tucked away in their homes, basking in the day they had spent months preparing for, Nicky enjoy her solitude, the bright Christmas lights illuminating her path as she wandered around aimlessly.

"Now you're sure you packed up all of them?" Red's voice cut into Nicky's train of thought, and the young woman shook her head in confusion.

Before leaving the apartment, Red had given Nicky and Julio strict instructions on how they were to pack the car. They had carried down food and an endless number of gifts, but after the third trip, Nicky had begun to silently question her mother's sanity. She knew the woman did not have a lot of money, and wondered just how she had managed to afford so many things.

"For the millionth time, yes!" Nicky replied dramatically. She could hear Red grumbling under her breath, and she turned back to look out the window, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "We grabbed all the ones from the stack you said to take. If one was forgotten I guess that person can just assume that you didn't care enough to buy them a present."

"Nicky!" Red scolded, her head snapping to face her daughter. She could hear Julio erupt into a fit of laughter in the back seat and she looked up to glare at him through the rear-view mirror.

Nicky looked over her shoulder at him and winked. The enjoyment she got out of riling her mother up made her question how she had survived a year without her. As the Christmas carols blared from the radio speaker, Nicky chuckled softly under her breath. She could feel the spirit of the holiday attempting to burst out of her the longer she spent in the company of Red's enthusiasm.

In prison, Red had shown Nicky that Christmas could mean something, despite the lack of beauty or luxuries of the past. Without all of the distraction of materialism, their shared Christmases together had been simple and the best Nicky ever had. It made her anxious in experiencing her first real Christmas with the Reznikov family, but she knew Red was certainly doing everything she could to make it perfect.

Nicky's fingers pinched at the fabric of her pants as Red pulled the car up in front of the house that she presumed to be Vasily's. "Is this it?" Nicky asked, staring up at the little blue two- story house with the white painted porch. The house was something out of a dream. Christmas lights and garland was adorned around all of the windows, door, and the porch. A green wreath hung on the front door, decorated with gold and silver ornaments and a big red bow.

"This is Vasily and Lida's house," Red confirmed, unbuckling her seatbelt and staring inquisitively at Nicky. She reached over to brush a lock of hair wild hair behind her ear, and held onto it a tad longer than was really necessary. "Are you ready to go in?" she asked.

Nicky nodded. She reached up and touched the hand that was still holding her hair with light fingertips, nudging it away. She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs and took deep steadying breaths to calm herself. She was nervous, and it would be so easy to lean on Red right now and allow her to coddle her through the experience, but it wasn't what she wanted to do.

It was important to Nicky to make it clear to everyone in that house that she was in their midst as a member of their family, and not just as Red's baby. She knew that Red had prepared her sons for her arrival, but she had to wonder if Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had ever truly thought she would be here now, living with their mom, and celebrating Christmas with them today.

Perhaps they had thought her to simply be a prison daughter of whom their mother had gotten overly attached, but one that Red would probably leave behind once she was released and permitted to rejoin her actual family. She wondered if it had surprised them that Red kept up her dutiful weekly visits and that they had spoken on the phone daily in the year leading up to her own release. Nicky knew they accepted her, but whether they really wanted her there was another matter entirely.

She licked her lips and put a confident smile on her face. Unbuckling her seatbelt, she opened her door and stepped onto the side of the road, looking up at the house unblinkingly. The family Red had promised her was there inside, and Nicky wanted her appearance at this first holiday to inform everyone that she wasn't just there because Red wanted her - she was there because she was meant to be. She belonged as much as any of the children that Red had birthed. This was her family too.

Red watched her intensely. This was the moment she had been waiting for since she had laid eyes on Nicky in that prison bathroom all those years ago. She felt almost giddy with excitement that she at last would have all of her children together, under the same roof, as the family they always should have been. Whether she'd fit in was not in question, Nicky had already forged relationships with her three sons and Red had nurtured them to consider her a non-negotiable sibling, just as significant as any of them.

It almost felt like bringing home a new baby. With slight modifications to account for her sons now being grown men, Red had prepared them for Nicky using similar methods that she had employed for the first time when preparing her oldest son, Yuri, for his upcoming role as a big brother.

Red had always been honest with them about the love she had for her daughter, and she had done her best to assure them that it had no impact on the love she had for them. It seemed to have worked, they were all looking forward to officially welcoming Nicky into the family. It just annoyed Red, when she noticed her son's attempting to use the same lines on herself in their desperate bid for her to accept Dmitri's girlfriend. Although Red had to begrudgingly admit that her sons had succeeded in getting her and Klara under the same roof today, something she had sworn would never happen. Fortunately, Nicky proved a worthy distraction to keep Red from lingering too long on that subject.

"Galina, will you pop open the trunk so we can get the stuff out?" Julio called. Red took her eyes off of Nicky and leaned down to push the button on the floor that would open the trunk of the car. Julio lifted out a stack of packages covered in Christmas wrapping. The boxes he was holding were stacked higher than his head.

Red stepped out of the car and let out a small laugh at the sight of him. "Can you see where you're going?" she teased good naturedly, reaching up and taking two of the boxes so that Julio's sight was unobscured.

"I didn't want to make two trips," Julio explained with a smile.

"I've got the rest," Nicky announced, motioning to the box in her arms that held the pies Red had baked that morning.

"Good," said Red. She walked over and slammed the trunk lid down hard. "Let's get inside and see what sort of interference _that_ woman has imposed on the place."

"Be nice," Nicky said warningly, as the three of them began making their way up the path to Vasily's house.

"I am nice," Red retorted testily.

"Vasily wanting her here isn't that much different than you having Nicky and I here," Julio said wisely, his arms wrapped around the stack of parcels he was carrying. He was the first to reach the front door and he turned around to face Red and added confidently, "next Christmas my mom is going to be here too, right? You shouldn't be upset with them for treating their Dad's partner with the same respect you'll want them to give her."

"Be grateful that her hands are full right now," Nicky chuckled, leaning against the porch rail and looking back and forth between Red and Julio with lazy amusement.

Red's eyes narrowed and she squinted at Julio, while her mouth twisted and she struggled to find words. It wasn't often that she was rendered speechless but there was nothing she could say to contradict what Julio had expressed so simply. Truthfully, Red understood that she asked a tremendous amount of her sons.

Learning to cope with their mother being imprisoned was more than enough for them to deal with in this lifetime, but she also expected them to be accepting of Nicky and her relationship with Gloria and her two sons. It was a lot, and deep-down Red knew that she owed it to them to be tolerant of Klara. Klara mattered to them, and what she and Dmitri had done behind Red's back didn't change that. Red wished it could, but she also knew that it was selfish of her to think that way.

Walking up to stand next to Julio in front of the door, Red placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it affectionately, hoping to wordlessly communicate that she was not upset by what he said and, deep down, she knew that he was right. She knocked once on the wood of the door and then turned the knob, ushering Julio in and then holding the door open for Nicky.

Nicky stopped leaning against the rail and cautiously walked into the cramped entrance of the house. She could hear the sound of voices down the narrow hallway that she correctly presumed led to the living room and kitchen. Julio kicked off his shoes with the ease of a person who had evidently spent some time there and who was comfortable in his surroundings.

"Merry Christmas!" Lida exclaimed warmly, rushing out of the kitchen and down the hall towards them. Nicky raised her eyebrows in amusement at Vasily's bubbly young wife. She was dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a navy-blue sweater that was emblazoned with a picture of a decorated Christmas tree. Lida's blonde hair was longer than it had been when she had visited the hospital during Nicky's appendectomy, and Nicky thought she had lost some of the baby weight she had still been carrying then.

"Merry Christmas, Lida," said Julio, as he passed by her on his way down the hall. "I'm going to put these under the tree."

"Sure," Lida replied smoothly, "everyone is waiting in there." She smiled eagerly between Red and Nicky. "Here let me take that," she said, reaching for the box of pies that Nicky was holding.

"Sure," said Nicky, passing her the box, "thanks. Nice sweater by the way."

"I know it's a little funny," Lida giggled, "but it really gets me in the Christmas spirit. I wear it every year."

"Sounds like somebody else I know," Nicky said, unzipping her coat as she glanced sideways at Red, who had placed the packages she'd been carrying on the floor, and had sat down on the stairs to unzip her boots more easily. "She wouldn't let me out of the house until she found me some clothes in Christmas colours to wear."

"Well, you look great," Lida smiled, "and it's so good to have you here." She took Nicky's coat from her and hung it on the rack.

"Isn't it?" Red agreed, standing up and hanging up her own coat.

"She has talked about nothing else for weeks," Lida told Nicky, beaming at Red, "and everyone is so excited to see you."

"Is she here yet?" Red asked, fixing her daughter-in-law with a piercing stare.

"Klara?" Lida clarified, "yes, she is. She got here about half an hour ago."

"Hmm," Red murmured.

"I don't blame you one bit for how you're feeling," Lida said quietly, readjusting the box in her hands. "I'm sure I would feel the exact same way if I was in your position. It's hard, but it means a lot to Vasily."

"I know it does," Red said tiredly, looking at the wall somewhere past Lida's shoulder. Her shoulders were hunched in defeat, "it doesn't mean I have to like it though."

"She's okay," Lida said softly, "and her being here doesn't change anything."

Nicky kneeled down and gathered the presents in her arms. "Well, shall we go in?" she asked casually, looking between Lida and Red, "I didn't come all the way from Litchfield just to stand by the door."

"Yes," Lida laughed nervously, slightly deterred at just how blunt she could be, "come in! The kids are both still upstairs having their naps but everyone else is in the living room. Except Max and Luca, they'll be here a little later."

"Who makes kids nap on Christmas?" asked Nicky in astonishment, "you must be a strict mom."

"They'll have me up at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning," Lida answered, looking back over her shoulder at Nicky, "so they better sleep now." She paused in the doorway of the living room, blocking Red and Nicky's view.

"Nicky's here," Lida exclaimed excitedly to the room. She stepped aside and went to set the box of pies on the last available space on her kitchen counter.

Nicky barely had time to collect herself when Yuri reached her and wrapped her in his arms tightly. "Welcome home, sis!" he exclaimed, kissing her hair.

"Holy f**k," Nicky said in disbelief, looking over Yuri's shoulder to the banner hung on the wall directly across from her. "WELCOME HOME NICKY!" was written in red and green lettering, and every other available space on the white sheet was overtaken by childish scribbling. "Who did that?" Nicky asked.

"I did it with the kids yesterday," Lida replied, coming back into the room and standing next to Red, who was watching the greeting between her children with a fixed smile and glazed eyes. She was so happy to see her children like that, but the moment was ruined when she caught sight of the spectacled woman in the arm chair, with mousy brown hair streaked with silver, who was sitting straight up with her hands folded in her lap, as she watched the Yuri and Nicky greeting each other.

"Hey, Nicky," Vasily exclaimed, pulling her into his arms once Yuri had released her, "good to have you here."

"You better go greet your mom next and do some serious groveling," Nicky whispered in his ear, "she's sad. But don't worry, she can't kill you in front of all of these witnesses."

"Thanks," murmured Vasily wryly as he glanced over at his mother. Red seemed determined not to make eye contact with anyone in the room and though her expression could be interpreted as haughty, Vasily could tell from the way she couldn't stop wrangling her hands and smoothing her hair, that she was uncomfortable and trying to not let it show. Vasily kissed Nicky's forehead and then skidded around her so that he could pull his mother into a big hug.

"Vasily," Red murmured in exasperation, stiffening in his embrace and keeping her arms dangling down at her side instead of wrapping them around him. Her reluctance only prompted Vasily to squeeze her even tighter against him.

"You love me," Vasily stated jovially.

Red let her head fall so that her forehead rested on Vasily's shoulder. "Even when you don't deserve it," she retorted grumpily.

"I'll take it," Vasily replied, sounded amused. He leaned down to brush his mother's cheek with his lips. "Merry Christmas, Mama".

"Merry Christmas, Ma," Yuri echoed, placing a hand around Red's back and tugging her towards himself. Red leaned against her eldest son without reserve, counting on him to help her through this excruciating encounter.

"Klara," Yuri said, squeezing Red tightly against him as he turned to face the other woman in the room. Klara had gotten to her feet and walked to stand in front of Red and her son, her hands joined together in front of her. "You remember my mother, Galina?"

"I think I hear Vera," Vasily said to Lida, "I'll go get her." He hurried out of the room, leaving the making of introductions to his older brother. The room was thick with a tension that was almost entirely Red's sole doing. Klara's eyes darted nervously to the hallway where Vasily had just made his exit and then she forced herself to look back at Red with a gentle, if impassive, expression on her face.

"It's nice to see you again," Klara said, giving Red a small smile that was not reciprocated, "Merry Christmas."

"Mmm," Red murmured in reply. Her body was angled towards Yuri and she had her chin resting lightly on his shoulder. Klara had extended her arm to shake hands, but Red averted her eyes and pretended she didn't notice. Slowly, Klara retracted her arm and raised her eyebrows at Yuri who shrugged noncommittally and rubbed his mother's shoulder in a wordless communication of solidarity.

Even behaving as aloof as she was, Yuri felt very proud of his mother for at least being there. His own circumstances had impressed upon him just how tremendously difficult a thing they were asking her to do. Yuri's ex-wife, Anna, had begun seeing a new man almost immediately after their marriage ended and his children, Feliks and Ivanna, adored him. It was an enormous blow to Yuri to see his family happy and cared for by this man, while he was only allotted the occasional weekend to be a father to his children.

"And this is my sister, Nicky," Yuri pressed on, eager to get these most awkward introductions out of the way as quickly as possible. He was annoyed at Vasily for running away and for Maxim purposely not being here in time to assist with this inevitable confrontation. Klara was more their responsibility than his anyways. Yuri had already been living away from home when their father moved his new girlfriend in, thus he had never bonded with Klara as a mother figure.

"Hi Nicky," smiled Klara, rubbing her palms together as she looked over at Red's adopted daughter, "it's very nice to meet you."

Nicky and Julio had made themselves comfortable on the couch where they had been watching the greetings most fascinatingly. Nicky blinked when Klara said her name and then got to her feet. "Hey," she said casually, holding out her hand to shake. The feel of Klara's damp and shaking hand in her grasp took Nicky by surprise. She hadn't expected this woman to be as anxious as she was and she suddenly felt a stirring of pity for Dmitri's girlfriend, upon who Red was probably currently wishing nothing but ill to befall.

"And that's Julio," Yuri said, pointing the arm that was not wrapped around Red at the young boy sitting on the couch. "Whew," he sighed in relief, "I think that's everyone."

"Well now that everyone knows one another," Lida cut in with false cheeriness, "Mama, will you please come help me in the kitchen? I'm basting the turkey and I think it's almost done but I want your opinion."

"Sure," said Red, sounding relieved, and she left the living room with her daughter-in-law to escape to the safe confines of the kitchen. Nicky tagged along behind them deciding she wanted to make sure for herself that Red was really okay.

The kitchen was pretty cramped for the three of them, especially because every available counter space was overtaken by desserts, breads, and salads. All of the burners of the stove were currently being used and the room felt hot and stuffy. Lida and Red both leaned into the oven and Nicky started poking around at all of the tin foil covered dishes.

"Look at all of this food," Nicky commented, "do you actually think we're going to eat this much?" Both Red and Lida ignored her, which Nicky found extremely irritating.

"It's almost done," Red was saying to Lida, "perfectly golden brown, with a crisp coating, it's beautiful darling." Nicky bit into a gingerbread cookie that she had snagged from a decorative plate in the shape of a bell and rolled her eyes at the lavish praise being heaped upon Lida and the Christmas turkey. Only Red could get that excited about a cooked bird that would be devoured within the hour.

"I'm just going to add a bit more spice I think," Red said, "and then we'll let it sit for a minute or two more."

"Okay," agreed Lida pleasantly.

Red turned away from the stove and her eyes narrowed when she caught sight of Nicky munching away on cookies and still poking around all the other dishes in her hunt for more treats. "Nicky," she scolded, "what do you think you're doing? Didn't you hear me say that supper is almost ready?"

"I'm still going to eat my supper," Nicky replied, ripping the foil off of another dish, "it's just one cookie. What is this?" she pointed at a round pastry that had been cut into triangular pieces.

"Forget it," Red said, taking a small jar of summer savory off of the spice rack, "you're not getting anything else."

"I don't want to eat it," Nicky told her, "I just want to know what it is."

Lida giggled, "it's _Vatrushka,_ " she told her, "it's a very yummy Russian sweet. Those ones are raspberry, I think."

"Cool," said Nicky, pulling a small triangular piece from the pastry.

"Nicky," exclaimed Red, "I said no more! You're going to ruin your appetite."

"It's a small piece," Nicky argued, "and I'm going to share one with Julio. I bet he's never tried this." Lida laughed as she watched Nicky give Red an angelic smile.

"Fine," Red relented, sounding exasperated, "anything to get you out from under foot." Nicky grabbed a second piece of the treat and walked out of the kitchen.

In the living room, Klara was sitting quietly in the armchair squinting at the television screen while Yuri and Julio went head to head in a race on Vasily's X-box. "I get winners," Nicky said loudly to announce her presence.

Klara looked over at Nicky and smiled nervously at her. "Is everything okay in there?" she asked, when Nicky sat down in the chair beside her.

"What do you mean?" asked Nicky nonchalantly, who was busy picking apart the sweet in her hand, and popped a piece of the delicate pastry into her mouth before looking over at Klara with raised eyebrows.

"I mean with your mother," Klara reiterated, "is she alright?"

"Would it bother you if she wasn't?" Nicky asked, scooping some of the raspberry filling onto her finger and into her mouth.

"Yes, it would," Klara said quietly, "this is a very uncomfortable position to be in. Although, I suppose it has gone better than I could have hoped it would, so far."

"Well, you did sleep with her husband," Nicky replied, ignoring the pained look on Klara's face. She brought the _Vatrushka_ to her lips and stuffed the last of it into her mouth. Wiping the crumbs off of her lips, Nicky leaned back into her chair and crossed her arms.

"It's not as crystal cut as you want to make it seem," said Klara shortly, "I didn't jump into bed with a married man. I met the love of my life, who happened to have a wife serving nearly two decades behind bars for a pretty serious crime." Klara sniffled and picked up her purse that was on the floor next to her chair. She rummaged through it until she found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Excuse me," she said shortly to Nicky standing up and leaving the room.

Nicky sighed and turned to look sideways at Yuri and Julio, who were both still completely engrossed in their game and oblivious to anything else going on around them. "Here's a present," she said to Julio, laying the triangle of _Vatrushka_ that she had snatched for him on his thigh.

Heaving another deep breath, Nicky slowly stood up from her comfy chair and walked into the hallway, glancing into the kitchen at Red and Lida, who were both putting the finishing touches on the feast they would soon all be expected to sit down and enjoy together. Red seemed fine to her. The dream daughter-in-law seemed to be excellent at playing to Red's ego and reassuring her that she was the official mother of the family. Nicky looked away from them and towards the front door where she knew Red's insecure rival had just exited.

"Hey," said Nicky, stepping out onto the front porch and shivering in the harsh chill as she zipped her coat up. "Listen, I'm sorry about what I said in there. It was rude."

"That's alright," said Klara, bringing her cigarette to her lips and inhaling, "it's hard. I don't expect Galina to be happy about me being here and I sort of feel like just leaving because I hate what this is doing to the boys."

"Okay, you can't leave," Nicky said strongly, "that is literally the worst fucking thing that you could do right now. You leave, and you basically give up being an equal member of this family. You'll only get to see them when Red doesn't happen to be around, because you basically let her scare you away."

"I'm not scared of her," scoffed Klara, "she hasn't even spoken to me yet. She basically just grunted and then went into the kitchen with Lida."

"I don't mean you're scared of her," said Nicky, "but you're intimidated that she's more loved and wanted in the family that you are. I mean, believe me, I get it! I was literally fucking terrified of those guys when Red made me meet them and called me her daughter right in front of them. I didn't understand how they didn't feel threatened by that."

"They know that their Mamochka loves them," said Klara, taking another puff of her cigarette, "and they believed her when she said it wouldn't change things. I think also, in a way, it made them feel good to know that she had somebody she loved inside with her because those boys felt tremendous guilt for keeping their Papa's and my relationship a secret from her."

"Yeah, that was a really shitty thing for you to make them do," Nicky said bluntly, "to make them lie to their mother like that."

"What good would it have done to tell her?" said Klara quietly, "it would only have caused her more pain. Dmitri didn't forbid them to tell her about us, he just advised them that it would make her very sad and none of them wanted to be the one to tell her."

"He shouldn't have put that on them," said Nicky staunchly, "it wasn't up to the boys to break their mother's heart. Dmitri should have been the one to tell her the truth."

"Would the news have broken her heart?" asked Klara with raised eyebrows, "did she love Dmitri so much that it would devastate her to think he had met somebody else?"

"She married him when she was twenty-two," Nicky stated, as though that answered the question.

"A long marriage doesn't mean it was a happy marriage," said Klara wisely, "I was married for nearly twenty years before my husband died of cancer and I was not happily married."

"Happily married or unhappily married, it doesn't matter," said Nicky in frustration, "you still got involved with a married man, who then turned around and forced his children to cover for him to their mother. A small part of you has to know that that was wrong."

"Would it have been better for Dmitri to sit at home alone while Galina served her sentence, to deprive himself of his first chance at genuine love, to _die_ alone? Or would it have been better for Dmitri to divorce Galina and be honest about us?"

"He should have been honest!" Nicky exclaimed, "because Red would have kicked his sorry ass to the curb much sooner than she did, if she had known. What he did was cowardly."

"But don't you understand?" Klara blinked. "If they had divorced, Galina would have still been stuck in prison and it would have caused her a lot of pain."

"She's in pain now," Nicky argued angrily.

"Yes," Klara agreed, "but she is free and has a good life now. She has you, Julio, her sons, her grandchildren...she's in a good place to handle the truth now. When she was in prison, her family's main priority was just helping her to survive it. They wouldn't have done anything to make her situation worse or hurt her. By staying married, Dmitri was able to visit Galina every week and I know she looked forward to those visits. Dmitri provided her a lot of comfort, whether she'd admit it now or not. He also worked hard to send her money so that she could buy anything she needed. He did his best. The situation was very complicated. "

"I get why her sons tried to spare her feelings," Nicky folded her arms, "but you and Dmitri crossed lines. If he had really wanted to do what was best for her he would have stayed faithful."

"We fell in love," Klara whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. "It wasn't something we planned, it just happened. It wasn't fair to Galina but I don't think there are many people who would be able to stay faithful to a spouse sentenced to prison for such a long time."

"Maybe not," Nicky conceded. She gave Klara a scrutinizing stare. "I get love and I can understand how it happened between you guys. What I don't get...is how come Maxim and Vasily are so loyal to you?"

Klara blinked. She looked quite taken-a-back by the question. "Because I love them," she said finally. She tapped her cigarette on the side of the ash tray. "They are all I have. I never was able to have children of my own."

"Fair enough," Nicky cocked her head to the side. "Although, I don't get how they could overlook you moving in on their mother's territory. My Dad cheated with a maid I really liked once. I hated her the second I learned the truth...and I don't even like my biological mother! But I still was loyal to her."

"It's been a long process," Klara said quietly. "You're forgetting that as much as they love their mother, they adored their father just as equally. They understood what he was going through. Yuri, has always been a bit more withdrawn but I think I made Maxim and Vasily feel safe. They were grateful for the comfort and attention I provided that Galina no longer could. It wasn't about replacing her, it was about adapting to life without her. I could have never took her place. Those three are their mother's boys to the core."

Klara fixed Nicky with a piercing stare of her own. "Maybe that's something you can relate to?"

"Come again?" Nicky raised her eyebrows.

"Your relationship with Galina," said Klara. "She's like a mother to you."

"She _is_ my mother," Nicky corrected. "I love her more than anybody else in the world. She's the reason why I'm out here talking to you now-trying to understand, so that I can help her learn to deal with this. I want her to have an amazing Christmas because she deserves to be happy."

"She does deserve that," Klara nodded, "and she is very lucky to have you for a daughter."

Nicky sniffled and looked over at Klara's cigarette enviously. "Could I have one of those?" she asked with a small smile.

"Sure," said Klara agreeably, passing Nicky a cigarette and the lighter.

"Thanks," said Nicky. She quickly lit the smoke and then took a deep puff, closing her eyes and savouring the flavour of fresh tobacco. She could feel all her senses relaxing. She blew smoke rings into the frigid air. "I just realized something," she said suddenly.

"Oh, what's that?" asked Klara, taking in another puff from her smoke.

"I'm sort of doing the same thing you did," said Nicky dryly. "Don't get too excited-it's not quite the same thing. It's just that nothing made me happier than when Red said I could call her mom and I would never stop doing that for anything. Even if her sons didn't like it, she'd still be my mom. It's not really fair to them, just like you and Dmitri weren't fair to Red."

"Dmitri loved his wife," Klara said, dabbing at the corners of her eye with her sleeve, "he cared about Galina very much and he blamed himself for not protecting her better. Neither of them was in love with one another, their marriage was an arrangement that they both agreed to in order to be allowed to immigrate to America. He loved her for being the mother of his children and he considered her to be his best friend. It was why he never wanted to divorce her and I never pressured him to do that. He said he was responsible for her and it was his job to take care of her, even if they were only ever married in name."

"They weren't married just in name," said Nicky stubbornly, "they had three kids, which means they had sex at least three times, but I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that it happened more than that. I agree with you that they weren't in love but don't try and pretend that Dmitri was some sort of saint for staying married to her."

Nicky took another drag from her cigarette before pressing on, "I saw the way she broke down that night that Yuri phoned to tell her about Dmitri being on life support. She tried to pretend that she was just distraught over her sons being forced to make the decision to pull the plug and being alone through everything."

"They weren't alone," Klara interrupted, "I was there with them the entire time. I didn't leave Dmitri's side for a second."

"Yeah, well, we didn't know about you then," said Nicky, giving her the side eye, "even in a crisis Yuri remembered to keep his father's secret. As far as Red knew, the boys were going through it all alone and she was consumed with guilt. She also was completely devastated, though she tried to hide it, because she loved Dmitri and probably never forgave herself for things ending between them on bad terms. I know this because I know her very well. She loved that man and she still grieves for him. Maybe she didn't love him as much as you did, but don't dismiss their relationship as just being a piece of paper that meant nothing."

Klara sniffled and dabbed at her eyes again. "You're a very smart young woman, Nicky," she said after a moment, "and I appreciate you coming out here and speaking to me. It's not easy to hear though."

"I can tell that you're a good person," said Nicky, "but I don't expect Red to be able to see it. Some wounds run a little too deep. She knows that Dmitri loved you and she's dealing with that in her own way. Vasily called this morning and told her you were coming to Christmas and said that you have just as much right to be here as she does. Just own that. Don't act like a victim because she doesn't like you. It would be weird if she did. Just enjoy your kids, who obviously love you. Trust me, I know better than anybody that blood isn't the only thing that makes you a family."

The door swung open with a loud bang, "what are you doing out here?" Red asked Nicky suspiciously, her eyes jetting back and forth between Nicky and Klara.

"Not smoking," answered Nicky innocently, smiling sheepishly as she put out her cigarette in the ash tray. Red's eyes narrowed and her whole body seemed to stiffen as she realized that her daughter had been outside cavorting with a woman she hated. It felt like a betrayal because Nicky was supposed to be the child that was completely on her side. Dmitri wasn't Nicky's father, so she didn't have the torn allegiance struggle that the boys did. Red had expected Nicky to give Klara the same cold shoulder approach that she had been demonstrating and it bothered her to see Dmitri's mistress engaged in what appeared to be a fairly intimate conversation with _her_ daughter. Was there nothing of Red's that Klara wouldn't try to steal?

"We can talk about you smoking later," Red said stiffly to Nicky, "but supper is almost ready so you should come inside now." She threw a frosty look at Klara, who had been leaning against the rail of the house and watching the cars drive by on the road. Klara turned her head and met Red's animosity with a calm and wordless expression, trying to communicate that she was not a threat but she would not be a doormat either. Red's lip curled and she turned to walk back into the house, the screen door slammed behind her with an echoing bang.

"I think you better follow her," Klara said to Nicky, sounding slightly amused.

"Yeah, I will," shrugged Nicky, shuffling her foot back and forth against the floor. "I sort of like to wait a minute or so before following her commands or she starts expecting me to be that obedient all of the time."

Klara giggled, "I'll come back inside with you," she said heartily. Nicky nodded her head and turned to open the door that Red had just slammed.

"And Nicky?" Klara called hesitantly.

Nicky looked back over at her with her hand held out to grab the doorknob, "yes?"

"Thank you," said Klara softly, "I needed to hear all of that. You should be a psychologist."

Nicky flashed the woman a winning smile, "in that case, next time I'm going to charge you for this and usually I don't work holidays."

Klara smiled, "well then you better get inside and enjoy the rest of the evening with your family."

"They're your family too," Nicky reminded her with a knowing look, "let's both head inside, before Red gets out here and bites my head off." She knew that Red was annoyed with her for, in her eyes, speaking with the enemy, but Nicky thought she had done some good here.

She had no sooner walked back into the living room when a little girl with long red hair, pulled back into two ponytails, and enormous blue eyes toddled over to her and held up a truck for her to see. She was wearing a red velvet Christmas dress with white tights and Nicky had to admit that she was adorable.

"Are you showing Auntie Nicky the truck, Vera?" Red asked the little girl who giggled at her grandmother's words and then spontaneously threw the toy so that it hit Nicky in the shin.

"Ow," Nicky yelped glancing at Red who was still beaming at the baby as though she had just done something remarkable.

"Don't throw toys," Red tried to reprimand, but the smile on her face would stop anybody from taking her seriously.

"That's all you're going to say?" Nicky raised her eyebrows at Red.

"Auntie's hurt, Vera," Red continued to speak to the little girl, who took after her in looks so extraordinarily, "can you make it better?"

Vera kneeled down and licked Nicky's pant leg in what was probably supposed to be interpreted as a kiss to make it better. "So, this is Thing One," Nicky stated, walking around Vera and plopping herself down on the floor next to her mother. Red had actually gotten down on the floor so that she could play with her granddaughter more naturally. "Where's Thing Two?"

"Alexei just ran upstairs to find his favourite dinosaur toy," Red replied, just as a little boy with thick wavy blonde hair and mischievous brown eyes ran back into the room.

"I found him, Grandma," Alexei announced happily, "see him? He wasn't hiding."

"No, he wasn't hiding from you," Red smiled, "he just needed to nap a little bit longer."

"My dinosaur sleeps in my bed," Alexei told her.

"That's good," Red smiled, "can you say hi to Auntie Nicky?"

Alexei shook his head no and crawled onto Red's lap and hid his face beneath her arm, suddenly shy. Nicky rolled her eyes, pretty positive that the kid was just pretending to be bashful as a bid to get more of Red's attention. How often had Nicky used those same methods on the women when they had been in prison together. She couldn't blame the kid for enjoying Red's nurturing.

"Come on," Red coaxed kissing the boy's cheek and making him giggle, "say, 'Hi Auntie, I love you."

"I love you?" Nicky raised her eyebrows, "don't tell him to say that he doesn't even know me yet. What are you teaching these kids, Red?"

"Hi Auntie, I love you," Alexei said laughing hysterically and stretching out his legs so that they were draped over Nicky's lap.

"What is with these kids and personal space?" asked Nicky, pretending to be annoyed, "so far I've been assaulted with toys and now I'm a foot stool."

"They're so cute though," Red replied, wrapping her arms tightly around Alexei and giving him a squeeze.

"Aren't all kids cute?" Nicky asked dryly, not impressed.

"Not all kids," answered Red, "Yuri wasn't a very good-looking baby."

"Thanks Ma!" Yuri exclaimed sarcastically, not tearing his eyes off of the screen, his fingers hitting buttons on his game controller rapidly. "I'm right here."

"Oh, don't be upset darling, you grew up to be a handsome man," Red said unconcernedly, "besides I didn't think you were listening to me. I thought you boys turned into goblins from staring at those bright lights on the screen for so long."

"Do you mean zombies?" Yuri asked her wryly. Julio chortled from his seat on the couch, where he was leaning forward as close to the screen as he could.

Nicky nudged Red with her elbow. "So, are you okay?" she asked.

Red frowned at Nicky. "What were you doing outside with that woman?"

"Challenging her to a duel," Nicky joked lamely. She leaned over to kiss Red's cheek. "I was just trying to make peace because I love you."

"What do you got, Vera?" asked Klara, who had just walked into the room and bent down to look at the truck that the little girl was still walking around with. Red pursed her lips and her entire body tensed up. It was obvious to Nicky that Red really wanted to scoop up both of the babies and take them far away from this woman she had no desire to share them with.

"Can you say truck?" Klara asked Vera, speaking the word very slowly and carefully.

"Tuck," Vera parroted back, and even Red couldn't resist a small smile for the little girl who was so proud of herself. She did pale significantly however, when Vera held out her arms to Klara who immediately picked her up, balancing the one-year old on her hip.

"Umm, Galina," said Klara carefully. Red's head snapped up and she glared at the far wall, refusing to grant Klara the respect of looking at her when she was talking. "Maxim and Luca just drove up and they're outside waiting for you."

"Oh," said Red simply.

"Why are they waiting for you?" asked Nicky, but Red ignored her.

"Do you want to come with Grandma, Alexei?" Red asked the little boy in her lap, "I have something very special I want to show you."

"What is it?" asked Alexei, scrambling off of Red's lap.

"You'll see," Red replied, "go get your boots on." She gripped the side of the coffee table and pulled herself to her feet with some difficulty. Nicky would have liked to help her up, but she knew that Red would never forgive her if she made her look weak in front of Klara.

"I'm glad those two are finally here," Nicky said to nobody in particular, once Red and Alexei had left, "I'm starving." She got to her feet and wandered aimlessly out of the living room and into the hallway where she saw Vasily and Lida carrying a folded-up card table down the stairs together.

"Need some help?" Nicky asked them.

Vasily and Lida made it to the bottom of the stairs and lowered the table to the ground for a rest. "If you help Lida carry this one into the living room, I can run up and get the second one," Vasily replied.

"Sure," said Nicky, and Vasily jogged back up the stairs. Once Lida had caught her breath, Nicky helped her carry the card table into the living room. They set it down on the floor and Nicky wandered over to the couch, where Yuri and Julio were still enthralled in their game.

"You know, maybe mom wasn't wrong to use the word 'goblin' to describe how you two are looking," Nicky teased, "look at you both all hunched over with your eyes bugged out. Somebody should take a picture."

"You're just mad because you didn't get a turn yet," Julio replied, "but we still don't know who won between us yet."

"Yeah, and you're only on round what? One hundred?" Nicky rolled her eyes, "whatever happened to best of three?"

"You were gone when we got to round three," Yuri chimed in.

"So, we decided that playing to one hundred made more sense," Julio grinned.

"Suddenly I'm beginning to wonder why I ever thought it sucked to grow up as an only child," Nicky grumbled in annoyance.

"It's time to turn off the X-box you two," Lida called over to Yuri and Julio, from her spot standing next to Klara and Vera. Klara had been reading a storybook to the baby. "We need to move the coffee table and set up the tables for supper."

"Ha," Nicky taunted them.

"Just pause it," Julio said to Yuri, "we can finish after we eat." They both reluctantly put down their controllers and stood up and stretched. They were stiff from having been sitting for so long.

"Nothing stopping me from unsaving your progress," Nicky said coyly.

"You do that and you're dead," Julio shot back with a twisted grin.

Nicky opened her mouth to respond, but clamped it shut when she saw Red walk back into the room. Smirking at Julio, Nicky asked, "would you like to say what you just said to me again?"

Red's brow crinkled as she stared at Nicky as though she had lost her mind. "What are you all up to?" she asked impassively.

"The boys wouldn't let me have a turn on the Xbox," Nicky whined.

"Well at least it's finally off now," Red replied, "that music was giving me a headache."

"I know, right?" Lida giggled, "these guys are worse than Vasily. I thought _he_ spent too much time glued to that thing."

"There's somebody you think is worse than me?" Vasily teased as he walked into the room, carrying the second table.

"Must be your lucky day," Lida replied, leaning over to kiss her husband.

"Lida, I'm going to take the baby upstairs and change her," Klara said, standing up and readjusting Vera on her hip. "She's pretty wet."

"I can do it," Red spoke up, "I was headed upstairs right now anyways."

"No, you weren't, mom," Nicky rolled her eyes. "Just let Klara take the baby. Are you really going to argue about who gets to change disgusting diapers?"

Yuri let out a low whistle and Vasily's eyes widened in astonishment as the brothers shared a look with one another. Lida crossed her arms and compressed her lips so that they almost entirely disappeared. Red's eyes were fixed on Nicky, as Klara quietly walked out of the room with Vera.

"Let's put these tables together guys," Vasily said, motioning to Julio and Yuri to help him. "Max and Luc are both outside in the backyard still with Alexei, lazy slackers." His tone was good natured and he winked at his mother as though the two of them shared a secret. Red ignored him.

"How many monkeys does it take…" Lida teased as the three guys began to assemble the collapsible tables.

"Don't start with me, missy," Vasily joked, "just run along and get the tablecloths." Lida rolled her eyes but walked out of the room.

Nicky walked over to stand beside her mother and leaned her head down on her shoulder. "I'm just trying to help keep everybody happy," she said in a light tone, "that, and Gloria told me before I left to make sure that you behaved yourself." Nicky laughed when she saw the tug on the sides of Red's lips, as she fought to resist smiling at the mention of Gloria's name.

"I love you," Nicky whispered to Red, kissing her cheek, "and I love you enough to keep you from turning one of your favourite days of the year unnecessarily into some sort of weird competition. You've got to admit that all your kids have gone out of their way to reassure you how loved you are today, at the expense of making Klara feel pretty insecure. So, stop being a brat."

Red pursed her lips at Nicky's words but she leaned her head against Nicky's affectionately as they watched the guys try and figure out how to release the folded table legs.

"This is painful to watch," Nicky commented after a moment.

"Agreed," Red nodded.

"This table leg is stuck," Vasily told them defensively, tugging on it fruitlessly.

Julio walked over and pulled it effortlessly in the opposite direction. "It opens up the other way," he said to Vasily. Nicky snorted.

"Nicky, will you come help me with something?" Lida asked as she walked into the room and placed the green folded tablecloth she was holding on the arm of the couch.

"Sure," said Nicky, giving Red's hand a squeeze before she followed Lida into the kitchen, "what do you need?"

Lida had climbed up onto a chair so that she could reach into the cupboard above the fridge. "I had forgotten we had this," she told Nicky, pulling out a beautiful silver centerpiece that had glass holders for three candles and was adorned with pearls.

"Pretty," said Nicky simply, giving the ornament a quick glance.

"It's not just pretty," Lida said mystically, "it's been in their family for generations."

"I don't have anything special like that," Nicky replied, leaning over to examine it more closely, "everything that we had in my house growing up had been created yesterday. My family wasn't overly sentimental."

"Well, it's been tradition in Vasily's family to decorate the Christmas table with this every year," Lida explained, "His mother did it when he was a kid and after his father died, Vasily took it back and we kept it in the cupboard for safe keeping. I sort of want to bring it out again, only I'm not sure if that's a wise decision.

"Why is that?" asked Nicky, "are you afraid one of your kids will break it or something?"

"No," Lida breathed, "I'm just nervous because things are already so tense between them and I don't want to make things worse."

"You think putting a pretty candle holder on the table is going to rock the boat that much?" Nicky asked skeptically.

"I just don't want to bring up any painful memories," Lida replied, "because this was one of Dmitri and Galina's wedding presents. Dmitri's mother passed it down to Galina when they got married and Galina brought it with them all the way from Russia."

"So, what's the problem?" asked Nicky calmly, "she'll probably be happy to see it again and thank you for taking such good care of it."

"You don't think putting one of their wedding presents on display might make her feel uncomfortable, or make Klara feel out of place?" Lida asked, biting her lip.

"You overthink things way too much," Nicky said, reaching out to take the centerpiece from Lida's hands. Without another word, she turned and walked back into the living room and placed it carefully in the center of the table, that Red had draped the green tablecloths over.

"That's pretty," Red murmured, as she glanced over at it. "Where did you get that?" she asked Lida. Nicky burst out laughing at Red's innocent question.

"It's yours," Lida told her, sounding confused, "you used to put it on the Christmas table every year when the boys were growing up."

Red blinked and slipped on her violet glasses so that she could take a better look. "Oh, that's right," she smiled in bemusement, "you can see the dent on the side where I dropped it one time."

"So, is that the emotional breakdown you were afraid this candle holder would invoke from her?" Nicky turned and said dryly to Lida.

"I thought it was a family heirloom," Lida said to Red, "Vasily said that his Grandmother passed it down to you when you got married and that it had been in the family for many generations."

"That's what Dmitri's mother said," Red replied, "but I think she was just too cheap to go out and buy us an actual wedding present, so she grabbed something out of her house and gave it a touching story. We were immigrating to America with nothing but the clothes on her back, and the woman didn't think to give us cash instead."

"Stop being so sentimental, mom," Nicky interrupted, "you're making us all uncomfortable." Lida giggled, amused, but quite taken aback by Red's indifference.

"It is beautiful though," Red admitted begrudgingly, "but I feel like my mother-in-law would haunt me from her grave if I kept it after divorcing her precious son. Why don't you just hang onto it, Lida? Then at least I can say that I kept up with tradition."

"How giving of you," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I hope you put more thought into the gift you put under the tree for her."

Lida just laughed, "well, it makes the place feel like Christmas anyways." The centerpiece did set off the Christmas table nicely and, even if Red was not overly impressed by its significance, all three of her sons noticed it and commented on it when they walked into the living room.

"Where were you hiding?" Nicky asked Maxim, after he walked over to give her a hug and introduce her to his boyfriend Luca.

"I was playing outside with Alexei," Maxim replied, "and then he wanted to show me something upstairs." Nicky considered that an acceptable explanation and then walked into the kitchen to help Red, Lida, and Julio bring out glasses, silverware, and the side dishes that were being placed on the table. The main food all stayed in the kitchen because there wasn't enough room, and the family lined up with their plates buffet style before taking their seats at the long table that took up the entire length of the living room. It was noisy, crowded, and chaotic. Nicky loved seeing that Vera's highchair and Alexei's booster seat were both seated right at the table. The Reznikov family clearly did not buy into the idea that children should be seen and not heard. The tiniest members of the family were lavished with more love and attention than Nicky had ever dreamed of receiving as a child. These kids were very blessed.

"You looked like you were far away just now" Red commented, as she sat down in the chair next to Nicky. "What were you thinking about?"

"That I'm lucky to be a part of this family," Nicky admitted in a gravely voice.

"We're the lucky ones," Red corrected her, "we're lucky to have you."

Red's eyes twitched as she watched Klara walk into the room and buckle Vera into her highchair, but she forced herself to look away and smile at Julio, when he sat down in the seat beside her.

"Are you having a good time?" Red asked Julio quietly.

Julio nodded enthusiastically, "It's really fun," he answered, "I'm glad I came."

"I'm glad you came too," Red replied, just as Yuri walked in carrying two bottles of wine, one a red merlot and the other a sparkling white.

"Do you want the white, mama?" Yuri asked. Red nodded and held out her glass for her son to pour the wine into.

Yuri put down the white bottle and picked up the red. "I don't even need to ask you which you'd prefer," Yuri smiled at Klara, as he poured her a glass of the merlot. The familiarity Yuri expressed annoyed Red, but since his back was turned he did not see the face that his mother made.

"Thanks, dear," Klara murmured, whirling the wine around in her glass before taking a large sip.

"Can I have some?" Julio asked Red. It warmed Red's heart whenever he asked her permission for anything. The trust and respect Julio put in her was very endearing. It just made her sad to realize that she would probably never have this with his brother. Gloria would have been so happy to come home to her entire family being this close.

"Does your aunt ever let you have wine?" asked Red, taking a small sip from her glass.

"Well, we don't really have it besides at church," Julio admitted.

"I don't mind," Red replied, "just don't tell Lourdes I gave it to you."

"Deal," Julio agreed happily, "can I try the white, Yuri?"

"Just half a glass," Red added.

"How about you, Nicky?" asked Yuri, as he handed a half-glass of white wine to Julio, "what kind of wine would you like?"

"No thanks," Nicky replied, "I'm good with my root beer," she held up the can that she had nabbed from the fridge when she was in the kitchen getting her food. Everybody else came in and took seats around the table. Maxim sat down next to Klara and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Nicky faintly heard him ask if his stepmother was okay, upon which Klara gave his hand a firm squeeze. Red kept her eyes focused on Yuri, who was finishing pouring all of the adults some wine, determined not to watch the interaction between Klara and her middle son, who were obviously incredibly close. Alexei was busy making bubbles in his chocolate milk and Lida had to reprimand him, as she leaned over to cut his turkey into small enough pieces for him to eat.

There was no grace or awkward toasting, for which Nicky was relieved. This wasn't a formal family, even if they were all dressed in coordinating Christmas colours and had prepared a feast that would be fit for a king. For awhile, Nicky chose to listen rather than talk, as she gave a silent word of thanks to God for placing her right here in this very moment.

A yipping sound from above caused Nicky to scrunch her face up as she strained to listen for the sound again. "Was that a dog?" she asked, turning to look at Vasily and Lida. Red placed her fork down and fixed her eyes across the table at Maxim, who responded by shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip of wine from his glass.

Nicky's question was answered as the barking sound amplified and she heard the pitter patter of little paws run down the stairs and into the living room. Nicky looked over and saw a tiny brown and white dog, with a red bow tied to its collar, and a fluffy tail that was wagging madly.

"Who are you?" Nicky asked the dog, as she stood up from the table and kneeled down on the floor to scratch the furry friend behind the ears. The puppy jumped up to lick her face.

"The puppy," shouted Alexei in excitement, as he jumped down from the table and ran over to pet the dog.

"I thought you said you shut the door before you came downstairs?" Red asked Maxim sharply.

"I did, Ma," Maxim replied, sounding exasperated, "but I already told you before that this dog is a menace. Champion escape artist, I had to chase her down three blocks this morning when she slipped out of the backyard. Not to mention how she chewed up my favourite pair of shoes and my best pillow."

"She's perfect!" Nicky exclaimed happily, sitting cross legged on the floor with the dog in her lap, while Alexei stood beside her and stroked the dog's coat gently. "What's her name?"

"Daisy," Red replied, "she came pre-named, otherwise I wanted you to be able to name her yourself. But she caught my eye when I was trying to pick one out for you and since my first dog's name was Marguerite, which is the Russian word for that flower, I took that as a good omen."

"Wait," Nicky looked up at Red in amazement, "you mean she's mine?"

Red nodded. "You weren't supposed to see her until after dinner," she said, shooting another annoyed look in Maxim's direction, "but she's all yours. Merry Christmas, Nicky!"

"Mommy," Nicky squealed, scooping up Daisy in her arms and rushing back to the table to give Red a kiss. "You said I couldn't get a dog because the apartment didn't have enough room."

"Well I had a change of heart," Red shrugged with a smile.

"Where was your change of heart when I begged for a dog for three whole years?" complained Vasily, "your excuse then was that dogs were dirty and you didn't like them. Now you have two of them!"

"I never said I didn't like them," Red protested, "and they are dirty if you don't bathe them enough. You boys didn't even like to wash yourselves, and I had enough to do besides taking care of a high maintenance pet for you. We had a cat."

"A mean cat that scratched me on the arm for no reason," Vasily told his mother, "I still have the scar."

"I'm sure he had his reasons," Red replied, defending the cat.

"I love you so much already," Nicky told Daisy, taking her seat at the table and feeding the dog a piece of turkey right off of her plate.

"Oh, Nicky," Red scolded, "that's disgusting."

"She just wants to celebrate Christmas with us," Nicky replied. Daisy sniffed at Nicky's drink. "No, no, no," Nicky scolded her dog, "you can't have my root beer." She moved the can out of reach.

"I love you, mom," Nicky whispered, leaning her head against Red's shoulders and snuggling the dog to her chest.

"I love you, too," said Red.


	5. Chapter 5

Being a part of a family where time together with simple pleasures became nothing short of a bountiful celebration was something Nicky knew she would never take for granted. For most of her life she had believed such blessings to be unobtainable, and that was because they were with the parents she had grown up with. Nicky now realized that wealth and privilege had been a necessary distraction for Marka and Hayden Nichols to cope with the understanding that their hearts and lives were meaningless. It hadn't needed to be that way, but materialism and impressing people who they didn't actually care about had always been more important than love or togetherness in their family. The Reznikovs were everything that Nicky's parents would have turned their noses up at and they were also everything that mattered.

After eating their Christmas feast, which was followed by samplings of at least four different kinds of dessert that were accompanied by coffee spiked with brandy, everybody had lingered at the table feeling stuffed and relaxed. The wine bottles stacked on the side table were proof of how much had been drunk, but nobody was keeping count, and the copious amounts of food they had eaten kept signs of intoxication to a minimum. Nicky enjoyed the rosiness in her mother's cheeks and the way her chatter and laughter lightened up the entire room. It was obvious that Red was happy, which made all of her children happy. The alcohol in her system mellowed her, and Red's tense facial features had relaxed. She tried to act as though Klara was not even there, but at least restrained herself from grimacing whenever Klara spoke or was mentioned in a story one of her sons brought up about Christmases past.

There had been one hard moment near the end when Maxim had raised his glass and toasted his Papa, who he said they missed and hoped was smiling down on them all today. Nicky had seen the way Red's hand had tightened on her glass and the way she had stared down into her lap while Maxim spoke, but she drank to Dmitri's name with the rest of them before starting to hastily gather up the dishes on the table. It was more than Nicky had ever imagined Red would do and she was proud of her.

"You boys should clear the table," Klara reproached them, as she patted Maxim meaningfully on the arm, "you've been relaxing all day while the women worked." The three brothers' eyes darted side to side at one another before they, and Luca, lowered their glasses and stood up and began to clear away the remnants of supper from the table. Julio followed suit, taking the heavy stack of dinner plates out of Red's arms before she could object. Nicky scratched Daisy behind the ears and decided not to point out that she had hardly been straining herself with preparations that day either and so should probably be equally tasked with cleaning up the kitchen. She was so comfortable and Daisy was still sleeping so peacefully in her lap that nothing could have persuaded Nicky to move.

"Alexei, come with me to wash your hands," Lida called, picking Vera up out of her highchair, "your hands are sticky...just like your face," she snorted as she eyed Alexei's blueberry stained face. She gripped her son by the wrist to prevent him from touching the walls on the way to the kitchen. Vera laughed from her perch on her mother's hip and wiped her sticky hand across Lida's cheek, leaving a gooey mark. "Thank you, darling," Lida said sarcastically to the baby.

Red huffed and her eyes followed the retreating backs. She did not look happy and Klara seemed to realize at once that she had overstepped her boundaries. "I just thought that you shouldn't be tasked with clearing all of these dishes away after all the baking and cooking that you've done," Klara explained calmly, liquid courage seeming to give her the confidence to not back down from Red's irritation.

"They're my sons," Red looked at Klara with ferocious eyes, "if I had wanted their help I would have asked them for it."

"Okay," Klara nodded unabashedly, dabbing at her mouth with her napkin, "next time I won't say anything." She refused to look away from Red's gaze, had no intention of backing down and allowing Dmitri's ex-wife to intimidate her. Red rolled her eyes.

"You seriously think there is going to be a next time?" Red muttered under her breath. She brushed some crumbs off the tablecloth into the palm of her hand.

"Easter," Nicky pointed out unhelpfully. Red glanced at her and Nicky immediately began bestowing kisses upon Daisy's head so that she wouldn't get into trouble.

"I'm sorry, Galina," Klara said, "I didn't mean anything by it and I know that you ordinarily prefer doing the work cleaning up on Christmas by yourself. I just thought they should help." Red gasped, as though Klara had just spoken something terribly offensive.

"Who's a good girl," Nicky was saying to Daisy, scratching the dog's belly, "Look Mom, Klara! See how happy she gets when you rub her here?" Neither woman looked.

"You know what I like—," Red began to say but was cut off at the sight of Alexei and Vera being ushered back into the living room by their mother. She knew she couldn't say what she had been about to say with them watching, but the arrogance of Klara claiming she knew anything about her was a low blow to Red. In that instant, she was forced to mentally acknowledge that Dmitri and this woman had been intimate, that they had probably talked about everything, including her. Liking to work in the kitchen on Christmas was hardly a significant character attribute, but Red couldn't help but wonder what else this woman knew about her. She had never before considered whether or not Dmitri had kept her secrets and respected the intimacy they had once shared. Maybe her former husband had betrayed her in more ways than one.

"Don't worry about it," Red said dismissively, as Vera toddled towards her and hugged her leg. Red took a deep breath, her left palm still held out holding the crumbs that she needed to throw away. She felt like a martyr being forced to act like she was alright for the sake of the grandchildren watching her. There was no point in lingering on her feelings because nothing could change and nobody would understand them anyways. She had been about to instruct her sons to get to work just as Klara had said it for her, and being spoken for had reminded her of the way Dmitri had sometimes done that right before he admonished her for being too lenient with their boys; after Red turned around and was criticized by her in-laws for being too strict. Her own insecurities about the sort of mother she had been flared up at such a harmless comment and she wondered if Dmitri had believed Klara to be a better mother than she was.

"Do you want to go see what Daddy and your uncles are doing?" Red said to Vera, trying to ignore the way the muscles in her back flared as she leaned over to take her hand. Maybe she had been on her feet a little too much today.

"I want to see," Alexei chimed in, jumping off of the couch where he had been snuggling with his mother.

"Let's go," Red said, attempting to sound positive. She walked into the kitchen with both the babies. Even if it appeared so, her intention was not to check on how they were doing, but to escape the stifling confines of the living room where she had felt on display. Maxim and Luca were washing and drying the dishes while Yuri put away all of the leftovers. Julio had moved into the hallway to speak on his cellphone and Vasily was sitting on top of the counter polishing off what had to be his fifth piece of pie. Red opened the cupboard door beneath the sink and brushed the crumbs from her hand into the garbage bin.

"Grandma, can I have something to eat?" Alexei asked, tugging on Red's arm.

"I can't believe you're still hungry," Red commented, but she lifted the lid off a Tupperware container and handed each child a piece of banana bread. Alexei scampered out of the room with his treat as his little sister following in his wake.

Vasily tugged his mother's sleeve childishly. "What?" asked Red, stifling a yawn.

"Today wasn't so bad, right?" he asked hesitantly, "or was it? I'm not good at figuring things like that out."

"Today was a good day," Red reassured him, she leaned her back against the counter and patted Vasily's leg with her hand. Relieved, Vasily put down the fork he was using to shovel pie into his mouth and wrapped his arm around his mother's shoulders. They watched Maxim, Luca, and Yuri work and Vasily pardoned his laziness by pointing out that there were not enough jobs to go around and that he was only hanging out in there because he was afraid of getting yelled at by Klara if he left.

"How's it going, guys?" Nicky asked brightly a few minutes later. She stepped into the kitchen with Daisy in her arms. She hadn't let go of her new pet for a moment. "Are you almost done? Because Klara said that you guys always play some card game called Thirty-One after dinner, and Julio and I really want to play before his aunt gets here."

"Is Lourdes coming now?" Red asked Nicky disappointedly, with her head rested against Vasily's side.

"Soon," Nicky replied, "he just got off the phone with her."

"Well, you guys go ahead and play," Red said to the boys, "I'll finish tidying up in here."

"Nah, Mamochka, we can do it," Maxim replied, looking over at her from the sink, "we're almost done anyways."

"I'm not going to tell you again," Red said sternly, "go ahead." Maxim and Luca shot her big smiles and quickly dried the water and suds from their hands. Yuri put the container of leftover mashed potatoes into the fridge and followed Nicky out of the kitchen.

Vasily slid off the counter and made to follow but Red wrapped her hand tightly around his wrist, holding him back. "Ma, let me go," Vasily laughed.

"You haven't done anything yet," Red replied, "you can help me finish up here before you join the others."

"Julio didn't help either," Vasily pointed out.

"He was talking on the phone to his aunt," Red excused him, "and he's our guest. He's not supposed to help clean up."

"Fine," sighed Vasily, walking over to the sink and beginning to mournfully scrub out a large pot that had been used for mashed potatoes. Red smirked and silently began putting the remaining leftovers that Yuri had packaged up into the fridge.

"Thanks for being nice to Klara, Ma," Vasily said quietly, his back to Red as he leaned over the sink.

"Have I been nice?" Red asked him with raised eyebrows. She shut the door to the fridge.

"Well, you've been okay," Vasily conceded, "better than I thought you would be." Red snorted. "I just was thinking of what it would have been like if Pop had been here. Would that have made things better or worse?"

"Oh, honey," sighed Red, "listen." She walked over to the sink and began to rinse out the pot Vasily silently passed her. "It was wrong of me to make you feel guilty for inviting her here. You did the right thing and I am glad that you had somebody around who helped make my absence a little bit easier."

"So, you're not mad at me?" asked Vasily.

"I never was," Red replied simply, "you're not responsible for the choices Papa made." She rinsed the last dish and then wiped her damp hands on a tea towel, "and a small part of me feels a little better knowing that she was there to look out for you boys after Papa died. I'll never forgive myself for not being able to be there for you and your brothers then."

"I miss him," Vasily said softly as he pulled out the sink stopper and began draining the water.

"I miss him too," Red admitted quietly.

"You do?" Vasily asked her in surprise.

Red nodded. She picked up the dishcloth and began to wipe down the counters and the splattered stove. "Now you can go," she nodded her head in the direction of the living room.

"You should play too," Vasily urged his mother, "you love cards. Remember how you taught us how to play Rumi and we played until three in the morning that time."

"I remember," Red said with a small smile. "We'll need to do that again sometime, but right now I'm going to make myself a cup of tea." Sensing that his mother really just wanted to be alone, Vasily kissed her cheek and then went to join everyone else in the living room, where Klara was explaining how the game was played to Nicky and Julio.

Lida had fallen asleep on the couch, which wasn't surprising since she had been working on preparations for their meal since six that morning. Vasily shooed his daughter away, as Vera had been about to poke her mother with a plastic pancake flipper from her toy kitchen, and then he reached for the fleece blanket tossed over the back of the couch and tucked Lida in.

"Daddy, can I watch Paw Patrol?" Alexei asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor near his sleeping mother. Vera sat down beside her brother, biting down on the end of the spatula.

"Sure," said Vasily agreeably, flipping on the television. He settled the children and then went to join everybody else at the table.

"Where's Ma?" Maxim asked.

"She's making herself some tea," Vasily replied, "she said to go ahead without her." Klara shuffled the deck in front of her and then passed each of them three cards. She put the rest in the centre of the table and flipped the top card over.

"Ace of hearts," Julio voiced aloud, staring at it intently. As he was seated next to the dealer it meant that he got to go first. "So, if I want that I can just pick it up?" he glanced quizzically at Klara.

"Yep," Klara nodded, "just remember that when you pick up from the pile it means that everybody sees what card you took and knows what suit you're playing."

"So, in other words, don't expect Klara to pass you any more hearts," Luca grinned.

"I'm not worried," Julio said confidently, as he picked up the Ace of Hearts and discarded the Two of Spades, "I have a strategy."

They went around the table like that, with each person exchanging a card in their hand in the hopes of getting as high a score as possible. The round came to an abrupt end when Klara picked up off the deck and dropped her cards down on the table with a flourish. "Thirty-One," she said cheerfully, "everybody pays up."

"No fair," Nicky grumbled, "I was just about to knock." In a game of thirty-one you could always use your turn to conclude the game if you felt your hand was strong enough to beat everybody else. In that case, only the lowest scoring player would need to pay, but a score of thirty-one wiped everybody out.

"You should have knocked and saved us all," Maxim groaned glancing at Nicky's healthy thirty, "Vasily only had twelve."

"Next time," Nicky said exuberantly, "you're all going down. I'm just warming up."

Yuri gathered all of the cards into a pile and shuffled them before passing the deck to Julio, whose turn it was to deal. The doorbell rang and Julio let out a low groan, before he began dealing everybody their hand.

"Are you going to get that?" Klara asked Julio with a reluctant smile, as she picked up the cards he had given her. She knew it must be his aunt because she was the only person that they were expecting that night.

"Somebody else will let her in," Julio replied with a grimace, just as he caught a glimpse of Red walking out of the kitchen towards the door. "she's here early, so she has to let me finish this round at least."

"She will," Nicky said confidently, "Red will distract her." She picked up off of the deck and then placed a card in the discard pile. "I'm being generous," she grinned at Yuri, nodding at the King of Clubs she had put down.

"Too bad I don't need it," Yuri replied, picking a fresh card up off of the deck.

"Why do I always pick the worse seat," Vasily complained good-naturedly, giving Yuri's thrown out three a dirty look. "You never give me anything I want," he elbowed his brother.

"Maybe you should work on your strategy rather than expecting me to just pass you a winning hand," Yuri retorted, "although if you haven't learned to step out of my shadow by now, I guess you never will, little brother."

"Says the older brother who lived on my couch for four straight months this past year," Vasily retorted, making Yuri flush. After his separation from Anna, Yuri had moved in with his brother until his wife made it abundantly clear that there was no hope of reconciliation, by moving in her new boyfriend. Yuri now rented a small bachelor apartment located on the same street that his mother lived on and his kids came to visit one or two weekends a month.

"Burn," laughed Max, just as Red, Lourdes, and most surprisingly Benny walked into the room.

"I can't go yet," Julio whined, whirling around in his chair to look at his aunt, "we're in the middle of a game, Tia!"

"Well, it's nice to see you too," Lourdes replied, walking over and kissing the top of his head. She greeted everyone around the table warmly but hesitated when her eyes fell on Klara. "I don't think we've met before," she said kindly, extending her hand across the table, "I'm Lourdes Mendoza, Julio's Great Aunt."

"It's nice to meet you," Klara said politely, taking Lourdes' hand in her gentle grasp. "I'm Klara Petrova." Lourdes waited for more of an explanation. The different surname surprised her as Red had once confided in Lourdes that she had no relatives from her side of the family in America. Perhaps she was a sister of Dmitri's and Petrova was her married name. "Are you a friend of Galina's?" Lourdes asked innocently, hoping for more information.

"No, she's not," Red said coolly, without giving Klara a chance to reply, "it's a long story why she's here."

"Okay," Lourdes said uncertainly, clearly taken-a-back by Red's coldness towards this other woman. Vasily raised his eyes towards the ceiling, evidently the compassion his mother had displayed to him in the kitchen was not to last.

"Alexei, Vera," Red called, apparently deciding it would be best to diffuse the tension about Klara by distracting Lourdes with her adorable grandchildren. "Come say hello to Mrs. Mendoza."

"Benny, do you want me to deal you in?" asked Maxim kindly, "pull up a chair." All eyes turned to stare at Benny who hadn't spoken a word or moved from the doorway since his arrival. His stony expression let them all know that he was currently wishing he was anywhere but there.

"No," said Benny stiffly, "thanks." An awkward silence fell across the table and none of them were sure what to do. Red's sons were sad at the terrible turn their relationship with Benny had taken ever since they had learned the truth about their mothers. They had thought he would come around once he adjusted to the idea of Red and Gloria being together, but nearly a year had passed with no improvement. They weren't even sure what he was mad about anymore, and were pretty certain that Benny didn't know exactly either. Red hadn't done anything that would give him grounds to dislike her so fiercely, except perhaps ignite his fear that she was somebody who would take his mother away from him again, before he even got her back.

"Oh, Alexei you're getting to be so big," Lourdes crooned, smiling after the little boy politely greeted her, "and look at the little _Princesa_! Vera's getting to be so beautiful! She looks so much like you, Galina."

"Huh," Red scoffed, "my little _Solnyshko_ 's beauty is in a class of its own, Lourdes." However, Red looked quite satisfied about the comment on their likeness. There was no doubting who Vera's grandmother truly was. Klara shared no genetics with her. The hypocrisy of this thought was completely lost on Red, as she inwardly savoured the advantage she felt she had. Nicky would have had a field day if she could have read her mother's mind.

"Sit down," Red said, glancing over at Benny who had been leaning against the door frame with folded arms. "Do you want something to eat or drink?" Shooting her a look of deepest loathing, Benny ignored her question as he slouched past her and slumped into the nearest chair. He reached into the pocket of the black dress pants Lourdes had made him wear and pulled out his cell phone.

Lourdes tutted and shot Red an apologetic glance, "I would have had him wait in the car, but it's too cold out." Nicky, who had remained silent since their arrival, glanced at Benny out of the corner of her eye and saw the way he seemed to retreat even more into himself as his aunt spoke about him like he wasn't even there. She felt a rush of sympathy for him and knew how uncomfortable he must be in this house. How much he reminded Nicky of herself at that age and she knew what a difference it would have made if Lourdes had comforted Benny rather than apologize for his presence. How could he not be feeling judged?

"Never mind," Red said softly, speaking barely above a whisper. She caught sight of Julio staring worriedly at her and immediately went to him. She stood behind his chair and laid her hands on his shoulders. Red could tell that Julio was worried that his brother had upset her, which he had. It was hard not to take such blatant hatred personally and it was becoming increasingly difficult to be sympathetic to a boy acting out when she compared him to his brother, who behaved so differently.

Nicky raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Red who frowned, not understanding what her daughter was trying to convey. Nicky motioned with her eyes over at Benny who was still sitting hunched over in the chair, his eyes on his phone but not moving. Red shrugged, she didn't see what could be done about that. "Whose turn is it?" Red asked the group at the table in a thick accent.

"Mine," said Nicky gruffly, as she reached for her card. She seemed annoyed, about what Red couldn't comprehend. The game proceeded as if nobody had interrupted them. Julio was perhaps a little pink around the ears, but Nicky had seen him visibly relax when Red had gone to him. If only as much could be said for the boy in the corner, whom everyone seemed to have decided to leave be to his surliness. Nobody was certain how to approach him and consequently chose not to try.

"I have presents for these two little darlings," Lourdes announced to Red, "they're in the car." She whirled around to stare at Benny who glowered as he felt his aunt's eyes upon him.

"What?" he asked resentfully, when he couldn't ignore her staring any longer.

"Will you go out to the car and get the Christmas presents for the children?" Lourdes asked him patiently.

Benny shoved his phone back into his pocket and stood up slowly. "You could have just had me bring them in right when we got here," he said bitterly, "now I have to put my shoes and coat back on."

"I'm sure you'll survive," Lourdes told him patronizingly.

"Grandma, can I go outside too?" Alexei pleaded, getting to his feet and jumping up and down, "I want to help get the presents."

"No, honey," Red shook her head.

"He can come if he wants to," Benny said stiffly, watching the little boy start to tug at Red's blouse imploringly, "I don't care."

"Well, if it's alright with you," Red replied taken-a-back, as Alexei let out a cheer and ran out of the room to fetch his boots, "Just make sure he stays away from the road."

"Obviously," Benny said sarcastically, "if you don't trust me, feel free to watch us from the window." Wisely, Red decided not to reply. She sat down on the edge of the coffee table. Alexei returned and climbed up on her lap so that she could help him with his boots. It was still a challenge for him to put them on by himself.

"Listen to Benny," Red called after Alexei, as he followed the older boy out of the room. When they were gone, Red stood up from her perch on the coffee table.

"Whatever you do, do NOT watch them from the window," Nicky told her bluntly, peering at Red over her hand of cards that were held up to her face. She was worried that her brother had been cheating.

"I'm not going to watch them," Red scoffed, rocking on the balls of her feet.

"I'm just making sure," Nicky laughed unabashedly, "because it's a trap, not an invitation."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with him," Lourdes sighed as she sat down in Benny's vacant chair. "I miss them being this innocent and cute," she added, as Vera walked over to her and offered the older woman the spatula she had been teething on. "Thank you, sweetie," Lourdes smiled as she took the child's gift. Then she pulled Vera onto her lap and snuggled her.

"She's very cuddly," Red agreed, as she sat down on the end of the couch near Lida's feet. Even with the arrival of newcomers, Lida hadn't stirred and Red couldn't decide whether to wake her daughter-in-law and send her to bed, or just leave her be. "It doesn't last long though," Red proceeded to say, "Alexei rarely stops moving so usually the only cuddles I get from him are when he falls asleep."

"I know," Lourdes sighed, "sometimes you wish you could just freeze time." She smoothed her hand over Vera's adorable pigtails and then gave Red a scrutinizing look, "now why don't you tell me that apparently long story, Galina? Or at least give me the cliff notes."

Red rolled her eyes and glared pointedly at Klara's back. "She and Dmitri had more than a fifteen-year affair behind my back," she whispered, so that nobody could overhear.

"Oh," Lourdes murmured, "well I can see why you're upset, but did you actually expect for him to remain faithful? You were in prison for a long time, dear."

"I sort of did," Red admitted with a noise that sounded somewhere between a chuckle and a sob, "if only because I couldn't imagine any woman actually wanting him."

"You did," Lourdes stated pointedly, as Vera took back the spatula she had shared and slid off her lap. The two women watched as the little girl toddled over to the play kitchen, set up for her in the corner of the living room.

"Well...that's another story," Red sighed, running her fingers through her hair, "but I guess this is Dmitri's way of punishing me from the grave."

"I don't think he ever intended to punish you, Galina," Lourdes said gently, "I'm sure he would say—" she broke off as Benny came breathlessly back into the room, holding two packages and carrying Alexei on his back. He dropped the two presents onto the coffee table and then helped Alexei climb down. Alexei was talking a mile a minute to Benny and making such a raucous of noise that Daisy started barking, which woke up Lida.

"Can I open my present now, Benny?" asked Alexei eagerly. He clearly was infatuated by the older boy and had enjoyed his brief adventure with him.

Lida blinked and sat up into a sitting position, "you should have woken me up," she said lightly to Red, "how long was I out for?"

"Not long," Red replied, "and that's okay. You needed to get some rest. I bet you feel better now."

"Yeah," Lida agreed, she yawned and then blinked as she looked around the room at the newcomers. "Sorry Lourdes," she giggled, "I can't believe I slept through you guys getting here. I hope I wasn't snoring."

"You were," Benny said seriously, "so loudly I was afraid the pictures were going to get knocked off of the wall."

Lida blushed, "really?"

"Benjamin!" reprimanded Lourdes.

"What?" Benny scoffed, "she made it too easy."

"That's so nice of you to get the kids presents," Lida smiled at Lourdes, "you didn't need to do that."

"It's just something small," Lourdes said dismissively with a wave of her hand, "I couldn't resist. They're so adorable."

"Can I let him open his now?" Benny asked, glancing in mock exasperation at Alexei, who was jumping up and down trying to grab the package that Benny was holding high above his head for safe keeping.

"Yes," Lourdes nodded, "give it to him." Benny lowered the package and gave it to the little boy, who instantly began tearing off the wrapping paper.

"A truck!" Alexei exclaimed happily, "look Grandma, I got a truck!" He walked over to Red and showed her the box.

"It's not a truck, it's a car," Benny corrected him, "you use a remote control to make it move."

"Oh, he'll love that!" Lida exclaimed, smiling at Lourdes, "very cool. Thank you."

"I didn't pick it out," Lourdes said, "Benny did."

"Aww, Benny!" Lida said affectionately.

"I just thought he would like it," Benny said stiffly, reaching out to take the box back from Red. He sat cross-legged down on the floor and began working to free the car from its restraints. Alexei sat down beside him and tried to help.

"What do you say, Alexei?" prompted Red.

"Thank you," Alexei said automatically.

"Vera," Lida called to her daughter, "come open your present. You got something too!" Vera shrieked and walked back over. "Look, baby," Lida gasped in excitement as she helped Vera unwrap her package. It was a battery-operated train that moved across the floor by itself and had several different buttons for her to push.

"Aww, she loves it!" Lida smiled over at Lourdes after she took out the toy and showed Vera how it worked. Vera clapped her hands together with joy as her choo-choo-train passed by her playing music. "It was so nice of you to think of them," she added.

"Game's over," Julio announced, dropping down on the floor between the couch and the arm chair that Lourdes was sitting in.

"Who won?" asked Red.

"Nicky," Julio sighed.

"I guess it's time to go now that you're finished," Lourdes told him gently, patting him on the shoulder.

"Church doesn't start for an hour," Julio argued, pointing at the clock on the wall which read seven o'clock.

"I need to show Alexei how to work his car first," Benny added, which took Red by surprise. She had been discreetly watching Gloria's youngest son play with her grandson, and had enjoyed seeing the softer side of Benny that he used with the little boy. Still, it surprised her that he wasn't running out the door at the first chance he could get. He was actually bidding for more time.

"It's Christmas Eve," Lourdes reminded him, "we have to get there early if we want to get a seat."

"There's still time to get there early enough," Julio persisted, "it's just around the corner."

"Fine," Lourdes gave in. Benny handed Alexei the remote control and showed him how to push the button that would make it go and how to turn the wheel so that he could steer. The little car jetted across the living room and Daisy leaped off of Nicky's lap and began barking madly at the toy.

"Daisy," Nicky scolded, "not for you." She scooped the dog back into her arms and then wiggled herself onto the couch between Red and Lida, so that Lida was forced to move over to make room.

"Benny, we should make a ramp for it to go over," Julio grinned at his brother, "remember when we did that at home?"

"Sure," Benny agreed, bestowing his brother with a small smile. He turned to Lida, "can we borrow some of your books?"

"Go ahead," Lida chuckled, "just try not to ruffle any pages."

"We'll only use hardcover ones," Julio replied, getting to his feet and walking over to the bookshelf to select some volumes that would make a sturdy ramp for the car. Choosing five, he brought them over to his brother and then kneeled down on the floor to construct a ramp.

"So, you push the gas button really hard and it will go up the ramp and fly through the air," Benny instructed Alexei, "okay?"

Alexei nodded. His bit his tongue in concentration and then pushed the button as hard as he could. The car sped up the book-made ramp and flew impressively into the air. Everyone at the table had turned around to watch, just as the car crashed into the wall.

"Oops," Julio laughed nervously, "I didn't think it would go that far."

"We don't care," Lida assured him, "toys get crashed into that wall everyday."

"We should make it higher this time," Vasily said excitedly, grabbing another stack of books off of the shelf and then kneeling down on the floor next to Julio, Benny, and Alexei.

"Vasily," Lida said tiredly.

"What?" laughed Vasily, "we'll build it further back this time so that it doesn't hit the wall. Come on guys help me," he motioned to the boys.

"I guess some boys never grow up," Lourdes said quietly to Red, chuckling in amusement.

Nicky leaned in closer to Red, "I guess it's making you happy to see them getting along," she said quietly, "you should do the same and throw Klara a bone. That would be a Christmas miracle."

"I miss Gloria," Red said quietly, ignoring Nicky's suggestion. She bowed her head and stared at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "she'd be so happy if she could see her sons right now."

"We're seeing her tomorrow," Nicky reminded her mother, "do you think Benny's going to go?"

"I don't know," Red murmured, she turned to look at Lourdes, touching the woman's arm to get her attention. "Has Benny said anything more about coming to see his mother tomorrow?" she asked quietly.

Lourdes pursed her lips, "I don't know," she admitted, "I'm sort of afraid to bring the subject up because that's what set him off yesterday. You know, when Julio took off for your place."

Red nodded slowly, "what do you think could be done to convince him to come?" she asked, "it will break Gloria's heart if he isn't there."

"I think that's why he's holding out," Lourdes said, shaking her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You think he's trying to punish Gloria?" Red asked quietly, watching with sad eyes as Benny lined up the car and took his turn racing it over the ramp.

"Lourdes, will you come to the kitchen and let me pack up some sweets for you and the boys to take?" Lida asked, "we have so much and it's just going to go to waste if it stays here."

"Thank you, dear," Lourdes smiled, standing up and walking out of the room with Lida.

"He's going," Nicky murmured in Red's ear with confidence.

"Who?" Red asked, "Benny?"

Nicky nodded.

"How do you know?" asked Red in wonder.

"He's just scared," Nicky said softly, "I know because I _was_ him. Just keep giving him this space to be a kid and have a family when he's willing, and when he's being a jerk you need to not take it personally and find a way to let him know that you're going to be there for him." She looked at Red knowingly in the eye, "he doesn't actually have a problem with _you_. He doesn't even know you! But you're paying the price for what Gloria's old boyfriend did and for what Gloria herself did. It's up to you to make him realize that you're not going to hurt him. Just don't expect that to happen overnight."

"We've talked about this before Nicky," Red said tiredly.

"I think you need to hear it again," Nicky admonished, "I saw the look on your face when Benny wouldn't talk to you when he got here. I felt so bad for him sitting in that chair all alone. It reminded me of when Marka would tell me to go to my room if I wouldn't be all talkative to her boyfriend when she brought him around."

"He chose to sit there alone," Red whispered, "Maxim tried to get him to join everybody at the table and he said no. What was I supposed to do?"

"Well, if it were me sitting there," Nicky said thoughtfully, "it would have meant a lot to me if you had still gone and brought the snack like you offered. I probably still wouldn't have eaten it, but it would have made me feel a little more welcome and like you cared."

"Okay, I get that," sighed Red, "but how do we get him to go see Gloria with us tomorrow?"

"You can't force him to," Nicky replied, "He has to decide to go for himself and I'm sure he wants to. Just don't draw to much attention to anything negative and don't hold grudges. He's just a kid!"

"Alright boys," Lourdes called, walking back into the living room with Lida at her heel, "it's really time to go."

"Okay," Julio said reluctantly, getting to his feet. Benny silently followed suit.

"This was fun guys," Vasily told them, "come back and hang out anytime."

"Benny, will you come back and play with me?" Alexei asked.

"Maybe," Benny said awkwardly. He had enjoyed the hour he had spent there but was fully aware of the eyes all upon him. It made him feel uncomfortable, as though they were all thinking behind their friendly demeanours that they had gotten one over on him, had made a significant crack in the stubborn and difficult shell that he cast around himself. People always thought they could eventually manipulate him to come around and get him to be more like his brother. Benny hung back as he watched Julio and Lourdes say friendly goodbyes to everybody present.

Everybody always liked Julio better than him. As small children, his brother had always easily made friends with everybody on the playground and Benny had struggled to find his footing, often retreating back to the park bench where his mom would be watching him, ready to give a reassuring squeeze and tell him that he was just like her. At the time, it had made him feel good, but now he knew he didn't want to be like her anymore. Gloria made a mess of everything she touched and she brought her children down with her. She also was a liar. After Arturo, her former boyfriend, had struck him across the face, Gloria had promised that she'd never let anybody hurt him or come between them ever again. Yet, here Galina Reznikov was. Benny had been foolish to ever believe his mother had been serious when she said that he would always be her number one priority. He wasn't, he never had been, and now he couldn't decide whether it would be better to wave a white flag and surrender defeat by learning to live with all of these new intruders in his life, or should he stand by his principles and give up on ever actually being happy. It wasn't much of a choice.

"I'm glad you all came," Red was saying as she saw them to the door. Benny bit back a snarky retort. He had seen the way she had looked at him when he arrived. Lourdes had too, which was why she had even apologized to Red for his presence. He was feeling too tired to point her hypocrisy out though. He wasn't in the mood for the verbal thrashing he knew his aunt would give him in the car if he did.

"What time are we going to see mom tomorrow?" asked Julio as he wiggled his feet into his boots so he wouldn't have to untie them.

"Early," Red said firmly, as she rested her back against the bannister of the stairs.

"How early?" asked Lourdes, as she began to button up her coat, "we can't see her until noon."

"There will probably be traffic on Christmas morning because everybody is travelling to visit family and there will probably be a lot more people needing to be swept through security," Red said determinedly, "we need to make sure we're not late seeing her." She reached through the rails into her purse that was sitting on the stairs. She pulled out two red envelopes.

"You're probably right," Lourdes sighed, "oh well, it will be nice to see her. I haven't been able to visit Gloria for a couple of months. Is Nicky still planning to come?" She tied her gray scarf in a knot around her throat.

"Oh, yes," Red replied, as she smoothed her thumb over the paper in her hand. Benny was standing in front of the door with both his hands in his pocket as he looked up at the ceiling. He looked as though he was pleading with some entity up there for the strength and patience to get through these final moments with Red. Julio zipped up his jacket and stood beside his aunt with his arms loose and relaxed at his side.

"I really like her," Lourdes said, "she's a bright girl but oh she must keep you busy, Galina."

"She makes Vasily seem calm and quiet," Red smiled, beginning to tap the envelopes on her alternate hand with more fervour. She seemed to be growing more anxious by the second. "But I'd be lost without her," Red said weakly. She hesitated and then said, "before you go. I wanted to give you boys your Christmas presents. I thought tomorrow would be too hectic."

"You shouldn't have got me a present," Benny croaked without skipping a beat. He looked incredibly uncomfortable. He resented everything about this woman and had spent the better part of a year telling her in every way possible to stay away from him, and now she wanted to give him a gift.

"I left the present for you under the tree at your apartment," Julio said as he took the card that Red held out to him, "I didn't know you were going to do this now." He began to tear open the tightly sealed envelope.

"Benny?" Red said softly, turning to him and holding out the card that was identical to the one she had just given Julio.

Benny shook his head solemnly and did not reach out for the offering, "you shouldn't have done that."

"I wanted to," Red told him firmly. Lourdes licked her lips and tugged on a loose thread of the scarf that she had knitted herself. She had known that Red was planning to do this and she had also warned the woman not to bother. Benny's love couldn't be bought, it couldn't even be earned.

"I don't see why you would," Benny said, his eyes on the red envelope in Red's hand, "it's pretty weird."

"It's not weird," Red persisted, attempting to remain calm. She swallowed as she remembered how Nicky had told her that she needed to not take his behaviour personally. So much easier said than done, when she was offering kindness and being called weird for her effort. Red took a deep breath, "you gave my grandchildren gifts and I did the same for you. It doesn't mean anything more than that."

"You mean you didn't just get me something because my mom is getting out soon and you still haven't given up on trying to befriend me yet?" Benny said, his eyes still glued to the envelope in Red's hand.

"Benny," Lourdes sighed, "be reasonable."

Red resumed her anxious tapping of the envelope against her hand and looked over at Julio who was staring at a single ticket in his hand in awestruck incredulity. "Benny, it's our favourite band!" he held up an AC/DC concert ticket for his brother to see. Benny raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise. Tickets like that weren't cheap and he knew Red must have cut a lot of corners to be able to afford these for him and his brother. He flushed with shame because he knew he didn't deserve such a gift. He also didn't want it, as much as he did, because it was just too much and then she would own him. Benny didn't want to give Red that sort of power.

"It's on New Years Eve," Red told Julio, "I knew you both liked them and when Maxim told me that they were coming to New York, I just thought that would be a fun thing for you two to—"

Her words were cut off as Julio walked forward and hugged her. "Oh," Red breathed, as her heart swelled. She hadn't realized how much she needed this hug. A reminder that as hard as everything was, there were some parts of it that were good. She caressed the back of Julio's head as her other arm wrapped around his back firmly. Red looked over Julio's shoulder and her eyes met Benny's who was watching his brother with a look of betrayal on his face.

Looking away as though the eye contact had burned him, Benny opened the door of the house and walked outside. The frigid air blew into the house and Julio pulled away blushing. He hadn't planned on hugging her but for a brief moment he had enjoyed how warm and soft she had felt. He was glad he had done it, albeit a bit embarrassed about it now.

"I'll give this to you," Red said to Julio, handing him Benny's card, "hopefully he'll come, I think it would be really good for you boys to do that together, but if he won't then you can get a friend to go with you instead." Julio nodded agreeably.

"I'll talk to Benny," Lourdes told Red, "I've said it to you before Galina but it's not just you. He's like this with everybody."

"It's okay," Red said, doing her best to seem not bothered. She believed Nicky when she said his behaviour was like her own had been when faced with a similar predicament. It just was much easier to be Nicky's supportive adoptive mother on the outside then be the person right in the middle of all the drama.

"What are you going to do now?" Julio asked Red.

"Me?" Red blinked, "I don't know. Probably go home now with Nicky."

"You should come with us to church," Julio said and Red did a double take. She had not been expecting him to say that. Evidently, neither had Lourdes who smiled at her great nephew's words.

"I don't go to church," Red stammered awkwardly, her expression a mixture of surprise and amusement. She couldn't fathom why he would want her there although it pleased her heart to know that he did.

"Oh," Julio shrugged, "my mom does though. And she'd probably be happy if you went with us. She's going to want you to go with her next year anyways and this way it will seem sincerer when you do."

"Very impressive argument," Red told him, sounding bemused, "alright, I'll go."

"Really?" asked Julio, his astonishment obvious. He hadn't expected her to say yes, he had just wanted to invite her. Red had done everything to make him feel like a part of her family and he wanted to do something that would let her know that she was invited into theirs, despite Benny.

"Sure," Red shrugged, "but if I burst into flames when I walk over the threshold of the church I am holding you personally responsible."

"Well, you'd be dead," Julio retorted with a grin, "so you couldn't actually do anything to me, unless you came back as a ghost or a daemon."

"Don't give me ideas," Red told him with a tentative smile, "just give me a moment to say goodbye to everybody."

"We'll wait in the car," Lourdes said, "I want to make sure that's where Benny went."

"You should give this to Benny yourself when you see him," Julio said nervously, as he handed Red back the card.

Red raised her eyebrows, "your brother wouldn't take it from me," she said stiffly.

"I don't know," Julio shrugged, "I think you should try again. If you don't mind that is." Red's eyes squinted at Julio, but she took back the card and tucked it away in her purse.

"Okay," she nodded. She walked back into the living room where her family was all relaxing in front of the television. Nicky was lounging in one of the two arm chairs, lying horizontally with her legs over the arm and Daisy curled up on her lap. Klara sat in the adjacent chair, her legs crossed and a tranquil expression upon her face. Yuri sat in a chair at the now bare table. Vasily, Lida, Maxim, and Luca were all squeezed onto the couch together with the two sleeping kids. Vera was in her mother's arms and Alexei was lying draped across his two uncles' laps.

"Are they gone?" Nicky asked, tilting her head back to look at Red.

"They're outside," Red told her, "but I'm leaving too. Somehow I actually committed myself to attending Christmas mass with them." She walked into the center of the living room with her hands folded together.

"You're going to church?" Maxim asked in disbelief. He had grown up with his mother and father taking him and his brothers to church every week, but the practice had died away. At first Red had just reasoned that it would be very profitable to keep the store open on Sundays and that any reasonable God wouldn't condemn them for trying to keep a roof over their heads. As time had passed Red grew even more disengaged and they had even stopped attending on Christmas and Easter. Red had called it a waste of time.

"Yes," Red rolled her eyes, "I don't know why. I think the whole thing is sort of stupid, personally, but Julio asked and—"

"I think that's great," Lida smiled, "you going will mean a lot to him and it's a nice tradition to have. We go on Christmas morning." She didn't add that they went on Christmas mornings with Klara, and had regularly gone with Dmitri before he passed away.

"I suppose some people might feel that way," Red said gruffly, readjusting the purse that she had slung over her shoulder. "So, Nicky…." Red said sweetly.

Nicky leaned her head back again to look up at her mother. "What?" she asked suspiciously.

"Get your coat and shoes on because you're going with me," Red told her

"Why do I have to go?" Nicky complained, sitting up straight in her chair and swinging her legs back down to the floor. "You're the one who agreed to go because you wanted to look good for Gloria's family. What's that got to do with me?"

"I'm not going by myself," Red told her, rubbing the palms of her hand together. She couldn't fully explain why she was going at all. It wasn't just about Gloria, although Julio might believe that that had convinced her. It had just touched her to be asked, to be wanted, and to be accepted by Julio as part of the family. She also felt compelled to not allow Benny to isolate and disengage. Giving him space had not helped soothe his resentment, perhaps it was time to just learn how to live with it.

Nicky groaned loudly, "but what about Daisy?" she asked pitifully, stroking her puppy's coat lovingly, "I'm a mommy now, I can't just abandon my baby."

"I'll look after her" Yuri grinned, "I'm leaving soon and I could walk her to the apartment. She could probably use a walk anyways."

"See?" Red said as though that settled everything, "Yuri will watch Daisy and he'll let Duke out for a walk to stretch his legs too, won't you honey?"

"Of course, Ma," Yuri said dutifully.

"Now, run along like a good little church girl, Nicky," Vasily teased.

"I hate you," Nicky told Vasily. She gave Daisy a loving kiss and put her on her brother's lap, "take good care of her," she said.

"I promise," Yuri said, as Daisy licked his hand.

"If this doesn't prove to you how much I love you, mom," Nicky said with anxious eyes on her dog, "then I don't think anything could."

"She'll be fine," Red said impatiently, "come on, let's go."

"Are you going to come back tomorrow evening after you get back from seeing Gloria?" Lida asked Red, as she stood up with Vera in her arms to give her mother-in-law a kiss.

"Depends how tired we are, I guess," Red said, "I'll call you tomorrow to check in regardless. See how the kids like their presents."

"Sounds like a plan," said Lida.

Vasily gave his mother a big hug and then moved over to hug Nicky goodbye. "You're in charge of escorting mom on her next outing," Nicky grumbled in his ear, "I'm volunteering you."

"I don't know about that," Vasily joked, ruffling Nicky's messy hair playfully.

Behind them, Red had leaned down to kiss Maxim, Luca, and Alexei goodbye. She turned to walk over and kiss Yuri goodbye, who was cradling Daisy in his arms like an actual baby. "I'm sort of fond of my new niece," Yuri joked to his mother, "she's quieter than the other two."

"Give Feliks and Ivanna my love tomorrow when you go see them," Red said, leaning down to kiss her oldest son, "tell them I'll see them soon and that I hope they like their presents."

"I will, Ma," Yuri promised.

"Okay," Red nodded, running her thumb gently over his cheek, "and try not to let Anna upset you. Just focus on the kids."

Yuri nodded.

"I need to go," Red said, "they're waiting." Nicky had already gone to the door to put on her coats and boots like an obedient daughter.

"Merry Christmas, everyone," Red said, looking around the room at each member of her family. Her eyes met Klara's and her heart began beating faster. Before she knew what she was doing, she had given Klara a single nod of acknowledgement. Klara's eyes softened and Red's cheeks reddened significantly. Apparently, she was getting soft in her old age. Or perhaps she just recognized that being a good mother and setting a good example were more important than holding a grudge against her dead husband and the woman she knew had loved Dmitri the way that she never had. Without another word, Red walked away. It was enough.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't how Nicky had intended to spend her Christmas Eve night, but now that she was on her way to church she realized that there was nowhere else she would rather be. She wasn't exactly comfortable sitting squished into the back of Lourdes' old car with Gloria's two sons, but she was enjoying the surprising twists that Christmas had brought her. The inclusivity and togetherness that Red had given not only to Nicky, but to Gloria's family, and even Klara to a degree, made Nicky so grateful to have the amazing mother that she now did.

Nicky leaned forward to rest her chin on the side of the passenger seat where Red sat. Stretching her arm out to wrap around the front, Nicky sighed contentedly when she was rewarded by a warm squeeze as Red intertwined their fingers. Without a single doubt in her mind, Nicky could say that this woman loved her. It made her unafraid to share Red, even when she wanted all the attention for herself. Red had reclaimed ever aspect of Nicky's life for her and caused her heart to swell with gratitude whenever she remembered where she had once been in contrast to where she now was. It seemed incredibly fitting to conclude the day with church. She might have pretended to moan about attending with Red, who's only prerogative in attending was to embrace Gloria's family customs, but for Nicky attendance went much deeper.

Although she was hardly a religious person, Nicky knew that there was a God. She had faith because she needed to have faith. She wouldn't have made it this far without it. Unlike Red, for whom the tribulations of life seemed to have reduced belief in the spiritual world down to almost nothingness; the pain in Nicky's past had only strengthened her resolve to believe. She conversed fairly frequently and informally with the greater power she was positive was there. During the loneliest times in her life she had felt like God was her only friend. A secret friend that wasn't chatty but who would listen whenever she needed somebody to talk to. This happened less frequently now because Nicky was surrounded by love and people who wanted to hear her. She felt like her most consistent prayer had been answered at last. As a child, Nicky had regularly prayed that her family would become how she had always imagined a family to be like. The Nichols' clan may not have changed but the way the brokenness in Nicky's life had led her to where she was today, assured Nicky that prayers worked, even if not in the way one expected.

"I guess this is the best we can do," Lourdes sighed, as she parked the car in a narrow spot in the back row of the parking lot. Everyone reached to unbuckle their seatbelts, eager to escape the stifling confines of the cramped car. Red gave Nicky's hand a final squeeze before letting her go.

"We could have just walked from Vasily's," Julio told his aunt, "I doubt it would have made much difference."

"Well, we're here now," Lourdes replied, opening her door and stepping out of the car. Nicky, Benny, and Red followed suit and Nicky held her door open so that Julio could slide out after her. As soon as Julio stood up his ringtone was heard.

"No phones!" Lourdes scolded him, "we're about to enter into the house of God. Keep that in the car, young man!" She shut the driver's door with a clang and gave her great-nephew a stern look.

"It's mom," Julio answered shortly, as he pushed the button to accept the call.

Lourdes nodded understandingly, even though it annoyed her that Gloria would call them now. Apparently, she had been gone for so long that she didn't even remember that this time on Christmas Eve was the same time they had always gone to mass every year. Unless she did remember and had called them a few minutes prior just so that she could feel like she was part of it with them, that she still had a place in their family traditions.

"Hey, mom!" Julio said enthusiastically into the phone once he had gotten through the prison automated message.

Blinking, Lourdes scratched the brim of her nose before beckoning Julio to talk as he walked. Mass would begin in a few minutes and she didn't want them to be late. Lourdes glanced over at Benny and patted his arm noncommittally before turning to walk towards the church.

"Hey, Gloria!" Nicky called enthusiastically into the phone leaning towards Julio's ear.

"Yeah, that was Nicky," Julio said into the phone, shoving Nicky away with a wry grin. Nicky chuckled and skidded away from his hand, rushing towards Red who was walking partly away from the rest of the group. Nicky noticed that her hand was tightly gripped around the cell phone she had pulled out of her pocket.

"She's coming to church with us," Julio was saying into the phone while they walked, "yeah, she's here too." He cupped the phone and looked over at Red, "do you want to talk to mom?"

"That's okay," Red replied quickly, not bothering to turn around. Nicky widened her eyes behind Red's back in surprise. "Just tell her that I'll see her tomorrow."

Nicky quickened her pace to match step with Red and linked their arms, "is there something you would like to tell me?" she muttered under her breath.

"If Gloria had really wanted to speak with me she would have called me herself," Red said shortly, sounding hurt, "but she hasn't phoned me in days." She held up her phone for Nicky to see.

"She probably just knows you've been really busy with Christmas and family," Nicky said reasonably, "wanted to give you some space."

"She should know I don't want space," Red whispered irritably into Nicky's ear so that nobody else could hear, "did she say anything to you before you left?"

"No!" Nicky exclaimed loudly. Then she lowered her voice to a whisper, "except to say that she loved you, okay?"

Red scoffed and brushed her hair out of her face with her free hand, "if she loves me then why is she doing this to me?"

"I think she finds you especially cute when you get worked up," Nicky teased, "but she also probably doesn't even realize that she's doing it. It's only been two days, Ma."

"It feels longer," Red retorted. Nicky rolled her eyes and leaned her head against her mom's shoulder for a moment while they continued to proceed to the entrance of the church.

"I think you should at least say hello," Nicky said finally, raising her head.

"No," Red said stubbornly.

"She asked for you," Nicky pointed out.

"Only because Julio told her I was here," Red retorted, "she had to say that."

"Huh," Nicky sighed. She squinted and scratched the top of her head, deciding not to pursue the matter with Red any more. They'd be at visitation in less than twenty-four hours, Gloria could deal with talking Red down then.

Nicky kept her arm linked with her mother's and looked over her shoulder just in time to see Julio silently ask his brother if he wanted the phone. Benny shook his head no before walking ahead with his hands in his pockets. Nicky sucked her teeth, she was determined that Benny would come to see Gloria with them tomorrow, but even she had to admit that him refusing to even speak over the phone was not a very promising sign. Such a shame, because Nicky knew that buried behind all of Benny's prickliness was just a little boy who needed his mom. He was really hurting himself.

Red led Nicky towards the church doors with ever quickening steps that put enough distance between themselves and Julio so that they couldn't hear what was being said over the phone. It wasn't difficult to do though, Julio was walking deliberately slow so that he could speak to his mother for as long as possible. He knew once he reached the church that Lourdes would make him say goodbye.

"It's a beautiful church," Nicky said conversationally to Lourdes and Benny, as they waited on the steps for Julio to catch up. She looked up at the steeple, "nice bell."

"Gloria had the boys baptised in this church," Lourdes told her.

"Oh, yeah?" Nicky said interestingly, "nice." A silence fell over them and they all turned to watch Julio slowly making his way up the stairs. If Nicky had thought the younger boy had seemed happy before, it was nothing compared to the smile he could not erase off his face now for anything. He clearly adored his mother, even if they did still have their share of problems to work through.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Benny said to his aunt, "I'll see you inside."

"It's crowded," Lourdes called after him, sounding exasperated.

"I'll find you," Benny said dismissively, hurrying inside the church while his Tia stared after him.

"Wrap it up, Julio," Lourdes sighed, with a tired smile, "you'll see mom tomorrow."

Julio nodded obediently, "I have to go now, mom," he said reluctantly, "Tia says church is almost going to start." They couldn't hear what Gloria said in reply but it made her son laugh and glance sideways at Lourdes. It took him another minute before he actually ended the call.

"We'll be lucky if we get seats now," Lourdes said pointedly to him once he had silenced his phone and shoved it into his pocket.

"Mom, said you were going to complain about that, Tia," Julio smiled, "she also said if there aren't any seats left that you should spend the entire mass on your knees and offer the suffering up to God."

"She would say something like that wouldn't she," Lourdes scoffed, "such a brat."

"Where did Benny go?" Julio asked, as the four of them entered the church and walked down the aisle looking for seats.

"Washroom," Lourdes answered, "he said he'd find us and be back soon. He better hope for his sake that he does."

"There are some spots," Nicky pointed to the front row, "anyone feel like pondering with me why front row concert seats are always the first to sell out but in church everyone tries to sit as far back as they can?"

"Because nobody wants the priest looking down their nose at you the entire time," Julio whispered back, as he slid into the pew next to Lourdes. Nicky sat down beside him.

"You wouldn't feel like Father was watching you the entire time if you and your brother would stay quiet for more than two minutes during the mass," Lourdes said to Julio, as she opened up the Catholic missal so that she could follow along with the readings.

"How do you think Daisy is?" Nicky asked turning to Red who was sitting on her right side. She pressed their shoulders together.

"Oh, she's fine, honey," Red smiled, "Yuri will take good care of her. I'm glad you love her so much though."

"How could I not?" Nicky replied, "she's adorable."

"Just like you," Red said, tucking a strand of Nicky's hair behind her ear. Nicky's cheeks flushed under the doting attention. It was nice to have Red's eyes just on her for a few minutes. Things had been so hectic since she had gotten home. It was to be expected, but Nicky hadn't really prepared herself for it. And, although she had enjoyed everybody today, a part of her was just looking forward to hopefully having some time alone with Red tonight. She had to admit to herself that she felt a little cheated so far.

The lector walked up to the podium to welcome everybody and announce the opening hymn. "Where is that boy?" Lourdes griped, "it's about to start! Is he planning to walk down the aisle with the priest?"

"It's okay," Nicky reassured her, craning her neck to look towards the back of the church, "I see him." She raised her arm and waved at him, which caught Benny's eye but also the attention of several other parishioners. Nicky didn't care though.

"Just in time," Nicky said, leaning forward and resting her hand on Red's leg, "you don't want to know what your Tia was going to do to you if the priest had walked down the aisle before you."

"I'm used to threats," Benny told Nicky with a smirk. He stood in the aisle beside their pew but was hesitant to sit down because the only seat available was right next to Red. It made him feel like God was laughing at him. Before he could make up his mind about what he wanted to do however, the organ began playing and Benny sat down quickly in the seat beside Red, not about to get run over by altar servers just to make a point.

Red would kill her if she knew, but Nicky had deliberately tried to manipulate the seating arrangement so that Benny would be incapable of pretending like she didn't exist. Benny had set himself up by walking away as they were about to go in and thus ensuring that he would be forced to take the end seat. Nicky smirked as she stared determinedly at the altar. They didn't need to speak or bond by any means, but if Benny could understand that nothing bad would happen to him by just sitting beside Red, then maybe he would relent to come with them tomorrow.

Nicky sat quietly through the mass and allowed her mind to drift in and out of focus. Her shoulder still pressed against Red's as though they were one person. She couldn't stop thinking about what she would be doing right at this moment a couple of days ago when she was still a prisoner. Most likely she'd be with Alex or some other girl she'd picked up at dinner. Then she'd have gone in search of Gloria to say goodnight. Breathing a collected sigh, Nicky stared at the cross hanging on the wall and silently prayed that Gloria was doing okay. She'd have been losing it if she had been left behind alone in there. She bristled and glanced sideways at Benny.

He was sitting up straight and watching the proceedings of the mass as he had probably been taught to do from birth. It surprised Nicky to see him take this so seriously when he didn't seem to abide by many other rules and expectations set for him. Maybe he just knew that Lourdes would not tolerate disrespect in here, or perhaps he had faith of his own—he looked reflective enough.

As the mass proceeded on Nicky began to feel sleepy. It had been a long day for her and she laid her head down on Red's shoulder for a rest. Red scoffed a little at her tired girl but placed a supportive hand on the back of Nicky's head and scratched her lightly through her hair. Nicky murmured appreciatively. It always felt so good when Red played with her hair.

"Whenever I fell asleep in church, my mom would pinch me really hard," Julio said to Red as he squeezed by them to reach the aisle.

"She's had a busy last couple of days," Red defended Nicky.

"Where is he going?" Nicky murmured groggily, "is it time to go yet?"

"Not yet," Red replied, placing a kiss on the top of Nicky's head, "They lined up for communion. It should be done soon though, probably."

"Huh," Nicky mumbled incoherently.

"It really is beautiful in here, I must say," Red said as her eyes glossed over the Christmas trees, nativity scene, and paintings that adorned the walls, "I haven't been inside a church in probably twenty years."

"Any particular reason?" Nicky asked with her head still resting on Red's shoulder.

"It just never felt like anybody was listening," Red admitted quietly, "even when I really wanted to believe that somebody was." She sighed and she and Nicky both craned their necks to see Lourdes and Julio walk back into the pew and kneel. "Where is your brother?" Red asked Julio.

Julio shrugged, "he went to the back, I think he went to get some air."

Red nodded and her nails dug into the base of Nicky's scalp, "I think I'm going to get some air myself," Red said quietly in Nicky's ear as she gently nudged Nicky off of her.

"Why?" asked Nicky suspiciously, straightening up as Red got to her feet.

"Because I'm very persistent," Red replied strongly in her thick accent. Nicky breathed out a laugh and her eyes were twinkling as she shook her head side to side. Persistent was an understatement when it came to Red, as far as she was concerned.

"Hi," Red said heavily, as she approached Benny who was leaning against the wall. He hadn't gone far and she didn't need to go outside after all. He flinched when he noticed her approaching but recovered quickly displaying an expressionless face with raised eyebrows "I guess this is almost done, huh?"

"Yeah…." Benny said awkwardly, giving her a deep side eye.

"Why did you decide to come stand back here by yourself?" Red asked him in a gentle tone. She could have kicked herself for asking a question that could only be guaranteed to insult her, but it had slipped out of her mouth impulsively.

"Because I wanted to be alone," Benny said pointedly, glaring daggers at Red who did not react to his words or gaze.

"I surmised as much," Red replied, "I'll leave you alone in a few minutes if you wish, I just wanted to talk to you first."

"That would be a waste of time," Benny groaned, rubbing his palm over his forehead as though she had given him a bad headache.

"Because you don't want to hear what I have to say?" Red asked him, raising her eyebrows. She was not looking at him, she was staring straight towards the front of the church with her back pressed flat against the wall. She felt like it would be easier for Benny to speak with her if he didn't need to look her in the eye. She was trying to keep her body language unconfrontational. She was attempting to remain unemotional, as Nicky had advised.

"Because there is nothing that you could say that will change anything," Benny said in a clipped tone. He crossed his arms in defiance and looked down at the ground.

"I don't expect to change anything, Benny," Red said in a steady voice, "I'm sure it's all been said to you before. I really just want you to be happy."

"If you really wanted me to be happy you would leave me alone," Benny grunted.

"Do you really want to be left alone?" Red asked, turning her head to look at him finally.

"Yes!" Benny said, a little too loudly as the people in the back row turned to look over at them. Red waited until everyone looked away before she spoke.

"Well, if you're sure then I will leave you alone," she said softly, "but not before you take this from me." She reached into her purse and pulled out the unopened envelope that held his ticket to the concert his brother and him were to go to together.

"No," Benny said stubbornly, shaking his head in irritation, "I already said I didn't want it. You think if you buy me an expensive present that it will make things alright between us, but it won't."

"I understand," Red said calmly, "it doesn't change anything. I still want you to have it."

"No," Benny said again, heaving a deep and annoyed sigh, "because I'm not going to let you hold it over my head what an ungrateful jerk I am if I take it and then don't start kissing up to you like my brother does."

"I don't think you're a jerk," Red told him, still holding the card loosely in her hand. She decided to ignore his comment about Julio. "I think you have a lot of pain and you're trying to spare yourself from anymore of it. That's a very wise thing to do. Everyone needs to process things in their own way, but you need to know that you have many people, myself included, who care deeply for you. I didn't buy you a concert ticket because I think you're stupid enough to accept me if I give you a bribe." Red looked up into Benny's face which was still impassively stony. She took it as a positive sign that he hadn't walked away or told her to shut up yet.

"You can do whatever you want, Benny," Red pressed on, "you can go to the concert with your brother like I hope you will, you can give it away, sell it, or throw it out. Do whatever you need to do, but please just take it because it is yours. Benny, please?"

The recessional hymn had begun as the priest led to way up the aisle and ended the Christmas service. People were beginning to crowd into the back, where Red and Benny were, in their rush to get out the doors. Red paid the congregation no mind as she continued to look up at Benny with her blue eyes shining with utmost sincerity. If Benny still refuted her efforts, then Red would have to accept that this was a battle that could never be won.

After a moment of deep contemplation, Benny nodded his head and took the envelope from Red's hand, "I'll go with my brother," he said quietly, looking down at the card he was holding gingerly with both of his hands, "thank you."

Relief poured over Red and she tried not to show it. "Do you want to wait for the others outside?" Red asked him, "I don't think we'll be able to see them in this crowd."

Benny nodded again and wordlessly led the way out the church doors. He walked quickly to keep some intentional distance between them, but Red didn't mind. Her heart was feeling so unburdened at the moment and she was nervous about saying or doing something that would change his mind. She took her cell phone out of her coat pocket and saw that the only message for her was from Yuri letting her know that he had dropped by her place with Daisy, had gotten her settled, and walked Duke around the block before heading to his own apartment for the night. Red shoved the phone back into her pocket and her euphoric mood was impacted by a resounding sadness instigated by Gloria's silence. Whatever Nicky said, Red would not accept that Gloria was keeping distance because she wanted to give her time to settle Nicky. Gloria had to have known that Red would be driving herself crazy from the lack of phone calls. It ignited an anxiety that sat in the pit of her stomach and that she hadn't been able to ignore ever since Gloria had called her son but not her. Red felt abandoned.

"There you guys are!" Nicky called enthusiastically, "we've been looking for you!" She walked merrily over to them, with Lourdes and Julio close behind.

Red smiled brightly as Nicky hurried towards them with her curls bouncing, "we thought it would be easier to find everyone outside," she said. When Nicky got close enough, Red placed a hand on her back and ran it in a circle over the fabric of Nicky's coat.

"Good, we're all here," Lourdes said, "shall we make our way to the car? No sense standing out here in the cold."

"Actually, Lourdes," said Red, "I think Nicky and I will walk from here. It's not too far to our place."

"You think?" Nicky said skeptically. She wondered why she always got roped into these sorts of things. It was cold outside and dark.

"We can look at the Christmas lights while we walk," Red told her.

"I guess," Nicky conceded, "although I could see them just fine from the car."

"Well then," Lourdes said, "we will see the two of you in the morning. I'll pick you up around nine?"

"That works," said Nicky quickly, before Red could suggest they leave even sooner than that. There was no real need, they wouldn't get more time with Gloria just by showing up early, and Nicky wanted to sleep in a little.

"See you all in the morning," Nicky added. She purposefully spoke as though Benny had already confirmed that he was coming. Maybe he wouldn't, but at least he would know it was expected and wanted of him. She had noticed the card he was holding in his hand and though the sight of that made her very happy, she hoped his aunt and brother would have enough sense not to comment or draw attention to it. Accepting Red's gift could not have been an easy thing for him to do, but Nicky was pretty positive he was feeling good about his choice.

A few minutes later, after saying their goodbyes, Red and Nicky were walking arm and arm down the street that ran adjacent to the one they lived on. "Are you tired?" asked Red.

"No," said Nicky, "I got a second wind after my power nap in church. That guy's voice has magical abilities. I bet he could have put me to sleep even if I was standing up." She laughed.

"Silly girl," Red smiled, "you were supposed to be praying."

"Like you were?" Nicky said sarcastically, peering up at Red beneath her lashes, "I'll have you know mom that I prayed plenty. First time I felt like talking to God in ages."

"That's good," Red said automatically, giving Nicky a squeeze. "Isn't the city beautiful tonight? I can't believe I lived so long without this."

"Me either," Nicky agreed, "but it makes me appreciate it more now. I always used to enjoy walking the streets at night on Christmas. I'd escape Marka and just go wandering around by myself. It's even more spectacular to be walking back to our home with you tonight." She sounded almost shy as she said it. She hoped Red understood how much this meant to her. Their togetherness was what made the night beautiful to Nicky.

"That's why I wanted to walk home with you," Red said, "I needed some time alone with you. I feel like I haven't been able to give you all the attention you deserve since you came home. It's been a crazy couple of days. They weren't too overwhelming for you, were they?" Red bit her lip and pulled Nicky closer with the arm she had wrapped around her waist.

"Of course not," Nicky quickly replied, putting Red's fears at ease. "These past two days have been the best days of my life. I like hanging out with everybody, even though I think they're all completely nuts."

Red laughed lightly and adjusted the collar of her coat so that it blocked her neck from the cold air, "I did my best to prepare the boys before you came home because I wanted everything to go smoothly for everyone. I didn't need to worry though. Watching you and your brothers today, I couldn't remember a time when you weren't there. I don't think they could either. We fit together, that's why this transition worked so well. It's meant to be."

"I think things went so well because we have a great mom who does an awesome job at making each of us feel loved," Nicky said, refusing to allow Red to not take credit for this goodness. A mother was the heart of the family and the love Red had for her children was undeniable. They were all different, but they were all hers. She bonded them together, had given them the gift of one another. They were very lucky kids.

"But, even if things hadn't gone as well as they have," Nicky proceeded to say, "that wouldn't mean that you were doing things wrong. Look at Benny, you've done everything you possibly can for him and he's damn lucky to have you in his life. That transition is nowhere close to smooth, but that doesn't mean it isn't meant to be also. It's still meant to be."

"Well, I guess I'll see tomorrow when I figure out why Gloria hasn't called me," said Red bitterly. Nicky did not respond, she knew any efforts to reassure her mom would be fruitless. As they neared their apartment building they saw that Yuri had turned the tree lights on and it glittered beautifully above them in the large picture window of their living room. It was a welcome sight to come home to and Nicky felt her heart swell with happiness.

"It looks nice, doesn't it?" asked Red, smiling at the look of unhidden joy on Nicky's face.

"Nice doesn't even begin to describe it, mom," Nicky answered, "I just can't stop feeling happy every time I remember that that is my home now."

"That's the way I feel every time I think about how I get to share it with you now," Red said.

"And the dogs," Nicky reminded her with twinkling eyes, "don't forget our dogs."

"How could I," Red scoffed as her shoulders lifted and she smiled, "they're part of the family."

"Do you think Yuri took good care of Daisy?" asked Nicky.

"He has two children," Red reminded Nicky, "I'm sure he can handle a dog for a couple of hours."

"Yeah, but Daisy requires special care," Nicky said protectively. They walked up the steps and did not release their hold on one another until they reached the front door and Red needed to get her key to let them in.

"They're going to scratch the paint," Red complained, as they listened to the scratching of paws on the other side of the door.

"They're just happy to see us," Nicky insisted. When Red finally unlocked the door, Nicky fell to her knees and was attacked by puppy kisses that made her giggle.

"Oh, Yuri," Red sighed happily as she removed her coat and boots, "look what he left."

"What?" asked Nicky, "all the leftovers? I told you and Lida that you made too much food."

"There's no such thing," Red told her, "but it's not that. This is for you."

Curious, Nicky got up off the floor and tromped over to Red still wearing her coat and slushy boots. The kitchen table was stacked with Tupperware containers of food that Lida must have sent with Yuri, as well as a shimmery blue gift bag that had a tag that announced it was for Nicky from her three brothers. Nicky peered into the bag and pulled out a box of chocolates and a pair of blue flannel pyjamas. She grinned, it touched her that the boys had obviously wanted to give her a present, even if they hadn't had the courage to give it to her in person.

"Those are lovely," Red smiled, "and they picked them out themselves, you know."

"You didn't help them?" asked Nicky in surprise.

"No," Red replied, "and neither did Lida."

"That's nice of them," said Nicky quietly. She returned the gifts to the bag and began to pick around the food on the counter. Taking a large bite of Vatrushka, Nicky allowed its sweetness to fill her mouth. "I'm going to go put them on."

"We should have some hot chocolate," Red smiled, "would you like some?"

"Yeah," Nicky agreed. She went into Red's bedroom and changed into her new pyjamas. Then she plopped herself down on top of the neatly made violet comforter. Nicky stretched to turn on the lamp that was set on Red's bedside table and then leaned back against the thick fluffy pillows that were so unlike the paper-thin ones issued to them in prison.

"Daisy!" Nicky called, and the little dog came scampering into the room and jumped onto the bed. Duke was at her heel and leap onto the bed with equal enthusiasm. "Just look at you two," Nicky said as she scratched both dogs behind the ears, "I'm glad you're getting along so well."

Just then Red walked into the bedroom holding two mugs. She placed Nicky's hot chocolate on a coaster on the bedside table, "there you go, honey."

"Marshmallows," Nicky exclaimed, as she picked up her drink and took a sip.

"I guess I thought you hadn't already eaten enough sugar today," Red said dryly, placing her own mug down and walking over to her dresser.

"Mmmm, thanks," said Nicky, lowering her cup and revealing her frothy covered lips.

"Hmmm," Red breathed with a little laugh as she stood by her dresser with her eyes on Nicky.

"What?" asked Nicky, wiping the foam off of her lips with the back of her hand.

"You just look so especially cute right now," Red told her. She looked away and pulled out a pair of gray silk pajamas, "who knew the boys would have such good taste?"

Nicky snorted but looked pleased. She took another sip of her hot chocolate. "We should really get a tv in this room," she said, plucking a marshmallow off the top of her drink and popping it in her mouth.

"A television?" Red said skeptically, "I've never liked a television in the bedroom." Her back was to Nicky as she did up the buttons on the front of her silk top.

"I like a television for background noise," Nicky replied, "I always used to put something cheerful on and watch it in bed until I fell asleep as a kid."

"Well, my boys were only allowed to watch television in the living room after their homework was done," Red said. She pulled on her silk pajama bottoms and then picked up her mug of tea, "and if they couldn't fall asleep straight away they had little lights and they read quietly to themselves."

"Fine, be that way," Nicky rolled her eyes, and took another sip from her mug. "Julio told me Gloria only let them watch one hour of tv a day, so at least you weren't as strict as her."

"Get up for a second, honey," Red said, moving to her side of the bed, "I want to pull this blanket back so that we can get under the covers. Nicky got out of the bed and Red pulled the blankets back. Nicky took a last gulp of her hot chocolate and then laid down in the bed. Red slid into the bed beside her, but stayed seated as she took another sip of her tea.

"Is it bad if I'm too lazy to get up and brush my teeth after drinking that?" Nicky asked sleepily.

Red touched Nicky's cheek affectionately, "definitely," she replied, "but I'll let you get away with it tonight because you look so cute lying there and I don't want you to leave."

"Good," Nicky smiled, wiggling closer to Red. She kissed her thigh lovingly and was rewarded by Red gently caressing her hair with her available hand. "I love you," Nicky said spontaneously, rolling over so that she was lying on her back with her head in Red's lap.

Red smiled down at her, "I love you too, darling," she said back. She reached for Nicky's hand and held it tightly in her own, "and I always will." Despite all of the challenges this Christmas had sprung upon her, she knew she was very lucky to have Nicky in her life. Things were okay. Maybe there was a God.

 **Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

The sun was shining brightly down when they arrived at the prison on Christmas day much earlier then was necessary. Thankfully the weather was fairly mild today because nobody wanted to impose the stifling confines of the prison's waiting room on themselves more than was necessary, least of all Red or Nicky. They loitered in the parking lot, Nicky walking in circles and seldom speaking. It was an emotional thing to return to a place that had imprisoned you for years of your life. Red had gotten used to it by now having rarely missed a week driving up for visitation, but Nicky had only been released a couple of days prior. It felt weird to be on this side of the prison walls.

She tried not to show her uncertainty as she walked laps in the parking lot alone with her hands in her pockets. Red had chosen to stay in the car where Lourdes had kept the heat running, but Nicky had needed to move. She knew by the time they got in to see Gloria she would feel fine. It was just the waiting that was killing her, and she cursed Red for insisting they drive up early. There was no real reason why they couldn't have stayed home and enjoyed their Christmas morning a little bit longer.

It had been so pleasant being awoken by the aroma of sizzling bacon, scrambled eggs, freshly baked bread, and brewed coffee. Yuri had dropped in briefly for breakfast before he headed out to pick up his kids and Red had expressed regret that she wouldn't be able to see Ivanna and Feliks on Christmas, although she knew that she couldn't be in two places at once. After breakfast was eaten and the table was cleared, Nicky and Red had leashed up their dogs and escorted Yuri downstairs to his car before heading out on a walk through the park together

They had returned from their walk cold but in good spirits, enjoying a peaceable morning together with no set schedule to follow. Red would have liked to watch Vasily's kids open their Christmas presents but she had decided it would be too much of a rush to get back in time. Nicky was glad to have a few hours to just do nothing. Her schedule had been kept pretty full so far.

Red had hung stockings up early that morning and had stuffed them with candies for Nicky and treats for each of the dogs. After their walk, Red and Nicky had curled up under blankets on the couch to warm up. Nicky had almost felt sad when Red received a text from Julio letting her know that they were on their way. She would have been contented to just have an easy day in front of the television with no expectations, but she knew it was important to see Gloria. Nicky had tried not to think about her too much the last couple of days because it made her feel guilty. Her heart hurt at the thought of Gloria still locked up in such a depressing place while everybody else was celebrating.

"Nicky!" a familiar voice called out, breaking into Nicky's reminiscence. Nicky whirled around with her hands still in her pockets and grinned at the sight of Piper Chapman headed her way. The girls had not spoken directly to one another in over a year, although they had often been in close proximity to one another when Piper came to visit Alex at the prison at the same time Nicky was receiving a visit from Red. It was a most bizarre thing to be seeing each other on the other side, both dressed in street clothes instead of prison scrubs.

Piper seemed to be thinking the same thing. "You clean up pretty nicely, Nichols," she teased as she pulled Nicky into a hug.

"And I didn't even brush my hair today," Nicky told her, "I'd like to see your reaction if I had actually tried."

"Did you ever brush your hair?" Piper raised her eyebrows, "I might not recognize you if you did."

"Fair point, Chapman," Nicky grinned.

"So, Merry Christmas by the way!" Piper exclaimed, "I didn't expect to see you here today. I thought you'd be doing stuff with Red's family for the holidays."

"We were with them yesterday," Nicky replied, "today we're here to see Gloria."

"So, you're here with Red?" Piper asked, looking around them curiously, "where is she?"

"She's waiting in the car with Gloria's aunt and son," Nicky said, "we all drove up together." She began slowly walking back to where she knew Lourdes car was parked.

"It's nice everyone is getting along," Piper said walking in step with Nicky, "Her son seems like a really sweet kid. He's always been so polite every time I've run into him with Red."

"Yeah, he's good," Nicky agreed, and then added, "things are still pretty tense with Gloria's other kid though."

"Alex was telling me," Piper said, her hands folded in front of her, "Gloria was freaking out about him the other day apparently."

She said it so casually, as though completely aloof to the painful blow her words had just dealt Nicky. For Gloria to "freak out", as Piper so eloquently put it, she must have been really upset. It explained why she might not have been in the best state of mind to phone Red the last couple of days and have to hear about the happy family times they had all been experiencing this Christmas without her. Gloria had of course reached out to her sons last night but Benny had refused to speak to her then, carelessly breaking another piece of his mother's heart.

"I'm so happy Alex is going to be getting out soon," Piper was saying, and Nicky stared at her in incredulity. She was amazed, as she always was, that Piper could make a heartbreaking statement about somebody else's misfortune and then immediately bring the conversation back around to herself.

"Yeah, I guess we're going to be busy planning a wedding soon," Nicky forced herself to smile. "I'm her bridesmaid, who is yours going to be?"

"My sister-in-law, Neri," Piper replied, "and Cal is going to officiate. He got ordained online for us."

"Cool," said Nicky, "so what else have you been keeping busy with. You working?"

"Yeah," Piper rolled her eyes, "I got a job waitressing at this upscale place all the WASPS like to patron. My parents used to take us there for supper sometimes when I was a kid."

"How does it feel to see things from the other side?" asked Nicky with a grin.

"It makes you realize how silly everybody I've always known in my small world actually is," Piper replied, "my mom is embarrassed that I'm working there. She doesn't want me waiting on any of her friends."

"Would they be hiring?" Nicky asked, "I need to find a job eventually to help Red out with the bills and I'd rather not ask Marka for help finding one. She'd get me a job being assistant to somebody that owes her a real big favor and it wouldn't even be a legit job, just some place for me to hang out and pretend to work. Marka doesn't think I'm capable of doing much more than that."

"They're always hiring," Piper told her, "our bartender and two of our waitresses quit last week and they haven't been replaced yet because it's too hard to find people around Christmastime. Nobody wants to work."

"I could bartend," Nicky grinned, "I always thought I'd be good at mixing drinks and giving my two cents to all the people who sit at the bar spilling the beans about their problems. I bet I'd get a lot of tips."

"Do up a resume and I'll bring it to work with me on my next shift," Piper said, "it would be fun to work together again. You made the electric shop actually bearable, and that's saying something considering how irritating Luschek is."

"Luschek's not so bad," Nicky smiled, "you just need to know how to talk to him."

"There you girls are!" Red exclaimed, stepping out of the front seat of Lourdes' red Saturn, "we should have gone inside the building now, and you two were just walking in the opposite direction!"

"We weren't walking in the opposite direction," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I was walking laps and I started heading back as soon as I met up with Piper."

"We still have like twenty minutes anyway," Julio told Red, popping his head out of the door. He smiled and crawled out of the backseat. Lourdes switched off the car and stood up too.

"Lourdes, this is Piper Chapman," Red said, nodding at Piper.

"It's nice to meet you," smiled Piper, "and it's nice to see you again too, Julio," she added. With both of them being frequent visitors to the prison, Red and Piper had often socialized together after the visiting hours were over. Sometimes they would grab a coffee and when Red had started bringing Julio with her every week, he would also join them.

Looking back at the way Red had terrified and punished her during her first few days inside, Piper would never have imagined that she would have grown to care for Red as much as she did. Piper knew she owed her so much. She wouldn't have survived the prison without Red's tough lessons and guidance. Becoming roommates had been Piper's saving grace.

"The parking lot is still pretty empty," Lourdes mused as the group began the trek to the entrance, "I don't think it's going to be as busy as we expected."

"That's makes me sad for the people who don't get visitors," Julio said quietly to Lourdes, "and it especially makes me feel bad about all of the years we didn't come to see mom."

"We were living in Florida, _papi_ ," Lourdes told him, "it couldn't exactly be helped. At least you wrote to her, and you've been here nearly every week lately."

"Hey, mom," Nicky said jubilantly to interrupt the mournful contemplation that had befallen the group, "I'm getting a job bartending when we get home."

"Bartending?" Red said skeptically, "where is this coming from?"

"Piper works at a snooty restaurant that a bunch of people just quit from," Nicky said gleefully, "and she's going to get me in."

"I said I'd _try_ to get you in," Piper reiterated, "I'm not in charge of hiring."

"Yeah, but you usually get what you want," Nicky told her meaningfully.

"I though you were going to apply to college, Nicky?" Red asked, "your mother said she would pay for you to study anything that you wanted to take."

"Meh," Nicky shrugged, dragging her feet on the cement, "I don't really feel like being stuck in a classroom all the time.

"Neither does Benny," Julio joked. He looked at his aunt, "maybe you should consider letting him drop out and get a job?" he teased.

"He's graduating if I have anything to say about it," Lourdes huffed, "he doesn't realize how fortunate he is to be receiving such an education. I only was able to go until eighth grade. I'd have loved to have those opportunities."

"Me too," Red chimed in, "I was allowed to finish high school but then I immediately had to start working at a factory. I would have liked college."

"You want to take my place?' Nicky asked, raising her eyebrows at Red, "go to classes and take notes for me. Then I can get the paper saying I know something and we'll both be happy."

Red rolled her eyes, "let's just get through the holidays first, love. Then we can start planning your life." She opened the clear glass door that led into the registration area of the prison. Julio took the door from her and held it open for Lourdes, Nicky, and Piper to walk through.

"This part always makes me anxious," Lourdes muttered into Red's ear as they queued up to sign in at the registration desk. "So many procedures just to see my niece. What sort of danger do they think she is that we have to jump through so many hoops just to get into see her?"

Red didn't answer. Her thumb moved back and forth across her identification card. She'd been through this process weekly in the past year and she was used to the procedure. It wasn't frightening but Lourdes' anxiety had a powerful effect. Red knew her sons had adjusted to seeing their mother as a prisoner in lock up over the many years, but she hated thinking of them in this line. With Id in their hand, hoping the paperwork was in order and that the guard would allow them in to see their mom. Into a room where they were to sit across from their mother with minimal touching and conversations without privacy. Red had gotten over most of her humiliation and guilt concerning that by this point, although she knew neither she nor her sons would ever forget it.

In the weekly visits she had driven Julio to, Red had tried to keep an air of normalcy and reassurance for the boy's sake. He was often quiet on the drive home, completely emotionally spent from interacting with his mother as a prisoner yet again. In the tragic situation they were currently in, Red truly believed that time spent with his mother was worth the pain it brought, but she almost could understand why Benny avoided the place so often. He would deny it if anybody asked him, but Red suspected seeing his mother in prison garb shook him more than he would ever admit. It was hard.

Red only had to look over at Nicky to know how draining being in the prison could be for visitors. Nicky had paled significantly once they entered the building. Her pacing outdoors had not been for exercise after all. Being back so soon after a release was a trauma unto itself and Red felt a twinge of regret for bringing her here. Maybe she should have insisted Nicky spend the day with her brothers instead.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Nicky laughed nervously.

"Just making sure that you're okay," Red said softly. Nicky nodded and brushed her hair back so that the curls that had fallen into her eyes were not obscuring her vision. As they drove along in the car and the prison came into sight, Nicky had remembered how terrified she had been to surrender herself five years ago.

Almost five years ago to the date, Nicky had walked out of the trashed upscale apartment where she had lived alone. She had taken a final hit before leaving, but even drugs hadn't been able to ease Nicky's fears. It had helped her not to think about things as much though, and she had gotten some grim satisfaction at the look of disgust Marka had given her when she realized that her daughter was high.

"Are you on drugs right now, Nicole?" Marka had demanded once she got a look at Nicky's eyes. Nicky had just slid in beside her in the back of the chauffeured car that was going to drive them to Litchfield. For unstated reasons, Marka had decided to accompany Nicky today.

"One for the road, right," Nicky had said in her snarkiest voice. Dressed in a black oversize hoodie and a pair of dirty blue jeans and sneakers, Nicky had rolled down the window and lit a cigarette.

Marka had scoffed and stared out the window for much of the drive to Litchfield. In the frosty silence between mother and daughter, that had eaten up the better part of an hour, Nicky had smoked her way through the entire pack of cigarettes she had brought along for the ride.

"You know you're not going to be able to keep this up in there, right?" Marka had snapped, when she couldn't take a second more of Nicky's nonchalance towards narcotics.

Nicky blew smoke rings out the window and then turned to her mother, "you've never heard of all the different ways people smuggle drugs into the prisons?" Nicky raised her eyebrows at Marka expectantly, "usually it's the guards doing it. If I want them I'll find them." She didn't care how vulgar her words sounded, it was worth it to piss of Marka.

"So, you're not going to even try and get well!" Marka exploded in a fit of rage, "you're going to shoot up in filthy prison washrooms and wait to die or get sent to an even worse prison? I pulled a lot of strings to get you at least only put in minimum, Nicole!"

"I bet you wish that I had allowed you to pull those strings to get me into an ivy league school despite by low GPA instead, huh?" Nicky had rolled her eyes at the scolding.

"I've had it, Nicole," Marka had snapped back, "you want to ruin your life then go right ahead. You had the privileges and opportunities that most people only ever dream of having. If you want to hate me and moan about how horrible your life has been then I won't stop you. Maybe once you're inside that prison you'll meet some people who will show you how good you've always had it."

"I'll make a note of it," Nicky had said sarcastically, "I'll look at prison as a life experience similar to that overnight camp you started sending me to all summer long when I was three. That was good for me too."

Marka had scoffed, playing with the snap on her Prada handbag with a shaking hand. The other lay clammy and cool in her pencil skirted lap. There was nothing that could be said to make any of this better. Her daughter was damaged and prison is what it had come to. She swallowed as the driver turned down the road that led to the prison and she caught sight of the barbed wire fences surrounding the tall fortress that was the maximum-security prison. Nicole was not going to be in there, thank heavens, but the sight of those fences unnerved Marka more than she cared to admit.

Beside her, Nicky had let out a small involuntary gasp of fright and before Marka could process or react, Nicky had slipped her hand onto Marka's lap and wedged it under Marka's own hand. Nicky hadn't planned it and hated herself inwardly for attempting to seek out any comfort from her icy mother, yet she did not pull her hand away. Marka's hand was cold. It was sweaty, although Nicky couldn't tell whose hand that was emitting off of. She could feel the thick gold from the ring that Paola had purchased for her at some point in time. The set on the top of Marka's hand was an enormous square cut sapphire, but Nicky wasn't looking at her hands. Her eyes were transfixed upon the seemingly endless barbed wire fence surrounding the prison, there to ensure she couldn't possibly escape.

Marka coughed and stared down at their stacked hands. She didn't know what to make of it. Contact between she and her daughter of any form had always been seldom in the past, and virtually non-existent once Nicky had reached her teenage years.

"You're not going to be in there," Marka had said, in a weak attempt to sound comforting.

"Say what?" Nicky had muttered, her eyes still glued to the window.

"That's Maximum," Marka cleared her throat, "you'll be in the camp. It won't be as restrictive in there. No cells or bars, that's what I've been told.

"Huh," Nicky muttered.

"Just don't mess this up," Marka had almost pleaded, "get clean and get better. You can do it if you try."

Nicky rolled her eyes out the window but still did not wiggle her hand away from it's place beneath her mother's. Marka had kept her hand exactly where it was. She hadn't pulled away, but she hadn't made an attempt to pat or join their hands more tightly together either.

They reached the entrance to the minimum-security prison and the driver parked the car in a parking space close to the door.

"Your commissary money should already be in there for you," Nicky could remember Marka saying in those final moments together. "I had my assistant send the cheque two weeks ago. They probably will let you buy the things you need tomorrow."

"Uh huh," Nicky had said with wild eyes fixed upon the front door of the prison.

"You should probably get in there," Marka sighed mournfully. She lifted her hand off of Nicky's and unnecessarily tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Are you going to visit me?" Nicky had croaked in a very husky voice. She hadn't dared look at her mother as she spoke, she hated how needy she sounded.

Marka hesitated, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Paola has been offered a brilliant promotion in Brazil that starts next month. We're going to be moving there in three weeks."

"Wow," Nicky said in a flat voice.

"I'll try and visit you before we leave though," Marka had told her. The patronizing tone with which she spoke had been the final straw for Nicky. She resented what a chore she was, and always had been, to her mother.

"You know what," Nicky had said, whirling her head around to stare at her mother, looking almost deranged from her fury, "don't even f**king bother, Marka! I don't even know why you bothered to come along for the ride out here!"

"I'm doing everything I possibly can to make your sentence as easy for you as possible," Marka persisted in saying, "but I'm not going to give up five years of my life because you wound yourself up in jail! You did this to yourself, Nicole! All the rehab and all the promises, it never made a difference. I tried everything and you didn't want to let me help save you. Only you can save yourself now and I hope you will. Just stay away from the drugs, Nic—"

Her voice had cut off as Nicky impulsively opened her car door, climbed out, and slammed it back in her mother's face. She covered her head with the hood of her black sweatshirt and walked briskly towards the entrance of the prison. Willingly surrendering herself to captivity had seemed more appealing at the time then sitting in that car continuing to engage in that godawful lecture.

"I'm here to surrender," Nicky could remember shouting, slamming her hands loudly down on the admittance desk. The guard stationed there had looked her up and down, watching the way Nicky's chest heaved with her breathlessness, as though she had been in a hurry to get there.

Present-day Nicky sniffled at the memory, hating that she couldn't stop her mind from replaying what had happened on that horrible day. When the drugs began to wear off, Nicky had reverted into an inconsolable mess. As crude as she had been to Marka about the possibilities of scoring drugs behind prison walls, Nicky had been too terrified to go searching on arrival and had nothing of value to trade anyways. Unable to stop it, Nicky's body began convulsing under the agony of going through withdrawal. She could remember how she had staggered blindly to the bathroom to throw up and wished to die. She had been curled up on the filthy floor next to the toilet after dark when Red had walked in and found her.

Marka had not been wrong to say that Nicky needed to save herself, but it only was made possible because of Red's loving care. She made Nicky feel like she was a person actually worth saving. Red had stayed up with Nicky all through that excruciating night and then rarely left her side for the remainder of that first week. She stayed until the worst of the pain was over and she could trust that Nicky would be okay. Nicky could still hear Red's harsh Russian accent assuring her that what she would do to her if she used again would hurt a lot more than the symptoms of withdrawal. Nicky had never used again, despite the triggers and cravings that had continued to peck at her and that she now knew would be with her forever. Red's love had saved her. It had been stronger than addiction.

Nicky smiled at the back of Red's head as she watched her present her identification for admittance to the unsmiling guard. Piper was standing behind Nicky, so close she was almost breathing down her neck, and behind Piper was Lourdes and Julio. Nicky frowned and glanced around the waiting room. She looked behind her and caught Lourdes eye.

"Shouldn't you call Benny over to sign in as well?" Nicky asked innocently.

Lourdes sighed and turned to call to the dark-haired boy sitting slumped in one of the hard-plastic chairs. "Benny," she called, "come over here so that you can register."

"I already did," Benny replied, raising his eyebrows, "I did it before you came in." He pointed a finger at the "visitor" badge that he was already wearing on the front of his shirt.

"Okay then," Lourdes nodded, "just stay seated until we're ready."

"What do you think I've been doing," Benny muttered under his breath. He had opted to come visit his mother on Christmas Day, although he had deliberately kept everybody wondering whether he would until the last possible moment. He had only shrugged over breakfast that morning when Lourdes had asked him if he had decided to visit, but when it was time to get in the car he had slid into the backseat next to Julio without a word.

Although he hadn't been rude, Benny had purposefully kept his distance from everybody else. He had spoken barely a word on the entire car ride to Litchfield, and when he had it had only been directed towards his brother or Lourdes. He acted as though Red and Nicky did not exist. Once they had arrived at the prison he had immediately gone inside to wait by himself, preferring not to linger outside with everybody else. Benny had no interest in playing happy family with any of them. He was here to visit his mother because he knew it needed to be done. No matter what else she happened to be, Gloria was still his mother.

"Did I mention how glad I am that you came?" Nicky said to Benny as she plopped herself in the seat next to him. Benny huffed in reply.

"This is my friend, Piper Chapman," Nicky told him, extending a hand towards Piper who had taken the seat next to her, "and this is Benny, Gloria's other son."

"Merry Christmas, Benny," Piper said, Benny glanced back and forth between Nicky and Piper and said nothing.

"Piper was an inmate too," Nicky said casually, "just so you know the company you keep."

"I'm basically surrounded by ex-prisoners," Benny grumbled, "and Lourdes complains that I hang out with a bad crowd at school."

"That's how it starts," Nicky shrugged, "I see her point. Consider us to be examples of what not to do."

"I mailed Alex a Christmas card and some photos I took last weekend in Central park," Piper said to Nicky, "I wish I could have gotten her a real present."

"I think I know what sort of present you're talking about," Nicky said coyly, she turned to Benny, "Piper and Alex are engaged," she explained.

"Oh," said Benny flatly, "congratulations."

"Thank you," smiled Piper, "Al gets out in March so we set our wedding date for the last weekend in April."

"I still don't know why you picked April," Nicky said gruffly, "it's guaranteed to rain."

"We can't wait any longer than that," Piper told her, "and rain showers can be romantic."

"So long as you don't care what my hair is going to look like in pictures if you make me stand out in the rain," Nicky told her, "that's all I'm saying."

"Visitors," called the guard who had just finished signing everybody in, "you can now make your way towards the visitation room. Before you're admitted though, you will be required to pass through a metal detector."

Benny got up and walked swiftly towards the guard to get scanned and then waved through. Nicky followed close on his heel, no longer content to just let him isolate himself from them all. Besides, he couldn't possibly have anything against her.

"I brought lots of change for the vending machines," Nicky said, after she had also been waved through the metal detector. She sat down in the chair next to Benny at the large table he had chosen. They were the first two through, everybody else in their group was still lined up.

"Okay," Benny said warily.

"Do you want to go pick out some stuff with me to munch on?" Nicky asked him, "before everybody else gets in and there's a line up."

"Sure," Benny gave in. He and Nicky stood up and walked over to the machines. Nicky pulled out her wallet and the two went to work making a varied selection of sodas, chips, and chocolate bars.

"This should keep everybody happy," Nicky said, "Is there anything else you think we should get?"

"Hmm..." Benny considered, "maybe a Kit-Kat for my mom. That's her favourite. Or at least, it used to be her favourite."

Nicky smiled and punched in the code on the machine for a Kit-Kat. Benny retrieved it from the slot and then helped Nicky carry the rest of their large assortment of treats to the table.

"Cool," Julio exclaimed, from his seat between Lourdes and Red, "can I have one of those?" Benny slid into the seat next to his aunt.

"Of course," Nicky said, "I got enough for everyone." She dumped the junk food onto the table and passed sodas to Red, Lourdes, and Julio.

"You got enough for everybody in this room," Red told her, sounding amused as she flicked a bag of Lays potato chips, "did I not feed you enough for breakfast this morning?"

Nicky sat down in the end chair beside Benny, so that she and Red were both on the opposite ends of the table. "That was breakfast," Nicky replied, craning her neck to look at Red, "this is my snack. Apples and Oranges."

Red rolled her eyes. Nicky opened up a bag of pretzels and offered one to everybody else seated at the table before she took a large handful for herself. Benny and Julio both had accepted, and snacking gave them something to do while they waited for what seemed like an eternity for Gloria to come out. It was just Gloria, but there was always uneasy anticipation when one jumped through as many hoops as the administration put them through before they were allowed to be seated in this room. Even Nicky had a tightness in her stomach from the wait. She could only imagine what Benny was feeling after not seeing his mother in such a long time.

"Merry Christmas!" Nicky cried exuberantly, the first to speak when Gloria walked through the door and caught sight of the large group of people waiting for her. Red, her aunt, her two sons, and Nicky. Gloria looked tired but the sincere smile on her face made her look even more beautiful than usual. Even clad in bland beige prison attire, altered to show off her shapely form, Gloria looked good. The gold hoops in her ears glimmered and she had taken special care applying makeup that morning so that her dark eyes seemed larger and her plump lips rosier. The look on Red's face told Gloria that her efforts had been worth it. Gloria and Red's eyes met for a long moment before Gloria turned to greet her sons first. Red knew enough to hang back.

To compensate, Nicky directed Red's attention over to Piper and Alex, who had just taken their seats after exchanging a very passionate hello. Alex waved across the room at Red and Nicky who smiled back.

"Piper's obsessing about wedding details already," Nicky murmured to Red, "she's sort of reminding me of Lorna."

"It's going to be a beautiful day," Red said, "and get real Nicky, nobody obsesses about wedding details the way Lorna did."

Her arm wound tightly around Julio's back, Gloria kept him close to her as she extended an arm in a plea for Benny to come to her. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and when Benny begrudgingly wrapped his arms around his mom, the tears she had been holding back slid down her face and onto the purple shirt her son was wearing.

"My boys, my two boys," Gloria kept murmuring, keeping a firm arm around each of them, "both of you together. This is the greatest Christmas gift a mother could ask for."

"Merry Christmas, Mom," Julio said with a smile, leaning forward to kiss Gloria's cheek. Benny awkwardly pulled away from the embrace he had enveloped his mom in, but Gloria still kept a firm arm around him which he did not shake off.

"Okay," Benny said, his eyes shifting side to side, when Gloria still had not released him a minute later. Gloria gave an emotional chuckle and took her arms off of him and his brother. The boys returned to their seats on the crowded visitor side of the table and Gloria took a seat in the single chair across from everybody else.

"Merry Christmas, _Chiquita_ ," Lourdes gave Gloria a small smile. "How are you?"

"Fine, Tia" Gloria replied, offering her a weak smile."So the drive wasn't too bad getting here?"

"Bumper to bumper traffic on the freeway," Lourdes bemoaned.

"Yeah, for like five minutes," Nicky chuckled, "the rest of the time we were cruising. I saw the speedometer, Lourdes, you were going ten over the speed limit most of the way."

"With my babies in the car?" Gloria exclaimed with a wicked smile at her aunt, "Tia…."

"Never mind," Lourdes said loudly, "just be glad I got them here. My Christmas gift to you."

"I'll take it," Gloria said softly. She glanced across the table at Red, who had not yet said a word to her. Gloria hoped that Benny hadn't been rude to her the entire ride to the prison, although he did seem in better spirits than she had ever dared to dream he would be. She hadn't even wanted to hope too highly that he would even show up today.

"Have you guys had a good Christmas so far?" Gloria asked, mainly directing the question to her sons. At the same time, she extended her leg beneath the table, trusting the large grouping of legs to camouflage her own should the guard look over. The guard on duty at the moment was Donuts though. He was one of the guards most likely to cut inmates and their families a little bit of slack. Carefully, she ran her black booted foot against Red's leg. She blinked when Red pressed her legs suddenly together so that Gloria's foot was trapped in between. Gloria wiggled her foot slightly, and tried not to smile too obviously at the sudden smirk that had appeared on Red's face as she nonchalantly popped open the tab on a can of soda and took a large sip.

"That sounds so fun," Gloria said to Julio, as he told her about spending Christmas Eve over at Vasily's house with Red, Nicky, and the rest of the family.

"Benny and Tia came too," Julio said, not wishing to exclude his own family, "Benny, Vasily, and I made ramps for this little car we got for Alexei. That was fun, right Ben?"

"Yeah," Benny admitted begrudgingly.

"You don't look so good, Gloria," Lourdes said bluntly. Sh hadn't taken her eyes off of Gloria since they sat down. "Are you sick?"

"I think she looks pretty hot," Nicky said in Gloria's defence, "especially your new eye makeup. Good for you".

"Just tired, Tia," Gloria said, "I'm fine." Red looked Gloria over closely and thought she seemed sadder then just tired. Her forehead creased with concern but when Gloria met her eyes, Red pursed her lips discontentedly. Gloria sighed.

"And to think you thought you were going to be well rested once I was gone," Nicky teased, "so how much are you missing me?"

"Missing you?" Gloria blinked, "you haven't even given me a chance to miss you yet. You only left like two minutes ago."

"Two days ago," Nicky corrected, "way to minimalize my feelings."

"I'm teasing," Gloria smiled, "of course I miss you. Things have been too quiet around here."

"And two days can feel like two years when you really love somebody," Nicky added.

"That's true," Red said suddenly, looking meaningfully into Gloria's eyes. Gloria bit her lip. She leaned the side of her foot more heavily against Red's calf and wished they had the time and privacy for her to explain herself. Her intention had not been to make Red sad by not phoning the last couple of days, it had actually been the opposite. Gloria was doing her very best to hide just how bad of a place she had been in psychologically ever since Nicky had been released.

She was struggling to be happy for them but it was misery to see Red and Nicky together and as much as it did delight her that Red had somehow worked a miracle with Julio and Benny, it pained Gloria not to be a part of it. She hated so much that she was stuck in prison wasting so much time. She had wanted to call Red and allow her love to be a reassurance that Gloria had not been forgotten and was still very missed, but every time she had been about to call something had stopped her. She knew that Red would be busy with all of the Nicky things and the family things, Gloria didn't want to ruin any of that by admitting how depressed she was feeling. Gloria was trying to be strong.

"Do you want a Kit Kat, mom?" Benny asked, holding out the one he had selected especially for her.

"Thanks baby," Gloria said, smiling and giving her son a small wink as she took it, "my absolute favourite."

"I remembered," Benny said, and then cleared his throat.

"We used to split them after dinner sometimes," Julio said, "You, me, Benny, and Arturo." Julio covered his mouth after he spoke the last name, as though Arturo was a disgusting swear word he had let slip. It might as well have been. Arturo had been Gloria's ex-boyfriend and the boys had witnessed his abuse of their mother on more than one occasion. Ordinarily, he was never spoken of.

"Pff," Lourdes scoffed at the mention of Arturo, "enjoy hell, lizard lips."

"Let's remember it is Christmas," Nicky said loudly.

"Exactly," Gloria said, showing no sign that the mention of her former boyfriend had affected her at all. She had had plenty of time to make her peace with the past and she had forgiven him. "Do you want a piece, _papi_?" Gloria smiled, breaking the Kit Kat and placing a piece in front of Julio and then Benny.

"You too," Gloria said softly, looking piercingly at Red as she extended her hand across the table with a piece of the Kit-Kat bar in it.

"So, you think I can be so easily won," Red murmured, taking the piece Gloria offered and placing it down on the table without taking a bite.

"Probably not," Gloria smiled, "you're stubborn." She wiggled her fingers and breathed a sigh of relief when Red placed her hand in hers, "I'm sorry I didn't call," Gloria murmured.

"You should be," Red said back quietly.

"I will tonight," Gloria said softly, "I promise." Red gave Gloria's hand an affectionate squeeze and started to slide her hand away before it garnered too much attention from the boys. She didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

Gloria's hand clamped around Red's tightly, so that she couldn't pull it away. "A hand for a foot," Gloria grinned wryly, referring to her own extended foot that was still deliberately trapped between Red's legs. Red smiled and squeezed Gloria's hand yet again. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, Red picked up the chocolate Gloria had given her and took a bite. Gloria beamed.

Trying to be inconspicuous about holding Red's hand in hers, Gloria turned to Lourdes and asked her how her arthritis was behaving as of late. Lourdes had painful arthritis in both of her hands and knees, which she remedied with her own Santeria methods. It was one of her favourite topics of conversation and one that she could speak about at length. As Lourdes held her hands out in front of her and explained which fingers were most afflicted, Gloria feigned interest and kept her eyes on her aunt while she rubbed the back of Red's hand back and forth with her thumb. It was more affection than they usually dared show and Gloria longed for the future when they could be alone whenever they wanted. In six months from now, Gloria would be able to hold her all through the night and not worry about upsetting anybody else because they could be alone. Of course, there were many other physical acts Gloria was anticipating, but she forced herself not to think about those now.

"You boys just made my Christmas," Gloria whispered tearfully, once the guard announced that visitation was done for the day and that everyone needed to say goodbye.

"Jeez mom," Benny muttered, "keep it together."

"I'm your mom," Gloria said, kissing him twice on both cheeks, "I'm allowed to get sappy when I say goodbye to you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Benny sighed, "well I'm going to leave before you really lose it."

"Bye Baby," Gloria sniffled, as Benny walked towards the exit. Saying goodbye to Julio was easier because Gloria knew that he would be back in a week, more than likely. Red drove Julio whenever he wanted. Gloria knew she might not see Benny again until her own release when she could get out and hunt him down wherever he was.

Red made sure she was the last to leave. Even five seconds alone was something to be cherished.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Red asked worriedly, after Gloria had pulled her close for a quick kiss.

"Yeah," Gloria nodded, not at all convincingly.

Red placed her hand on Gloria's cheek, "I'm worried about you." Gloria covered Red's hand with her own and allowed the tears she had been fighting to flow freely from her eyes.

"I…I…I don't know what to tell you," Gloria choked out, and Red moved swiftly to pull Gloria tightly into her arms. They were the last two people in the visitation room, but Donuts looked wary about ordering Red out when Gloria was crying so freely.

Red's heart was pounding in desperation. She didn't know what she could do and she knew that any second the guard was going to order her out and she couldn't do that. How could they force her to walk away when Gloria was crying? Gloria almost never cried.

"It's just...I'm alone," Gloria sobbed, her voice muffled as she pressed her face into Red's shoulder, "I didn't realize what a difference it would make to not have Nicky here. That's why I didn't call you. I couldn't listen to how happy you were about having her home, while I'm still in here. I know that makes me selfish…I just…"

"Shush," Red breathed, her hands rested on the back of Gloria's head. Tears were springing into her own eyes now, that's how much it pained her to see Gloria in such distress, "Feeling that way makes you human. You're the least selfish person I know. You're the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing person I know. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Gloria said, pulling back so that she could look into Red's eyes. The eyes that spoke love in all their depths. Red used her fingers to wipe the stray tears off of Gloria's face.

"I'll be alright," Gloria murmured, "it's just so hard."

"Call me," Red pleaded, "please call me as much as you can. Don't ever hide how you're feeling from me ever. I want to be there for you."

"I will," Gloria nodded, "I'll call you everyday. It's six months. I can do this."

Red nodded, "you can," she said confidently. Red brushed her lips against Gloria's and then slowly started walking towards the door. Donuts had started fake coughing a few moments ago. It was time to go. In a bid to compose herself before she joined the others, Red kept reminding herself that six months was not forever and by summertime she would finally be able to give Gloria everything she deserved. In sixth months things would be as they should be. Red was determined.


	8. Chapter 8

"How do I look?" Nicky asked, walking around the corner into the living room with her arms outstretched as she motioned to herself.

Red, who had been sitting on the sofa reading a book, glanced up at Nicky through her violet spectacles. "Pretty," she said with a smile.

"Pretty?" Nicky raised her eyebrows as she waited for more. She was dressed in a tight fitting black mini dress, under a black leather jacket, with above the knee black leather boots. She completed her look with silver bangles on her wrist and a smoky eye.

"Hot? Sexy? Fierce?" Red suggested with a twinkle in her eye.

"Yeah, that works," Nicky grinned. She walked over and kneeled on the couch next to Red, "it's my first night out," she reminded her.

"I know," Red smiled, "I'm excited for you. You're going to have a great night out with the girls." She looked back at the book on her lap.

"Uh huh," Nicky said, covering Red's book with her hand. Red had been reading through the Harry Potter series voraciously ever since Nicky had come home. Julio had introduced her to them. Red had started the first one just to please Julio and give them something in common to talk about, but halfway through she had become completely enthralled. She had been devouring the final volume intently all day, much to her daughter's annoyance.

"Nicky!" Red protested, as the book was tugged out of her grasp and laid spine-up on the coffee table.

"You can read when I'm gone," Nicky told her, "besides I'm doing you a favour. You're going to go through deep withdrawal once you finish the series. You should make it last a little longer. You've been reading all day!"

"I hope you realize you've left me in the middle of a very important cliff-hanger," Red complained.

"They'll be here soon anyways," Nicky pointed out. Scooting closer to Red she rested her head on her shoulder. Red wrapped an arm around her.

"I can't believe you offered to babysit on New Years Eve," Nicky said, "you could have come with me. It's going to be lots of fun."

"I think you'll have lots more fun without me," Red said lightly, "why would you want to drag your mother around with you on New Years Eve?"

"Well, it will be easier to hook up without you watching," Nicky conceded with a playful smirk.

"I suppose so," Red said dryly, "just behave yourself. Don't do anything stupid."

"I won't," Nicky promised, "I don't know why you're worried about me. Lida's the one you should be worried about. It's her first night out without the kids in how long? She's going to go wild."

"I'm sure she'll be fine," Red said dismissively, just as the doorbell rang. Daisy began barking frantically and leaped off of the arm chair where she had been taking a nap. Red's dog, who had been curled up on the floor, stretched, before trotting after his yippy friend.

"You always think the worst of me, don't you?" Nicky complained, straightening up as her eyes followed Red's back to the door.

"Of course not, _Maylyshka,_ " Red teased, turning back to look at Nicky, "I know you'll be a good girl tonight." She opened the front door to reveal Lida and Vasily, each holding one of their two kids.

"Why is there not an elevator," Vasily panted, stepping over the threshold with Vera in one arm and a folded-up stroller under the other.

"Pathetic," Lida grinned, as she cradled Alexei, "you really should start working out again, babe. You should not be worn out from a walk up a single flight of stairs."

"Carrying a baby _and_ a stroller," Vasily countered.

"Please," Lida rolled her eyes dramatically at Red, "I carried the bigger child, and I'm fine." Alexei was still sound asleep in her arms. He was a heavy sleeper and hadn't stirred at all on the walk over to his grandmother's, nor at the sound of the barking dogs.

"I'll just lay him on your bed," Lida said to Red, walking with familiarity towards the hall where she knew Red's bedroom to be. This wasn't the first time that Red had kept her grandchildren overnight. Alexei always slept in the bed with her and Vera had a collapsible playpen that Red stored in the closet until it was needed.

"The playpen is all set up for this little missy," Red said, unzipping the pink snowsuit Vera was snuggled in, while Vasily held her still.

"I don't think you're ready for bed just yet though, are you dear?" Red asked. Vera giggled as Red succeeded in removing the snowsuit and took the little girl into her arms. The baby was dressed in adorable fleece Minnie Mouse pajamas.

"You want to stay up and play with your Grandma for a little bit, don't you?" Red adjusted Vera on her hip and smiled.

"Oh sure," Nicky rolled her eyes, kneeling on the couch looking over at them, "Harry Potter can wait once the baby comes to visit. I ask you to help me straighten my hair this afternoon and what did I get?"

"Your hair isn't straight," Vasily pointed out dumbly, as he kicked off his shoes and walked over to sit in the arm chair adjacent Nicky.

"Exactly," Nicky said, giving Red a pointed stare.

"I like it curly better anyway," Red told her, walking over to sit on the couch with Vera in her lap, "and I don't think the heat is very good for your hair anyway."

"Neither is red hair dye," Nicky said obnoxiously, "but we all have something."

"Well, either way, I think you look nice Nic.," Vasily said, once he had stopped laughing behind his mother's back at what Nicky said. He knew he would never get away with being so outspoken.

"Nice?" Nicky repeated, "that's it? What is with your family and half-hearted compliments?"

"What do you mean?" asked Vasily.

"I spent almost two hours getting ready," Nicky told him, "I look great! I deserve more than nice."

"She wants you to say that she looks sexy," Red told Vasily, with a look of exasperation on her face.

"Ew," Vasily answered, "you're my sister."

"Well, do you think this looks sexy?" Lida asked, walking back into the living room. She had unzipped her gray winter jacket to reveal the emerald green sweater dress that she was wearing with black leggings and low-heeled black booties.

"I already told you that you looked gorgeous," Vasily smiled appreciatively at his wife, "maybe a little too good to be going out without me tonight. Should I be worried?" They had decided to go their separate ways tonight. Vasily was going out with Yuri and some friends for the evening, and Lida had jumped at the chance for a girls' night out, when Nicky phoned her up the other day and invited her.

"Not in the slightest, love," Lida smiled, "you're the one for me." She perched herself on the arm of Vasily's chair. Her husband wrapped his arm around her waist and gave a little tug so that Lida fell onto his lap. She giggled as she tried to get away.

"That's a stunning colour on you, Lida," Red smiled, when Lida and Vasily had finished struggling together. Lida leaned herself back in her husband's arms contentedly. "Both of you girls look beautiful."

"Thanks," Lida grinned, "Alexei's on your bed. I tucked him in and hopefully he won't wake up until morning. Vera should be fine, except she'll want a bottle right before she falls asleep."

"I know the drill," Red said simply.

"I know you do," Lida agreed sheepishly. They went through the same rehearsed speech every time Lida left the kids with her mother-in-law. She knew her babies were in excellent hands, but it was always difficult for her to tear herself away from them. Red was not offended. She had felt the same way about her own children when they had been babies. She hadn't even trusted Dmitri to watch them alone, except when she had no other alternative. Red's mother-in-law had never babysat the boys, not that Red would have wanted her to even if she had offered, which she never had.

"Well, I guess we better get going," Nicky said, getting to her feet and walking purposefully to the front door, "we have reservations for nine." She slung her black pocket book with the silver chain over her shoulder.

"Yeah, we should head out so that I'm not late meeting the guys, since I have to drop you two off first," Vasily said. He patted Lida's thigh to motion for her to get off of him. Then he walked purposefully towards the front door to put his shoes back on.

Lida nodded and reached out to take Vera from Red's arms so that she could kiss her goodbye. "I'm just going to check in on Alexei before we go," she said, heading back in the direction of Red's bedroom so that could give her sleeping son another goodbye kiss.

"What could possibly have happened in two minutes?" Nicky complained, "she was just in there."

"You'll understand when you're a mother someday," Red smiled.

"That's never going to happen," Nicky said confidently, "you won't be getting any grandchildren from me. Except for Daisy." She reached down to pick up her dog from the floor and bestowed affectionate kisses on every inch of her face.

"How are you planning to get back tonight?" Red asked, standing up and fixing the button on her gray silk pajama top that Vera had undone. Lida and Vasily intended to go straight home after their respective nights out and would pick up the kids sometime tomorrow.

"We'll take a cab," Nicky shrugged, "Piper was going to drive but then we realized that traffic would be insane. I'll probably be back around one, I don't want to stay out much later than that." It was going to be her first social night out in over five years and though she was excited, Nicky did not want to overdo it. At least she would be with friends who respected and encouraged her sobriety. She knew she would be potentially surrounded by temptations that night. Nicky knew she was strong enough to resist, but it meant a great deal to not have to do it all alone.

"Okay," Red agreed, "you'll call me if you need anything right?" Just as it was hard for Lida to tear herself away from her kids, although she was thrilled to be getting a night out without them, Nicky could tell that Red was struggling to let her go. It had just been over one week since her release and Red had barely let Nicky out of her sight at all in that time. It had been a source of great anxiety for Red when she had needed to return to work after the Christmas festivities were over. She worried about leaving Nicky alone and hated missing out on time with her.

Nicky had not found Red returning to work nearly as traumatic as Red seemed to expect her to. She enjoyed a few lazy days of sleeping in, watching tv, and ordering Chinese take out. She figured she deserved a relaxing break. It was only at Red's insistence that Nicky left the cozy confines of their small apartment to take Lida up on her invitation to come ice skating with her and the two kids. Nicky complained to Red later that she had been forced to endure over an hour of dragging Alexei around the ice on skates he couldn't even stand up in yet, but it was obvious she had had a good time. Lida might be a little more over enthusiastic than Nicky was used to, like a Mary Poppins on speed, but she was very nice and seemed to really desire Nicky's friendship. It was why Nicky had been happy to include her in the plans she made with Piper for a night out this New Years Eve.

"He's still sleeping like an angel," Lida announced to them all as she came back into the living room with the still wide-awake Vera. She kissed her daughter on both cheeks and then passed her over to Red.

"I'll text you if we need anything," Red told her, sounding bemused, "but I'm certain I won't have to. Have a good time tonight." Vera started waving adorably at her mother, perfectly content to be in her grandma's arms. It was Lida who had the problem with leaving.

"I will," Lida nodded, leaning forward to kiss her mother-in-law's cheek, "and thanks again for watching them. I hope you know how much I appreciate you."

"Yeah, thanks Ma," Vasily added.

"Okay, let's go," Nicky said impatiently, turning the door handle and letting in the winter chill, "see you tonight, mom."

She led the way down the stairs and climbed into the back seat of Vasily and Lida's car once the doors were unlocked. Their first stop was to pick up Piper at work. She had been employed at the restaurant for almost two years and had gained enough sonority in that time to manage to be off early on New Years Eve.

"I was just about to text you," Piper exclaimed when Vasily pulled the car up to the curb in front of the restaurant where she was waiting, "I thought you would have been here by now."

"Blame this one," Nicky said, pointing a finger at the back of Lida's head, "she needed to say goodbye to her kids more times than Marka ever bothered to say bye to me in my lifetime before we were allowed to leave."

Lida giggled as she blushed to the roots of her hair. "Hi, Piper," she smiled, as she turned around in her seat to greet her. "it's nice to see you again."

"You too," Piper replied. She had met Lida a few days ago at the mall when Nicky had asked them both to come shopping with her so that she could buy new clothes and other things she thought she needed. Nicky charged everything to a platinum credit card without care. Lida's eyes had bugged out at the amount of money Nicky was spending, but Nicky had only shrugged and explained that money was the only thing her mother had ever been good for.

As per Marka's instructions, the bank had sent the card to Red's apartment after the two of them had spoken on the phone at length about where Nicky would be staying once she was released. Not jealous in the slightest over her daughter's affection for this other woman, Marka had offered Red free lease of a condo that was much larger and grandeur then the humble apartment that she currently lived in. Of course, Red had adamantly refused the offer. As she had before, Red told Marka plainly that while it was wonderful she wanted to support Nicky, she herself was opposed to any handouts. She was offended at the implication that the life she provided for herself was not good enough.

Marka had seemed to get the message, although it was obvious that it made her uncomfortable not to be permitted to compensate Red financially for the emotional support she provided so selflessly to her daughter. Red had promised to give Nicky the credit card upon her release, which she had done. That same day Nicky had decided to go on a shopping spree with Lida and Piper. She hadn't told Red the plan because she knew she would have disapproved. Red had told her she should get by on what she had and wait until she was working and could buy things with her own money. Red was still a little miffed about Nicky's reluctance to apply to college, and said she disapproved of Nicky accepting Marka's financial support when she wasn't in school. If Nicky was not in school there was no reason not to be working. Nicky knew things would be better between them once she started a job.

"I'm so glad we're going out tonight," Piper exclaimed, "I could use a strong drink after the shift I just worked. My parents are hosting their god-awful New Years bash at the house tonight."

"Why is it awful?" asked Lida curiously, still turned in her seat so that she could talk to Piper and Nicky more naturally. She placed her hand on Vasily's knee, as he merged back onto the road in the direction of the restaurant that they had decided to begin their evening at."

"Ugh," Piper groaned, "stuffy people, fancy food, and dressed up waiters and maids is not how I want to spend my New Year. I did that last year. I lost most of my friends while I was in prison, and didn't really have a better alternative because Cal and Neri had been out of town at some green living convention then."

"At least your parents invited you even if you didn't want to go," Nicky countered, "my parents would just be like we're having a party, find somewhere else to be or don't come out of your room."

"Oh, Nicky, I'm sorry," said Vasily, glancing over at her in the rear-view mirror.

"I never was invited to a fancy party like that," Lida said, "and neither were my parents. Before my mamochka died, she'd sometimes take me out to dinner and to see the fireworks, but that was about it. Usually we just watched the ball drop on television."

"We always stayed home when I was a kid too," Vasily said, "Ma and Pop would let us stay up until midnight and we'd just have a party at home with the tv on. Ma would bake a lot of different sweets, Pop would make a fire for us kids to roast marshmallows on, and we'd play cards."

"That sounds exactly what a New Year's Eve should be like," Nicky said, smiling at the image Vasily had concocted in her head. What a nice family they all must have been. Even if Red and Dmitri hadn't had a very good marriage, they seem to have always managed to put aside those differences to give their sons a happy home life and a childhood full of wonderful memories. It was a far cry from Nicky's own parents who had used their daughter as a means to lash out at each other. Nicky had to give it to Red, and even begrudgingly to Dmitri, for having put their sons first.

"Aww, babe," Lida turned to Vasily, "now I feel bad for not roasting marshmallows with Alexei and Vera this New Year's Eve instead."

"Roast marshmallows with them tomorrow," Nicky rolled her eyes up to the ceiling of the car, "we're going out tonight. You are not allowed to worry about the kids tonight."

"Easier said than done," Lida smiled, looking down at the phone in her hand that she was typing on with speedy fingers.

"You better not be texting who I think you are," Nicky said, as she reached forward and snatched the cell phone out of her sister-in-law's hand.

"Nicky!" Lida cried, "give me that back!"

"No," Nicky laughed, "it's only been ten minutes since we left the house. You're going to ruin your night out if you spend the whole time texting her about the kids." Nicky quickly started typing out a hurried message on Lida's phone.

"What are you doing?" asked Lida.

"I'm telling her to disregard your last text because you're insane," Nicky said simply, making Piper giggle, "and I told her I'm confiscating your phone for the evening so if she needs you, which she won't, she needs to call me."

"Nicky," Lida protested with a small laugh.

"Also," Nicky added, slipping Lida's phone into the pocket of her leather jacket as Vasily parked the car, "your first drink of the night is on me. I think you could use one."

Vasily, who wholeheartedly agreed with Nicky, couldn't help but tease his wife as he kissed her goodbye. She really did have a hard time letting go of the children. They had left them overnight with Red a few times at Vasily's insistence that they schedule some time alone together, but Lida always remained jumpy and glued to her phone the entire time that he almost shouldn't have bothered. He was hopeful that Nicky might be successful in getting his wife to relax a little bit.

Vasily didn't want to end up like his parents who had never spent any time together without him and his brothers around. He didn't really accept that a lot of that probably had to do with Red not actually wanting to be alone with her husband. As the youngest son, he still held on to some delusions that his older brothers had long ago learned to let go of.

The three women turned heads as Nicky led the way to the bar and told the bartender to keep a running tab as she ordered Lida a shot of vodka mixed with juice, Piper a margarita, and herself a diet soda.

"I'm not going to let you pay for this," Piper said, as they found seats at the bar while they waited for their table to be ready.

"I'm not paying for them," Nicky said smoothly, "Marka is."

"I thought you didn't want to be dependent on her for money?" Piper asked, taking a long sip of her drink.

"Well, I'm not working yet," Nicky replied, "so I need to use the card until then. And a few extra drinks on the bill won't even be noticed by Marka. She doesn't care. I could live off her for the rest of my life and she wouldn't say anything."

"I gave my boss your resume," Piper told her, "I'll bet he will call you on Monday." She was a little taken-a-back at how casual Nicky was at spending her estranged mother's money. It seemed hypocritical after all of Nicky's big talk about how much she hated her mother and wanted absolutely nothing from her. She didn't seem to have a problem spending Marka's money.

"Great," Nicky said simply.

"This tastes so good," Lida sighed happily, as she put down her drink which was already half empty.

"Slow down, girl," Piper laughed.

"I don't have to," Lida giggled, "I'm off mommy duty tonight." Nicky refusing to hand back her phone seemed to be doing her a world of good. Nicky on the other hand, was now the one staring blankly down at her own cell phone.

"Something wrong?" Lida asked her, immediately looking worried again, "did mama say something about the kids?"

"What?" Nicky asked her blankly, "oh, no. It's not her. It's Lorna."

"Who's Lorna?" asked Lida, taking a final sip and then placing her empty glass down on the counter.

"Lorna Morello?" Piper asked, and Nicky nodded.

"I thought that was done?" asked Piper bluntly, "Alex told me she never came to visit you and rarely even wrote." Her words felt like a punch to the throat to Nicky. She knew what Lorna had or hadn't done for her, she didn't need Piper to remind her.

"I called her on Christmas after we got back from visiting Gloria," Nicky said, "Red went to lie down and I was just hanging around by myself so I decided to call her. We talked for hours."

"Lorna was in Litchfield too?" Lida asked, trying to piece together what was happening.

"Yeah," Piper answered, "she and Nicky were together for a long time. Then Lorna got out and they didn't keep in touch."

"She's going to meet us," Nicky said, "she just texted me that she's on her way. I invited her to come tonight but she wasn't sure she would be able to."

"That's such great news," Piper said happily, "It's going to be so great to see her again. Lorna is really sweet, Lida. She was the first person that was nice to me when I got there."

"She sounds nice," Lida said smoothly, not troubled at all that her whole life seemed to revolve around former prisoners now, from her mother-in-law to those she socialized with. Lida knew better than to judge people for mistakes they made in the past. It was never too late to redeem yourself and start over. She was seeing it happen before her very eyes.

Lida could tell that Nicky was more than a little nervous about seeing Lorna again. She didn't know the story about them, but it was completely obvious that whatever had gone down, those two very close. Maybe even in love.

"I'm going to order another drink," Piper said, finishing the final drop of her margarita, "do you want another, Lida?"

"Sure," Lida smiled at the tall blonde, "thanks Piper." After Piper had gone, Lida scooted her chair a little closer to Nicky.

"How long until Lorna gets here?" she asked kindly.

"Any minute," Nicky replied with a slight flush, "she texted me from a cab."

"Well, if you two want time alone, please feel free to tell Piper and me to get lost," Lida laughed, "we can amuse ourselves."

Nicky opened her mouth but clamped it tightly shut when she saw a petite dark haired girl walk into the restaurant and look around the room uncertainty until her eyes landed on Nicky.

"Nicky!" Lorna said happily from across the room. In an instant Nicky was on her feet and walked briskly until she wrapped her arms around Lorna's tiny waist.

"You look great, hon," Lorna said happily, almost bouncing on the spot with excitement. After they pulled away from the hug, Lorna tucked her hand into Nicky's arm and leaned her head against her shoulder. She was so happy to see her again and couldn't get close enough.

"So, what made you change your mind about coming tonight?" Nicky asked, pulling Lorna back to where Lida was sitting.

"Oh, well, you know," Lorna said vaguely, "I was missing you. I'm always missing you. I didn't want to put off seeing you for another minute."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Nicky said easily, "I was hoping you'd show up." She kissed Lorna's temple affectionately. Lida smiled brightly at the pair as she stood up to shake hands.

"Lida, this is Lorna Morello," Nicky said formally, "the prettiest girl in the entire world."

"Oh, Nicky, stop," Lorna scoffed, but looked pleased.

"Lorna, this is Lida Reznikov," Nicky continued, "she's married to Red's son, Vasily."

"Hi," Lorna smiled, sticking out a hand for Lida to shake, "it's nice to meet you."

"Same to you," Lida smiled, "that's a really beautiful dress you are wearing, by the way." Lorna was dressed in a strapless red dress that hit above the knees with a black open coat over top.

"Lorna!" Piper exclaimed, coming back to the table with two drinks. She set them down on the table and wrapped her arms around Lorna in a hug. Lorna hugged her back affectionately with a single-arm because she refused to let go of her hold on Nicky.

It was more than Nicky had dared to dream would happen tonight. The four women talked easily with one another as they sipped cocktails at the bar, or in Nicky's case soda, until a hostess came to escort them to their table. Nicky made sure that she was seated next to Lorna and they purposefully moved their chairs so that they could sit even closer. They entwined their legs together and held hands except when they were eating.

Nicky wasn't sure what to make of everything and was terrified of getting her hopes up. She and Lorna had remained lovers up until the minute before Lorna had been released from Litchfield. Nicky still couldn't fight the smile that appeared on her face every time she remembered the special send off she had given to her. Yet, Lorna had never come back to visit Nicky like she had said she would. Nicky had saved every letter that Lorna sent her and each one had filled her with hope that someday they could be together like she had wished they could from the moment that they had met. However, Nicky always had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that she deserved more than what Lorna gave her. If the situations had been revered and Nicky had been the first to be released, she knew that she would have been there every Saturday for visitation without fail, like Red did for Gloria, just to make sure that Lorna was okay.

As they sat together, engaging in pleasant conversation with Piper and Lida, Nicky paid careful attention to the way Lorna gripped her hand in hers and brushed her arm when she said something directly to her. No way in hell were those gestures platonic. It was as electric between them as it always had been, it was wrong to be depriving themselves of this connection. Nicky had thought she made her peace with how things were between them but she couldn't fight the fluttery feelings that filled up inside of her whenever Lorna gave her adoring looks. She still held out irrational hope that someday Lorna might love her the way Nicky loved her. It was a hard impulse to fight even if she knew it was self-destructive.

They lingered at the table after their meal was finished and Nicky ordered an expensive bottle of wine for the others to share. She had ignored all of the insistence that they split the bill and had handed the waiter Marka's credit card with instructions to add a forty percent tip for himself. Nicky was feeling generous. She was proud of herself for not even feeling tempted to have a drink. She had thought it would be more difficult to refrain when everybody around her was drinking, but she was having such a good time with Piper, Lida, and especially Lorna that it didn't even phase her. A little wine with dinner probably would not have hurt Nicky, but it was a slippery slope she didn't want to risk treading. Red had agreed with her.

When Nicky had told Red of her plans for New Years Eve it had instigated a serious conversation between the two of them about what Nicky would be doing and whether she was really ready to be out without Red's support. Red didn't exactly trust Piper to keep Nicky on the straight an arrow, but she had felt much better when she found out that Lida was going too. Which was ironic, because Lida was already half in the bag before they even left the restaurant. She wrapped her arms around Piper and was telling her how much she loved her, even though they had only met recently. Nicky would be f**ked if drunk Lida was supposed to be her good example of sobriety tonight.

Nicky and Lorna stood with their arms around one another as they hailed a cab outside of the restaurant. The taxis were even more in demand than usual on New Years Eve and they weren't surprised that they needed to wait.

"I don't even care," Lida said chirpily, "I mean it is cold outside, but it's so beautiful. Maybe we should walk to the bar? That might be fun." She excitedly bounced on the balls of her feet. Evidently alcohol managed to make her even more hyper and bubbly than normal.

"I'm not walking," Lorna said to Lida with a laugh, "I'll ruin my shoes," she stuck out a foot to show Lida the stiletto gray booties she was wearing.

"And they're such pretty shoes!" Lida exclaimed, "I wish I had shoes like that. I'd probably fall if I tried to walk in them though."

"That's okay," Piper reassured Lida, "your shoes are nice too."

"I've had them for years," Lida shrugged, lifting her right foot slightly and almost falling over as she tried to balance on one foot, "you can see the scruff marks on the side of them."

"Well, we didn't until you pointed it out," Nicky told her with a smirk, "get in the car before you hurt yourself." They had finally hailed a cab and all piled in. Jammed in like sardines, Lorna was half seated on Nicky's lap, which Nicky didn't mind in the slightest.

"Next year I'll be ringing in the new year with Alex," Piper sighed, as she looked out the window into the bustling city, "I feel sort of guilty being out having fun late at night when we know the lights are already shut off in Litchfield. Does it make you sad too?"

"Well, now that you brought it up I guess so," Nicky rolled her eyes, "but we can't do anything for them right now so let's try not to think about it." For one night she would like to forget about prison, who was out, and who was still inside. Red had been upset since their visit to Gloria on Christmas Day. She had confided in Nicky that night about how much Gloria was really struggling and it had made Nicky feel irrationally guilty. She knew she would sleep better once they were all free and together again. She thought about Gloria and Alex a lot too, but she wanted one night that was just for herself.

The taxi let them out in front of the nightclub that was already jamming and packed with people. The four women linked arms and walked close together so that they wouldn't be separated.

"Nicky, I want to get another drink," Lida said, tugging on the sleeve of Nicky's leather jacket. She sounded almost like a pleading child then a grown woman.

"That's probably the last thing you need," Nicky told her, "but hey, it's fine with me. You're entertaining. I'll go get a round for you guys. Just stay at the table with Piper so that I don't lose you, eh?" Lida and Piper agreed obediently, before turning back to talk intently with one another.

"Come with me," Nicky whispered in Lorna's ear, rubbing her shoulders.

"Okay," Lorna agreed happily, getting up and walking hand and hand with Nicky to the bar.

"You haven't changed at all, you know," Nicky smiled down at Lorna, wrapping her arm around her waist, "just better clothes."

"You're the same too," Lorna said quietly, "I was worried you would be mad at me for not visiting. I wanted to, babe. I don't know why I didn't make more of an effort."

"Eh, it's water under the bridge," Nicky said smoothly, not wanting to reveal how much Lorna's absence had actually hurt her, "I know you must have been busy getting your life all sorted. How's all of that going? You working?"

"Yeah, I got a job as an assistant to Mr. Harry Cleavers. He does home design work and I help him around his office," Lorna said, she leaned forward and whispered, "he's really handsome, Nicky."

"Oh, yeah," Nicky said flatly, taking the non-alcoholic cocktails that she had ordered for Piper and Lida from the bartender. She was positive they wouldn't notice the difference and Nicky wanted them to pace themselves.

Nicky wanted to pretend she hadn't heard the last line of what Lorna had said but she had heard it and it didn't surprise her. This was the way things always seemed to go between them and Nicky knew there wasn't any use getting upset about it. She and Lorna walked back to the table together and found it occupied by people who weren't Piper or Lida.

"Where the f**k are they?" Nicky muttered, looking around.

"There they are," Lorna pointed, "they're dancing!" She leaned forward and kissed Nicky's shoulder, "you and me should go dance too!"

"Absolutely, babe," Nicky replied, "let me just go hand those two their drinks and then I'm all yours."

They walked onto the dance floor to deliver the drinks Nicky had bought them. Lida threw herself into Nicky's arms and declared her the best sister she could have ever asked for. Then she took a long sip of her drink, sloshing half of it down the front of her green knit dress because she wouldn't stop dancing when she wanted to take a drink.

Nicky just chuckled and walked a little way away with Lorna, pulling her close as they swayed to the music. This was how she wanted to spend her first New Years as a free woman. Maybe she could only hold Lorna for one night, maybe she would get to hold her longer, but Nicky didn't want to let go until she had to. For some reason, with Lorna all bets were off and Nicky was willing to give more love than she knew would ever possibly be reciprocated.

"I've missed you so much, Nicky," Lorna whispered in her ear and then turned her head so that she could kiss Nicky's cheek.

"I missed you too," Nicky admitted, "I thought about you every day and wondered how you were doing. Whether your sister and her kids were driving you nuts yet."

"Oh my god," Lorna exclaimed, "it's unbelievable. The smells in that house and the noise, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stand it."

"Well if you have a good job now you could always move out and get a place on your own," Nicky told her. She twirled Lorna around before pulling her closely back into her embrace.

"That seems lonely though," Lorna replied, "now if you were there it would be perfect. Maybe you and me should buy a house together? I wish I lived with you instead of Franny."

"A house?" Nicky asked, a smile playing on her lips, "I'd love playing house with you kid. You'd need to stop telling me how handsome your boss is first though. Then I'd be game."

"Oh, but he is handsome," Lorna sighed, "he's older, but not in grandpa way, more in a silver haired, distinguished way."

"Uh huh," Nicky said dryly.

"And he's really smart too," Lorna pressed on, "you know he studied architecture in school?"

"I didn't," Nicky replied flatly. A slow song began to play and she hugged Lorna closer, as they turned in a circle.

"I'm learning so much from him," Lorna said, resting her head on Nicky's shoulder as they danced.

"That's good," Nicky said, "you seem like you're doing really well. I don't think us moving in together would be the wisest decision I could make based on what you're telling me but I'm happy for you."

"I don't think he'd want a baby though," Lorna whispered, in Nicky's ear, "He has three kids and they're already grown up. I keep trying to make myself accept that it's not going to work out but I like him so that's my problem."

"Well, maybe you should start to look elsewhere, then," Nicky sighed.

"I don't want to look elsewhere though," Lorna confessed, "I just want to look at you. I know you're who I need to be with."

Nicky smiled sadly and cupped Lorna's cheek with her hand. "I think you still have a lot of sh!t that needs to be worked out before I'd be ready to commit to anything, but you know that I've always loved you. I've made my feelings very clear about what I wanted."

"That's good," Lorna said, nuzzling her head against Nicky's shoulder. The song ended and Nicky suggested that they go outside to get some air. They passed Piper and Lida who were both laughing together as the cozied up on the dance floor.

"Do you think I should call him?" Lorna asked Nicky as they walked out into the crisp night.

"Who?" Nicky blinked, "the boss guy?" She had thought they were passed this by now. Nicky didn't know or necessarily need the details about how far things had gone between Lorna and this older man. Whether he shared in her affections or if this relationship was all just a fantasy in her mind. Falling in love at work with a much older boss did seem to fit the sort of insane romantic ideals of Lorna Morello. Nicky didn't know what to believe.

"Yeah," Lorna nodded, "I don't think it's fair to not give him a final chance."

"Maybe you should then," Nicky sighed, "you need to figure things out. Start the New Year on a clean slate. Don't waste your time in a relationship that is going nowhere." It was a pep talk that Nicky probably should have been giving to herself but she had never been very good at following her own good advice.

"He lives close to here," Lorna said, warming to the idea, "I could see if he wants to come pick me up." She turned to Nicky, "oh but honey, I shouldn't leave. This is supposed to be our night out together."

"Figure out your sh!t, and you and I can start to spend every night together," Nicky said, displaying a forced smile on her face so that Lorna wouldn't see that she was upset.

"You wouldn't mind?" Lorna asked cautiously. She pulled out of her phone and started to send off a careful text.

"So long as you're happy," Nicky said, "besides, I have two drunk friends inside that need to be taken care of. If I stay out here too long Lida might try taking her top off or something and Vasily would kill me."

Lorna linked her arm in Nicky's and rested her head on her shoulder, "I'm a mess, aren't I, Nicky?"

"Oh, most definitely," Nicky said wryly, "but I love you anyways."

"I love you too," Lorna said, "I love you more than anybody else in this world."

"That's good," Nicky said wearily, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand.

A text came back almost instantly from Harry Cleavers saying that he would be by to pick Lorna up in about five minutes.

"How do I look?" Lorna asked anxiously, smoothing her hair and dress down.

"Gorgeous," Nicky said, wrapping her arm around Lorna's head and leaning over to kiss her forehead, "did I mention how much I love that dress on you?"

"Harry bought it for me," Lorna said.

Nicky looked taken-a-back but only for a moment. "He's going to be happy to see you wearing it then," Nicky said quietly. A few minutes later and a black corvette appeared. The windows were tinted so Nicky couldn't get a look at the guy but she watched with sad eyes as Lorna jumped into the passenger seat and the car sped away. So much for a kiss at midnight.

After Lorna's departure, Nicky walked slowly back into the bar in search of her sister-in-law and friend. They were still on the dance floor, laughing and talking as though they had known each other all of their lives. Nicky was sort of surprised to see them hitting it off so well. It wasn't as if they had much in common. She was walking towards them but changed her mind and headed towards the bar. Wedging herself between bar stools because there were no available seats.

"What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Can I get a shot of whiskey," Nicky asked wryly. The bartender reached for a shot glass. "No, wait man, I was just kidding," she said quickly, "just get me a diet coke will you?" She let out a breath of relief, trying not to think too hard about what she had almost just done.

"Good girl, Nichols," said a familiar voice.

Nicky turned and her lips gaped open slightly at the sight of him. "Whoa, Luschek," Nicky said in legitimate surprise, "fancy seeing you here."

"I could say the same thing," Luschek replied, "for some reason it doesn't feel right to be seeing you out in the world." He took a long swig from his beer bottle.

Nicky looked around him casually, "so you're here by yourself?" she asked with a smirk, "do you not have any friends? Now I feel special."

"My buddy bailed," Luschek shrugged, "are you here with anybody?"

"Girls night out, Luschek," Nicky said. The person on the bar stool beside Luschek got up and Nicky quickly sat down in his seat. She popped open her can of soda. "Do you remember, Chapman?"

"I try not to," Luschek shuddered, "is she still with the hot one?"

"Getting married soon," Nicky clicked her tongue, "settling down like everybody eventually seems to. Except you and I, apparently."

"Never saw the appeal," Luschek shrugged.

"That, or nobody wanted you," Nicky teased.

They fell into an easy banter back and forth as they watched the festivities in Times Square on the large screen tv. Nicky enjoyed Luscheks' impersonations of Caputo and Healy, savouring in his ability to help make a shitty situation more tolerable. He could be an asshole, but they shared a similar sense of humour. Nicky was pretty glad she ran into him. He helped her think less about where Lorna had gone and why.

As the ball began to drop at countdown to midnight, Nicky and Luschek exchanged looks of exasperation as everyone started calling out with glee. In appropriate fitting with his general attitude about not giving a damn about anything in life, Luschek didn't even bother to get to his feet at the stroke of twelve. He took a large chug of beer and shook his head as the room roared with screams of "Happy New Year" and _Auld Lang Syne_ began to play.

Nicky felt a happy warmth spread through her as she looked around the room at all of the happy people hugging, kissing, and ringing in the New Year together. How fortunate she was to have been released at the end of the old year. There was something deeply significant about that to her. She really felt like she had the opportunity to start the new year off on the right track for the first time in her life. She had silently made several resolutions for herself, many too personal for her to want to share with anybody, except perhaps Red. She was determined to spend this year being her best self.

"Aww, f**k it," Nicky said with a grin. She leaned down and grabbed Luschek by the face with both of her hands. Smirking slightly but really wanting to do this, Nicky brought her mouth to his and kissed him. "Happy New Year, Luschek."

Luschek's face turned a deep red. He had not been expecting that in the slightest but he'd be lying if he pretended that he didn't enjoy it. "Thanks, Sunshine," he sputtered, when he finally could speak again. A slightly awkward silence fell between them.

"I should go find those two whackos I came here with," Nicky said cautiously, "it's exhausting being the sober and responsible one, by the way."

"Going home now?" asked Luschek.

"Yeah," Nicky said, "It's going to be a nightmare getting a cab. If we leave right away we might beat the huge rush."

"I've got a car," said Luschek, "I'll drive you."

"You think you can drive?" asked Nicky, "how many beers have you had?"

"This is my second all night," Luschek told her, "I'm fine. Let's go find your friends."

It took them awhile to find Piper and Lida in the crowd and even longer to persuade them that it was time to leave. Both were obviously getting ready to crash though. When they all got into the car, Piper could barely keep her eyes open and Lida fell asleep with her face pressed up against the window. Nicky sat in the front seat with Luschek but stayed pretty quiet as he began to drive. She wasn't sure what to say to him and she felt a little weird about what she had done inside the bar. She didn't exactly regret it though either.

Their first stop was Lida's house. Vasily was already home and he came outside to help Nicky wake up his wife and escort her inside.

"Have you talked to mama?" asked Vasily, as he and Nicky stood together on the porch after Lida went upstairs to bed.

"No," Nicky said, looking anxious, "is something wrong?"

"Not really," said Vasily, "Julio called her and needed a ride back from that concert he and Benny went to tonight. I guess they started drinking at the concert and he was having difficulties getting Benny into the cab to go home."

"Really?" Nicky asked, looking amused, "they're going to get a huge wake up call once Gloria gets out of prison and kicks their asses."

"Well, I bet mom is kicking their asses for her right now," Vasily grinned, "she went and picked them up but she was trying to reach all of us so somebody could come back and sit with the kids while she went."

"I didn't check my phone," Nicky admitted sheepishly, "oh, and I confiscated Lida's." She pulled out Lida's phone and handed it to Vasily. Then she checked her own and saw the two missed calls from Red on it.

"What did she do with the kids then?" asked Nicky.

"Maxim and Luca went over and sat with them until she came back," Vasily said, "so they'll be getting all the praise from mama about being the ones she can depend on for awhile."

"I guess I can live with that," Nicky replied.

"Did you have a good night?" Vasily asked.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded, "probably not as much as your wife did though." She sniggered, "she might be a little sick tomorrow. Don't worry about picking up the kids too early. I bet mom will be glad to keep them for lunch."

"Sounds good," Vasily grinned, "We'll probably sleep in. Happy New Year, Nicky."

Nicky hurried back to the car and gave Luschek the directions to Piper's house.

"Where are we going?" Piper asked with bleary eyes.

"Driving you home," Nicky explained.

"Whose car is this?" asked Piper.

"Mine," Luschek told her, "do me a favour and try not to puke until you get out of the car, okay Chapman?"

"Where did you find him?" Piper asked Nicky.

"He crawled out of his hole to ring in the New Year," Nicky said, "and he saved us from having to flag down a taxi so it works for us."

Luschek waited patiently as Nicky walked Piper up the steps of her parents' grand house and escorted her upstairs to her bedroom so that none of the departing guests would speak to her. As she walked back downstairs and let herself out, Nicky tried to ignore the way her heart was hammering in her chest. It was just Luschek, so Nicky had no idea why was feeling this anxious about what had just transpired between them. She was worried that Luschek hadn't liked it and that it had been a mistake. Nicky had always suspected that Luschek had a slight crush on her, but maybe she had been misreading the signs. She wasn't exactly an expert when it came to men.

"Your home?" Luschek asked, when Nicky got back into the car and fastened her seatbelt. She gave him the address to her and Red's apartment.

"That's just down the road from where your other friend lived," Luschek complained, "you're making me go in circles."

"Well, I could have gotten out of the car right away and left you to be responsible for taking Piper home and tucking her in," Nicky said shortly, "but I figured you'd rather leave that up to me."

"I guess I don't mind you hanging around a little longer," Luschek relented, "are you hungry? You want to get a burger or something?"

Nicky agreed and Luschek pulled up at the drive-thru of the first burger joint they could find and ordered for both of them. When they got to the window, Nicky once again pulled out Marka's credit card and handed it to the cashier.

"I know where you work," Nicky rolled her eyes at Luschek, "I think this will be on me."

Luschek parked the car in one of the vacant parking spaces behind the quiet restaurant. They ate in a tense silence for a few minutes.

"Freedom looks good on you," Luschek said awkwardly, with his mouth full of food.

"So long as I never need to wear anything beige again I'll be very happy," Nicky told him. The silence resumed.

"You kissed me," Luschek said cautiously.

"You're supposed to kiss someone at midnight on New Years Eve," Nicky said simply, "don't make it weird."

"Okay, I won't," Luschek replied, "except...I'm glad my first kiss of the new year was from you."

"Let's just hope it's not your only kiss this year," Nicky joked. She wiggled a little closer to him and leaned her head on Luschek's shoulder with ease.

She wasn't sure who started it, only that she wasn't sorry that it was happening. It was hardly how she had planned to end the night but it was where she wanted to be. Their mouths connected as their tongues danced together. Nicky pulled herself onto Luschek's lap and straddled him as she began to loosen the buckle on his belt.

"Really?" Luschek asked in puzzlement.

"You got a problem with it?" Nicky asked him with raised eyebrows, her hands pressed to the front of his jeans where she could feel his mounting desire for her.

"No…" Luschek stammered, "I just thought you were a…"

"Don't presume to know everything about someone," Nicky grinned, as she succeeded in loosening his belt and undoing the button of his jeans. "I have many sides, Luschek."

"I can see that," he murmured. He reached up and cupped her breasts in both of his hands as their mouths joined in another kiss. Nicky hiked up the skirt of her dress. She kept her over the knee boots on and enjoyed how Luschek shuddered when they pressed against his thigh.

"Wait a second," Luschek said, panting heavily.

"What?" asked Nicky in annoyance.

"Need this," Luschek said jokingly, as he pulled a condom out of his wallet.

"Good job, Luschek," Nicky applauded, "being the responsible one. I don't usually have to think about those technicalities. Why did you have that anyway? Were you expecting to get laid tonight?"

"It's essential," Luschek replied simply, "like carrying around your driver's license."

"Well, put it on and stop talking," Nicky said briskly, "you're ruining the moment."

Luschek shrugged his jeans and boxers down to his ankles and readied himself. Nicky mounted him, taking him in her hands and directing him towards her with confidence. She placed her hands on top of his shoulders and allowed her head to fall against his as she began to thrust. Luschek placed his hands on her hips, squeezing her tightly. They panted in unison, surprisingly in tune with one another's bodies as though they had done this before. Reaching out one hand Luschek reclined the seat to give them more room and Nicky lowered herself right on top of him, as he plunged even deeper inside her.

Sensing that she was nearing her peak, Luschek finally permitted himself to let go in a climax that was more electric than he could ever remember having in his lifetime. He could hardly believe this was happening right now. Although, being with Nicky Nichols in this situation was something that had crossed through his mind on more than one occasion in the past.

Nicky placed her mouth on his neck and sucked hard as waves of euphoria rose over her, leaving her body trembling in a state of bliss. Her legs flailed out in a search for something to brace themselves against. They kicked against the steering wheel, Nicky pressing unintentionally against the horn.

"Stop it," Luschek laughed, coming down from his peak as the horn beeped loudly again, "you're going to draw attention to us!"

"I can't," Nicky cried, laughing just as hard as him. She untangled her legs from around the steering wheel as she pulled away from him. Readjusting her panties, Nicky shrugged her dress back down and moved back over to the passenger seat. That had been great. Much more enjoyable than she remembered sex with a man ever being before. Although the last time she had been with a guy had been in high school.

Luschek raised the back of his seat after he had finished composing himself. He looked at Nicky and blinked, "was that good for you?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Not bad," Nicky answered fairly, "I think I still prefer the ladies though."


	9. Chapter 9

Nicky kneeled down on the floor as soon as she entered the apartment so that she could greet the two dogs and calm them before they woke the kids up by barking. The living room was empty and the apartment was silent. The lamp, which Red had purposefully left on for her, gave off a soft lighting in the otherwise darkened space. Red had probably gone to bed hours ago.

Nicky yawned loudly as she pulled her boots off one by one and tossed them onto the mat by the door. She slipped her jacket off and slung it over the back of the couch. Hanging it on the hook seemed like way too much effort at the moment. She would put her things away properly tomorrow.

"Did you have a good night?" Nicky heard. She looked over at Red who had just entered the room. She was wearing a white sweater over her pajamas and looked utterly exhausted.

"Yeah," Nicky said, "you didn't have to wait up for me though. You look dead on your feet."

"Hmm," Red sighed, "I wasn't actually waiting up for you if I'm being honest."

"Oh, yeah that," Nicky said, looking slightly guilty, "sorry I didn't answer the phone. It was really loud where we were so I didn't hear it." What had just transpired between her and Luschek had caused her to momentarily forget about what Vasily had said about Red needing to go pick up Gloria's sons from the concert.

"That's alright," Red said, "Maxim was at home and he drove over while I went to pick the boys up. I should have thought to call him first anyways, since he was closest."

"So, what happened?" asked Nicky, looking slightly amused.

"Both of them drunk out of their minds," Red said testily, "according to Julio they bought from somebody selling in the parking lot and got completely hammered. Then his wallet got lost or stolen so they didn't have any money for the cab fare home. At least they had enough sense to call me to come and get them."

"Yeah," Nicky said, "it could have been worse. They could have tried to hitchhike."

Red looked utterly petrified, "don't even think about such a thing."

"Sorry," Nicky replied.

"Just give me a few minutes and I'll make you up a bed on the sofa for tonight," Red said grimly, "The boys are sleeping over. I wasn't going to drop two drunk teenagers on Lourdes doorstep at this hour. It's my fault for trusting that they were responsible enough to go to that concert unsupervised."

"You gave them my bed?" Nicky asked in outrage, "that's not fair. Give them yours since you're the one who brought them here."

"Shush," Red hissed, "Alexei and Vera are sleeping in my room, you know that."

"Then make them sleep on the couch," Nicky sounded annoyed, "I don't understand why I'm the one being punished."

"There's not enough room for two, Nicky," Red said with a yawn, "be reasonable. It's only for tonight."

"Huh," Nicky breathed, "there would be enough room if one of them slept on the floor. Don't we have a sleeping bag around here somewhere?"

"Right now, one of them is sleeping on the bathroom floor as we speak hugging the toilet," Red said rubbing her bleary eyes. She sighed, "it's going to be a long night."

"Which one?" asked Nicky, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Benny," Red said thickly.

"Well, can you kick him out long enough for me to use the bathroom?" asked Nicky, "I need to take a shower and I really want to get to sleep soon."

"Don't we all," Red rolled her eyes, turning on her heel towards the direction of the bathroom. Nicky padded along behind her.

"How are you feeling now?" Red said as she walked into the dark bathroom. Benny was curled up on the floor with his head in his hands. He let out a dramatic moan of anguish.

"Alright, up you come," Red said sternly.

"I'm sick," Benny groaned.

"That nature's way of punishing you for being stupid," Red told him unsympathetically. She walked over and leaned down to wrap her arms around his shoulders and, with difficulty, help him to his feet. He was over a foot taller than she was and the way he leaned his weight against her was not comfortable.

"Into bed now," Red told him in a clipped tone. Nicky stepped back to let them pass, and Red led Benny into Nicky's bedroom where Julio was already sleeping soundly.

The clock on Nicky's dresser told Red that it was a quarter to three and she could have collapsed then and there being how tired she was. She had just crawled into bed when she had gotten the phone call from Julio asking if she could please pick them up. Quick as a flash, Red had sprung into action arranging for Maxim to hurry over to watch the children, before heading out to pick up the boys with just her jacket worn over her pajamas.

The boys had been sombre as she drove them back to her place. Red hadn't said much to them besides demanding they get into the car and then watching them clamour into the back seat together, Julio apparently too nervous to sit next to her in the front. Red was upset that they had betrayed her trust when she had believed them responsible enough to behave themselves on this night out she had bought them at quite an expense. However, an even bigger part of her was elated that Julio's mind had immediately thought to call her when he realized that they were in trouble. She had always had a call anytime, no questions asked policy for her own sons when they had become teenagers. She felt positive that she was doing something right if Gloria's sons felt they could count on her. She never wanted to let them down.

"I am proud of you boys for doing the right thing and calling me," Red had praised them as she drove, and they both had looked taken-a-back at her words. Benny had already been feeling a little queasy and Red had told him sternly to let her know if he needed her to pull over, unless he wanted to be responsible for paying to have Maxim's car's interior deep cleaned. Julio didn't appear to be nauseous like his brother, but he seemed very depressed and jumpy to Red. Whether this was an effect of the alcohol or because he was feeling guilty, she was not certain. They both had looked as though they were expecting a good scolding from her, which Red would be more than happy to deliver tomorrow morning. At the time, she had just been grateful that they were both safe. She would save the lecture for the morning.

Julio was curled onto his side facing the wall with his covers kicked off. Red noted that he was shivering slightly. She walked Benny over to his side of the bed and then went to Julio. She pulled the covers up and tucked him in. Such a foolish boy, she thought affectionately. He was reminding her of the time Yuri had been visiting a friend when he was thirteen and they stole a bottle of gin from the liquor cabinet. She hadn't enjoyed the task of caring for her drunk child, but she did consider such infractions to be a right of passage and a part of growing up. So long as they knew enough to call if things got out of hand, Red considered it to be a life lesson.

She went back to Benny who was sitting hunched with his legs dangling over the side of the bed. There was no expression on his face, he seemed to be in a daze. Red wondered if he would even remember any of this come morning.

Without any inhibition, Red slowly unzipped Benny's jacket and helped him slide his arms out of it. Once he was free of his coat, she knelt down on the floor and pulled his shoes off one by one. Benny let out a whimper and looked down at her with glazed eyes that revealed nothing. Red got up to put his things on the desk.

She felt a bulge in the pocket of Benny's jacket and stuck her hand inside curiously. Her hand wrapped around a baggie and when she pulled it out she saw that it was pot. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, Red stuffed it into the pocket of her own sweater without hesitation. There was no way she would be allowing him to walk out of here with that. Her back was to the bed and she wasn't sure if Benny had seen what she did. He wasn't in any state to fight her for his stash anyway. She folded up his jacket and placed it on Nicky's desk where he could retrieve it tomorrow.

"I want you to try and get some sleep now," Red said in a clipped tone as she turned back around. Benny shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around his middle. He was bent over at the waist with his hair brushing his lap and even in the dark he looked a little green to her.

"Do you think you might be sick again?" Red frowned and Benny shook his head pitifully in reply. "I'll get you a bucket anyway," she said wearily, entirely unconvinced. She walked briskly into her kitchen and rummaged through the recycling bin for something she could place on the nightstand in case Benny should need it in the night. She flinched when she turned around and saw that he had followed behind her.

"What are you doing?" Red asked perplexed, her forehead creasing.

"I don't know," Benny mumbled, "I didn't want to be alone. I've never been here before." He sounded more vulnerable than Red ever thought he could sound. His drunkenness causing him to reveal the side of him that was usually kept protectively away. He seemed so young right now and if she didn't know better, Red would struggle to believe that he was the same boy who displayed so much anger, who got into fights on the street, got drunk at a concert, and had a large quantity of weed in his coat pocket.

"You're not alone in there," Red told him, her expression softening, "Julio is going to sleep right beside you and this is a small apartment, you're can't lose me in here."

Benny nodded. Red moistened her bottom lip and went to the sink to get him a glass of water while he leaned against the counter and watched her. This was the closest he had ever allowed himself to be to her and it was certainly the first time he had willingly sought her out. It was a shame that he needed to be drunk and sick for this to happen. Red had given up on having any sort of relationship with him awhile ago but the way he was being right now renewed her hope that things could be okay between them. Maybe he was ready to finally be done punishing her for the things other people had done wrong. She knew she would be devastated if he reverted back to treating her with contempt tomorrow.

"Okay then," Red nodded, "let's get you back into your bed." Benny turned automatically and led the way. He still couldn't walk a straight line to save his life and bumped against the wall and the side of the door while Red walked behind him and gritted her teeth.

"It's not his bed, it's my bed," Nicky said with a pout. She had emerged from the bathroom dressed in Red's robe just in time to hear her last remark. Nicky followed them into her room and began rummaging in her dresser drawer for pajamas. Red put the bucket on the night stand and then placed an encouraging hand on Benny's shoulder as he climbed back into the bed.

"Do you think you can drink some water for me?" Red asked him softly. She placed her hand behind his head and brought the glass to his lips. Benny made no move to take it from her, but allowed her to hold it for him while he dutifully drank. He leaned his head back against her hand, seeming to savour the feeling of her touch. Encouraged, Red scratched his scalp affectionately with her nails. She was happy to give him a bit of comfort.

"Very good," Red whispered in praise. She kept her hand on the back of his head as she helped him lay down in the bed. She reached for the covers and pulled them up to his chin. She was doing for Benny what she had done countless times for her children and for the women she had looked after in prison. However, she was still a little stunned in disbelief that he was permitting her to care for him. He even seemed to be enjoying her attentions. Benny let out another whimper of discomfort.

"You need to get some sleep," Red said, brushing his hair off of his face, "if you think you feel bad now, just wait until tomorrow." She sighed and smoothed his blanket unnecessarily.

"My head hurts," Benny told her pathetically.

"I'll get you a cool cloth," Red replied, walking back out of the room and catching Nicky's eye on her way. Nicky had been lingering unnoticed by the dresser while watching the exchanges between them. It was interesting to observe Benny when he was not at all in a position to be defiant. Red returned and sat down naturally on the edge of the bed beside him as though this was normal for them. It was like Benny hadn't spent the better part of the last year actively avoiding her and being downright abrasive whenever they happened to meet.

"It's cold," Red said warningly, before wiping Benny's face and neck with the wrung-out cloth she had brought him. She then folded it and placed it gently over his forehead. Nicky decided she had seen enough and walked out into the hall carrying her pajamas. Neither Red or Benny noticed her departure.

"My bedroom is right across the hall," Red told him, laying her hand on the blanket where she knew his arm was. Benny nodded but his eyes were already beginning to close. "I'll leave my door open. Come get me if you need anything. Anything at all, okay? You won't be bothering me." Benny nodded again.

"We'll talk about everything else in the morning," Red said. She moved her hand back to his head and rested it there for a long pause. Benny's eyes were closed but his lashes flickered as he waited for sleep to come. Red glanced over at Julio who hadn't stirred since she came in.

Julio had looked so ashamed of himself when she had arrived to pick them up. It was as though he were terrified she was going to hate him for letting her down. The two of them had a special bond that Red had encouraged and was grateful for. She had thought Julio had been secure in it, but the look on his face that night had made Red realize how great his fear of losing her really was. Their relationship had developed into something deeper and more meaningful than Red had ever imagined a relationship with Gloria's son could be. She loved him like her own, she had even said as much to him as she had put him to bed when they got home. He probably wouldn't remember her words in the morning but the sentiments were there. Red felt so blessed to have him in her life.

Red looked back at Benny with sad eyes that took in the stony expression on his face. Even in sleep he did not look rested. His forehead was creased as he frowned and his jaw was clenched tightly. Without hesitation, Red cupped his chin gently in her hand and rubbed her fingers against his cheek. She was rewarded when his facial features began to relax.

Red stood up and her hand pressed against the bulge in her pocket where Benny's confiscated marijuana was. She knew Benny would be furious when he discovered that she had taken it. However, it went against everything Red stood for if she allowed him to keep it. Walking resolutely into the bathroom she impulsively dumped the weed into the toilet and flushed it away. Benny could always find more and he probably would, she knew she couldn't stop him.

Despite wanting nothing more than to crawl into her bed at that very moment, Red went into the living room to see about Nicky. She found her precious girl curled up on the couch with the throw blanket tossed over her. Suppressing another sigh, Red opened the hall linen closet and pulled out a blanket and pillow.

"Sorry about all of this, darling," Red murmured as she covered Nicky with the heavy blanket and passed her the pillow to put beneath her head. She sat down on the couch by Nicky's feet and rubbed her leg through the blanket, "I'm glad you had a good time tonight."

"It was okay," Nicky said shortly. She didn't mean to sound grumpy but it was late and she was tired. It annoyed her to have Gloria's sons in her bed that night. She hadn't even slept in it once yet. In all fairness, that was because she had been choosing to sleep in Red's bed since her homecoming. However, knowing Red's grandchildren would be spending the night had made Nicky sort of excited to sleep for the first time in the beautiful room that had been lovingly prepared for her. Now she was lying on the couch like some unexpected guest.

"Are you mad at me?" Red asked her with an edge in her voice.

"You can't give somebody my bed without asking me first," Nicky said, sticking out her lower lip.

"I didn't know where else to put them," Red said honestly, "you've never slept in it anyways. You like to sleep with me."

"It's still my bed," Nicky insisted, "and you said I couldn't sleep with you tonight anyways because you have the kids."

"I'm sorry," Red said, sounding slightly exasperated, "it's just for tonight though, okay?" Nicky shrugged her shoulders and did not answer. It bothered her a bit that there were always just so many people around taking up all of Red's time and energy. She never would have believed they would have had more space together in prison.

"We can talk more in the morning," Red said. She could tell that Nicky was still upset with her but she didn't have enough stamina to handle that right now. She needed to get to bed. Alexei and Vera would have her up in a matter of hours. Not to mention the two boys who would surely be sporting matching hangovers by morning. Red hadn't told Lourdes that they had been drinking when she rang to let her know that they were with her. She hadn't wanted to make this a bigger issue than it needed to be and, even more importantly, she wanted them to trust her.

Rubbing her tired eyes, Red stood up and leaned down to kiss the top of Nicky's head. Nicky glared at her in response. "Happy New Year, beautiful girl," Red whispered, as she switched off the light.

Alexei was lying with his arms and legs spread as though he were making snow angels in his sleep. It always astonished Red how such a tiny person could take up an entire bed. Wiggling him over slightly, Red crawled in beside him. Vera was sleeping soundly in her playpen next to her, and Red gently touched her cheek to ensure the baby was not too hot or too cold. Satisfied, she turned over and went to sleep. Morning would be here very soon.

Very soon indeed. It felt like it had only been five minutes since she had laid her head on the pillow, when Red was roused rudely awake by the sound of her granddaughter crying. She opened her eyes and stared into the playpen where Vera was standing up, glaring at her reproachfully.

"Good morning, Vera," Red smiled at the baby, "are you ready to start your day?"

"Up, up!" Vera exclaimed, her little frown switching to a smile now that she had her Grandma's attention. She held her arms out and Red lifted her out of the playpen.

"I was hoping you might sleep in sweetheart," Red said, as she reached into the diaper bag Lida had left on her nightstand, "but I suppose it doesn't matter to you if everybody else kept your Grandma up all night, does it?"

"No," Vera said clearly, shaking her head as Red changed her diaper.

"I didn't think so," Red smiled in spite of herself, "that isn't your problem, is it baby?" She pulled Vera back onto her lap and kissed the little girl's scarlet hair.

"No," Vera said again.

Alexei was still snoring loudly as Red slowly got out of bed and walked across the hall, with Vera in her arms, so that she could check on the boys. They were both still asleep and hopefully would stay that way for a little longer. Red shut the door to the room tightly, and hoped that would be enough to block out the inevitable noise that came from having little children in the house.

She walked into the kitchen and glanced at Nicky who was sleeping on the couch with her wild curls spread out like a halo around her. Red felt terrible because she knew it would be almost impossible to not wake her when there was a rambunctious toddler in the apartment. Red flicked on the television to some cartoons and turned the volume down low in the hopes that it would keep Vera occupied, and reasonably quiet, while she went to prepare her breakfast.

Humming softly to herself, despite how tired she was, Red walked back to the kitchen and turned on her coffee maker. Then she busied herself preparing the oatmeal that Vera ate everyday. She heard a crash and creaking of floorboards and little feet raced down the hall towards her.

"Grandma," Alexei said, holding his dinosaur to himself protectively, "I woke up and you weren't there. I was so sad."

"Aww," Red said, kneeling down to give him a good morning hug, "I just woke up with Vera so I could start making breakfast. Are you hungry, baby?"

"Yeah," Alexei nodded, "I want chocolate chips!"

"I don't think so," Red told him with a look of disapproval, "but you can have some oatmeal or a piece of toast with jam."

"I want jam!" Alexei said loudly.

"Jam it is," Red said, standing back up and turning to pop a piece of toast into the toaster, "do you want something to drink too?"

"I have juice?" asked Alexei.

"Apple or orange?" Red asked.

"Apple," Alexei said. Red reached into the cupboard for one of the plastic cups that she kept for when her grandchildren came to visit. She poured Alexei his juice and put some jam on his piece of toast. Then he wandered over to the tv for some early morning cartoons. Red bit back a smile when she saw him hop up on the couch without hesitation, and seat himself on top of Nicky's feet. By some miracle, Nicky didn't stir and Red sat down at the table to savour a few minutes of peace while she drank her first coffee of the day.

"Ahh!" Nicky yelped.

"What's wrong?" Red asked in alarm, "did she bite you?" If Vera had, it would not have been the first time it happened.

"Do you know how scary it is to wake up to a child standing about an inch away from your face staring at you?" Nicky exclaimed.

"Pretty terrifying I'd imagine," Red said dryly.

"You know I have a bad heart, right?" Nicky said grumpily, jumping up off of the couch with her comforter still wrapped around her.

"I'm sorry," Red said, placing her half-full coffee mug down on the table, "I didn't notice her doing that or I would have stopped her." She stood up and filled a bowl of oatmeal for Vera. "Come get your breakfast, baby," Red called to the little girl.

"I guess since they're both out here that means I'm allowed to go sleep in your bed now?" Nicky asked.

"That's what it means," Red said absentmindedly, picking up Vera and fastening her into her booster seat. "I'll try and keep them quiet so you can rest."

"Try hard," Nicky pressed. With a roll of her eyes she walked towards Red's bedroom and threw herself down on the unmade bed. She had had a terrible night. The couch was not comfy to sleep on at all and Nicky had tossed and turned for several hours after Red turned out the light.

Deep down Nicky knew it wasn't Red's fault for how the evening had gone. She had known there were going to be compromises and adjustments made in their relationship now that they were living in the real world with several family members to account for. What Nicky hadn't counted on was being made to feel like she was always going to be Red's last priority. She enjoyed having people around in general, but she did not like how her space had been invaded. However well meaning her intentions had been, Red should not have given Gloria's sons her bed. Nicky probably would have allowed it had Red bothered to ask, but being kicked out of her own bed without a say had bothered her more than she could put into words. It had made Nicky feel like she was in the way.

Nicky's sleep had also been impacted by the numerous thoughts that had been spewing through her mind since Luschek had dropped her off last night. She was worried about Lorna and desperate to know how her night with Harry had gone. Nicky really wanted to phone her but she was hoping that Lorna might call her. She had gathered enough evidence the night before to conclude that Lorna did still love her even as she continued to wrestle with her incessant need to search for somebody to fulfill the fantasy concocted in her brain. Maybe someday Lorna would let that go and realize that Nicky had been there all along waiting patiently. Nicky wasn't going to hold her breath but she would be open to it.

One thing she had staunchly decided however was that she was not going to put her life on hold for a relationship that might never happen. It was why she had slept with Luschek last night and didn't regret it. Nicky had been pleasantly surprised by what a considerate partner he had turned out to be and the confidence he displayed once she gave him the go-ahead. He must have been thinking about doing things like that to her for awhile, Nicky sniggered. So long as he didn't try to read anymore into it, she would probably sleep with him again. Nicky refused to sit around feeling sorry for herself while Lorna tried to find herself. She had her own independent life to live.

Once the kids had been fed and Red finally got the opportunity to finish her coffee, she went to check on Nicky who was blessedly sleeping. Nicky had been annoyed with Red since she had gotten home last night and she was hoping she'd wake up in a happier mood if everybody left her alone. It had probably been wrong for her to put the boys in Nicky's bed but there had been no other alternative that she could see. She was doing her best.

Shutting the door to her room, Red walked across the hall to peer in on the boys. Benny was still sleeping in the same position he had fallen asleep in, but Julio was sitting up in bed with his shoulders hunched and his head in his hands.

"Well, good morning," Red said to him with a touch of humour in her voice. She opened the door a little wider and stepped into the room.

"What's good about it?" Julio grunted.

"Well for starters," Red said as she walked over to the window, "it's a beautiful day." She threw open the drapes and allowed the imposing sunlight to stream into the room.

"Augh," Julio protested, burying his face in the covers, "cover the windows."

"I think we'll leave them open during the day," Red replied brightly, a wicked smile spreading across her face, "the light wouldn't bother you if you hadn't been drinking last night."

"Okay, I get it," Julio replied, "I'm really sorry. Will you close the curtains now? Please?"

"You scared me," Red said honestly, ignoring his request. She walked over to sit on the foot of the bed. "Anything could have happened to you two. There is a reason why there are age restrictions on drinking." Julio gave a slight nod of understanding, his head still buried in his hands.

"Would you like me to get you something for your headache?" Red asked him, "although I'm tempted to just let you suffer. Teach you a lesson."

"Can I have a Tylenol?" Julio asked pleadingly.

"Sure," Red relented, "wait there." She walked back into the living room to check on Alexei and Vera who were playing with the Lego she had spilled out onto the floor for them. She poured a glass of water for Julio and grabbed the container of Tylenol from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Then she went back to the bedroom.

"What happened last night?" Red asked, passing Julio a pill and the glass. She refrained from commenting on the curtains that he had closed in her absence.

Julio shrugged, and chased his pill down with a sip of water.

"Do you realize how stupid what you did was?" Red asked him sternly.

"I know," Julio said quietly, looking ashamed.

"I don't really care that you were drinking," Red said, "but I care that you and your brother were drinking in public surrounded by people who could try to take advantage of young boys like you. You're lucky that you only lost your wallet."

"I'm sorry," Julio found that he couldn't quite meet her gaze. He did regret his actions though, even if a part of him felt good to know that she cared about his well-being and hadn't just thrown him out the moment he got up.

"You should be," Red told him, "now get up. There are some dishes that you can wash for me and then we'll see what else I can find for you to do."

"I'm sick," Julio said unnecessarily.

"Which is your own fault," Red replied, "a hangover from underage drinking does not give you a pass to lounge around in bed all day. Wake up your brother and meet me in the kitchen."

Julio moaned and buried his face in the comforter, "I'm going to throw up," he groaned.

"Well, if you do make sure it's in the toilet," Red told him indifferently. Then she left to go back to Alexei and Vera in the living room.

Julio followed a few minutes later looking bleary eyed and miserable. Benny was with him looking quite pale and uncertain as he entered the room after his older brother.

"Dishes?" Julio sighed, glancing at Red who was sitting on the couch while the children played. She nodded and Julio obediently went over to the sink. There weren't even that many to do, it was more just the principle of putting them to work.

"One of you can wash while the other rinses." She waited to see if Benny would curse at her or refuse, but he did neither of those things. Red was impressed.

She got to her feet and went to reach above the microwave for the pills she had put up there. "Here," she said to Benny, "these will help with your nausea and headache." Benny hesitated before reaching to take the two pills from her flat, outstretched palm. Julio turned on the faucet and both boys turned their backs on her to begin the task she had assigned.

"When you're finished with that, the bathroom could use a good scrubbing," Red told them nonchalantly, "I'm sure I don't need to tell you why, Benny."

"I threw up in the toilet," Benny said in annoyance, "I didn't make a mess."

"Then it won't take you very long to complete," Red said calmly. Benny looked for a moment as though he would like to argue, but Julio nudged him and he clamped his mouth shut.

"Are you going to tell our Tia what we did?" Julio asked Red worriedly.

"Should I?" Red asked him, leaning her back against the counter where she stood next to him.

"I'd rather you didn't," Julio admitted.

"Then I won't," Red said simply. She had no intention of interfering in their home life and invoking more conflict. She wasn't even entirely sure that she would have told Gloria what had transpired last night were she around to hear it. As it stood, it did not matter. Informing Gloria of any of her sons' grievances would only serve to cause her to feel even more helpless and isolated than she already did. Red would do anything to avoid causing Gloria more pain.

"Did you at least enjoy the concert?" she asked them conversationally.

"Yes," Julio answered for both of them, "it was amazing. Thanks again."

"Your welcome," Red said softly.

A knock at the door caused both of the dogs to leap up from their resting places in uproar. Leaving the boys to do the dishes, Red went to open it. It was Lida and Vasily, both looking a little worse for wear but in good spirits.

"Happy New Year, Ma," Vasily said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Happy New Year," Lida echoed, also kissing Red's cheek before rushing over to sit on the floor next to her two babies. She was dressed in gray sweats, a black sweatshirt, and was suspiciously wearing a dark pair of sunglasses that she did not remove even once she was indoors.

"Rough night?" Red asked her daughter-in-law as she shut the door behind them.

"No, I had a great night," beamed Lida, "one of the best nights I had out in awhile. That Piper is a lot of fun." She leaned over to kiss her children.

"So, I guess those sunglasses are just a fashion statement," Red teased, "that's alright. I'm glad you had fun." Red went to pour them all a cup of coffee.

"Glad you had fun?" Benny rolled his eyes at Red as he dried his hand on a tea towel. Then he passed her to go clean the bathroom as she had instructed. Red was just happy to see that he hadn't put up a bigger fight over the punishment chores she had assigned them. He could be reasonable when he wanted to be.

"That is an amazing tower, Alexei," Lida praised her son, who was intently focused on building the tallest building he could out of the mega-blocks. Vera was content to be dumping spare blocks out of the container before promptly replacing them in a game she had invented.

"Mommy, you help me?" Alexei asked.

"Hmm, I think you can do a better job without me," Lida replied, pulling herself onto the couch next to Vasily and resting her head on his shoulder. Red brought the coffee over and sat down on her son's other side while they watched the children play.

Nicky woke up and frowned when she heard the sound of chatter in the living room. She had sort of been hoping that the apartment would empty itself while she was asleep. No such luck. She rolled out of the bed and headed into the bathroom. Julio was on his hands and knees deep cleaning the tub while Benny sprayed down the sink.

"She put you guys to work, huh?" Nicky asked sympathetically.

"Yeah," Julio sighed, getting back up to his feet, "I think it's good enough now though."

"I don't know," Nicky said, "can I see my face in it yet?"

"Is that supposed to be a requirement?" Julio asked.

"It should be," Nicky shrugged, "maybe I should put that stipulation on you guys. I'm the one who had to sleep on the couch last night."

"I'm not doing another thing after this," Benny said, "I'm going home."

"Sounds like a plan," Nicky said, "I'm going to go have some breakfast." She walked out into the crowded living room still dressed in her pajamas.

"Auntie's up," Alexei cheered, jumping up from the floor and running to wrap himself around Nicky's legs.

"Ooof," Nicky exclaimed, "yeah. Good morning to you too, kid." She patted Alexei awkwardly on the top of his head.

"Anything to eat around here?" Nicky asked Red.

"What would you like?" Red asked standing up reluctantly. She wasn't exactly in the mood to cook for her but was willing to do it if only to make amends for giving away Nicky's bed last night.

"Hmm," Nicky considered, "can I have a western sandwich?"

"Sure," Red replied, she turned to look at Vasily and Lida, "anyone else?"

"I'll take a sandwich, mama," Vasily said, "thanks."

"No thank you," Lida said, "I don't feel like eating right now."

"How about a drink for your hangover?" Nicky asked her sarcastically.

"I'm good, Nicky," Lida giggled. Red was preparing the two sandwiches when Julio and Benny walked into the room.

"It's done," Julio told her.

"Thanks, you two," Red told them, "I can make you some dry toast if you'd like. Maybe some tea to soothe your stomach?"

They both nodded and sat down silently at the kitchen table to wait. Red smiled to herself as she popped some more bread into the toaster. Even as troublesome as they were, she was glad that Benny hadn't bolted from the place the moment he woke up. He was quiet, but he had been nothing but respectful to her and he had done as she asked. They sat slumped at the table with their heads in their hands while Red worked briskly to prepare everybody's food. She gave the first servings of toast to the boys and then went about putting together Nicky and Vasily's sandwiches.

A full house like this was what Red enjoyed most. She knew Nicky was annoyed, and she would make it up to her later, but Red was old enough to appreciate that a house overstuffed with family was a blessing. Especially, since Benny and Julio were both here. It almost brought tears to Red's eyes when she thought of Gloria being released and coming home to an environment where she had a partner who adored her and also made her children happy. What had once seemed unobtainable was now becoming possible.

Julio and Benny lingered even after Vasily and Lida had left with the kids. They seemed in no hurry to leave and Red was happy to have them stay. She handed them the remote and allowed them to lounge in front of the television looking the picture of relaxation. Red made sure to sit close to Nicky, wrapping her arm around her and pulling her so that Nicky was leaning against her, her back to Red's stomach and her head on her chest.

"Who are you texting?" Red had whispered, as Nicky leaned back into her embrace but kept her gaze firmly fixed upon the phone in her hands.

"Lorna," Nicky said absentmindedly.

"Lorna?" Red blinked, "is that a thing again?"

"It could be," Nicky shrugged, "I have many things. If anything definite ever came of it I would let you know though."

"Alright," Red agreed, and she opened up the final Harry Potter book again. Try as she might, she had not managed to finish it after Vera went to sleep last night. Perhaps she would have more luck this afternoon. Julio noticed what she was reading and smiled. It meant a lot to him that she cared enough to take an interest in the things that he liked, but it thrilled him that he had converted her into such a fan.

It was only after the boys decided they should be getting home that Red's heart started hammering extra fast and her inner peace became forgotten. Benny went into Nicky's bedroom to retrieve his coat and shoes. He came back into the living room wearing a frown on his face and went over to his brother.

"Do you, have it?" Benny whispered.

"Have what?" Julio asked, sounding confused.

Benny pulled the inside fabric of his pocket out to reveal that it was empty. Red moistened her bottom lip and decided it would be best to come clean about what she had done. It didn't thrill her to ruin the progress that had been made between them but it needed to be said.

"Are you looking for the bag of pot that you had in your pocket last night?" Red asked him, putting her book aside and sitting up a little straighter. Nicky looked intrigued and moved over to the other side of the couch to look between the two. Benny's eyes narrowed.

"I found it last night when I helped you take your coat off," Red told him calmly, "it's not a good idea to have that."

"Where is it?" Benny demanded.

"I flushed it last night," Red said, looking him straight in the eye, "I hope you won't turn around and buy more."

"You can't stop me," Benny stammered, almost rendered speechless by this woman's arrogance and nerve. How dare she look through his things and throw his stash away. It wasn't like he had been carrying around a dangerous drug or something. His face paled and his lips almost disappeared as he thinned his mouth. He wanted to hate her so much for being so invasive but the memories of how she had cared for and comforted him last night were still too fresh.

"That's why I said 'I hope' instead of 'do not'," Red replied. The room fell into an uneasy silence. Red stood up and walked over to the door. "Are you guys sure you feel well enough to walk home?" she asked them.

"We're fine," Julio said. Benny looked down at the ground solemnly as he slid his feet into his shoes. He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say.

"Alright," Red said, taking a deep breath, "take care then. Tell Lourdes that I will see her tomorrow at work."

"Thanks for everything," Julio said graciously. He was a little stunned about what she had done to his brother but he wasn't really upset about it. Benny said nothing but followed his brother outside.

Red turned to look at Nicky with widened eyes once she had closed the door behind them. Nicky sniggered. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't enjoyed that.

"What a beautiful start to the new year," Nicky grinned wickedly at her mother. Red gave her a small smile back in return.


	10. Chapter 10

Nicky walked into the lecture hall and brushed her curls out of her face. "I can't believe I let her talk me into this," she jokingly complained to herself, as she always did when she arrived on campus for class. Red had been so persistent about encouraging her to apply to school that Nicky had relented enough to sign up, back in January, for a single course one night a week at the community college. She acted as though she had only registered to shut Red up, but her grades spoke from themselves. Although she liked to complain about homework and threaten to drop out every Wednesday evening when she got ready to go to school, it was obvious that Nicky was enjoying the experience. Nearly every week, she hurried home from classes with a marked assignment to show her mother or with some interesting new fact she had learned and wanted to discuss. Red was as attentive and excited to hear about Nicky's school experience as any mother could possibly be. She insisted on displaying all of Nicky's papers on the refrigerator door in their apartment. Nicky would act embarrassed and tell her she was being ridiculous, but she was never able to wipe the goofy smile off her face as she lavished in Red's praise.

Nicky was taking "Intro to Psychology", a course she chose on a whim when she and Red had been perusing one of the course catalogues that had been not-so-subtly delivered to their mailbox in early January. Klara's remarks on Christmas about how Nicky would make a good therapist had not been forgotten. Of course, Nicky didn't tell Red the cause of her sudden inspiration, instead joking that she picked Psych because she was in need of self-help. However, there was no disputing that Nicky really did have a natural aptitude for the subject. With Red's encouragement, Nicky had decided to work towards obtaining a Bachelor's degree at the university come September. Using her own history to make a difference in the lives of people with similar struggles seemed like a worthwhile endeavour to Nicky.

Licking her lips, Nicky's brown eyes scanned the hall for a familiar face. Well, one face in particular which belonged to her friend Brooke. A preppy looking girl who was several years younger than herself whom Nicky had befriended. They had randomly sat next to each other on the first day of class and Brooke had won Nicky's affections after laughing appreciatively at all her jokes.

"Boo!" a girlish voice laughed and Nicky felt fingertips poke her in the ribs. She jumped.

"I don't think so," Nicky teased, recovering quickly. She wrapped her arm around her attacker's waist and tickled her side ferociously.

"Stop! Truce! Truce!" Brooke pleaded, leaping away from Nicky's reach with a yelp. Panting breathlessly, she pushed her black framed glasses up the bridge of her nose and smiled.

Nicky burst into laughter, "well, you started it," she said. She caught the eye of the professor who was frowning in disapproval at the raucous entrance the two women had made in the otherwise quiet atmosphere. Nicky grinned mischievously at her companion who let out an awkward chuckle and glanced around them shyly when she realized that all eyes in the room were upon them.

"Would you two like to take your seats now?" the professor asked, after loudly clearing his throat.

"I think we would," Nicky nodded at him, "even though we still technically have five minutes until class starts." She wrapped her arm around Brooke's shoulder and pulled her towards the stairs that led up to the student seating.

"Good job, getting me into trouble," Nicky teased in a hush voice, "you know I'm ticklish."

"I just gave you a little poke to get you moving," Brooke insisted, "you were lingering a little too long in the doorway. You would have caused a traffic jam if I hadn't acted fast."

"I was debating whether to go home and watch SVU instead," Nicky told her. They stopped in a centre aisle that was still fairly vacant and took seats in the middle.

"That sounds so tempting right now," Brooke sighed, dropping her shoulder bag down loudly on the floor and pulling out a pen and paper, "also pizza. Can we order pizza to eat while we watch?"

"You can have whatever you want, babe," Nicky said with a grin. She grabbed her notebook out of her large purse, "but I suppose since we're already here we might as well stay for the lesson."

"Fine…" Brooke groaned loudly, as she pointed at the PowerPoint slide that the professor had just displayed on the projector, "Psychology of Personality today. Did you do the reading last night?"

"Sort of," Nicky said casually as she scribbled the date in the upper right-hand corner of a fresh page in her notebook.

"What do you mean sort of?" laughed Brooke.

"It means my mother read the textbook cover to cover and then wanted to talk about it," Nicky grinned, "I figured I got the key points just from listening to her talk. She can get pretty excited about what I'm studying. She never had the chance to go to college so I guess she lives vicariously though me."

"Your mom seems nice," Brooke smiled, "mine just nags me all the time."

"My mom nags too," Nicky replied, "but I know I'll miss it when I finally move out."

"Do you just live with her to save money?" asked Brooke, "I can't wait to move out and I'm younger than you are."

"I was on my own for a long time," said Nicky, thinking about her childhood in a lonely apartment with just her housekeeper, "and it's not as great as you think it would be. I'd move out if I met somebody I wanted to be with, but until then I don't see the point of living by myself just because I'm an adult." She didn't think it was necessary to share that the only time she and Red had been apart had been when she had needed to still serve time in prison after Red was released. She also deliberately never mentioned that Red wasn't technically her real mother and that they had actually only met a little over five years ago. Being able to reinvent herself was one of the most gratifying things about meeting new people.

Nicky actually couldn't imagine ever meeting somebody that would persuade her to want to move out of the cozy little apartment she shared with Red. She was the happiest she had ever been, although she often thought about how things might change once Gloria moved in with her sons. She tried not to let herself worry, as she indulged in all of the simple pleasures that Red provided for her. Delicious homecooked meals eaten at the table with the tv off, doing homework in the living room at night with Red reading beside her, spending days grocery shopping and running errands after a childhood of such tasks being completed by hired help. All of it was magical to Nicky. In the past few months they had settled into a comfortable routine. Nicky was kept busy with school and working shifts three evenings a week as a bartender at the same restaurant as Piper. Red was frequently gone, working five days a week and sometimes twelve-hour shifts. She still worked in the kitchen with Lourdes, but Gloria's aunt had been calling in more and more lately.

"That was brutal," Brooke groaned, shoving her things back into her bag at the end of a three-hour lecture, "I thought he would never stop talking."

"That pizza you mentioned is looking better and better," Nicky said, as she stood up and stretched. "Do you want to come over to my place to hang out for a little bit?" she asked, "I have a couple of friends who are spending the night that you could meet. Their apartment is being fumigated for cockroaches."

"Gross, I hate cockroaches" Brooke shuddered, "but pizza sounds good. I'd love to come over." They finished gathering up their things and stepped out into the fairly mild March weather. Spring was already in the air and the snow had finally melted.

"Who are your friends?" asked Brooke.

"Alex and Piper," said Nicky smoothly, "We all grew up in the same neighbourhood and have been friends ever since. They're getting married to each other in a couple of months." The lie of how they had all met flowed out of her lips as naturally as if she had been rehearsing it in front of a mirror. Alex had only been released from prison a few weeks ago.

"Aww, that's so romantic!" Brooke squealed, "are they going to have a big wedding?"

"Bigger than I realized when I agreed to be in it," Nicky rolled her eyes, "they were supposed to be getting married next month but I opened my big mouth and told Piper that April was a stupid month to pick because it always rains. So, she changed the date to June and I'm stuck with two more months of bridesmaid hell."

"Oh, come on," Brooke chided her, "weddings are fun."

"You know nothing," Nicky replied.

The weather was nice, so they decided to forego a taxi and walk the fifteen minutes to Nicky's apartment instead. They held hands, something that pleased Nicky, especially because it was Brooke who instigated it. Piper had texted Nicky to let her know that she was doing overtime at the restaurant and that she and Alex would be late getting there that night. That suited Nicky fine, who had intended to phone and tell them to take their time anyways. She wanted some time alone with Brooke.

"We have the place to ourselves until they get here," Nicky said, as she unlocked and opened the door, "except for Daisy." She picked up her dog and bestowed her with kisses on the top of her head. "How are you my little munchkin?" Nicky asked her dog, "are you missing your buddy?" She looked back over at Brooke, "my mom took her dog with her."

"Where is your mom?" asked Brooke. She left her shoes at the door and plopped herself comfortably down on the living room sofa.

"She's out of town," Nicky said simply. Red had left that morning for a three-day trip to Sheepshead Bay to visit her oldest grandchildren, Feliks and Ivanna, who were on their spring break from school. Anna, Yuri's ex-wife, had refused to allow him to take the kids since it technically was not his visitation time. So, Yuri had decided to book a hotel close to their house so that he could at least take his kids out during the day and spend time with them.

Red had decided to accompany him. It bothered her that she didn't get to spend much time with her oldest grandchildren, especially when compared to Vasily's children whom she saw several times a week. Nicky had decided to stay home because she was busy with work and school, but she was happy that Red was going. She had been noticing for awhile how tired her mother always was now that she was working more hours than ever. A few nights in a nice hotel with room service and a swimming pool was exactly what she needed.

Red had taken Gloria's sons with her. They were on break from school as well and she had thought a few days away together would be a fun thing for her to do with them. Ironically, Benny getting drunk had ended up being one of the best things that could have happened. It had brought them together in a way that no amount of words possibly ever could have. Things were still often awkward between them but Benny at least was no longer treating Red like she had the plague. The way she had taken care of him on New Years Eve had made Benny realize that she didn't want to hurt him.

Except that Benny was hurting. He was in more emotional pain than anybody, besides maybe his brother, had even realized. At the same time that he was desperately missing his mom, he also was filled with an anger towards her that had been steadily building for years. The marijuana Red had discovered had not been the first stash Benny had possessed, and she learned from Julio that his brother had been using for over a year. Red still hadn't told Gloria or Lourdes about it. She was too happy about finally forging some connection with the boy to risk doing anything that would kill the unsteady trust he had finally placed in her.

Holding Daisy in her arms, Nicky joined Brooke sitting on the couch. "We're alone for awhile," Nicky said unnecessarily, "what do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Brooke giggled, "what do you want to do?" They went back and forth with their teasing and flirting. Nicky flicked on the television so that they would have background noise and kept a close eye on Brooke as she waited for the right moment to kiss her.

One kiss led to another and another, until Brooke lay back on the couch with Nicky on top. Breath quickening, Nicky slid her hand up the front of Brooke's t-shirt and squeezed her breast.

"This okay?" Nicky asked, teasing and sucking the other breast through her clothing.

"Uh, huh," Brooke moaned, wrapping her legs tightly around Nicky's torso as she raised herself just enough to tug her pants down. Nicky took the hint and redirected her attentions lower. She delighted in the power of driving people crazy with the ecstasy that she skillfully could generate. It was an addiction of its own, a substitute for the high Nicky no longer could receive from narcotics. It was exactly what Nicky had hoped would happen when she invited Brooke over that evening.

The lay naked together on the couch when they were through. Nicky cuddled Brooke close and enjoyed the warmth radiating off of her body. It was great not being in prison where everything was always so rushed. She and Lorna had rarely gotten to lay together like this for more than a few minutes. Nicky felt a pang at the thought of the petite brunette whom she adored beyond all others. This time with Brooke was casual and would be short lived. Nicky was not looking for anything serious and she always made that abundantly clear before she slept with anyone.

"Well, time to put our shirts on and greet the people," Nicky said with a yawn when she heard the sound of Piper and Alex knocking on the door she had made sure to lock. She had not wanted to risk them walking into the room when she was in the middle of a heated sexual conquest. Those lines had been crossed numerous times in prison, but here Nicky valued her privacy.

"Hey, brides-to-be!" Nicky greeted her friends jovially, "this is Brooke. We go to school together." She took the overnight bags that Piper and Alex had packed and carried them into Red's bedroom where she had decided to let them sleep that night.

"You sure Red's not going to mind?" Piper asked, "it feels wrong somehow."

"Please," Nicky rolled her eyes, "she has no problem letting people treat this place like some type of bed and breakfast. I think she can be a good person and share her bed when she's not even here. It's not like I'm forcing her to sleep in the living room to accommodate you two.'

"So, in other words, you didn't ask her," Alex smirked.

"I did not," Nicky admitted, "so do me a favor and if you two do decide to get frisky tonight, make sure we change the sheets before she gets home."

"In Red's bed?" Alex shuddered and turned to Piper, "I'm not sure I could." Piper giggled nervously.

"Are you guys hungry?" Nicky asked, "Brooke and I were thinking of ordering a pizza."

"I'm starved," Brooke chimed in, "school makes me hungry."

"As does other things, right doll?" Nicky winked, "I'm not sure we can blame school for using up all of your energy. I might need to accept some of the blame." Grinning at the blush that appeared on Brooke's face, Nicky walked over to the kitchen and reached for a stack of flyers that Red had placed on top of the microwave.

"I think we have a coupon lying around here for a two-for-one special at Dominos," Nicky told the others as she flipped through the papers. "The one for free breadsticks might still be valid too. We never used it. Red acts like it's a crime if I suggest we order a pizza and give her the night off from cooking."

"Coupons?" Alex grinned, "I've never known you to be so frugal."

"Times have changed, Alex," Nicky replied grimly. She pulled out a small blue coupon, "found it! I'll order two larges and we get a free breadstick thrown in. Everyone tell me what you want on it." She wrote down their order and then phoned it in, purposefully forgetting Piper's request for thin crust. That was not going to happen.

"So, did Marka finally cut you off?" Alex asked as they waited for the food to arrive. Nicky was still cuddled up with Brooke on the couch while Piper and Alex shared the oversized arm chair together.

"No, Red did," Nicky replied shortly. "Marka called here to talk about whether I needed my credit limit extended, so Red found out how much I had been actually spending. She wasn't happy."

"Who's Marka?" Brooke asked Nicky, looking confused.

"She's just a distant relative," Nicky said quickly, before Piper could open her mouth and reveal more of Nicky's history than she wanted to share, "a rich, cranky relative who sends me money that my mom thinks should be saved instead of spent." Alex snorted.

"So, why doesn't Red want you to spend the money?" asked Piper, refraining from commenting on Nicky's creative description of her relation to Marka. None of what Nicky had said was a lie though, even if she was using the word 'distant' in reference to space and emotional connectivity, rather than biology.

"Said I need to live off of what I make bartending and just keep the card for emergencies," Nicky sighed heavily as if that was the most unreasonable request imaginable. She had gotten the job working with Piper at the upscale restaurant downtown, but she had been giving almost her entire salary to Red to help with the rent and unending bills. She had been using Marka's card whenever she went out or got the whim to buy something, which was often. Nicky's bedroom now had a replacement stereo, big screen tv, and a lot of new clothes and shoes to replace what had been hocked during her pre-prison drug infused existence. At least Red hadn't made Nicky return anything she had already purchased.

"Well, doesn't it feel good not to have depend on Marka?" asked Alex, "I should think you'd want nothing from that woman."

"It's more complicated than that," Nicky shrugged, "and Red doesn't have a problem with me letting Marka pay my school tuition." Red had been supportive about Nicky taking full advantage of the amazing opportunities that Marka was still willing to provide for her. She saw nothing wrong with Nicky allowing Marka to give her a good head start in life, but she had been furious to discover that Nicky had been taking advantage of that privilege. She strongly suspected that Nicky was excessive about spending Marka's money as a passive way of punishing her for valuing things more than her daughter. The hurt little girl still buried deep inside Nicky wanted to lash out at the woman who had let her down countless times, but Red was not going to let her do that anymore. She didn't care about Marka, she cared about Nicky. She wanted Nicky to heal, to be a strong and capable woman, and she knew that could only happen by Nicky learning to let go. Nicky needed to assert her independence.

"I'm going to miss all the happy hours you treated me to," Piper sighed, "rent for our new apartment eats up so much of my pay that I've had to start touching up my own roots."

"That explains a lot," Nicky said under her breath, as she got up to answer to doorbell. She brought back the food and spread it all out on the coffee table so that they could eat in the living room.

Alex went to the refrigerator to get everybody sodas. She smiled when she saw Nicky's work hung on the door. "I guess she's pretty proud of you, huh Nicky?"

"Well I'm practically a genius," Nicky replied confidently, "top of my class. Brooke, here, likes to copy off me all the time."

"I do not copy off you!" Brooke protested, "I just to sit close beside you because you're cute."

Alex laughed as she passed everybody their sodas. Nobody would say it with Brooke sitting there, but they were all so grateful to have become a part of each other's lives, even if they had to be sent to prison for it to happen. Litchfield gave Piper and Alex the opportunity to reconnect, but it also brought Nicky into the picture. Same coin, different sides was the way Nicky had once chosen to describe her relationship with Alex. It still applied.

They ate and chatted about their lives, mainly wedding things. Piper at one point mentioned that Brooke might be attending the wedding as Nicky's plus one, to which Nicky had sent her friend a pointed glare from across the coffee table and said loudly that unfortunately she had already invited her dog Daisy to be her date. Piper hadn't been sure that Nicky was joking, but the comment had the desired effect of shutting up the blabbering bride. Nicky wasn't about to have Brooke hoping or wondering whether or not she'd be accompanying her to a wedding. It didn't work like that. This was casual.

When Nicky's phone buzzed she had expected it to be Red, texting to check in and let Nicky know how their trip was going so far. Tonight, would be the first time since her release that Red had left her overnight. She was fine with it, despite the many jokes and remarks she had made about being abandoned over the past couple of weeks, but she was glad that Piper and Alex needed someplace to stay. Nicky had not been looking forward to sleeping in the apartment alone and had been seriously considering secretly asking Luschek to stay over with her before she'd made plans with her friends. Nicky had seen Luschek sporadically since New Year's Eve and she felt he would have been a safer option to have spend the night over Brooke because he seemed to understand the concept of 'No Strings Attached' a little better.

The message on her phone turned out not to be from Red though. It was from Lorna. A simple 'Hi, how are you?' text that somehow managed to make Nicky feel warm all over despite her best effort to remain nonchalant. Nicky had been doing her level best since release day to, not necessarily avoid Lorna, but to keep her at arm's length. She never ignored or pushed Lorna away, but Nicky also didn't seek her out either, preferring to focus her efforts on family, friends, casual dating, school, and work. All exchanges between Nicky and Lorna had been because Lorna had made the effort to reach out. Interestingly enough, the less effort she made, the more Lorna pursued her. It was a nice change. Nicky knew Lorna was not what was best for her, although what her heart wanted always seemed to contradict her rationale.

Nicky angled herself so that Brooke could not possibly see what she was writing back and a few minutes later she put it away looking happy, if still a little distracted. Once the food was finished and after Nicky had cut everybody a piece of the almond cake that Red had baked that morning before leaving, she yawned a little too loudly and asked Brooke if she wanted her to walk her out. It was getting late and Nicky needed to start getting ready for bed.

"I thought you were going to ask her to spend the night," Alex said, when Nicky returned from taking Brooke outside and hailing her a cab, "did you just want time with us?"

"Don't flatter yourself," Nicky smiled, "Lorna messaged me and asked if we could hang out tonight."

"And you said yes?" Alex blinked, "Nicky…Brooke seems really cute. Why would you send her away for somebody who has played hot and cold with you from the beginning?"

"Because it's Lorna," Nicky said simply, "she's our friend and I told her we were having a slumber party tonight. It can be like a Litchfield Reunion."

"As shameful as it feels to be at a party with my former prison groupies, that does sound like a lot of fun," Piper grinned.

"Told you," Nicky said, "Just do me a favour and don't mention Brooke to Lorna when she gets here. I'm going to go take a shower." It was a chance to compose herself before Lorna arrived. Nicky stood naked in the tub and allowed the water to flow down on her as the different reasons why Lorna was now seeking her out drifted through her mind. It could just be for her friendship or it could be for more. Nicky had told Lorna firmly she was not interested in anything more than being friends until Lorna sorted her shit out with Harry and anyone else she felt torn about. Her rule about just being up for casual relationships did not apply to Lorna, of whom her feelings for had always been very intense. It would not be healthy to lose herself once again in a relationship that was inevitably doomed and would hurt her. Nicky wanted more than that.

She dressed in the plaid pajama bottoms that her brothers had bought her for Christmas and paired it with a baggy black t-shirt and no bra. Her face was clean of makeup and she wrapped her damp hair up in a towel. Scooping up Daisy, who never ceased to be underfoot, Nicky walked back into the living room to re-join Piper and Alex who were watching television and had changed into their pajamas too.

"No sexy nightie for Lorna?" Alex asked when Nicky sat down beside her.

"I don't wear nighties," Nicky informed her, "I actually prefer sleeping in nothing at all when the weather is mild like it is tonight, but I didn't want you to get the wrong idea, Vause."

A light knock at the door let them all know that Lorna had arrived. Nicky tried to look impassive as she went to answer it.

"Hey, you," Nicky smiled at Lorna, who grinned up at her. She wrapped her arms around Lorna in a hug and leaned forward to brush her lips softly with her own.

"Alex, welcome back!" Lorna said excitedly, rushing into the apartment ahead of Nicky. "I am so happy we're all getting back together! You must be so glad to be out of prison. I know Piper has missed you a lot."

"Yeah, it's been great," Alex said, "no more pat downs and strip searches."

"Except the good kind, huh?" Nicky winked at Piper.

"So, how are all of the wedding plans going?" asked Lorna eagerly, sitting down in the arm chair and tugging Nicky by the hand so that she would squeeze in beside her, "you pick your colours yet?"

"That's a long story," Alex rolled her eyes at Piper.

"It is not," Piper frowned, "you know how I moved the date ahead into June right?"

"Yeah," said Lorna.

"Well, the colours were going to be mint green and silver, but I don't think that will really work for a summer wedding," Piper said.

"No, it definitely would not," Lorna said, "have you figured out what you are going to do instead?"

"I was thinking pink and yellow?" Piper said, "what do you think? Is that a good colour scheme?"

"It's great," Alex said disinterestedly.

Lorna looked upset, "but those were going to be my wedding colours. You can't steal them from me."

"You're not getting married anymore," Nicky reminded her, "you actually never were, if you recall." She wrapped an arm around Lorna's slouched shoulders and sighed. "What about blue?" Nicky asked Piper, "royal blue would look beautiful for a summer wedding."

"Blue's my favourite colour," Alex said to Piper.

"Alright fine," Piper relented, "blue and yellow, how does that sound to everybody?"

"Beautiful," Nicky said, watching Lorna visibly perk up. Now that Nicky had ensured she didn't feel like her fantasy wedding was being stolen, Lorna began talking enthusiastically about everything they needed to do. At one point, she and Piper moved to the kitchen table, where Nicky's laptop was, and went on Pinterest to browse for ideas. Nicky and Alex had just rolled their eyes at their excitability and turned on the television to watch SVU that had been recorded onto the PVR while Nicky was in class.

"I think you two have enough planned for us to host several weddings," Alex yawned when their show had ended. She walked over to the table and placed her hands on Piper's shoulders.

"You have to consider all of your options, Alex," Lorna giggled, "I think we've narrowed the table centerpieces down to three different options to decide between."

"Why don't you just do a variation of centerpieces?" Nicky suggested. She walked over to the table and sat down in one of the wooden chairs. Daisy immediately jumped up onto her lap.

"No," Piper shook her head firmly, "I need to have symmetry."

"Ah, of course," Nicky nodded, as she scratched Daisy behind the ears.

"We should take a vote and see which one is best," Lorna said.

"Okay," Alex said sleepily, "but can we do it tomorrow? I'm so exhausted I would not be able to make an informed decision right now."

"And if you choose wrongly, you'll ruin the entire wedding," Nicky told her with a laugh, "all your guests will just be judging your poor choice in décor."

"Nicky!" Lorna scolded reproachfully, while Nicky and Alex both doubled over with laughter at her joke. Alex didn't care about weddings. She didn't have any family to invite and she didn't feel particularly accepted into Piper's family either. She would have been content just to race down to city hall and sign the papers, but Piper had wanted a wedding.

"Alex, you need to start taking this a little more seriously," Piper said complacently, "the choices we make for our wedding will set the tone for our life together. I want our wedding to be just so "us", and for that to happen you need to participate more in the planning."

"Alright, fine," Alex relented, "tomorrow I will sit down with you and go through the entire Pinterest board that you and Lorna created."

"Thank you," Piper said softly. She covered Alex's hands on her shoulders with her own.

"Now can we go to bed?" Alex pleaded, and Piper begrudgingly agreed.

Nicky and Lorna sat across from one another at the kitchen table after Piper and Alex had disappeared into Red's bedroom. It was the first time they had been alone since New Years Eve. All their other encounters had taken place with Piper or Lida tagging along. Nicky had purposefully avoided being alone with Lorna before now.

"So, what made you decide you wanted to visit me tonight?" Nicky asked her casually. She ran her fingers through Daisy's coat while she spoke.

"I always want to spend time with you, Nicky," Lorna said.

"But we rarely do anymore," Nicky pointed out.

"That's because you turn me down a lot," Lorna said pitifully, looking sad. "You're always so busy with school, and Red, and working."

"I have a lot going on," Nicky agreed, "that doesn't mean I wouldn't make more time for you if I thought it was actually the best thing for us both."

"What do you mean?" asked Lorna.

"I mean what I've been saying since I got out of Litchfield," Nicky sighed. She folded her hands on the table and looked almost like she was praying.

"Lorna, I love you so much, but the days of you running to me, and then leaving me, and then coming back are over. I'm done playing those games with you. Maybe I put up with it before but that was because we were both trapped in prison together and I couldn't have stayed away from you if I tried. Things are different out here though, and I can stay away. I would love to be with you more but you need to want me back, not just because you need a warm fuzzy blanket on cold nights. I'm done with that."

"What about my friend?" asked Lorna, "are you done being my friend too?"

"I didn't say that," Nicky said, shaking her head mournfully, "what I'm saying is that it's not always easy for me to be around you right now. I still have feelings for you, Lorna."

"You don't think I have feelings for you?" asked Lorna in astonishment. "Nicky, babe, you're the most important person in the world to me!"

"Then how are things going with Harry, huh?" Nicky asked steadily, "the boss guy? You still f**king him?"

"No, I'm not f**king him," Lorna said abrasively, "I'm done with that. I don't want to be with him, I want to be with you."

Nicky blinked back tears. Those were the words she yearned to hear, and yet she didn't know if she could trust them. This was Lorna after all. She was just as likely to turn around tomorrow and be in full pursuit of the man she claimed things were over with now. Nicky didn't want to get her hopes up.

"We've been down this road a lot of times before," Nicky said finally, "and it never works out because deep down you've always known that I'm not what you really want."

"Nicky, that's not tru—

"And it's okay if I'm not," Nicky interrupted, "you don't have to be in love with me. You don't have to feel a certain way about me just because I love you. That's not your problem."

"You've never been a problem," Lorna said, "you've always been the answer. You've saved me in so many ways. You're the only person who understands me, who accepts all my problems."

"Because I love you," Nicky said begrudgingly, "but I also love me, and I love the life I'm currently living without you, Lorn. I'm happy."

"Could you ever be happy with me?" Lorna asked quietly.

"I don't really think I can answer that right now," Nicky said wisely, "and I don't think you could either. Neither of us knows."

"I know," Lorna said, as tears openly slid down her cheeks, "I just hate the thought of you being with somebody else. Are you seeing anybody else?"

"Nothing serious," Nicky said evenly, "and that's all I want to say on the matter. You and I aren't together, but I also don't want to upset you by telling you about things you don't need to know about."

"So, in other words, yes," Lorna sniffled, and Nicky sighed. "Do you want me to go?" she asked.

"No," Nicky said. She sighed as she stood up and walked around the table to wrap Lorna in a hug from behind. "I don't want you to go," she admitted softly, kissing the top of Lorna's hair.

"I'm sorry I'm not better for you, Nicky," Lorna sniffled, "because you deserve the best. You _are_ the best."

"Do you want to spend the night?" Nicky whispered, "just as friends. Let's try that first." Lorna nodded in agreement. Hand in hand they walked into Nicky's bedroom. Nicky pulled back the comforter of her bed and let Lorna lie down first before she crawled in beside her. Nicky's stomach was tense with uncertainty over whether or not this invitation had been wise. She didn't want to re-enter the vicious cycle of dysfunction that was their relationship, but she also wanted to be with Lorna. This was a start.


	11. Chapter 11

It was a beautiful spring afternoon in April when Red walked up the stairs that led to her apartment. Slung on one arm was a blue cloth bag filled with fresh vegetables from the market, bread from the baker, and some very fine cuts of beef from the butcher. Red never went into a one-stop grocery store if she could help it. She was very choosy about the selections she made, always had been, but she appreciated the market even more after her time in prison. She tried to get there several times a week, but, until recently, that had been difficult to do because of the insane work schedule she had been juggling for months. She had even been forced to miss a couple of Saturday visitation days with Gloria, due to unavoidable work obligations, which had devastated them both.

Lourdes had developed a cold in early January that had developed into full blown pneumonia that necessitated her being hospitalized for almost a week, followed by nearly a month of bed rest. It wasn't the first time the tough old lady had succumbed to an illness, but at least this time she had not needed to worry about the boys. Red had naturally stepped in to fill Lourdes' shoes while she recovered. It had started with her making extras of everything she cooked and dropping it off at the Mendoza apartment every day so that the boys would always have a homecooked meal for supper. She had kept their pantry well stocked with groceries and ensured the place was kept reasonably clean. On evenings that Nicky was working, Red would often linger to wash the dishes and keep Julio company while he did homework. As time went on, Benny began to feel comfortable enough to join them. He had felt very self-conscious about how vulnerable he had made himself to her on New Year's Eve, but Red had fortunately had enough sense to not bring it up, and as time passed Gloria's youngest son had begun to feel more comfortable in her presence. Red was just thankful that Benny had finally decided to give her a chance.

Red turned her key and opened the door of her apartment. The dogs rushed eagerly toward her in welcome and Red lifted her bag to keep it away from their sniffing noses. Nicky smiled over at her from her place lying on the couch. She was already dressed in the black pants, white blouse, and red bow-tie that she wore for work. Her hair was pulled back in a thick ponytail and she looked beautifully fresh faced since the restaurant had a rule against heavy makeup.

"You're home early, mom," Nicky commented, pulling herself up into a sitting position, "you hardly ever get home before I need to leave." There was a slight edge in Nicky's tone, she had been feeling a little neglected lately. Red had been working so much that sometimes it felt like they barely saw each other. Nicky worked and went to school at night so Red was often already sound asleep when she would finally get home and crawl into the bed next to her.

"Lourdes offered to cover my shift so that I could get out early for a change," Red replied. She paused by the couch to give Nicky a kiss. Then, humming to herself, she walked over to the kitchen to place her bag on the counter.

"What time do you start work tonight, honey?" asked Red, as she pulled out her cutting board and her favourite knife.

"Six," Nicky replied, sounding slightly annoyed, "same as always." It bothered her how often Red asked her that question. She always gave the same answer. Heaving a great sigh, Nicky pulled herself up off of the couch and into a kitchen chair so that she could watch Red unpack the ingredients she had bought for tonight's dinner.

"It's like you're just asking me to call in sick tonight," Nicky said crankily, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms.

"What do you mean?" asked Red. She pulled out the fresh onions she had bought and began to quickly dice them.

"I'm going to miss a great dinner," Nicky said matter-of-factly, "I'm going to be reduced to snacking on the leftovers in the restaurant kitchen. You never cook for me anymore!" She stuck her bottom lip out in a childish pout.

"Your plate will be waiting for you when you get home tonight," Red said with a smile, "all you're going to have to do is warm it up."

"It's not the same," Nicky said flatly, "I mean, we haven't sat down for dinner together once this week."

"That's because our work schedules tend to overlap," Red pointed out, "and you went out with that Brooke girl Sunday evening when we were both off."

"Yeah, but still…" Nicky pouted, although she knew there wasn't any blame to necessarily be cast.

"I'm sorry, Nicky," Red sighed. She walked around the table to give her a hug and a kiss. "I know this hasn't been what you expected when you got out. It's just hard when we're both so busy." She kissed Nicky's forehead again. "Let's make plans to have a just you and me day next Sunday."

Nicky nodded slowly in agreement. "What do you want to do?" she asked, a smile spreading across her face at the thought of having a full day with Red's attention focused solely on her.

"Whatever you want to do," Red replied. She gave Nicky's arm a small squeeze, "I'm all yours.

Nicky nodded agreeably. "We could go see a movie?" she suggested tentatively.

"Sounds good to me," Red replied. She went back over to the counter to continue chopping up vegetables.

"Maybe do some shopping and see if we can find you a dress for the wedding," Nicky added with a smirk.

Red turned to stare at her, "I have dresses. I'll just wear one of them. I don't care enough to waste money on a brand-new dress that I don't need."

"Well, you're going to have to," Nicky said, "you don't have anything fancy enough to wear to this wedding. It's going to be very formal."

"How irritating," Red rolled her eyes, "I'm going to deduct the cost of a new dress out of the budget for the present I was going to buy them."

"Don't be cheap now," Nicky chided, "you've been working overtime for months, you can afford a new dress. Maybe in green? I bet that would look really pretty on you. I bet Gloria would agree," she smiled.

"Gloria," Red scoffed, "if you were concerned about what she thought, maybe you should have had enough sense when you rescheduled this wedding for June to pick a date that she would be able to attend." Piper and Alex's wedding date was just five days before Gloria's scheduled release. That fact had infuriated Red, who felt terribly guilty for planning to attend such a celebration while Gloria sat alone in prison. It would have been fun to get dressed up and go out together.

"For the millionth time, I'm sorry," Nicky exclaimed, "but it's not like it's my wedding. I'm just a bridesmaid, nobody listens to me."

"Aren't you the reason that Piper decided to reschedule this wedding in the first place?" Red asked, narrowing her eyes.

"All I said was that it was probably going to rain in April. I was trying to save their wedding from being a disaster," Nicky said defensively. They both glanced out the window at the beautiful sunny day. The forecast was for sunshine all that week. "But what do I know?" Nicky scoffed, "I was just talking. Why do you let me do that?"

"I take no responsibility for that big mouth, little girl," Red smiled, "you didn't get that from me."

"According to Gloria, I got my attitude from you though," Nicky teased, "although even she agrees I'm not as dramatic as you are."

"You're the one who overturned an almost completely planned wedding just because you were afraid of a little rain," Red pointed out.

"And I'm being duly punished for it," Nicky rolled her eyes, "you try spending two hours of your life in a stuffy dressing room with Piper while she gets fitted for alterations. That was my day."

"Oh, poor baby," Red soothed sarcastically, "but why did you have to do that? Aren't you just supposed to be responsible for Alex?"

"You'd think," Nicky replied, "but apparently I have better judgement about those things over her sister-in-law, Neri. I mean, I was forced to endure my share of weddings growing up. Do you know how many times Marka forced me to be a flower girl for stupid friends of hers that I didn't even know the names of?"

"I don't," Red answered, sounding slightly amused.

"Too many to count," Nicky said dramatically, "and the last time, I was twelve. That's too old! I was humiliated. This kid made fun of me and I beat him up outside the church when I was supposed to be taking photographs. Marka almost killed me for getting grass stains on my dress."

Red laughed out loud. "Oh, Nicky," she shook her head, "what am I going to do with you?"

"I had no idea that this wedding was going to be such a big fuss," Nicky sighed, "I thought they wanted something simple, but Piper's parents are sparing no expense. We're talking a horse drawn carriage and white doves released after they say 'I Do'. I'm still a little shocked that they have gotten on board with the whole their-daughter-marrying-Alex thing, they hadn't been very supportive at first."

"All that fuss for one day," Red said incredulously, with a shake of her head, "Yuri and Anna got married at city hall and saved their money so that they could take a honeymoon instead, and when Vasily and Lida got married they had a simple morning ceremony and then had a lunch at our store for immediate family and a couple of close friends. Dmitri and Maxim catered it together." She got a wistful expression on her face as she recalled the weddings of her two sons that she not been present for. On both occasions, Red had spent the day scrubbing the prison kitchen from top to bottom just to keep busy and attempt to distract herself from what she was missing. Her sons may have forgiven her for not being there for them, but Red new she would never give herself that same courtesy. Thinking about that lost time still brought angry tears to her eyes and she knew that she had nobody to blame but herself.

"What was your wedding day like?" Nicky asked curiously, propping her chin up in her hand.

"My wedding day?" Red blinked with a wry smile, reaching for a potato to peel, "I try not to think about it. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," Nicky shrugged, "did you wear a wedding dress?"

Red bit her bottom lip for a moment before answering, "I wore my mother's wedding dress," she said finally, keeping her eyes on the potato in her hand. "it was made of lace and had a high neck and long sleeves. I wore a veil with it too, that covered my face." She couldn't help but smile as she reminisced. "It was the first time I had ever worn high heels and it was a long walk over the cobblestone roads from my house to the church. I remember spending the entire ceremony thinking about how sore my feet were. Then we had to walk all the way back to the house for the dinner my Mamochka had cooked for our two families to share. I took my shoes off and we ran the entire way back together, hand in hand. My stockings were filthy and we both couldn't stop laughing. Our families thought we were crazy, and I remember that I couldn't stop staring at Dmitri that day and thinking that I had made the right choice in becoming his wife. Of course, that was just my adrenaline speaking in the moment," she scoffed, "I should have listened to my gut instinct to call it off while I had still had the chance."

"You sure about that?" Nicky asked her, "it wasn't all bad. You had your happy times with him, you admitted that to me before. Besides, you wouldn't have any of your sons or grandchildren if you hadn't gotten married."

Red smiled a little wistfully before replying. "Yuri was conceived on our wedding night," she said, tossing a potato into a pot and then reaching for another. "I took that to be a sign from the heavens that I had done the right thing." She began peeling the potato in her hand with a vengeance, "but I was pretty stupid back then. The universe doesn't work that way. As the years went by we found less and less things to laugh about. Marriage is hard."

Nicky sighed. She knew she wouldn't get anymore out of Red than that. "Marka was a debutante," she said conversationally, "so she and my Dad were just sort of paired up. He cheated on her all the time though. I could always tell when he was having an affair because my mom would always start exercising more regularly or go get a new haircut or something. Sometimes she'd take me to the spa and we'd get manicures and facials together. I guess that was her way of trying to bond with me."

"So, did that make her feel better?" asked Red.

"Well, no," Nicky admitted, "but sleeping with my Dad's brother did the trick."

"Revenge at its finest," Red said, sounding bemused.

"But they had the fairy tale wedding," Nicky said with a dry laugh, "although it was definitely not a match made in heaven."

"It rarely is," Red said dryly. She turned away to fill the pot of potatoes up with water. "People get married for all sorts of reasons that have very little to do with love."

"I would never get married unless I was in love," Nicky told her.

"That's because you're smart," Red smiled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nicky was in good spirits that night as she stood behind the bar filling never ending drink orders that the servers continually brought her. Nicky liked the fast pace that the job required. She enjoyed hanging back at the bar while she observed the different people that chose to patron this type of establishment. It was the sort of high-end restaurant that Nicky had always been taken to as a child. She had hated it then, but she found the place rather entertaining now that she was working there and not stuck at a table while her mother and father admonished her to sit up straight, use the right eating utensil, and not to dare spill anything on her dress.

"How's it going, Nicky?" Piper asked, as she walked over in her server uniform and handed Nicky the piece of paper that she had scribbled her table's drink orders onto.

"Not bad," Nicky shrugged. She pulled out some glasses and began adding ice to them. "Tonight's been pretty quiet. Which is a nice change, I guess."

"Thank goodness," Piper breathed, "my feet are killing me after all the rushing around town you and I did today. I'm exhausted."

"Well, maybe we'll be able to get out of here early tonight," Nicky said, as her hands reached for the various bottles she needed to create her concoctions. "I told Brooke I'd meet her for a drink after work tonight. If we finish sooner we might have time for even more than that."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll make time either way," Piper said coyly. She rested her elbows on the countertop. "Do you think you could come with me and Alex for the cake tasting tomorrow afternoon? We need a mediator or we won't be able to decide."

"I thought we had already decided on the cake?" Nicky asked in exasperation. Moving the wedding date ahead had caused Piper to second guess nearly all of the decisions that had already been settled.

"There's a new flavour that I think might be better," Piper replied, "so, will you come?"

"Hey, if you two can't even settle on the type of wedding cake you're going to have, then you have bigger issues to worry about," Nicky said. She stuck a lime on the rim of a glass and then sighed, "but yes, I'll tag along, but only because I like cake."

"Thanks, Nicky," Piper said, just as her phone lit up in the pocket of her waitress pouch. She pulled it out to see who was calling. "It's Alex," she announced.

"Well, you better go hide in the back to talk to your almost wifey before the boss catches you," Nicky said wisely. The owner of the restaurant was notorious for popping up the second an employee pulled out a forbidden phone. "I can drop this tray of drinks off in the dining room for you. Just tell me where they're going."

While Piper snuck off to talk to Alex, Nicky carefully carried her heavily laden tray over to the table that Piper had pointed out. She maneuvered the tray onto one arm and then placed her other hand on the first drink. "Caesar, double shot?" she asked the small table. Her eyes were still cast on the tray she was doing her best to hold steady.

"That would be mine," a deep voice said slowly, "thank you, Nicole." The familiar voice caused goosebumps to prickle the skin on her arms and she knew who he was before she even looked at him.

"Daddy," Nicky said in a shaky voice, when she finally summoned the courage to look away from her tray of drinks and meet his gaze.

Hayden Nichols had barely changed at all in the time since Nicky had last seen him. His curly blonde hair was a bit more salt and pepper, but that actually succeeded in making him look even more handsome. He still had the same strong jaw, good physique, and the big brown eyes that his daughter had inherited from him. Last she had heard, her father had been living in London for business and rarely visited America. They hadn't corresponded in a very long time though. The man in front of her was basically a complete stranger.

Nicky silently passed her father his drink, while he stared at her with unblinking eyes that made her feel as though she were being x-rayed. She handed the two men he was dining with their drinks, both also dressed in well tailored business suits, and nodded politely as they introduced themselves to Hayden's daughter and shook her hand. Then she turned to flee back to the safe confines of the bar. The empty tray was shaking madly in her grip as her hands trembled. It was only once her back was to him, that Hayden seemed to snap out of his trance.

"Wait, Nicole," he said with urgency, as he leaped to his feet. Nicky looked over her shoulder at him with raised eyebrows. Her face was as white as the blouse she was wearing.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," Hayden said to his two companions, adjusting his tie as he walked around the table to stand next to his daughter.

"I have to get back to work," Nicky told him flatly. She turned back around and continued her trek back to the bar where there were surely to be several new orders waiting for her to fill. She sucked her teeth when she realized that he was following her.

"Can you take a break for a few minutes?" Hayden asked.

"No, I can't," Nicky said coldly. She walked back around the bar but stuck out a hand to halt her father in his step when he tried to follow her. "You're not allowed back here," she said primly.

"Alright, sorry," Hayden said, stepping backward with his hands held up. "I just can't believe that I'm seeing you again." Nicky just crinkled her nose at him and said nothing as she reached for her next order with a shaking hand.

"How long have you worked here for?" Hayden asked, sitting himself down on the bar stool in front of her.

"About four months," Nicky said flatly. She turned around and opened up a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

"Okay," Hayden said with a deep breath, "what were you doing before this then?"

"You don't want to know," Nicky said stiffly. She poured two glasses of the white wine and then placed them on a tray and handed it to the waiting server. Then she began making the tequila sunrise that was written on her next order slip.

"I always thought you were going to be a veterinarian because you liked animals so much," Hayden said conversationally.

Nicky stared at him incredulously, "I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was in middle school," she said with a roll of her eyes. Then she looked back down at the drink she was working on.

"I'm sorry, Princess," Hayden said quietly, "I'm just trying to wrap my head around seeing you right now, looking so beautiful and all grown up. I've always still thought of you as a little girl."

"That's because I basically was still a little girl the last time we saw each other," Nicky said unsympathetically, "and don't call me Princess. I always hated it when you did that, and I hate it even more now. I'm not your princess. You don't even know me anymore!"

"Okay. Nicole, then," Hayden reiterated, "I'll try to remember. Do you still wear the locket I mailed to you on your sixteenth birthday?"

"Nope," Nicky said bluntly, "I must have lost it." The truth was that the expensive necklace her father had decided to send for her birthday, in lieu of a visit, had been one of the first things that Nicky had decided to hock for drugs. She could still remember how satisfying it had felt to pawn that piece of jewellery all those years ago.

Hayden Nichols took a deep breath, "I just thought—"

"Why didn't you ever visit me?" Nicky interrupted, hating herself for the way her voice shook as she asked the question. "You just left me in that apartment with that b*tch! You let her keep us apart."

"I thought you were better off," Hayden said quietly, "and don't call your mother a b*tch."

"Oh, fine," Nicky rolled her eyes, "because you were always so respectful of her, is that right?"

"Nicole, I wanted to visit you," Hayden said quietly, "but I was too afraid to face you. I'm not sure how much your mother has told you, but it wasn't all her fault."

"About the stewardess?" Nicky said bluntly, "I know all about that. I know about the cheating and you leaving her for that c**t, but not because Marka told me. I know because I had to live in the same apartment with you guys and I have ears."

"I never stopped loving you, Princess," Hayden said, reverting back to his old nickname for her, "and I should have tried harder to stay in your life. I'm sorry I didn't get to watch you grow up."

"Well, you certain missed a wild ride," Nicky said sarcastically, thinking about the hell she had put Marka through even before she had gotten into drugs. Nicky had never been an easy child, but her behaviour had certainly taken a dramatic turn for the worse after her father had left them.

"If I could do it all over again, I'd do things very differently," Hayden said quietly.

"Okay, please just shut the f*ck up now," Nicky hissed, her voice barely above a whisper, "I know bartenders always seem like they're just dying to hear about the woes and regrets of your life, but that is the last thing I want to hear coming out of your mouth. Are you hoping I'm going to feel sorry for you? Or that apologizing to the daughter you abandoned when she was thirteen years old is going to somehow make up for the fact that you are basically responsible for her getting addicted to heroin and spending the last five years in prison?"

"You went to prison?" Hayden exclaimed, "where the hell was your mother during all this?"

"For the most part, she was all cozied up with her new lover as well," Nicky said bluntly, "did you think she was going to let you have all the fun?"

"Nicole, if I had known," Hayden said, "I would have done something. I would have tried to help you with your problems."

Nicky scoffed as she dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse. "Little too late now, huh Dad?" she said throatily. She sniffled.

Hayden reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and held it out to Nicky. "There's your picture, Princess," he said thickly, and Nicky couldn't resist peering into his wallet at the old school picture of herself that had been taken in the eighth grade—not a good look for her. "Not a day went by that I didn't think about you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I just assumed by now that your mother had told you about Shelby and that you wouldn't want anything to do with me. She told me you would never forgive me for that. When you never reached out to me once you turned eighteen, I assumed she was right."

"Wait, who the f*ck is Shelby?" Nicky blinked. Hayden turned the picture of Nicky over to reveal an image of another girl who also appeared to have inherited Hayden's wild curls and light brown eyes. "Is that her?"

"Yes," Hayden said calmly, "Shelby is your half sister. She's twenty-two years old and she is about to graduate from Pre-Law at Harvard." Nicky couldn't miss the note of pride in her father's voice when he spoke about this other child that she had never known about. Nicky quickly did the math in her head.

"So, that's why you left us?" she said croakily, "because you knocked somebody up?"

"I didn't want to leave you," Hayden said, closing his wallet and placing it back into his pocket, "your mother kicked me out when I told her that Shelby was on the way."

"Well, for once in her life Mom did something that I can stand behind," Nicky said, swallowing the lump in her throat as she fought to keep her emotions under control, "and f*ck you for trying to play the victim card. It was easier for you to turn your back on us than to stick around and face the consequences of what you did. At least you can rest easy knowing you chose to stand by the perfect daughter that went to Harvard, instead of the junkie ex-con."

"There's still time, Princess," Hayden said slowly, "you're still my daughter. Maybe you and Shelby could meet sometime? You are family after all."

"None of you are my family," Nicky said heavily.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Hayden asked quietly, "I just want to know that you are okay."

"Well then, you're lucky that you just happened to run into me totally by chance," Nicky said sarcastically, "I hope I've satisfied your curiosity. I am okay now, no thanks to you."

"You look beautiful," Hayden told her with a small chuckle, "I always thought your hair would tame itself when you grew up, but it seems to have gotten even wilder."

Nicky placed the drinks for her next table on a tray and motioned for the server who had been standing discreetly back, while Nicky and Hayden talked, to come forward and take it. "Can you go now?" she asked her father with a sigh, "I need to focus on work. You're slowing me down."

"What time do you finish tonight?" Hayden asked her as he got back up to his feet, "maybe we could go somewhere and talk?"

"No," Nicky shook her head in exasperation, "I don't think so."

"Well, I'm back living in New York full time now," Hayden told her, "so I won't be too far if you change your mind. I love you, Princess."

Nicky's reply was to turn her back on him and begin rearranging the bottles on the liquor stand. It was taking all her willpower not to break down, but she knew that she couldn't do that right now, not at work. She kept her head bowed and refused to talk to anybody as she tried to block everything else out from her mind as she made drinks and avoided looking into the dining room where she knew her father was.

She felt like her heart was going to break and she suddenly could remember how it felt to be the little abandoned child she had been when her father had stopped visiting and her mother had refused to talk about him. Nicky had felt a bubbling hatred for her mother for so long because she had believed that she was the reason her Dad didn't want to see her, but in a single sentence her father had shattered that misconception.

"Nicky, who was that handsome guy that you were talking to?" Piper asked brightly, walking over and taking a seat at the bar now that the rush was over.

"Dunno," Nicky said flatly, while she focused on washing out the used wine glasses and putting them away.

"He's very nice," Piper said, not noticing the grief-stricken look on her friend's face. "He gave me a very generous tip, and he asked me to give you this."

Nicky pursed her lips as she accepted the folded note that Piper handed her. She opened it very cautiously, as though afraid it might explode. Inside was a crisp $100 bill and on the piece of paper he had written out his telephone number. Nicky immediately began to tear the paper up into tiny pieces.

"What's wrong?" asked Piper, looking in amazement at the shredded pieces of paper that now littered the countertop.

"I don't want this money," Nicky said, handing it to Piper, "put it towards the cake, or the dress, or something else for the wedding."

"Why not?" asked Piper, taking the bill from Nicky's outstretched hand.

"I just don't," Nicky said stiffly.

Piper looked puzzled, but she nodded understandingly. "Are you still planning to come with us to pick out the cake tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet," Nicky said, "I'm not feeling very well and I'm worried I might be coming down with something. I'll see how I am in the morning."

"I really hope you come," Piper said, "it's not just choosing the flavour we want, we also need to decide on the look as well."

"I'll do my best," Nicky said, as she put away the final glass. She pulled the stopper out of the sink and hung her rag to dry. "I'm basically done here though," she said, motioning to the sparkling clean bar with everything put away, "do you mind covering for me so I can go home and have an early night?"

"Yeah, sure," Piper nodded, "I hope you feel better."

"Thanks," Nicky said brusquely, turning to head out the front door without another word. She couldn't have spent another minute in that place. It had taken every ounce of strength she had not to flee the moment she laid eyes on her father. Her brisk walk turned into a jog, and then a run, as she hurried home as quickly as she could. She got a stitch in her side but even that did not persuade her to stop running. She welcomed the physical pain, she was grateful for anything that would distract her from the emotions she was trying and failing to suppress.

She flung the door to her apartment open with a resounding bang and scooped Daisy up into her arms immediately as the dog charged at her in excitement. Kicking her shoes off, Nicky walked breathlessly through the apartment until she reached her bedroom and threw herself down onto the bed. She squeezed Daisy against her tightly as she finally permitted the tears she had been fighting to flow down her cheeks. She sputtered as she choked on loud and ugly sobs.

"Nicky?" Red said worriedly, appearing in the doorframe with concern etched into every line of her face. She had gone to bed hours ago and had awoken to the sound of Nicky crying which had immediately thrown her into a panic.

Nicky hugged her dog even tighter to her and kept crying. She couldn't stop for anything. She couldn't even calm herself down enough to acknowledge Red's presence.

"Darling girl, what's wrong?" Red asked. She swiftly walked over to the bed and sat down beside Nicky, placing her hands on Nicky's thighs and squeezing them soothingly. "Did somebody hurt you? Tell me what happened!" She looked completely petrified as she took in the heartbreaking sight of Nicky's hysterics.

Nicky just shook her head and couldn't stop crying. She leaned forward to rest her head against her shoulder, and Red immediately wrapped her arms around her girl, pulling Nicky and Daisy tightly against her. They stayed like that for a very long time. Red murmuring little nothings as she rubbed circles on Nicky's back and waited for her to calm down enough to tell her what all of this was about.

"I saw my Dad," Nicky said after a long while, "he came into the restaurant tonight."

"You did?" Red said in astonishment, pressing her cheek to Nicky's head. Red actually knew very little about the story of Nicky's father. Nicky could ramble for hours about Marka's many inequities, but she rarely mentioned her dad. It was strange that he had popped up tonight after she and Nicky had just been talking about him that afternoon. "You rarely speak of him," Red said softly.

"That's because he's been out of the picture for so long that he might as well not even exist," Nicky said, sniffling loudly, "I never thought he would just turn up like that."

"But you talked to him?" Red prompted. She reached for the elastic that was holding Nicky's ponytail and tugged at it so that Nicky's long curly hair came cascading freely down her back.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded, "he told me I have a half-sister. I must have been pretty thick to have never put that one together, huh?"

"You do?" Red asked in astonishment, "when did that happen?" She began running her finger's through Nicky's hair, gently untangling the locks while she waited for Nicky to answer her.

"Twenty-two years ago," Nicky said. She reached for the hand that Red was not using to play with her hair, and interlocked their fingers. "Can you believe that? Nobody ever told me. But that's why my mom and dad got divorced. She put up with him cheating for so long, but I guess a baby with somebody else was the final straw."

"Oh, baby girl…" Red murmured. She slid her hand out of Nicky's hair and began running it up and down the length of Nicky's arm.

"I just never thought I would feel sorry for my mother," Nicky said quietly, "I always blamed her for making him leave me. I didn't f*cking know any better."

"Well, you were just a child when your parents divorced," Red said quietly. A flicker of sadness marred her face when she heard Nicky speak of Marka as 'mom'. She had never heard Nicky speak of Marka with such compassion in her voice before. Red swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "You came to your conclusions based on the clues that you were given. You have no reason to feel guilty for being mistaken, honey. Your parents should have told you the truth."

"I think…in her own messed up way...my mom might have been trying to protect my feelings," Nicky said softly, "my dad told me that girl is graduating from Harvard. I'm sure she's superior to me in every other way too. Mom probably thought she was doing me a favour by keeping Dad from parading his new daughter around in front of me."

"I doubt it was her decision," Red said quietly, "if he had wanted to be honest than there would have been nothing she could have done about it. If you want to know for certain though, honey, Marka is the person you need to ask. Maybe you should give her a call in the morning?"

"I don't want to talk to her," Nicky shook her head, "at least not yet."

"Alright," Red nodded, squeezing Nicky's hand even more tightly, "you don't have to if you aren't ready. But let me make something very clear to you, honey. There is nobody better than you. I look at you and can't believe how lucky I was to get you. You are the funniest person I know, you're smart, you have a good heart, and you are a survivor, Nicky. Look at everything you have overcome. I couldn't be prouder of you."

"I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you," Nicky said emotionally, leaning into Red's embrace and savouring the loving kisses Red began planting along her hairline.

"Well, you don't need to worry about that because you do have me, and I'm not going anywhere," Red murmured, lifting their interwoven hands to her mouth for a kiss. Nicky sighed and squeezed Red's hand tightly.

"Are you hungry?" Red asked, "I could heat up some supper for you?"

Nicky shook her head no.

"Maybe you just need to get some sleep," Red murmured, tracing a heart with her fingertips on Nicky's cheek. She kissed Nicky's forehead. "Come get into bed with me. You didn't really want to sleep in here all alone after what happened tonight, did you?"

"I was trying not to wake you," Nicky said gruffly.

"Don't ever worry about that," Red said. She smoothed back Nicky's hair. "I'm going to go get you a glass of water, alright? You go crawl into bed and I'll be there in a minute." Nicky nodded and scurried off of the bed and across the hall to Red's room.

Red paused by Nicky's dresser to find pajamas for her to change into, and then she went into the kitchen to fetch the glass of water she had promised. She would never understand how the people that Nicky had been born to could treat her feelings as precariously as they did. She deserved so much better that the hand that had been dealt her. However, as Red walked into her bedroom and spied Nicky already lying in the bed with the two dogs, she had to smile at the understanding that Hayden and Marka Nichols' loss had been her gain.

"Is there any room for me in there?" she asked teasingly, as she handed Nicky the glass of water. Nicky gulped it down quickly as though she were dying of thirst. Her mouth was parched from the exertion of running all the way home from work.

"Oh, there's always room," Nicky smiled, as she handed Red back the glass, "we all just need to squeeze in together a little tightly. Good thing we like one another." Red chuckled and brushed Nicky's hair away from her face.

"I brought your pajamas," Red said, as she dropped them onto Nicky's lap. "Would you like me to go and get you another glass of water? You finished that one pretty quickly"

"No, thanks," said Nicky, unbuttoning her blouse and slipping out of her dress pants. She tossed them onto the floor beside the bed and then slipped on the long nightshirt that Red had brought her. She laid back down and Red pulled the covers up to Nicky's chest before walking around the bed and crawling in beside her.

Resting her head against Nicky's shoulder, Red curled her leg up so that it was overlapping Nicky's. She wrapped her arm across Nicky's waist and gave her a squeeze.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep?" Red asked, bestowing a soft kiss to Nicky's pajama clad arm.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded, "I'm tired. I was supposed to go out with Brooke tonight and I completely forgot to call her and let her know I couldn't make it."

"Well, that's understandable after what happened at work," Red yawned, "if she gets upset about that than she's probably not worth your time anyway," She nestled in even closer to Nicky and within minutes had slipped back into the heavy sleep she had been enjoying before Nicky had woken her up.

It would take Nicky much longer to finally relax enough to fall asleep. Her mind continued to whirl with thoughts of what had happened tonight mixed in with the memories of the things that had happened before and after her parents' divorce. She wished she could say that it didn't matter to her, because she knew that it shouldn't. The mother that was currently sleeping cuddled up beside her loved her more than anyone could ever hope to be loved by a parent. Yet, the rejection of her father still felt like a stab to the heart. Try as she might, Nicky knew she just couldn't stop caring. If that were possible, she wouldn't have needed to depend on drugs for so long to help her forget. Sinking even deeper into her pillow, Nicky took a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. She tried to relax in the comfort of Red's warm body sleeping next to her, always so present and dependable. She tried to forget how alone she had felt when her father had walked out on her.


	12. Chapter 12

When Nicky woke up the next day it took her a few minutes before she felt ready to open her eyes. For a moment she had forgotten why she felt so terrible, but then the memories of running into her father at work came rushing back and she understood why her stomach was in knots. Nicky sat up and bundled up the blanket in her arms for comfort. The light streamed through the open windows and across the bed where she was alone. The alarm clock on the dresser told her that it was nearing eleven. She had slept late, and Red must have left for work hours ago. Nicky looked around the room and frowned at the evident absence of the two dogs who rarely left her side during the day when she was the only one home. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and noted her red blotchy eyes and nose. First thing she needed to do when she got out of bed was splash some cold water on her face. She looked terrible.

"Ahem," Nicky cleared her dry throat, but chuckled lightly when she spotted the glass filled with water on the bedside table for her. Red must have known that she would need a drink the second she got up. It had been a long night. She had lain awake for hours listening to the reassuring sound of Red's steady breathing before she had finally relaxed enough to surrender to the night herself.

Nicky lifted the glass to her lips and took a long refreshing gulp. The cool liquid slid soothingly down her dry throat while she reached for the cell phone that Red had set beside the water glass where it couldn't be missed. Nicky let out a low groan when she saw the three missed calls and several text messages from Brooke. She supposed it would not have killed her to let the girl know that she wasn't going to be able to make it after work, but the last thing she had felt like doing then was talking to somebody. She supposed she better phone Brooke now and explain. Nicky pursed her lips as she reluctantly made the call.

"Hello," Brooke's voice said when she answered.

"It's me," Nicky said unnecessarily.

"Oh," Brooke said coldly.

"I know you're mad," Nicky sighed, squeezing the comforter that was clenched in her fist, "and I'm sorry. I should have called and let you know that I wasn't able to meet you."

"Or you could have not blown me off in the first place," Brooke said, "this isn't the first time you've stood me up, although usually you at least call."

"I was sick," Nicky told her, "I had to get Piper to cover for me so I could leave work a little early. I went straight home and fell asleep before I could call you."

"Are you sure you were sick?" asked Brooke suspiciously, "or is there something else you're not telling me?" Nicky rolled her eyes as she listened to the accusatory note in Brooke's voice. Not that she hadn't been shady in the past. She would often cancel their ready-made plans when she was feeling too lazy or tired to follow through with them, and she would bail on Brooke if she got a better offer, namely from Lorna.

"Yes, I was," Nicky said truthfully, emotionally ill did count, "Ask Piper if you don't believe me." She clicked her tongue impatiently. Sometimes Brooke could just seem so clingy and immature, which Nicky knew was pretty rich coming from her.

"I believe you," Brooke said, easing up, "I just miss you when you're not around."

"I'll make it up to you," Nicky said brusquely, "maybe we can go out to dinner before class tomorrow or something?"

"That would be nice," Brooke said more warmly. "I just wish you would have called me. Don't forget about me again, alright?"

"Uh huh," Nicky said, and she took another long sip of water. Nicky knew she probably could be a little nicer, but she had never given Brooke any inclination that things were exclusive between them. She'd always maintained that they were friends, just friends who liked to hook up every now and then.

"I'm just getting tired of feeling like things are never going to move forward with you," Brooke sighed.

Nicky reached her hand down the back of her nightshirt so that she could scratch an itch on her shoulder blade. "I wasn't planning on them moving anywhere, though," she said nonchalantly, "I thought I made that very clear."

"I thought you just wanted to start slow," Brooke replied, "because you have a fear of commitment…"

"It's not a fear of commitment," Nicky said quickly, "I just don't want a commitment."

"Ever?" Brooke pressed.

"Possibly," Nicky said shortly.

"Oh," Brooke said softly.

"Just don't worry about it," Nicky tried to sound reassuring, "we'll go out tomorrow and it will be great."

"Sure," Brooke said awkwardly, "I guess so."

"I'll talk to you later, alright?" Nicky said, "I just got up and I want to go find something to eat."

"Okay," said Brooke uncertainly, "Bye." Nicky ended the call and then rubbed her temple where she could feel a headache coming on. She was hungry though. So, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, leaving the comforter to fall to the floor, and went in search of food. She could probably just warm up the supper that Red had left for her yesterday that she hadn't eaten. She paused in the bathroom to splash some cold water on her blotchy face, and then proceeded to the kitchen.

"I was beginning to think you were never going to wake up," Red said. She was sitting with her legs propped up on the couch reading a book and was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a white cardigan. Both dogs were curled up on the couch beside her.

"What are you doing here?" asked Nicky, pausing with her hand on the refrigerator door, "you're supposed to be at work."

"I called in today," Red answered simply, marking her page and placing the book on the coffee table. "Lourdes didn't care. I've covered for her so much that she was grateful for the extra shift. I thought we could spend the day together." She stretched her arms and looked expectantly at Nicky's face, apparently trying to decipher her current mood.

"Really?" Nicky asked with a yawn. She pulled the tin foil off of the plate that Red had set aside for her the night before and placed it in the microwave.

"Yes," Red nodded, sitting up straighter and resting her arms on the back of the sofa. "Although with how late you slept, I could have done at least half a day's work without you even noticing."

"Don't act like you didn't love reading in peace all morning," Nicky replied, crossing her arms as she leaned with her back to the counter, "you probably wish I had slept even longer."

"Not at all, darling," Red answered, "I missed you. What would you like to do today?"

"Wallow in self pity? Drown myself in a puddle of my own tears?" Nicky suggested vulgarly.

"Keep up that attitude and I'll make you use that puddle of tears to scrub this apartment floor on your hands and knees," Red told her uncaringly.

"That's a little harsh don't you think?" Nicky replied, "you should be a bit nicer to somebody whose father basically ripped out her heart and stomped all over it mere hours ago."

Red cocked her head to the side as she surveyed Nicky, "I just don't think you should let that man eat up anymore of your time and thoughts. He's not worth it and it won't accomplish anything."

"Says the woman who still mutters insults about her ex-husband under her breath whenever something crops up that reminds you of him," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I'm not sure you're in a position to be telling me to just let it go."

"I'm not saying just let it go," Red pressed, "I'm saying that you have a mother sitting right in front of you who loves you and that you should focus on her instead of on a father who never deserved you in the first place."

"Are you craving my attention or something?" Nicky smirked, "this is an interesting role-reversal." Red's cheeks pinked slightly at Nicky's words.

"We could go shopping?" Red suggested, "to pick out that dress I apparently need. Or the movies like you wanted? I'm up for anything." Nicky couldn't help but smile at her mother's earnestness. She turned to take her plate out of the microwave.

"I have a headache," Nicky told her lamely, "you sure you wouldn't be content to just lie on the couch and binge a tv show together?"

"Not in the least," Red replied, "we both need to get out and do something. Once you're finished eating I want you to go get dressed. I'll go and get you a Tylenol."

"Piper asked me to meet her and Alex this afternoon so that we can look at wedding cakes," Nicky told her, after she had taken a bite of food, "She said they won't be able to decide without a mediator, which I already was for the last cake we decided on. I'm not sure I want to go though."

"Well, that sounds horrible," Red said, as she got off of the couch and was on her way to get the Tylenol for Nicky's headache, "but I'll go with you if you like."

"We'll see," Nicky sighed, "I might just blow them off."

"I'm fine with that, also," Red smirked. She was about to walk down the hall but instead she paused and came to stand beside Nicky at the kitchen counter. "Listen, I know you don't really want to talk about it and maybe it's too soon, but I can't stop thinking about that other girl. Your sister."

"What about her?" Nicky mumbled with her mouth full of food.

"Well, aren't you curious?" asked Red, "I am. Maybe meeting her is something you can consider"

"No," Nicky said immediately, "I'm not curious. It's enough that she exists and apparently is pretty close with my Dad still, judging by the recent picture in his wallet and the way he spoke about her. I don't need to know anymore than that. I'd rather just forget about it."

"Alright," Red breathed deeply, "I'll go get you a Tylenol."

Nicky knew she shouldn't be tired after sleeping as much as she had, but she felt completely exhausted as she walked through the doors of the shopping mall with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her navy blue hoodie. They had already been to the bank, the post office, and had stopped in to visit Maxim at work for a few minutes. Red was doing everything she could think of to keep them busy and Nicky distracted from thoughts about her father. She walked briskly beside Nicky keeping up a steady flow of one-sided conversation about how she wished Yuri would get out and find himself a nice girl, instead of spending all his time at work or in front of the television. Although she appreciated her efforts, Nicky found she could only half listen to her mother's monologue. Her mind was still intently rehashing her encounter with Hayden Nichols last night, and all of the things she wished she had said to the man but hadn't thought of at the time.

Nicky had never been a recreational shopper in the least. She was good at spending money, Marka had always provided her with a healthy allowance that ensured that Nicky had never really wanted for anything. Working for a living now helped put things in better perspective, but Nicky still didn't have enough appreciation for material things to really understand how people could get so much joy out of shopping. Buying things and accumulating stuff had just always been what she did. Nicky's childhood playroom could have rivaled any toy store, she'd worn designer clothes, went on amazing trips, and had her own private swimming pool, but it was all meaningless. When you have everything, stuff just becomes boring.

Red on the other hand had always delighted in the thrill of hunting for good deals and checking out the blowout sales. She had always worked hard to provide her sons with everything they needed but it had never been easy. She had loved the occasions when she would take them shopping for back to school clothes or to the toy store just because. The way their little faces would light up had always delighted their mother, and she had always gone overboard at Christmas and Birthdays. However, she had a harder time spending money on herself. She had often gone without.

"Carters is having a sale," Red said, pointing in the direction of the children's store, "I wonder if Lida knows about it?"

"We're not shopping for the little critters today," Nicky reminded Red in a bored voice. She linked their arms and steered Red away from the kid's store, "we're here to shop for you. Remember?"

"Well, we can do both," Red insisted, "and I don't have to buy a dress today, anyways. The wedding isn't for weeks. I just wanted to get out of the house." Mindlessly, she checked the small gold watch that she had worn all the time in her pre-prison days and had reclaimed after her release. It had actually been a gift from Dmitri for her thirty-fifth birthday, but she didn't feel any qualms about wearing it again, no matter how negative her thoughts about her former husband were. The watch had been packed away in the same box that held the rest of her jewellery, including the pieces that she had inherited from her mother, and the simple engagement ring Dmitri had bought her after she agreed to marry him. Red had been allowed to keep her wedding band in prison. She had stopped wearing it after the divorce but had taken precautions to keep it safe, and now stored it away with the rest of her jewellery. Someday she would divvy up her small but sentimental collection between her two granddaughters, Ivanna and Vera.

"You can be responsible and plan ahead," Nicky grinned slightly, leading Red into the first clothing store that caught her eye, "it's a dress. It won't go bad."

"Alright," Red pursed her lips as she glanced around the store that was filled with a vast array of dresses, "let's see what they have." They walked towards the dresses and Nicky began perusing the racks while Red wandered around aimlessly.

"What about this one?" Red asked after a few minutes, pointing at a simple black shift dress.

"I think we can do better," Nicky said honestly, "and it's a June wedding, let's try and steer away from the black."

"Fine," Red sighed, as she ran her fingers over some colourful cocktail dresses. "This one is adorable," she mused, pulling out a peach taffeta, "not for me," she added quickly, "for somebody younger. It would look nice on either you or Lida with your fair hair."

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that," Nicky laughed, "it's a bit too girly for my taste. I bet Lida would wear it though."

"We should send her a picture," Red said, "maybe she'd like me to pick it up for her. I don't know if she's figured out what she is wearing yet."

"She's already torn between three different dresses that she already owns," Nicky reminded her, "remember how she modelled them for us last week when we were over there for dinner? I don't think adding another dress to the equation is going to help things."

"I guess you're right," Red replied, putting it back, "I'm very glad she and Piper hit it off, though. Even if I still don't really see the connection there."

"That's what happens when you get drunk and spend the whole night wanting to love on everybody," Nicky snorted, "people become close friends really fast."

"Well, I'm glad Piper invited her and Vasily to the wedding," Red said, "especially since you'll be too busy doing bridesmaid duties to sit with me."

"I'm just happy that you and Vasily will be the ones responsible for her if she decides to get drunk again," Nicky snickered, "babysitting her on New Year's Eve was exhausting."

"Well, looking after a wayward daughter-in-law will give me something to do," Red answered, "especially since Gloria doesn't get to come."

"Consider it a chance to let loose and enjoy yourself before she gets home," Nicky said, as she perused another rack of dresses, "and a night out wouldn't kill you. Who have you hung out with in the past year besides Lourdes, your kids, and grandkids?"

"I've been out for coffee with Piper several times," Red retorted, "I'm not completely isolated from the world if that is what you are implying."

"Exactly," Nicky laughed easily, "so you should be happy to get dressed up and celebrate her day of happiness." She pulled a green cocktail dress that came paired with a light bejeweled short sleeve jacket off of the rack. "Do you like it?" Nicky asked, honestly believing she had nailed it with this selection.

"It's pretty," Red admitted, walking over and pulling out the tag. Her eyes widened when she spotted the price. "I'm not spending that much money, though," she told Nicky in outrage.

"Okay, first of all," Nicky rolled her eyes, "this dress costs nothing compared to all the money you blew at Cosco last week with Lida. Don't go cheap on me now."

"I was stocking up," Red replied, "do you realize how much money you save if you buy items in bulk?"

"Well hopefully the savings were astronomical, considering you're now forcing me to hoard jumbo cases of paper towels, toilet paper, and Kleenex under my bed." said Nicky. "It will take us all year to use up all that stuff. You're always buying boring necessities and things for everybody else. When was the last time you bought yourself a new dress? I don't think you've actually bought any new clothes for yourself since you got out. You're still wearing the same wardrobe Lida bought you."

"I didn't need any more than what she had already got me," Red replied, "and I did buy new shoes and clothes once the weather began to get warmer. I just would prefer to spend money on something more versatile than a fancy dress that can't be worn anywhere else," Red said crisply.

"You buy impractical dresses for Vera all the time considering she outgrows them in about two seconds," Nicky stated, "and this is actually very practical. Think of all the nights out with Gloria you could wear this on, nice dinners, Julio's high school graduation, et cetera. It will get lots of use."

Red smiled tightly with her lips still firmly pressed together. "Fine," she relented, and her mouth slackened into a look of genuine happiness. "Let's go buy it."

"We'll you have to try it on first," Nicky insisted. She ushered Red into a change room despite her insistence that she could tell it was the right size just by looking at it. Nicky chuckled to herself as she waited outside the door. She enjoyed the drama that was shopping with her mother. Red could be so excessive, to the point of going overboard, when it came to spending money on kitchen supplies and other people, but ask her to splurge a little on something nice for herself and she suddenly became intensely frugal.

"I like it," Red said suddenly, emerging from the dressing room. "We can go pay."

"You didn't even let me see it on you," Nicky protested, "don't you want a second opinion?"

"No thanks," Red said dryly.

"You know, you really suck at this Girls Day stuff," Nicky said as she followed Red out of the store a few minutes later, "you're supposed to welcome my valuable input, and we should have gone to a few different stores before you decided."

"That seems like a waste of time," Red replied, "I already found a nice one."

"That's a waste of time?" Nicky raised her eyebrows, "you spend hours every week at the market trying to choose between two identical pieces of fruit, and taking more than five minutes to buy a dress is what seems silly to you?"

"That took longer than five minutes," Red retorted.

"Yeah, okay," Nicky shook her head.

"So, what are you thinking now?" Red asked as she glanced down at her watch for the time, "if you still want to meet Piper and Alex for the cake picking than we should get going."

"I already texted them and said I couldn't come," Nicky replied, "Once was bad enough, and I'm not in the right state of mind to deal with cake drama today. I just want to hang out with you. I'll even go look at clothes for the kids if you like."

"Maybe some other time," Red replied, "I think I'm done with shopping for now."

"Do you want to head home then?" asked Nicky.

"Go home and let the dogs out, and then maybe we could go out for an early dinner?" Red suggested, "Maybe that new Italian restaurant that you mentioned wanting to try."

"You are loving me today," Nicky grinned, "I should get figuratively stabbed in the heart by my estranged father more often. Do you promise to leave out the comments about how your pasta would have been better?"

"You know mine would be better," Red scoffed, "but I've decided to take the night off anyway."

"That's a first," Nicky grinned, "but it sounds good to me." They walked out the front doors of the mall and began heading down the sidewalk towards the street their apartment was on. Nicky had to admit she was feeling in infinitely better spirits. Her father and his betrayal were still weighing heavy on her mind, but it was hurting a bit less now that she was allowing Red to remind her about all the people that were blessings in her life. The good did outweigh the bad.

"Are Piper and Alex going to be upset with you?" Red asked conversationally after they had gotten home and leashed up the two dogs for a quick walk around the block.

"Piper's probably a little irritated," Nicky shrugged indifferently, "but she'll get over it, I gave her one hundred dollars last night to soften the blow since I was pretty sure I was going to bail."

"What one hundred dollars?" asked Red.

"The hundred dollars that my Dad gave me to make up for the years of abandonment," Nicky rolled her eyes, "cheapskate. I deserved more than that."

"You deserve what no amount of money could ever buy," Red told her.

"Uh huh," Nicky mumbled. "But the point is that I deserve a day to myself, and Piper and Alex are just going to have to deal with it."

"I'm sure they will," said Red.

"They want to move soon too," Nicky snickered, "Piper's still freaked out about their apartment needing to be fumigated last month. She wants to move somewhere cleaner and asked me to go house hunting with them."

"That reminds me," Red said, "I was told the apartment beside us is going to become available in a few weeks."

"What about it?" asked Nicky.

"It's a bit bigger and has a third bedroom," Red said, sounding a bit nervous, "I need to talk to Gloria next Saturday and see what she thinks."

"I guess we will be needing some more space pretty soon, huh?" Nicky said quietly, "I don't know how to really feel about that. You think the boys are going to be fine with leaving their aunt? They've spent more of their life with her than with Gloria, you realize."

"They'll still get to see her all the time," Red shrugged, "and I know Lourdes is going to be happy to have more time to herself."

"And they both get along really well with you now," Nicky said flatly, "which is a good thing, I guess. Are they going with you to visitation next Saturday?"

"Not this Saturday," Red said, "they are leaving for that overnight school trip this Friday."

"Oh, right," Nicky nodded. She remembered it being a big thing a few weeks ago when Lourdes had discovered the crumpled permission form that had fallen out of Benny's backpack. He had never intended for her to see it. The boys knew well enough not to ask for expensive extras like field trips because their aunt simply could not afford them. Red couldn't really either, but together the two women had managed to scrape together enough money to send both boys on the school trip with their friends.

"Speaking of them," Red said, checking her watch as they reached the steps of their apartment, "I just want to check in before we go out to supper since Lourdes won't be there when they get home. They're getting out of school now."

"You realize they aren't babies, right?" Nicky said in annoyance. She brushed past Red to head up the steps ahead of her, "they're more than capable of looking after themselves and fixing their own supper while their aunt is at work. They did it for years before you came into the picture."

"I just don't feel like they should have to, now that it can be helped," Red answered, already in the process of typing up a text with one hand, while she loosely held her dog's leash with the other.

"Jesus Christ," Nicky rolled her eyes, "if you're that concerned about two teenagers fending for themselves for a few hours, then why don't you just invite them out to the restaurant with us?"

"Really?" asked Red, and her face broke into a smile. She started walking up the stairs behind Nicky. "Do you want me to?" she asked, sounding more eager than she intended.

"If you want to," Nicky shrugged, "I guess, it's okay." It was obvious how happy she had made Red by giving her consent.

"I'll ask them then," Red said, who stopped on the porch to type out another message. Nicky bit the inside of her cheek when she caught sight of the smile on Red's face. She knew she had done the right thing. Red had been so happy ever since Benny had come to accept her. She had fallen into something of a co-parenting relationship with Lourdes in the last while, stepping up to help care for them in Gloria's absence. Benny had willingly begun spending time with Red's family again, whom he had always enjoyed in the past. All that was missing was Gloria, but she wouldn't be gone for much longer.

The boys were already waiting outside of the restaurant when Red and Nicky arrived. Leaning against a pillar as they watched the traffic go by, they both smiled and greeted them warmly as Red ushered them inside.

"Can we get a booth instead of a table?" Benny asked.

"Sure," Red said easily, and Benny grinned when he heard her repeat his request to the hostess upon arrival. They were led to a half moon booth and they all slid in, the boys in the middle with Nicky and Red on either end. They opened their menus hesitantly and Red told them that they could order an appetizer if they wanted. They brightened at that. Eating out was quite the luxury for them.

"They should give us something to colour or crossword puzzles to do while we wait for our food," Benny said, after they had placed their orders.

"Aren't you a little old for that?" Red asked him with a smirk.

"Well, you told us we couldn't use our cell phones at the table," Benny told her, "what else are we supposed to do?"

"Talk to each other?" Nicky laughed, "I'll start. How was school today?"

"Boring," Benny said flatly.

"Care to elaborate?" Julio asked teasingly.

"Nope," Benny replied.

"At least I know you went to school then," Red said.

"You know I went to school today," Benny told her, looking slightly affronted, "I haven't missed one day this month."

"Yes, I do. I'm very proud of you," Red said, taking a sip of her water. "How did you do on that essay you were working on last week?"

"Alright," Benny mumbled.

"He did better than alright," Julio spoke up, "It was the best in his class. He's even getting a prize for it at the Creative Arts Night at school."

"Really?" Red exclaimed, looking at Benny in astonishment, "why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because it's stupid," Benny said, and his ears reddened in embarrassment. He looked over at his brother, "I'm going to kill you!"

"I didn't know it was a secret," Julio said, "I don't know why you're so embarrassed about doing well at something."

"I'm not embarrassed," Benny shot back.

"Can I come?" asked Red.

"Where?" asked Benny blankly.

"To this Arts Night, or whatever it's called," Red specified.

"There is no Arts Night," Benny told her, "Julio just got confused." Nicky snorted, and Benny shot her a dirty look.

"Why won't you tell me?" asked Red, "I'd love to go."

"Really?" Benny said skeptically. She nodded and he sighed. "Well, if you're looking for something to do…it's on Wednesday, May 3rd. A week from tomorrow."

"I'll be there," Red told him.

"Don't stress if you can't make it for some reason at the last minute," Benny replied, struggling and failing to wipe the genuine smile that appeared on his face, "it's probably going to be really boring."

"Nonsense," Red scoffed and Benny blushed and looked down at his hands.

"Do you want more bread?" Red asked him to change the subject. She could tell how happy it had made him to know how proud she was of him, and that she would be there for his event, but she didn't want to draw too much attention to it and make him uncomfortable. Benny nodded, and Red sliced a piece from the loaf and buttered it caringly before placing it in front of him. "How about you, Julio?" Red asked.

"Yes, please," Julio answered.

"Ugh," Nicky groaned.

"Hey, no cell phones at the table," Julio complained, "why are you allowed?"

"I'm all grown up," Nicky told him, "nobody can stop me."

"You don't act like it," Benny said with a mouthful of bread.

"What's wrong?" Red frowned across the table at Nicky.

"I told Brooke I'd meet up with her tomorrow before class," Nicky said, "but she's asking if we can hang out tonight too."

"Tell her no," Julio said matter-of-factly, "it's family time tonight," he joked.

"I'm thinking of telling her no for good, actually," Nicky replied, "she's becoming a bit too high maintenance for me."

"High maintenance, needy girls are the worst," Julio said.

"What would you know about that?" Red turned to look at him.

"I've dated," Julio told her defensively.

"Already?" asked Red.

"I'm seventeen," Julio reminded her.

"My sons didn't have girlfriends at seventeen," Red said.

"They probably just didn't bring them around you because you'd have embarrassed them," Benny said with a smirk, "but don't worry. I'd probably let you meet my girlfriend, when I get one. You could cook us dinner and save me some money."

"Why, because you're too cheap to spend money on a date?" Nicky asked him.

"I'm not going to waste money before I know if the girl is worth it," Benny told her.

"Nice attitude," Nicky rolled her eyes, "this is probably why you don't have a girlfriend already." Red bit her lip while Julio laughed loudly at the banter. Just then the server returned with their food.

"You boys aren't going to be able to sleep tonight after all that caffeine," Red said, as she unrolled her napkin of cutlery. The server had just left to get Julio and Benny free refills of soda.

"We were thirsty," said Julio, "and you need to drink pop when you have pizza."

"I can't believe with all the exciting entrees you can get here, you guys settled for pizza," Nicky rolled her eyes, as she twirled some spaghetti around her fork.

"Pizza's delicious," Julio said, taking a big bite of his first slice.

"It's also boring," Nicky replied, "you guys eat pizza like three times a week. This was your chance to try something new."

"That does look pretty good though," Benny said, pointing at Red's dish, "how come you didn't tell me that was an option?"

"Did you not read the same menu the rest of us did?" Red asked him.

"I must have missed that page," Benny replied, "you should let me have a bite."

"Go ahead," Red gave in, and Benny happily took a large forkful off of her plate.

"That's pretty good," he said licking his lips, "I bet you could make it even better though"

"You just beat Red to her own line," Nicky said, "I was waiting for her to say she could make all of these meals herself and save a lot of money doing so." She winked across the table at her mother and then took another bite of her dinner. She was glad that she had told Brooke she was busy, there was no where she'd rather be right now and she wasn't about to rush it to meet her. It amazed her how at home she was feeling, as though Gloria's sons, and especially Red, were always meant to be there. She felt a smidgeon of pride at how well everybody was getting along. She certainly didn't deserve all, or even most, of the credit, but Nicky knew that she did have a hand in bringing them all together. It was nice to understand that she could be useful, instead of just destructive.

"Do you want half?" Red asked him, "give me one of your slices of pizza and we'll call it even." Benny nodded happily and Red served him half of the dish. It was incredible the difference that a few months could make. Before, Red had not even really believed that Gloria's youngest child was capable of smiling, and to see the tension and animosity gradually leaving him was a remarkable thing. Julio and Benny reminded Red of her own sons in so many ways. It wasn't lost on her that they were almost the same ages that Maxim and Vasily had been when she had been taken away. In many ways, having a place in their lives felt like getting back some of the time that had been taken from her and her own children, and, as much as she loved them for their own sakes, they were also her redemption.

As they ate their dessert, Benny pulled out his cell phone and showed Red something on it that made her face soften. Nicky noticed but did not comment, instead choosing to nab the last apple cinnamon pastry from the dish they were all sharing. After Red had paid the bill, they began walking down the street in the direction of Julio and Benny's apartment. It wasn't that far out of the way for Nicky to object to, and the boys didn't even waste breath complaining that they were more than capable of getting themselves home safely. They chatted easily as they enjoyed the twinkling city lights that were cascading against the setting sun. Nicky sighed contentedly feeling much better than she had that morning. Red had been right to insist they get out and do something that day. Keeping busy hadn't kept Nicky from thinking about her father or feeling hurt, but it had helped her refocus on what was important. She smiled as she listed to Red checking to make sure that everything was in order for their weekend school trip and that they knew what they needed to make. Red could be such a mom, but it was the title that she wore best.

They said goodbye outside and both Julio and Benny thanked Red profusely for taking them out to dinner. Acts of generosity that had once been regarded with suspicion, they both now took to be genuine acts of caring. It felt good to be included. Nicky and Red waited for the boys to let themselves through the door of their apartment before they turned and headed for their own home.

"I'm thinking moving into that three-bedroom sooner rather than later would probably be a good idea," Nicky said to Red as they walked.

"Things feel like they are going to be okay," Red smiled, "they're both doing so good."

"What did Benny show you on his phone back at the restaurant?" asked Nicky curiously.

Red's mouth twisted for a brief second before she responded. "He has this, what do you call it? An app? On his phone. He set up a countdown to when his mother gets home."

"How much longer is it exactly?" asked Nicky.

"Six weeks and six days," Red said automatically, "and nine days after the wedding, I might add." Nicky rolled her eyes at that.

"Well, that's not so bad," Nicky said, sounding upbeat, "she's almost there."

"It's just so sad, the idea of a child needing to have an app on his phone to countdown how much longer his mother is serving time in prison for." Red shook her head wearily, "they don't deserve that, and neither does Gloria. What kind of world are we living in?"

"A pretty shitty one," Nicky replied, "but it has its moments. Don't dwell in the past though, things are going to be so good very soon. She's almost home."


	13. Chapter 13

Nicky was curled up on the living room sofa wrapped in the comforter from her bed. She hadn't moved from this spot since she had woken up that morning to watch Red rush around getting ready to leave for Litchfield. Nicky had considered tagging along to go see Gloria, but Red had shut that idea down the moment that she had suggested it. Julio and Benny had left for their class trip the day before. They would be gone until Monday and Red was really excited about having the rare opportunity to go see Gloria by herself. Nicky was only slightly offended.

She sat up when she heard the knock at the door and grinned broadly. She knew that it was Luschek. After Red had turned down the pleasure of her company, Nicky had sent him a text to see if he wanted to spend the afternoon with her today. She had not wanted to spend her rare Saturday off alone and he was the first person she had thought of.

"Afternoon, Sunshine," Luschek said brightly, when Nicky answered the door still wrapped in her comforter. "Are you cold or something?"

"I'm just being comfortable," Nicky replied, "I don't want to do anything today. That's why I invited you over. You're the laziest guy I know."

"And I'm proud to be," Luschek replied, as Daisy raced forward to sniff his feet.

"Ugh, not one of those ankle biters," Luschek groaned, "if you were going to get a dog, you should at least have gotten one big enough to count as a real dog."

"We have a bigger dog too," Nicky told him, "but Red's son took him along on some hiking trip." Maxim and Luca had gone away for the weekend on a wilderness adventure tour. They would be gone for four days without cell reception and be pitching a tent every night to sleep in. It sounded like a nightmare to Nicky, who preferred vacations that usually involved being poolside with tons of pampering.

"That sounds like a lot of work disguised as a vacation," Luschek shuddered as he took a seat beside Nicky on the couch. Nicky lay back down and placed her feet in his lap. She smiled.

"So, how's prison treating you?" Nicky asked, "did you find a new witty smart mouth to take my place yet? That place is filled with people wanting to shoot their mouths off, but I doubt any of them have my way with words."

"The place isn't the same without you," Luschek replied, "is that what you want to hear?"

"Just like to know that I'm irreplaceable," Nicky smirked, scratching Daisy behind the ear when she jumped up on the couch beside her. She reached for the remote and recommenced the show she had been watching.

"So, did you invite me over today just so that you would have someone to watch television with?" Luschek asked.

"I thought you might be craving my company," Nicky replied, "we haven't hung out since we went paintballing back in March."

"You've been avoiding me," Luschek said.

"I have not," Nicky retorted, "I've just been busy. You know how it is, or do you? Collecting orgasms and breaking hearts."

"Everybody has to have a hobby, I guess," said Luschek easily, "who has it been this time?"

"Nobody you know," Nicky said, "just a couple of girls from the restaurant and the latest was somebody from my class at college. I just got rid of her."

Nicky had formally ended things with Brooke when they had gone out to dinner together before their evening class this past week. She hadn't wanted to do it, especially not before the course had ended. She just hadn't had any patience left for Brooke's clinginess or talks about a future together that was never going to happen.

"You player," Luschek teased.

"Hey, you and I both know you'd be doing the same thing if you had an ounce of my charm," Nicky grinned wickedly, "you want me to wingman for you sometime? I promise not to take all the best ones for myself."

"How do you know I'm not currently seeing someone?" asked Luschek.

"You're not," said Nicky confidently, "or, if you are, it's definitely not someone you're serious about. Otherwise, why would you be sitting here with me right now?"

"I thought there might be good food around here to eat," Luschek joked, "I'm getting sick of ramen noodles and stale pizza for dinner every night."

"Gosh, Luschek," Nicky rolled her eyes, "just because you work in a prison doesn't mean you have to eat like an inmate." She got up and went to the fridge to get him the leftover Chicken Parmesan that Red had cooked last night for dinner.

"You came to the right place for a good meal, though," she told him a few minutes later, when she brought the warmed-up food back to the couch. She handed him his plate.

"See what good care I take of you?" she asked, "you're so lucky to have me. I'll even get you a glass of water to go with it."

"You don't have anything stronger, do you?" asked Luschek.

"Just a bottle of cooking wine," said Nicky, "we're not party people around here."

"Funny, I always dubbed you for a party girl," said Luschek, "or maybe just a bad girl."

"Well, now I'm a good little school girl," Nicky replied, as she handed him the glass of water she had fetched. "I'm going for my Bachelor's degree in Psychology at NYU in September. Are you proud of me?"

"I never cared much for school," Luschek said, taking a sip from the water glass, "bet that doesn't surprise you, huh? But I'm glad you're doing that. You're too damn smart for your own good."

"Is that one of the things you like best about me?" Nicky asked him. She kneeled on the couch beside him and leaned her head forward to take the fleshy skin of his neck between her teeth. Luschek shivered as goosebumps appeared on his skin.

Nicky chuckled and relaxed her jaw that was clenched on his neck. "Okay, maybe there is something I feel like doing today," she admitted casually. She leaned down to tenderly kiss the bite marks she had left on his skin.

Luschek guffawed, and placed his dishes on the coffee table. Then he turned and wrapped his arms around Nicky. Tilting her head up he pressed his lips against hers in a soft, gentle kiss.

"Let's go to my room," Nicky said after a moment, gripping his arm and tugging him into a standing position. "Red would kill me if I had sex on the couch."

She pulled him along down the hall to her bedroom which was very messy. Clothes were all over the floor and her dresser was littered with makeup. Red had long ago declared Nicky's room a disaster zone and refused to go in there. Nicky had given up pointing out that the room wouldn't get into such a state if Red didn't keep tossing items onto the bed whenever they were left lying around other parts of the apartment. Now the mess was too overwhelming to clean.

"This is just as bad as my room," Luschek observed, as Nicky knocked some clean laundry and a couple of magazines off of the bed and onto the floor.

"Then you should feel right at home," Nicky replied, pulling back the covers and lying down in the bed, "are you coming?"

"Sure," Luschek conceded, unbuckling his pants and stripping them off. He crawled into the bed next to her. He slid his hand beneath Nicky's thigh and noted with delight that she had kicked off her pajama bottoms beneath the covers.

Nicky excited him and her attitude made everything even more appealing during the handful of times they had been intimate with each other. Luschek knew that she wasn't really into him that way, that she only penciled him in for these friends-with-benefits hook-ups when she wasn't seeing somebody that actually was her type. However, that was more than okay with him. Luschek just enjoyed being in the now with her. With a partner who equally didn't give a f**k.

Nicky flipped over so that she could straddle his lap. She leaned down to kiss him and bit his lower lip teasingly, pulling it out and enjoying the way she could tell that he was smiling. She placed her hands flat on his chest and slowly crawled her fingers down until they wrapped around his arousal and began stroking him softly. It wasn't her favourite part of this intimacy, but she enjoyed seeing how the gentlest of touch could affect him. It made her feel powerful and Nicky liked the control it gave her.

Once the condom had been put on, Nicky gripped his sex in her hand and mounted him. Sometimes she had allowed him a bit more control over the movements, but right now she wanted it done her way. She lowered her upper body down so that he was plunged as far into her depths as could be. Luschek placed his hands on her hips and thrust in sync with the rolling of her hips.

Needing more, Nicky placed her hand atop of Luschek's right and encouraged him to slide towards her centre. She put pressure on his fingertips petting her clit with light and electric movements that made her tremble. Once the rhythm had been set, Nicky took her hand away and wrapped it around his neck.

Forehead pressed against forehead they held one another and moved as one, both panting together. Flurries of light butterfly kisses were exchanged between them and they would alter their speed, slowing down whenever they sensed one of them was getting too close to the end. Both of them wanted it to last as long as it could. They didn't have sex together often, but when they did they took it seriously. Exploring one another's bodies, nipping, and teasing. They had both learned what the other one needed and they nearly always came at the same time.

Gripping one another tightly as they neared their peak, Luschek rocked forward and maneuvered Nicky onto her back, as he went on top and she allowed him to take the lead. Nicky wrapped her legs and arms around Luschek's torso and neck. He thrust deliberately into her and, had she not been so wet, the force may have almost been too much, but instead she purred and allowed waves of euphoric pleasure to come over when at last, she surrendered.

Luschek rolled over and laid on his back beside her in the bed. Both were breathless and both were completely sated.

"That was good," Luschek said, linking his fingers together and stretching.

"Same," Nicky agreed. She curved onto her side and hugged her pillow. She yawned. "I feel like I could take a nap right about now."

"Did I wear you out?" Luschek grinned. Nicky scoffed and rolled her eyes, but within minutes they were both sound asleep with Nicky's pillow acting as a divider between them. They weren't the cuddly sort once the act was done.

It was much too soon when Nicky was rudely woken up by the sound of her phone ringing. Luschek was still snoring loudly beside her. Nicky jumped out of the bed and hurried into the living room before she missed the call.

"Hello?" Nicky said into it, feeling a bit groggy.

"Nicky! Thank God you answered!" said Lida, sounding frantic, "I couldn't get a hold of anybody else. Mama is gone today, Maxim and Luca are away, Klara is visiting friends out of town, and Yuri isn't answering his phone for some reason. I need to take Vasily to the hospital. He fell off the roof and I think his arm might be broken. Would you be able to come stay with the kids?"

"You want me to watch the kids?" Nicky said skeptically, running her fingers through her tangled hair. She still wasn't the biggest fan of small children, although living with Red ensured she saw quite a bit of Alexei and Vera.

"Please?" said Lida, "I don't know who else to call and I really don't want to take them to the emergency room with us."

"Yeah, sure, I'll do it," Nicky sighed, mourning her planned day of relaxation. "You don't mind if I bring a friend to help me, do you?"

"Not at all," Lida said automatically, "are you leaving now? Can you come right now?"

"Just let me put pants on first," Nicky yawned, "I'll be there in twenty."

Once she got off the phone with Lida, she immediately went back into her bedroom where Luschek was seeping soundly. She shook him. "Wake up!"

"No, mommy, I don't wanna go to school today," Luschek mumbled and turned onto his stomach. Rolling her eyes, Nicky shook him even harder and he jerked wide awake.

"What the f**k were you dreaming about just now?" asked Nicky, giving him a strange look. "Never mind, I don't care." She picked up his jeans that had been lying on the floor and tossed them at him. "Put these on quickly," she ordered, and then shifted through some piles on the floor of her own clothing for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"Are you kicking me out already?" Luschek asked. He stood up to slip his blue jeans on.

"Not exactly," said Nicky. "I just got suckered into a babysitting job because Red's son fell off a roof and apparently broke his arm." She rolled her eyes again. "Vasily's probably fine. Lida just likes to get over-excited about things."

"Umm…okay," Luschek blinked, not at all following what was going on. "I'll let you get to that then." He made to walk out into the hallway.

"Not so fast," Nicky said, grabbing him by the arm when he tried to pass her, "I need reinforcements. You're coming with me."

"To babysit?" Luschek scoffed, "no freaking way. You're on your own there."

"Come on," Nicky prodded, "I need help. I don't know anything about how to keep two kids alive for an afternoon."

"And you think I do?" asked Luschek.

"Let's find out," Nicky replied. "Besides, I need a ride."

In a matter of minutes, Nicky and Luschek drove up in his beater truck and parked outside of Vasily's house. Lida rushed out the doors to meet them.

"Thank God you're here," Lida said breathlessly, enveloping Nicky in a hug, "Vasily's in a lot of pain."

"Let's try and relax, eh?" said Nicky, as she patted Lida on the back. "I mean it's his arm, not his neck."

Lida sniffed. "Yeah," she said, trying hard to look more cheerful. She smiled half-heartedly at Luschek. "I'm Lida Reznikov," she introduced herself, holding out a hand.

"Luschek," said Luschek, shaking her hand, "we, uh…met on New Years Eve though."

"Oh gosh," Lida giggled, turning to lead the way up the walkway to her house. "I'm sort of embarrassed that I don't really remember anything about that night."

"That's not surprising," Luschek replied, while Nicky sniggered.

As soon as Lida opened the front door of the house, Nicky heard the Paw Patrol theme song blaring from the television. Alexei raced down the stairs wearing just his underwear and a Super Man cape. Vera was husting after her big brother as quickly as she could. Both kids ran past their father without a sideways glance as he sat on the Deacons bench with his right arm cradled, and looking thoroughly miserable.

"Nicky's here," Lida told her husband unnecessarily, "and Luschek."

"Great," said Vasily, sucking his teeth as he adjusted his position.

"Can we go now?" he asked.

"Just let me give Nicky all the instructions first," Lida replied. She motioned Nicky to follow her into the kitchen, leaving Luschek and Vasily to make awkward conversation in the foyer.

"This bone will heal itself by the time you're ready to go," Vasily called after them, "hurry up, honey!"

"I'd ask if this behaviour is normal," Nicky told Lida, glancing into the living room at the kids who were busy taking all the cushions off of the sofa. Vera had managed to remove her pants too, and was now jumping around in just a diaper. "But these are your kids and I've become familiar with their work."

"Just make them put pants on if you take them outside," Lida smiled. She handed Nicky a piece of lined paper where she had written a full page of instructions.

"Are you not planning to ever come back or something?" Nicky asked, as she glanced down the list lazily. "When do I give them their nap?"

"They don't really nap anymore," Lida told her, "they're outgrowing it, I guess."

"Smart of you to keep that information to yourself when you called," Nicky groaned. She folded up the note and shoved it in the back pocket of her jeans.

"There's lots of food in the fridge," Lida told her, "they can have some apple slices for a snack and I was planning to make pork chops for supper. If I'm not back by then you could start dinner for them."

"Or just order a pizza," Nicky replied, nudging Lida back down the hallway. "Don't worry, I won't let them starve. Go take care of your husband."

"Alright," sighed Lida. She stepped into the living room where Alexei was now running with a couch cushion in front of him and crashing into the wall.

"Mommy's leaving now, guys," Lida told them, scooping Vera up into her arms. "Mommy has to take Daddy to the hospital to fix his arm and Auntie Nicky, and her friend Luschek, are going to stay with you. Okay?"

"Mommy, I want to go with you," Alexei whined, dropping the cushion and wrapping his arms around Lida's waist.

"I'll be back soon," Lida promised, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. "As soon as I can." She placed Vera in Nicky's reluctant arms and then worked to untangle Alexei's limbs from around her legs.

"I'm holding you to that promise," Nicky said, over the sound of Vera crying. She had started wailing the moment she had realized that her mother was leaving. "No dawdling. Get back here as quickly as you can."

"Thanks again, Nicky," Lida smiled, "text me if you need anything." It was still several long minutes before Lida managed to put her shoes on and walk with Vasily to their car. Alexei insisted on them all standing in the window to wave goodbye until they drove out of sight.

"Alright, cut the dramatics," Nicky said to Vera, who hadn't stopped whimpering since Lida had handed her to her. "I want your mommy to come back too, but until she does, you and me are going to have to make the best of things." She placed Vera back on the floor.

"You guys want to watch a movie?" she asked hopefully.

"I want to build a tent," Alexei told her, jumping up and down.

"I don't know how to make a tent," Nicky told him, "maybe my friend, Luschek does though." She smirked.

"Don't you just drape some blankets over a few chairs?" Luschek asked.

Nicky shrugged, "works for me," she said, "let's go find some blankets."

Alexei raced up the stairs ahead of everyone and came back dragging the large Queen size comforter off of his parents' bed.

"Don't fall," Nicky told him, "or your mother and grandmother will kill me."

"Where is Grandma?" Alexei asked, "she always babysits us."

"She's away visiting a friend of hers today," Nicky grumbled, "otherwise I assure you she would be here. Now, are you ready to go build your tent?"

Alexei threw the blanket the rest of the way down the stairs and then turned back around. "I need more blankets," he told them.

"Umm, hi," Luschek said awkwardly to Vera, who had just wrapped her arms around his legs and giggled while looking up at him.

"She seems to like you," Nicky observed, "probably can tell that the two of you have about the same maturity level. At least she stopped crying."

"She's pretty cute," Luschek admitted, picking the little girl up. "I don't mind visiting them but I definitely wouldn't want to live here."

"Auntie, you ready?" Alexei asked, re-emerging at the top of the stairs with another large blanket and the sheets from all of their beds.

"Your sister-in-law is going to love you when she has to remake every single bed in this house tonight," Luschek told her.

Nicky shrugged, "her list didn't say anything about beds. At least, I don't think it did. I didn't actually read the whole thing. She worries too much." Nicky bent down to pick up the large comforter at the bottom of the stairs and carried it into the living room. Alexei followed with the other blankets, and Luschek picked up the rear with Vera. They grabbed all of the chairs from the kitchen table and arranged them in a circle before draping the blankets over them. Then Alexei grabbed all of the couch cushions and used them to make walls and tents.

"You can't come in my tent, ha-ha," he told them, before blocking himself in with a cushion.

"We didn't want to come in anyway," Nicky said back, "all the cookies are out here."

The cushion was slowly pulled back and Alexei's eyes peered out, "I want cookies," he told her.

"Can I come in your tent then?" asked Nicky. Alexei nodded. So Nicky went into the kitchen and began rummaging in the cupboards until she found a Tupperware container full of homemade sugar cookies. She didn't get why Lida was insisting on apples for a snack when there were better options lying around.

Nicky handed Alexei a cookie as payment and then crawled into the cramped hideout with him. Vera toddled in behind her.

"Vera, hurry up," Alexei said in a spooky voice, "we're hiding from the monster!"

"What monster?" asked Nicky.

"Eeeeeehh MONSTER!" Vera squealed in delight as she pointed out of the tent.

"Luschek's a monster?" Nicky asked, peering up out of the blankets at him, "I guess he is pretty scary looking."

"Go away, Monster!" Alexei shouted, shoving the couch cushion into the opening and enveloping them in pitch darkness. Nicky helped herself to a second cookie from the container while Luschek played along with them, shaking the tent while Alexei and Vera both screamed and laughed simultaneously.

Once that game got old and the tent had been demolished, Alexei and Vera started running across the room and jumping into the pile of blankets and pillows. Nicky checked her phone and rolled her eyes at how Lida had blown it up with all the text messages asking how the kids were.

"You'd think she didn't consider me to be a responsible babysitter," Nicky said, as she sat down on the cushion-less couch next to Luschek. "Man, these kids are hyper."

"Well, you did just feed them each about a dozen cookies," Luschek pointed out, "how are you going to explain that one away?"

"I'm going to blame it on you,' Nicky replied. She replaced her phone back in her pocket. "Well, Lida just said they're going to be late for supper," she told him with a groan. "Vasily is getting fit for a cast and then they need to go pick up his prescription at the pharmacy. You want to order a pizza? She defrosted some pork chops for dinner but I'm not cooking."

"Yeah, sure," Luschek shrugged, "get some wings as well."

"Are you chipping in?" Nicky asked, her phone to her ear as she waited for the pizza place to answer.

"I'm spending my entire Saturday babysitting kids for people I barely know," Luschek pointed out, "I think I deserve some free wings."

"Fine," Nicky relented. She placed an order for delivery which would arrive in approximately twenty minutes. The kids were still amusing themselves jumping on all of the blankets and pillows. Nicky considered cleaning them up briefly but then decided that it seemed like too much work. Once the food had been delivered and Nicky had paid, she turned to the kids and asked them if they wanted some juice to go with it.

"Mommy says we have to have water to drink," Alexei told her, "juice just in the morning."

"Yeah, well mommy's not here," Nicky told him, "and I say it's okay. So, would you rather water or juice?"

"Juice!" Alexei shouted.

"Juice!" Vera repeated.

"That's what I thought," Nicky said, and she went to fil their sippy cups with juice.

The four of them were sitting contentedly on the mountain of pillows and blankets when Vasily and Lida walked in. Nicky and Luschek were both completely engrossed in The Lion King, which they had found in their DVD collection and put on after supper. They didn't notice them right away.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Alexei exclaimed when he saw them in the doorway. He jumped up and ran to hug them. Vera wiggled off of Luschek's lap and hurried over to her mother.

"You guys look like you had a lot of fun," Lida remarked, looking around her completely trashed living room with widened eyes. "Did you behave for Auntie and Luschek?"

"Yeah, they were fine," Nicky said, getting to her feet, "I'd watch them again if you ever need me to. How's the arm, Vasily?"

"Painful," said Vasily, "I thought I was going to die when the doctor set it."

"Oh, don't be dramatic," said Lida, "that took like five seconds."

"Just take some pain pills and go to sleep until it eases up," Nicky advised him, "you…uh…might want to make the bed up again before you do that though."

"Auntie and Luschek helped me make a tent," Alexei told them happily, and then began describing to his parents in extreme detail everything they had done that day. When he got to the part about the cookies, Nicky decided it was time to say goodbye.

"I'll let your mom know how you're doing," she said to Vasily, "so she might come over later to check on you."

"If not, she'll be by tomorrow morning to return my car," said Vasily.

"I don't know why you haven't made her buy her own yet," Nicky said, slipping her denim jacket on over her t-shirt. "She steals yours every week."

Vasily laughed, "I guess I'm going to need to get firmer," he said, "but it doesn't really matter since Lida and I have the two. Is she home yet?"

"She should have gotten home a couple of hours ago," Nicky replied, "although she conveniently ignored my text message telling her to come straight here to help me with the kids once she got back to the city. So, you can blame this mess on her. I didn't have a chance to clean up." Lida chose that moment to walk down the hall. She was barely able to see over the bundles of blankets in her arms.

"Do you want some help?" Nicky asked her half-heartedly, at the same time slipping her feet into her shoes and wrapping her hand around the door knob. She was more than ready to leave.

"That's alright," Lida replied, "I can do it. Thanks so much for helping us out today though."

Nicky was still feeling in pretty good spirits when Luschek dropped her off at home a few minutes later. She had enjoyed her afternoon with Vasily's children. She would never stop appreciating the chaos that came from being a part of a large family.

Waving goodbye, Nicky hurried up the steps to the porch and pulled her key out of her pocket. She had seen Vasily's car parked out front so she knew that Red was already home. She let herself into the apartment where Daisy was excitedly waiting. After she had finished properly greeting her dog, which consisted of lots of kisses and cute baby talk, Nicky kicked off her shoes and went to find Red.

"You're in bed already?" Nicky commented, as she walked into Red's room and laid down beside her. "I suppose I could do with an early night myself though. No offence, but your grandchildren are wild animals."

"Hmm," Red mumbled sleepily. She was under the covers and had them clutched beneath her chin.

"Thanks for ignoring my text messages by the way," Nicky rolled her eyes, "aren't you even curious why I was watching the kids in the first place?"

"A little,' Red admitted, her voice sounding a little hoarse, "so why were you?"

"Your son fell off the roof of the house," Nicky answered.

"Is Vasily okay?" Red asked, sitting up in bed, her forehead creased with worry.

"He's fine," Nicky said dismissively, "broke his arm though. He's going to need to wear a cast for six to eight weeks."

"Dummy," Red replied, "he was always clumsy." She leaned back into her pillow again and closed her eyes.

"So, how was Gloria?" asked Nicky.

"Don't ask," Red grunted.

"Why not?" asked Nicky, "did something happen?"

"You're asking," Red said grimly.

"Well, come on you can't not tell me," Nicky pressed, "we tell each other everything."

"Nicky, not now, alright?" Red pleaded, opening her eyes and giving her a meaningful look. "I'm not in the mood. I don't want to talk about Gloria right now. If you're going to stay, why don't you tell me what you and the babies did today?"

"You didn't break up, did you?" asked Nicky jokingly.

"More or less," Red said stiffly.

"What the f**k is that supposed to mean?" Nicky asked, beginning to get impatient. "You either did or you didn't. Did the two of you have a fight?"

'Huh," Red sighed, "Nicky, I just...I don't know what to say right now. It's just that woman is so difficult sometimes, it drives me insane. And she thinks I'm the one with the problem? Ha!"

"Umm, okay," Nicky blinked, "what was she being difficult about?"

"You know, sometimes I think she just likes to create this drama just so that she can irritate me," Red said bitterly. "I have driven up to that despicable prison every week for her, wasting hours of my life in Vasily's uncomfortable car with all of the traffic and the bad weather. She waits until now to tell me I shouldn't bother?"

"She said she doesn't want you to visit her anymore?" Nicky asked, trying to make some sense out of Red's ranting.

"Well…not exactly," Red conceded, "but she might as well have."

"What _exactly_ did she say then?" asked Nicky.

Red pursed her lips, "she said that she doesn't want to be with me once she gets out."

"She said that?" Nicky asked in disbelief, squinting slightly in confusion.

"Well, no," Red admitted, "she said that she is moving in with Lourdes once she gets out. She doesn't want to move into the larger apartment with all of us. Apparently, sleeping on a lumpy couch is more preferable than being under the same roof as me."

"Okay, I think you're blowing this way out of proportion," Nicky took a deep breath. "I mean, I wasn't there, but I doubt she's trying to avoid you. Maybe she doesn't think the boys are ready for such a move?"

"Those boys," Red gritted her teeth, "she thinks I'm not good enough for them now? I do everything that I possibly can for them. I've driven them up to visit her, I've taken care of them when they're sick, I take them on vacation, I even helped Lourdes pay for the f**king field trip they are currently on, but Gloria doesn't appreciate any of that!"

"That's not true," Nicky insisted, "I've seen the way she looked at you when you brought her sons to see her. And the woman was practically crying from joy on the phone when she learned that you were taking them to see Feliks and Ivanna with you. You are so important to her, and to Julio and Benny too."

"That's what she said," Red admitted, sounding positively miserable.

"Okay then," said Nicky, "that's good. Huh?"

"Gloria thinks she is doing what's right for her sons, but I have spent more time with them in the past few months than she has in years," Red told her. "They're comfortable with me. They've stayed over with me several times by choice this year."

"It's still going to be a big adjustment for them to have you and her both around together," Nicky argued, "and let's not forget about Lourdes. Getting their mom back is probably enough of a change for right now. You're right, you have spent more time with them than she has but that wasn't her choice. Would you like Klara pointing out how much more time she got with your sons compared to you?"

Red scoffed, "it's not anything like _that_ ," she said spitefully.

"Except that it sort of is," Nicky argued. "Remember, you have had time to focus on your family uninterrupted. Give Gloria the same opportunity. Let her focus on them first and just be patient."

"I've been waiting for two years," Red said dramatically.

"And it's been even longer for the boys," Nicky reminded her gently. "They were little when Gloria left them." She scooted closer to her in the bed and kissed her mother's cheek.

"I'm just so sick of doing everything for everyone else and then getting slapped in the f**king face," Red sighed, looking down at her hand, which Nicky had entwined with her own.

"I'm so tired," she whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

Nicky wasn't too surprised or worried when Red opted to spend her Sunday alternating between reading in bed and sleeping. She stayed in her pajamas all day and silenced her phone so that she wouldn't have to speak to anybody. Nicky didn't make much of it. Pouting for a day or two was not the most unusual thing Red had ever done and it was obvious that she had chosen to take what Gloria had said as a personal rejection. Nicky knew this was completely irrational, but she also knew there was no point in trying to reason with Red when she was in a mood like this.

So, even though being around Red was far from being a pleasure, Nicky decided to be a good daughter and keep her company anyway. She dragged her school bag into the room and spent most of Sunday sitting crossed legged next to Red on the bed, doing prep work for her upcoming exam. Red, for her part, had more or less ignored Nicky's existence. She answered when Nicky spoke to her but made it quite clear that she would prefer silence. When Nicky had asked her if she wanted to turn her ringtone back on so that she wouldn't miss a call from Gloria, Red had only scoffed at her. Nicky had given up after that. She knew her mother would come around in her own time and not a moment sooner.

Gloria was doing the right thing. Nicky believed that without a shadow of a doubt. It would have been good if she had been more open about her plans, instead of leading Red on, but maybe Gloria hadn't fully processed the reality of coming home until very recently. Nicky was fully prepared to cut Gloria some slack in that regard. Hope could be a dangerous thing. Thinking too far ahead often resulted in depression. Sometimes the only way to survive was to temporarily forget that a life existed outside of the prison walls. Perhaps Gloria had not begun allowing herself to make future plans before this point because it would have only made her remaining time feel even longer.

Nicky had a lot of appreciation for Gloria's dedication to her sons. Good parents made sacrifices for their kids and, after growing up with parents who had never prioritized her ahead of themselves, she respected Gloria's good intentions. She was putting her boys first, quite possibly for the first time in their lives. While she might have always meant well, there was no denying that Gloria had hurt her sons in many different ways both before and after her incarceration. Before they had even been school age, Gloria had broken it off with their father and he had simply vanished out of their lives. As little boys, Julio and Benny had been witness to domestic violence and they had been forced to watch as their mother was handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police cruiser. They hadn't seen her again until she was dressed in prison orange and trying to tearfully explain to them that she would not be coming home for a long time. It was all so tragic and Gloria had many wounds to focus on healing once she got back.

When the time had come for Nicky to get ready to leave for her shift at the restaurant, she had closed her Psychology textbook with a resounding slam and then stacked it on the bedside table with her notebook. She'd glanced over at Red who was sitting up in the bed reading a Russian novel that she must have read a thousand times before, the pages looked so worn.

"I bet I'll get an A," Nicky had announced confidently. She blocked the page Red was currently reading with her hand so that she would be forced to pay attention to her.

"I'm sure you will," Red had replied. She flicked Nicky's hand away and resumed her reading.

Nicky had then left the room to change into her uniform. Going to work would almost be a relief after the long tense day she had just spent at home with Red. She had plans to hang out with Piper and Alex for a bit after her shift was over, and was looking forward to spending time with people who actually wanted to interact with her. As she pulled her hair up into a thick ponytail, Nicky walked back into Red's room to give her a kiss goodbye. Much to her annoyance, Red had already been curling up beneath the covers for what had to be her third nap of the day.

"Okay, I realize that you're sad right now but you can't just sleep all the time," Nicky had sighed. Red's response had been to burrow even deeper under her blanket.

"If you don't get out of bed tomorrow than I guess I'll drag you around town running errands against your will. Let's see how you like that," Nicky had joked lightly. "You didn't let me get away with lying around feeling depressed about my Dad. Don't you think this is just a little bit hypocritical?"

"I'm not feeling sorry for myself," Red had retorted, opening her eyes to glare across the room at Nicky, "I am exhausted. Besides, it's Sunday. Aren't I entitled to a day of rest like anybody else? It's in the Bible."

"I thought you weren't religious?" Nicky had smirked.

"I'm not," Red had insisted, "but that doesn't mean I don't deserve a day in bed every now and then."

Nicky had decided to leave it at that. She kissed her mother goodbye and went to work. When she got home after meeting up with Piper and Alex, it was well after midnight and Red was in a deep sleep.

The next few days Red was working long hours and, with Nicky working nights, they barely crossed paths. That was alright, Nicky knew Red wanted time to be by herself. She had the tendency to retreat and prefer to handle emotional things alone. Quite an interesting tendency for a woman who loved being there for everyone else, and maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe Red was struggling to accept that she couldn't fix things for Gloria and the two boys she had grown to love so dearly. Sometimes she couldn't control everything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was early Thursday morning and Red was sitting at the kitchen table quietly drinking her morning coffee and nibbling on a piece of buttered toast. She didn't feel like making anything more for herself than that. She had barely cooked all this week, quite possibly her surest sign of depression. Red had been doing her level best to ignore the little voice in her head that had been repeatedly informing her that she was being dramatic and selfish. Maybe she was being those things, but it wasn't as if she could control how she felt. It was sort of amusing how much that little voice had begun to sound like Nicky, though. Just when had her daughter gotten so smart?

Nicky was still sound asleep in the disaster area that she called a bedroom. Red had barely interacted with her at all this week because she hadn't wanted a lecture. She wasn't sure when their roles had begun to reverse but she still wasn't sure how she felt about it. Besides, she didn't need Nicky to tell her that it would be unreasonable to expect anything more from Gloria than what she was prepared to give. If Red had been in Gloria's position, she knew with absolute certainty that her measures would have been even more drastic. Red would have done the same thing had her sons still been children. A mother made sacrifices for the betterment of her children, not the opposite. If Gloria had not been nervous about Julio and Benny's adjustment, then she wouldn't be the person Red loved. She understood and respected the choices Gloria made as a mother, but that didn't make it any easier to be cast aside. It was a devastating blow for Red to realize that she didn't really belong with them right now.

There was a knock at the door and Red sighed before reluctantly getting up to answer it. Yuri often dropped by to see her on his way to work in the morning, but he always let himself in. The clock showed that it was only a little after eight. It was too early for anybody else to be calling. She swung open the door.

"Oh, Julio," Red murmured softly at the sight of Gloria's oldest son, "good morning." She held open the door for him to come inside and then closed it firmly. Red tapped her fingers against the brass handle before she turned around to face him. He was dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt and had his backpack slung over one shoulder. He dropped his bag onto the couch and plopped down beside it. He hadn't spoken a word yet.

"Are you on your way to school?" Red asked him calmly, even though she knew to get to her place he would have had to walk in the opposite direction.

"I left the house early to come visit you first," Julio said quietly, "I thought maybe you had caught the same flu Tia Lourdes has. Are you sick?"

"Sick?" Red asked, as she passed him on her way over to the kitchen sink. She turned on the tap and began rinsing out her coffee mug and plate.

"No, I'm not sick," she said quietly, "maybe a little tired."

Julio let out a shaky sort of laugh. "You should have just gone with the alibi that I offered you," he said from his place on the couch, "now I don't know what to think."

Red gripped the edge of the counter and took a couple of calming breaths with her back to him. Then she reached for the dishcloth and turned around to begin wiping some imaginary crumbs off of the table. Her face was the picture of calm, although a flush had overcome her when she had glanced at him quickly and seen the expression on his face. She hadn't been expecting to be confronted this early in the morning before she had planned an appropriate response.

"Julio," she sighed, her eyes fixed upon the table she was wiping, "is this about last night?"

"You told him you were going to be there," Julio said softly, "and then you didn't even bother to call and say you couldn't come."

"I should have called," Red admitted, turning her back on him once again so that she could return the dishrag to its place over the tap. She was finding it very difficult to look Julio in the eye right now. She probably should have just gone ahead and pretended to be sick, but she had never been a liar. What she was, was emotionally fatigued, without a desire to do or go anywhere. She just wasn't sure how to express that to a teenage boy.

Red had planned to attend the school's Creative Arts Night and watch with pride as Benny received an award for the essay he had written. Until Saturday, she had even been really looking forward to it. It was a remarkable achievement for a boy who had been struggling academically and interpersonally for years. Yet, Gloria's revelation that she wanted a bit of distance between them while she focused on her boys alone, had caused Red to lose her enthusiasm for their special occasions. She felt Gloria had undermined everything she had given and been for Julio and Benny since she had come into their lives. So, although she had been looking forward to supporting Benny and making the fuss over his achievements that he deserved, when the time had come for Red to get ready to go last night she had found she couldn't face it. She had gone to bed instead.

"I just wouldn't have been very good company last night," Red told Julio honestly, choosing her words carefully. She gripped the edge of the counter and still had her back to him.

"Is everything okay?" Julio asked, frowning slightly in concern.

Red outlined her bottom lip with her finger tip and considered the question for a moment.

"Everything is fine," Red said at last, "nothing you need to worry about."

"I just don't understand why you wouldn't let him know you weren't coming," Julio said, a little testily, "I know you didn't forget."

"Benny didn't really want me there anyway," Red said brusquely. "He didn't even want me to know about it. If I recall, he was annoyed when you brought it up."

"I think he just tends to downplay things because he's not used to getting so much attention," Julio replied. "He doesn't know how to react. It was the same when Yuri, Max, and Vasily would come watch his basketball games, back when he still played. It always made him happy that they came, but he'd act like it didn't matter much to him."

Red's stomach twisted in a knot and she tried to ignore the guilty feelings that overcame her. She reminded herself that in a matter of weeks Gloria would be home to attend school functions with them and then they probably wouldn't even want her there. It was no excuse for breaking her word to a sixteen-year-old boy though. There was no good way to defend herself.

"Julio, it won't happen again," Red said shakily, as she turned around to look him in the eye, "I promise." Then she picked up her rag and began scrubbing at the kitchen cupboards to have something to do in the awkward silence that came over them.

Nicky chose that moment to walk into the room. She glanced quizzically between Red and Julio, before going to the fridge to pour herself a glass of orange juice.

"Benny got his award though?" Red asked Julio, trying to perk up despite feeling as though she had been punched in the stomach. "How was that?"

"He got a ribbon," Julio replied, "best writing entrant in the Sophomore class."

"That's awesome!" Nicky exclaimed enthusiastically. She wiped her mouth on the back of her pajama sleeve.

"Did he have to read an excerpt from it?" she asked.

Julio hesitated, "he was supposed to," he said slowly, "but we left before that part happened. He wanted to go home."

Nicky looked closely at the crestfallen expression on Red's face when Julio spoke. She knew immediately that something must have happened.

"I should…I should go talk to him," Red said faintly. She glanced nervously over at Julio, "try to explain…"

"You can't tell him that I came here and talked to you about it!" Julio said, looking alarmed at the mere thought of it, "he'd kill me!"

"So, I won't say that I talked to you," Red said gruffly. She walked towards her bedroom to quickly change out of her pajamas. Julio leaned back in his seat looking thoroughly miserable.

"What's going on?" Nicky asked, sitting down beside him on the couch.

"Nothing," Julio sighed, "I just came over to find out why she didn't show up last night like she said she would. I thought she would have had a good reason…anyway, I could tell Benny was pretty upset."

"I don't blame him," Nicky said shortly, glaring at the bedroom door that Red had just disappeared through. Nicky knew very well the feeling of accomplishing something and having nobody show up for you. She couldn't believe that Red would have done that to Benny just because she and Gloria were currently at odds.

"I can tell she feels bad about it," Julio said quickly, sensing Nicky's displeasure, "I feel a little guilty for even bringing it up."

"She's not the one you should feel sorry for," Nicky told him, "if I had been home last night, I'd have kicked her ass."

"Is Benny still at home?" Red asked Julio quietly, having re-entered the room. Nicky knew Red must have heard the tail end of what she had said, but she wasn't troubled by that. She deserved to hear it.

"He should be," Julio replied, looking slightly nervous, "he'll be leaving to walk to school soon though. That is, if he's going."

"Make sure _you're_ not late for school," Red said meaningfully, "I'm going to try and catch your brother."

"Don't tell him I was here," Julio warned her.

"I never saw you," Red reassured him distractedly, as she pulled her shoes on. She stood up and was about to walk out the door.

"But honey, I do thank you," Red said quietly, "we'll talk more later. Okay?"

Julio nodded. Red's eyes swept over him and landed on Nicky, who had her arms crossed and was wearing a stony expression upon her face. Red turned and left the apartment without another word. She could only deal with one person being angry with her at a time.

She walked briskly down the street, eager to catch Benny before he set out for school. She hadn't intended to hurt him, but Red knew that if she had been thinking about anybody besides herself last night she would have noted that failing to show up as promised would do just that. She reached the stairwell that led to the Mendoza's apartment at the same time Benny was on his way down.

"What are you doing here?" Benny asked her awkwardly.

"I was hoping that we could talk," Red said honestly.

"Yeah, well I have to get to school," Benny said, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders, "maybe later." He made to walk away.

"We can talk while we walk," Red said, joining in step with him.

Benny scoffed but said nothing. He held onto the straps of his backpack tightly and stared down at his well-worn sneakers.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it last night," Red said directly.

"It's okay," Benny said, perhaps a bit too quickly to seem believable.

"It's not okay," Red replied, "I should have been there. I said that I would be and I had really wanted to."

"It was boring anyway," Benny told her, "I told you that it would be"

The walked in a tense silence. Red wasn't sure what to do. It would have been easier if he had been obviously upset with her instead of putting himself down and pretending his feelings didn't matter.

"I wouldn't have been bored," Red said, "I was really looking forward to being there because I'm so proud of you. I just…was having an off day, I suppose."

"It really doesn't matter," Benny said again, "I told you the whole thing was going to be stupid, and it was. My paper wasn't even that good."

"It had to have been good for you to be honoured in the first place, Benny," Red said as they turned a corner and the school came into sight.

"I would love to read it sometime," she added.

"I wouldn't waste your time," Benny replied.

"Benny—" Red tried to place her hand on his shoulder. Immediately, he jerked away from her touch and created some obvious distance between them. Red's arm dropped limply to her side in defeat.

"I know I hurt you," Red said thickly, "I said I would be there and I wasn't. I wanted to apologize."

"Okay, seriously, Galina," Benny said, his growing impatience becoming obvious in every syllable. "I'm trying to be nice here but how many times do I have to say that I don't care? I didn't ask you to come to the stupid thing, so it definitely doesn't matter to me that you came to your senses and realized how lame it was going to be. Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Okay," Red said in a clipped tone.

"Now, I need to get to class," Benny said. He picked up his pace into a jog and raced ahead of her in the direction of the school without a backwards glance. Red stood on the sidewalk watching him until he reached the school, and then she turned to walk aimlessly down a random street.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nicky had been waiting impatiently for Red to return for hours. She had a lot to say to her and could only presume that Red knew this and was choosing to hide out at one of her sons' houses or somewhere alone, rather than coming home to face the music. Julio had left for school awhile ago and Nicky had been lying on the couch with the two dogs ever since.

She heard the familiar humming of a phone that was not hers, and realized that Red must have left it behind in her hurry. At least she had finally relented enough to turn the darn thing back on. Nicky quickly got up and answered it. The intro message from the prison played and then Nicky pushed star so that she could be brought through to Gloria.

"Red?" Gloria's familiar voice said into the phone.

"Nah, it's me," Nicky replied, "she went out somewhere and forgot to bring her phone. So, you get to talk to me instead."

"Oh," Gloria said, sounding a little disappointed, "well, how have you been, Nicky? It's been such a long time since we talked."

"Yeah, well, every time you call you only seem to want to talk to her," Nicky teased, "and I was going to come visit you last Saturday, but Red wouldn't let me."

"Maybe she should have brought you," Gloria said weakly, "it was hardly an enjoyable visit."

"Yeah, I got the aftermath," Nicky replied, "and she's been in an awful mood ever since."

"I didn't want to upset her," Gloria sighed, "and we've barely spoken since then."

"Don't take it personally," said Nicky, "she hasn't been talking to anybody. She'll come around though. She's just being a little high maintenance right now."

"Only right now?" Gloria scoffed, "Nicky, what am I going to do?"

"You're going to do just what you said you were going to do," Nicky said firmly, "because you're right. You know it, I know it, and Red knows it. She'd just been feeling sad lately, but I think she may finally be snapping out of it."

"Why? Did something happen?" asked Gloria.

"Oh, you could say that," Nicky said dryly, "I'm sort of nervous to tell you about it, but you are their mom and all."

"Something about the boys?" Gloria asked worriedly, "Nicky, just tell me."

"Okay, I will," Nicky sighed, "it's just about the Arts Night thing at their school. Did you know about it?"

"Benny was getting an award for his writing," Gloria said. "I could hardly believe it when he told me about it. I mean, he was always a good writer, but it's been years since he's actually applied himself enough in school for them to notice it. He showed up for it, didn't he?"

"He did," Nicky said slowly, "Red was the one who didn't go."

"Seriously?" Gloria asked incredulously.

"When I woke up this morning, Julio was here. He had come over to ask her why she hadn't shown up," Nicky continued. Gloria made a sound like an angry cat

"And what did she say to him?" she asked in a throaty whisper.

"I mean, there's nothing she really can say, huh?" Nicky said in her raspy voice. "She promised him it wouldn't happen again. Then she went out to find Benny and presumably apologize. If it means anything, I know she feels terrible about it."

"As she should," Gloria said dangerously, "I can't believe she would do that to him, just because she wanted to punish me. I mean, I know that Benny can be a mouthy little bugger, but he's been such a good boy lately. He's staying out of trouble, doing well in school, listening to Lourdes."

"Gloria, it's nothing he did," Nicky said quickly, "Benny is doing great and so is Julio. You have great kids. I really admired the way Julio showed up here and stood up for his brother, by the way."

"They've always been close," Gloria said softly, "but when I came here they really learned to depend on one another. It doesn't surprise me that Julio would speak up for his younger brother. Benny must have been really upset for him to do that though."

"Red left to go see him almost immediately," Nicky said, feeling the need to defend Red where she could. "She wasn't trying to punish anybody. She's just been keeping to herself lately."

"Hmm, maybe I'd have more sympathy for her if I could forget how happy Benny was on the phone last week when he told me about how she took them out for dinner and said she would love to go with him," Gloria sounded more than a little bitter.

"She'll make it right," Nicky said softly, "she loves him, Gloria, it's obvious."

"Well, I'm not going to hold my breath waiting to find out whether Benny gives her that chance," Gloria huffed, "I thought it was a miracle that he let her get as close to him as he did in the first place."

"He didn't really have a choice after he got drunk on New Years and needed her to take care of him," Nicky answered.

"He did what?" Gloria asked sharply.

"Oh, right," Nicky said awkwardly, "I forgot that you didn't know about that."

"So now she's keeping secrets about my sons from me?" Gloria exclaimed.

"It's not that big a deal," Nicky chuckled, "normal teenager stuff. They got drunk on New Years, Julio was smart enough to call Red who came and picked them up. She brought them to our place, Benny was a little sick so she sat up with him through the night until he was ready for bed."

"Oh," Gloria said softly, "if I forget the part where she kept it from me, it makes a pretty cute story."

"Don't be angry about that," Nicky pleaded, "there are plenty valid reasons for you to be mad at her but that isn't one of them. She just didn't want to betray his trust in her by getting him into trouble with Lourdes. They didn't get off scot free though. She made them clean the apartment from top to bottom as punishment. It worked for me though. She had been nagging me to scrub the bathroom and then they did it for me."

"She's so good with them when she wants to be," Gloria sighed, "she can be such a good mom. Way better than me."

"That's not—" Nicky started to say.

"This is all my fault," Gloria said miserably, "I don't know what the f**k I'm doing here, Nicky."

"What do you mean?" said Nicky.

"Red been such a good person in their lives," Gloria said somberly, "I can tell how happy Julio and Benny are with her. And now, I'm getting out and gonna interfere with all of that."

"Okay, did you know that Benny has a literal countdown app on his phone that is set for your release date?" Nicky asked.

"No," Gloria said softly.

"Well, he does," said Nicky, "and sometimes he just sits there and watches it. And Julio, he just talks about you constantly. Everything we do, he usually has a memory that involves you or he wonders what you would think if you were there."

Gloria let out a small giggle, "really?"

"Yes!" Nicky exclaimed, "so I don't want to ever hear you implying that you think they would be better of without you. All they want is you!"

Nicky thought she could hear a small sniffle on the other end.

"And if it makes a difference," she proceeded to say, "I know that you're making the right decision. Why overwhelm them and stress everybody out?"

"I just want to be a good mom," Gloria admitted quietly, "I've f**ked up in a million different ways. My two girls want nothing to do with me and, until very recently, Julio and Benny barely spoke to me either. I don't want to do anything that is going to create distance between me and my babies. I only want to make decisions that are going to bring them closer to me."

"And you are," Nicky told her confidently, "you're doing good, Gloria. Don't let anybody make you feel differently."

"But Red's been good for them too," Gloria said sadly, "she's done so much for them. When Lourdes was sick last winter, Red took such good care of them. They'd have been left on their own if she hadn't stepped in."

"It's not like you're getting rid of her," Nicky reminded Gloria.

"Despite what Red's overreaction might imply, from what I understand, all you're doing is choosing to not move them in with her. You can still see her everyday. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is."

"I didn't think it was going to be that big a deal either," Gloria sighed

"She's feeling a little cast aside right now but she'll deal with it," Nicky said reassuringly, "she has a few weeks to get it together. Everything is going to be fine."


	15. Chapter 15

Saturday, June third was warm, sunny, and the perfect day for an outdoor wedding. It made Nicky forget that she had ever had any annoyance about the planning and re-planning she had been forced to contend with over the past several months. That morning she had walked through the enclosed garden that they had chosen for the ceremony and had been pleased with everything she saw. It was intimate and would give a friendly feel to the otherwise extravagant festivities. Flowers were everywhere, the grass was lush, and the stone aisle and fountains added just a touch of grandeur. It was a beautiful space.

Though the morning had been hectic and overtaken by several last-minute errands that had been assigned to her, the time leading up to the ceremony was quite laidback. Nicky was pleasantly surprised, as she had been bracing herself for an abundance of ridiculousness to precede the wedding. That is what she had witnessed at the many nuptials she had been forced to attend when she was growing up.

Alex was a very low maintenance bride and nothing if not efficient. She had showered, dressed, and done her own hair and makeup with lighting speed. Nicky thought that Alex looked as close to perfection as any one could hope to look on the day they got married. She wore a white satin pantsuit that made her long legs seem endless and which was cut in all the right places to make it seem both sexy and elegant. Nicky had snuck over to catch a glimpse of Piper in her strapless white ball gown and couldn't get over what a striking pair they were going to be today. She had told them both just as much.

Nicky was wearing a pale blue chiffon gown that hugged her curves in all the right ways, despite its length being suited for somebody much taller than she was. It was supposed to have been hemmed, but Nicky had blown off her alterations appointment a couple of months back to hang out with Lorna instead. She had intended to reschedule, but kept putting off making the call until the wedding was only a few days away. Too late to schedule a seamstress, Nicky had assumed that Red would help her out and had been dismayed to discover that sewing was apparently not a skill that she had. It shouldn't have been too surprising, even Red's crocheted blanket in prison had been made by somebody else, but her unhelpfulness had been irritating anyway. The only advantage about her long dress that Nicky could foresee was that she might be able to ditch the uncomfortable high heels and have nobody notice.

She wore her hair in a sleek, simple knot at the back of her head. It was a style that had required several long hours the night before with a straighter, and then a little magic from the hairdresser she had visited that morning. She had even gone easy on the eye makeup and had painted her lips a soft pink. Nicky knew she looked stunning, although Alex had joked about missing the Heroin Barbie look.

Now there was nothing left to do but relax until it was time to head downstairs for the big moment. A fruit platter had been delivered to the room upon their arrival, and Nicky was contentedly picking out the strawberries. She popped them in her mouth and watched in amusement as Alex paced back and forth impatiently.

"You nervous, Vause?" Nicky teased, as she selected another strawberry from the platter.

"I'm sick of waiting," Alex complained, "I don't see why we had to start getting ready so early. Now there's nothing to do."

"Well, most people do take a little more time primping that you do before they get married," Nicky consigned, "but if your goal is to look the same as you do everyday, with the exception of fancier clothes, then I'd say you nailed it."

"I've got my hair and makeup down to a science," Alex said confidently, pausing to look at herself in the mirror over the bureau, "I know what works. Why second guess it on today of all days?"

"You look great," Nicky said, looking approvingly down at Alex's sleek one-piece white pantsuit with the open back, "you always do." She pointed meaningfully at the platter of fruit that was sitting atop of the bedspread next to her.

"Eat," Nicky pleaded. "As your maid-of-honour, it's my job to make sure you don't pass out at the altar on account of hunger."

Alex chuckled and plopped herself down on the bed. Nicky leaned over the side to pick up the towel she had left on the floor that morning and draped it protectively over Alex's lap before handing her a cluster of grapes.

"You ate all the strawberries!" Alex complained good-naturedly as she plucked a grape and brought it to her lips, "but I guess after all you've done for this wedding, you deserve it."

"You know, I'm still a little annoyed you didn't let me hire a stripper," Nicky said, "I mean, what's the point of a bachelorette party without strippers?"

"Okay, that bachelorette party was just you and me hanging out, Nichols," Alex scoffed, "we'd have just looked like perverts."

"Man, I wanted to do something big but you kept vetoing all my ideas," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I wanted to take you to Vegas."

"We're on probation" Alex reminded her, "neither one of us is allowed to leave the state."

"Well, once we are allowed to, we should go," Nicky said, "that's all I'm saying."

"Deal," Alex replied.

Somebody knocked at the door and Nicky scooted off of the bed before Alex could react. Her laid back approach to getting married made her quite an easy bride to manage, but Nicky wanted her to actually relax and reflect a little bit before the ceremony started. Alex just seemed so bored about the whole thing, as if she was only going along with the fuss to please Piper. Maybe a fancy wedding had never been her vision, but it was still worth getting a little excited about.

Nicky opened the door to their suite and smiled at the sight of Cal Chapman, Piper's brother. She had found his inappropriate jokes at the rehearsal dinner rather entertaining, and appreciated his sense of humor through this all.

"Hey Nicky, hey, almost sister-in-law," Cal greeted them enthusiastically. He walked through the door that Nicky held open and looked back and forth between the two women.

"You both look great," he exclaimed. "Neri added some embellishments to her bridesmaid dress and now I can't decide whether I like the original better or not."

"She embellished her dress?" Alex asked skeptically, "Piper must love that."

"It's just a little more bejewelled than before," Cal explained, "you don't have to worry about her showing you and Piper up today though."

"Because that's what I was worried about," Alex said sarcastically.

"So, I just wanted to make sure we're all ready to go," Cal told them.

"Ready and waiting," Nicky told him, "Alex has been pacing back and forth in excitement since we got here. I hope my future spouse is that enthusiastic about me, if I ever get married."

Alex rolled her eyes and went to look out the window.

"I was just outside and everything is stunning," Cal said, "Mom, is puttering around driving the florists insane. Piper probably should have relented and invited a few more of the relatives so she'd have more people to talk to."

"Piper did not want any family members present that were going to spend the whole time passing judgement and gossiping about how we went to prison," Alex said, coming away from the window.

"The exception being Dad," Cal replied, "but she had to invite him. He's paying for the entire wedding."

"How's your Dad doing with it all now?" Nicky asked him, sounding amused.

"He has a massive migraine," Cal told her, "Aunt Sally just stepped out to buy him some Aspirin."

"Seriously?" Alex rolled her eyes, "make sure you don't tell Piper that. She's stressed enough already."

"Oh, Piper's fine," Cal said casually, "I just saw her. Neri and I may have convinced her to have a taste of brandy to relax before the ceremony. It was tasteful, though. Just enough to take the edge off, but not enough to get her buzzed."

"Man, and all we got was a platter of fruit," Nicky joked light heartedly, "that does sound like a good idea for you though, Vause. You want a drink to relax?"

"I don't need alcohol to relax," Alex replied, "I'm fine."

"Wedding day jitters are perfectly normal," Cal smiled, "everyone gets them. The day I married Neri? I kept alternating between these two extremes of happiness and sadness."

"Yeah, well, that might be because you decided to literally get married next to your grandmother's casket," Nicky reminded him. "Piper was full of stories when she came back from furlough."

"I still can't believe she got furlough," Alex scoffed, "that's supposed to be like the loch ness monster of prison."

"I still can't believe she landed you," Nicky sighed deeply, "despite my best efforts…"

"Save it, Nichols," Alex rolled her eyes, "we all know your one true love is Lorna. Who is going to be here today, by the way."

"I know that," Nicky said dismissively, "because I spent four hours helping Piper figure out the seating arrangement chart for the reception. I know everybody who is coming to this wedding. I can't wait to meet your Uncle Tommy, by the way, Cal. From what Piper told me, he seems like he's good for a lot of laughs."

"Just stay away from Great Auntie Muriel," Cal nodded importantly, "she's a nightmare. Consider yourself warned."

"Got it," Nicky grinned.

She turned back to Alex, "I haven't seen Lorna in several weeks though, so I'm not sure you're correct about this whole 'true love' thing. I've been seeing a lot of other people who aren't her, if you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Alex said dryly, "and I also know that you never really commit because you're so hung up on Lorna."

"Know it all," Nicky grinned wryly.

"Should we start heading downstairs now?" asked Alex, sounding a little nervous despite her cool act, "it's almost time."

"I guess we should," Cal said, "I want to do a once over and make sure everything is perfect before we begin. See you both down there." He turned on his heel and left the room without waiting for them.

"I like him," Nicky commented, once the door had shut, "I bet you'll enjoy his company at family gatherings."

"He brings out a side of Piper that I don't get to see too often," Alex said, "he grounds her. His shenanigans also distract her parents from focusing on Piper and I too much, so that's a bonus."

With a last look in the mirror, she picked up her simple bouquet of white roses and handed Nicky hers. A silence fell between them as they walked down the stairs and into the enclosed garden space that had been reserved for the wedding. Tall hedges blocked them from view as they waited at the back. Piper and Alex were going to be entering from separate sides. They would meet at the back of the aisle and walk to the front together. Nicky and Neri, the bridesmaids, would walk down first and wait for them at the altar with Cal, the officiant.

While Alex, picked at her bouquet of flowers mindlessly, Nicky peered curiously around the group of hedges to check out the guests who were sitting in wait for the wedding to start. It wasn't a large group. Just a handful of select family members and a couple of Piper's friends from college.

Sitting near the back together was Vasily, Lida, Red, and Lorna. Nicky thought that Lorna looked beautiful in a strapless floral cocktail dress, with her brown hair curled into soft ringlets. She was talking excitedly to Red, likely expressing the things she would do differently when she was finally the bride. Nicky couldn't help but notice the way Red was avoiding Lorna's eyes and just seemed rather distracted. Her disenchantment with marriage and weddings in general might explain the current glazed look on her face, but Nicky knew it was probably much more than that.

Admittedly, Red had been quite withdrawn more often that not lately. She had been busying herself with work and seemingly avoiding social interaction as much as she could. What had happened with Benny was still weighing heavily on her, as it most definitely should. It was good that Red was feeling remorseful, and was mindful of the consequences that her actions had caused.

Gloria would be coming home in just a little over a week now. What should have been cause for celebration, was now tainted by the strain that had developed in Red's relationship with Gloria's youngest son. Although Nicky was trying to be understanding of what Red was going through, it was difficult to feel sympathetic for someone who could have prevented any of this from happening had she used a shred of common sense. And truthfully, Nicky had been so preoccupied with preparations for the wedding that she hadn't had much time to focus on Red's current predicament anyway.

"How is it looking out there?" Alex asked.

"I think everyone is pretty much here," Nicky said, looking back over her shoulder at Alex. "Lorna is sitting with Red. She didn't bring a date with her?"

"Nope," Alex smiled, "she only RSVP'd for one."

"Interesting," Nicky purred, "I may have to seize some opportunity tonight. You might not be the only one getting lucky at this wedding."

"I never expected anything less from you, Nichols," Alex said dryly, "feel free to use the hotel suite, if you want. We did get two after all."

"Thanks, but I'm only kidding," Nicky laughed, "Lorna and I aren't doing that. I haven't slept with her at all since I got out."

"Seriously?" Alex said, "that's shocking. Not even that night she slept over at your place when Piper and I were there?"

"We shared the bed," Nicky conceded, "but nothing happened."

"I'm impressed by your restraint," Alex commented, "that doesn't sound like you."

"Oh, I have my reasons," Nicky replied, raising her eyebrows as turned back to look at her friend.

"Such as?" prodded Alex.

"I've been waiting to see if her crazy would ever get under control," Nicky replied, "but it's not like I've been going without all this time. I've been busy with several different suitors. Lorna just doesn't happen to be one of them."

"So long as you're happy," Alex sighed. She nodded at the hedge.

"Are Piper's parents out there yet?" she asked, "did you see them?"

"Yeah, they're sitting at the very front," Nicky replied, peering around it yet again. "Dad isn't moaning or clutching his head, so that's a good thing."

"I wish my mom could have been here," Alex said quietly, "I have been thinking about her a lot lately. You're the only person here today that is really here for me."

"Well, luckily I have enough personality to count as several people," Nicky grinned.

"Diane would have smacked me for a lot of the shitty choices I've made in the past, but I think she'd have loved to have been here today. To have met Piper." Nicky nodded but wasn't really sure what to say. Fortunately, the music started playing then.

"Here we go," Nicky said enthusiastically, patting Alex's arm supportively. She waited for her cue and then walked down the aisle and took her spot next to Cal. Neri was right behind her, wearing the same dress as Nicky except in pale pink, rather than blue, and she had bejewelled the bodice with several cheap looking rhinestones. She got an A for creativity, but Nicky thought hers still looked better.

Nicky beamed as she watched Piper and Alex appear at the same time and join hands before walking down the aisle together. All the wedding guests rose to their feet. Piper's mother, Carol, had taken out a handkerchief and dabbed at her teary eyes the moment she spotted her daughter, but Nicky was pretty sure they were the joyful kind. She was pleased that Piper's family was being supportive, even if Alex Vause wasn't necessarily what they had ever expected or wanted for her. Deep down, they just wanted their daughter to be happy.

Cal was an entertaining officiant and, at Alex's request, he kept the proceedings short and sweet. Piper and Alex had each written their own vows to one another, which Nicky had always considered to be much more meaningful than just using the standard ones. As she looked around the place and all the excessiveness and microscopic details they had stressed about, but which had served to bring everything together so wonderfully, Nicky knew this was a day she would never forget. Marka had dragged her to a lot of weddings growing up, but this was one of the few that she could recall actually being happy to be at. The love and joy between her two dear friends made this special. Nicky wished that someday she could be as lucky as them.

When Cal announced them married and they kissed, Nicky clapped along with the rest of the people present. She looked out at the guests and met Lorna's eye. She was crying, and Nicky immediately wondered whether it was because she was so moved by the romance, or if she was feeling sad that it wasn't her.

It could have been her, had things been different. Nicky knew with complete certainty that if there was ever anybody she would willingly endure all the hoopla of an over-the-top wedding for, it was Lorna. Except, Nicky had long ago resigned herself to the painful truth that Lorna simply wasn't good for her. She had never fully reciprocated and Nicky was tired of feeling used. That didn't stop her from looking at Lorna now though and thinking about how hopelessly in love with her she was. Some things just couldn't be fought.

The next few hours were a mixture of photographs, being hugged by people she had never met in her life, and finally sitting down at the head table for the dinner. Nicky was starved. Piper and Alex both looked happier than Nicky could ever remember seeing them, and she enjoyed listening to Cal and Neri's green living ideas. They were both completely eccentric and a lot of fun.

Once everybody was done eating, it was time for Nicky to get up and deliver the toast she had agreed to give. She carried a wine glass filled with the sparkling cider she had requested, in lieu of champagne, and bluntly introduced herself to everyone as Piper and Alex's best friend from prison. She had scribbled down a couple of heartwarming anecdotes the day before, but generally preferred to improvise. Working a room was something that came naturally to her and, although some of Piper's relatives looked taken-a-back by her candor about developing friendships while incarcerated, Alex and Piper both looked bemused and Cal laughed loudly through it all. She joked around about Piper's shoddy electrical skills, the way she had been able to detect the chemistry between the two of them from the beginning, and how she had enjoyed watching them finally admit to one another what she had known all along. Nicky ended by wishing them a lifetime of happiness and amazing orgasms.

"Amazing orgasms? Did you really need to say that?" Red scolded, when Nicky skipped over to the table where Red was seated with Vasily, Lida, Lorna and a couple of Piper's friends from college.

"That's the nicest thing I could think of to wish them," Nicky told her, "and did you hear the crowd? Everybody was in stitches."

"Well, you made me laugh," Lida spoke up with a smile, "public speaking is certainly a gift of yours, Nic. I would be petrified to talk in front of all of these people."

"Meh, you just picture them all in their underwear," Nicky told her, "and if that doesn't work, then you try to imagine the face they all get when they're having an orgasm."

"That's terrible," Vasily laughed, "I still don't get how you get away with talking that way in front of Ma. She'd have smacked me into next week if I talked like you."

"She'd already developed this big mouth before I got her," Red told him, taking a sip of her drink, "there isn't much I can do at this point."

"You love it," Nicky insisted, leaning down to kiss Red's warm cheek.

"Oooh, Nicky," Lorna squealed, grabbing a tight hold of Nicky's arm, "they're about to do their first dance. Isn't that romantic? You need to dance the next song with me, okay? No matter what it is."

"Well, I draw the line at the chicken dance," Nicky replied, "but if it's anything else, then I'm all yours."

"Just try not to trip over that too long hem of yours, darling," Red said sardonically, taking yet another sip from her glass.

"Are you mocking me?" Nicky asked her incredulously, "because you know my dress being too long is entirely your fault."

"How is it my fault that you skipped your alterations appointment?" Red scoffed.

"How do you not know how to sew?" Nicky shot back, "didn't you need to make your own clothes when you lived in Russia?"

"There are stores in Russia," Red rolled her eyes, "don't be ridiculous."

"Alright, fine, I won't be," Nicky lamented, "I'm going to go dance instead. Lorna, you ready?

"Have fun," Lida smiled after them.

"Go dance with your wife, Vasily," Red commanded, not missing the look of annoyance that Lida had just shot at her husband.

"I have a broken arm," Vasily replied, "I can't dance. What if somebody accidently bumped into me?"

"What if we stay seated here and I accidently punch it?" Lida retorted. Red smirked.

"Mama, how is that funny to you?" Vasily complained, "that would hurt!"

"It's a slow song," Red pointed out, giving her son a look of exasperation. "Surely you're not that bad of a dancer that you're going to start staggering around falling into people?"

"Actually, that sounds exactly like him," Lida laughed. She stood up and tugged on Vasily's good arm.

"Let's go, babe," she said brightly. Vasily grumbled good naturedly but followed her obediently onto the dance floor.

Alone at the table, Red heaved a deep sigh before bringing her glass of wine to her lips for another sip. At least the alcohol was good at this wedding, she conceded to herself, because she really hadn't felt like coming. Red loved Piper and had wanted to be here to celebrate her and Alex's special day. She enjoyed seeing Nicky looking so beautiful in her bridesmaid dress too. Red just could not stop feeling like there was a dark, inescapable, cloud of regret following her wherever she went. If only she had done the right thing when it was Benny's night, then she might actually be able to enjoy herself now. She turned her attention back to her children and tried her level best to stay in the moment.

The song had switched to a fast one, but Red smiled approvingly at how Vasily had remained on the floor, clutching his casted arm to his chest, while he spun Lida around with the other and looked to be having the time of his life. Nearby, Nicky and Lorna were dancing together. Red liked Lorna, although she worried about whether she was really a good person for Nicky to be with. She didn't want to see Nicky end up in a relationship where she gave so much and seemed to receive precious little back. Red wanted better for her than that. She wanted the best for all of her children, and she included Julio and Benny in that number. Red hated that she had made Benny feel like he didn't matter to her. The truth was, Red cared so much that it hurt.

Finishing her glass and discovering that the bottles on the table from their dinner were empty, Red stood up and headed towards the bar in search of another drink. There wasn't really much for her to do by herself while Vasily, Lida, and Nicky were on the dance floor. Getting just a little drunk seemed like an excellent idea. She met Piper and Alex on her way and had the chance to congratulate them both before ordering herself a rum and coke from the bartender. Then she went back to her seat.

"That was so much fun!" Lida exclaimed, falling into the seat beside Red a little while later and gasping delightedly, "you should have come dance with us."

"I don't dance," Red told her, slurring her words slightly. In the time she had been left to her own devices, she had visited the bartender two more times. She took a sip of her Vodka.

"I love watching you and Vasily dance though," Red said passionately, rubbing Lida's shoulder affectionately, "it makes me so happy to see all my kids having fun. You all have this energy about you. So motivated. I wish I had been more like that when I was your age."

"Oh, come on," Lida chided, "you must have had some fun too."

"Did Dmitri ever strike you as fun, honey?" scoffed Red.

"Well," Lida laughed awkwardly, "I don't know. He could cook up a good BBQ in the summertime. That was nice."

"Well, he was _nice_ ," Red lamented, "but women don't want just nice."

"We don't?" asked Lida, in bemusement, "I don't know if I agree. After growing up with a father like mine, I know I really appreciate how nice a man Vasily is. You raised him well." She smiled encouragingly.

"You don't really talk much about your father," Red said, swirling the ice cubes around in her glass, "only about your mother."

"Well, _Mamochka_ and I were really close before she died," Lida commented, "Papa and I never were. He was a difficult man. So, I really appreciated Vasily's Papa's good humor once we started dating. My father always had something to be critical about."

"And you don't keep in touch with him?" Red asked.

"Once in a while," Lida shrugged, "but I avoid him as much as I can. The last time I saw him was Alexei's Christening. I was just over a week postpartum and he decided it would be funny to point out how fat I still was in front of everybody."

"Bastard," Red said bluntly.

"Vasily's Papa heard him and made a point to come up and say how beautiful he thought I looked," Lida smiled. "He was probably lying, but I appreciated the gesture nonetheless. Dmitri was always very good to me. I'm glad he got to be present for Alexei. I'll always be sad that he never got to meet Vera."

"That is sad," Red said softly, thinking of her ex-husband and how she knew he had doted upon the grandchildren. "I'm glad Dmitri was there for you though. Your own father never appreciated you like he should have. It must have been very difficult for you to cope after your mother died."

"I was twelve," Lida said, "and the summer after _Mamochka_ passed, a family with two girls about my age moved in next door. Until I turned eighteen and left home, I spent as much time over at my friend Valentina's house as I could. I wish we hadn't lost touch. Her mom and dad treated me like one of their own kids."

"Well, I'm glad we get to have you now," Red said truthfully, "Vasily is one lucky man. Where is he anyway?"

"He went outside to call Maxim and Luca to see how the kids are doing," Lida replied. "I'm trying to get better at not checking up on them all the time, except all I'm doing is making Vasily call for me."

"That's normal," Red replied, "motherhood is basically just a permanent state of anxiety and guilt, at least in my case it is."

"Aww, I don't think you need to feel guilty," Lida soothed, "none of your sons would want you to feel that way. They don't hold any grudge against you. Don't you know that by now?"

"I guess," Red sighed, drowning the last of her drink, "but I wasn't actually thinking about them right now."

"Who were you thinking about then?" Lida frowned, "Nicky?"

"Let's go get more drinks," Red said, reaching for Lida's hand. Lida giggled as she got to her feet. She wasn't used to seeing her mother-in-law like this.

"I am thirsty," Lida agreed, "but let's slow you down a bit, okay? How much have you had?"

"Three...I think," Red said, considering the question carefully for a long pause as though it confused her.

"And that's not including the wine at dinner," Lida reminded her with a smile.

"Is that a problem?" Red frowned, "because I'm not even feeling it."

"I think you're feeling it maybe just a little," Lida giggled, "so maybe I'll just order us two bottles of water this time. Wait a little bit and then get more on the next round."

"You don't want a drink?" Red asked, "you didn't even have any wine with us."

"I'm the designated driver," Lida told her, "remember? We agreed that you and Vasily get to have the fun tonight while I be responsible."

"Well, we can call a taxi," Red replied, "you deserve to have a little fun. You don't get a night out without the kids too often."

"And that's probably not going to change anytime soon," Lida replied, handing Red a bottle of water, "but honestly, I don't miss it much. This is fun, but I'm just as excited to get home and cuddle my babies. I miss them."

"I was like you when mine were small," Red told her, as they took their seats again, "you're a very good mother. Vasily is even a pretty good father, I'm proud to see. I hope the two of you have more someday."

"Oh, I think you can count on that," Lida said lightly, taking a big gulp of water, "probably won't even have to wait too long before you get to be a Grandmother again."

"What?" Red exclaimed, looking over at her daughter-in-law with wide eyed amazement, "Lida, are you—?"

"Yes!" Lida laughed, "I'm already three months but I just found out this week! I couldn't believe it, that I didn't notice for so long. I guess I was too distracted with Alexei and Vera to pay much attention. It sure made me feel better about the eight pounds I've gained already, though!"

"Oh my God, honey!" Red exclaimed, pulling Lida into a warm embrace, "now that you said it I can just see how much you're glowing! When are you due?"

"End of November," Lida said excitedly, "but baby will probably be here sooner than that. Both Alexei and Vera were early."

"And you're feeling okay? Everything's good?" Red asked, squeezing both of Lida's hands in hers.

"I feel wonderful," Lida replied, "not a touch of morning sickness."

"Oh, good," Red said, "you're one of the lucky ones."

"I wasn't going to say anything until tomorrow since this is Piper and Alex's day," Lida told her, "but you basically set me up, Ma. How could I keep it to myself?"

"I'm glad you didn't!" Red said excitedly, "honey, you've just made me so happy."

"Good," Lida giggled, "maybe, if you're not too busy, you'd like to come to my ultrasound appointment with me on Tuesday?"

"Yes, of course!" Red said enthusiastically.

"What's up?" Vasily asked them, walking back over to the table. "I spoke to Max and both the kids are already asleep in their beds."

"Oh, darling," Red said breathlessly, getting out of her seat to wrap her son in a big hug, "I just love you so much."

"I love you too, Ma," Vasily replied, patting her on the back, "what's brought on all this love? Are you drunk?"

"Maybe a little," Red admitted, "but barely."

"I told her our news," Lida grinned up at them.

"You did?" Vasily said, "no fair! I wanted to be the one to tell her."

"Oh, please," Lida scoffed, "it's more my news to share than yours. I'm the one who has to do all the work."

"I'll be the one driving to the grocery store in my pajamas every time you get a middle of the night craving," Vasily retorted.

"And you'll do it willingly because you love your wife and appreciate the beautiful gift she is giving you," Lida reminded him, "but let's not talk about this anymore in here. Don't even tell Nicky. We'll share the news with everybody else tomorrow."

"Fine," Red relented begrudgingly.

"Hey, family," Nicky said, as she and Lorna approached them with their arms wrapped around one another tightly, "what's going on? There's a little bit too much of the whole 'cat that ate the canary' look happening over here."

"We're having fun," Vasily told her, "this is a great wedding."

"Alright, let's just cut to the chase," Nicky said, "is Lida pregnant?"

"How did you guess?" Red frowned.

"You are probably the least subtle people on the planet," Nicky rolled her eyes, "and you Russians all talk too loud. Anyway, congratulations."

"Yes, congratulations!" Lorna echoed.

"Thanks," Lida giggled.

"I can't wait until I get to have a whole van filled with little babies," Lorna gushed.

"Uh, huh," Nicky turned to look at Red, "can I talk to you for a minute alone?"

"Of course," Red blinked. Nicky grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the dance floor where a slow song was playing.

"I don't want to dance," Red protested.

"You basically just get to hug me in a circle and call it dancing," Nicky told her, pulling her close, "no skills required." She wrapped her arms around Red and rested her head against her shoulder.

"I thought for sure when I saw how many drinks you put away that you were going to entertain us all doing the macarena or something. I'd have paid to see that," Nicky teased.

"That would take a lot more alcohol," Red replied, "I can handle my booze."

"How disappointing for me," Nicky replied, "you should spin me." She tugged on Red's hand and twirled herself around.

"You look so beautiful in that gown," Red told her.

"I know," Nicky said simply, "and I didn't even trip."

"Good girl," Red murmured, "I love you."

"I love you too," said Nicky automatically, "I was glad to see you looking so happy just now. I haven't seen you like that too often lately."

"Well, you know why," Red said quietly.

"Yeah, but there's no sense in punishing yourself for something you can't change," Nicky told her, "and you did apologize. I give you credit for that."

"I know," sighed Red.

"I wanted to ask you if you'd be alright if Lorna and I take off soon?" Nicky asked.

"You're going out with her?" Red asked.

"I want to go upstairs with her," Nicky said point-blank, "Alex gave me the key to their spare hotel room. Seemed like a good idea."

"I guess so," Red said softly, "just don't get your heart broken."

"I just wanted to make sure you'd be alright spending the night alone," Nicky said carefully, "since you've been so upset lately."

"Of course, I'll be fine," Red said tersely, "don't treat me a delicate old lady."

"Alright, I won't," Nicky said, leaning over to kiss Red's cheek as the song ended, "I love you and I'll see you sometime tomorrow then. Okay?"

"Goodnight, honey," Red said. She walked back over to join Vasily and Lida, as Nicky sped out of the banquet hall with Lorna.

This wedding had turned out to be a wonderful time for Nicky, and the best part had been spending time with Lorna. She probably never would get over her and knew she didn't really want to. Pushing Lorna away for the past several months seemed to have the unintentional, but pleasing, effect of making Lorna want her more. It was fun being the person being actively pursued for a change. It gave Nicky hope that maybe Lorna was starting to crave and want her the way she had wanted Christopher many years before. Except Nicky's affections were not an allusion, so Lorna genuinely loving her would be a healthy thing. Maybe Lorna was beginning to understand what was real and shouldn't be taken for granted. It was becoming very obvious to Nicky that Lorna did not want to lose her.

"That was such a beautiful wedding!" Lorna sighed contentedly, "didn't they look happy?"

"Sure, they did," Nicky agreed. Piper and Alex had been joined at the hip every since the ceremony. It was difficult for them to properly greet all of their guests since they only had eyes for each other.

Nicky swiped her card and opened the door, allowing Lorna to enter first. It was the room she and Alex had gotten dressed in that afternoon.

"I love the view from here," Lorna said, walking over to stand in front of the window.

"It's even nicer from outside," Nicky said, sliding the door open and motioning for Lorna to step out. Wrapping her arms around Lorna from behind, Nicky inhaled the sweet vanilla scent of her hair and savoured being this close to her.

"You smell nice," Nicky said, bestowing a kiss on the top of her head.

"And you look beautiful in that gown," Lorna reciprocated, "your hair looks great too. I think I prefer it curly because it's more you, but I like it for tonight." She placed her hands atop of Nicky's, which were still wrapped tightly around her waist.

"I'm glad you like it curly better," Nicky replied, "because this takes way too much work for me to maintain." She tugged Lorna over to the patio sofa and pulled her down.

Lorna breathed a note of contentment and leaned back into Nicky's embrace. Silence fell between them as they both just enjoyed cuddling together. If Lorna had to describe what being in Nicky's arms felt like, she would probably say that it felt like home. She was safe with Nicky, the only person who really understood her.

"I think I can see a star," Lorna said, pointing her right hand up at the sky.

"Looks like a satellite," said Nicky dismissively, "remember Lolly from prison? She'd say that it was the CIA spying on us right now."

"It's still pretty though," Lorna insisted and Nicky smiled.

"It sure is," she agreed.

Lorna reached for Nicky's hand and began smoothing it back and forth between her own. The night was warm and it was so peaceful out here together, high above the city.

"So, tell me all about your life," Nicky said smoothly, running her fingers through Lorna's silky hair, "you seeing anybody?"

"Nobody, Nicky," said Lorna, "I even quit my job and went somewhere else so that I don't see Harry anymore. It's all finished. How about you?"

"Yeah, I've been seeing people," Nicky said honestly, "but only casually."

"Who?" asked Lorna. Nicky could feel her visibly stiffening up in her embrace. She liked that Lorna was so affected by the thought of her with somebody else.

"You really want to know?" Nicky asked her skeptically.

"Yes," Lorna nodded determinedly, "I want to know everything about you."

"Just don't go into a jealous rage," Nicky warned her, "although, I have to admit I'd be a little flattered if I discovered I had that effect on you. I wasn't serious about any of these people anyway."

"Okay," Lorna said cautiously, "that's good to know."

"There were a couple of one night stands," Nicky began, "a fling with a girl named Brooke from school, and umm…. Luschek."

"Luschek!" Lorna exclaimed, sitting upright in Nicky's arms as she turned around to look her in the eye, "as in the sort of doughy guy that worked in electrical? Are you joking?" She looked as though she wasn't sure whether or not she was supposed to laugh.

"Nope," Nicky said with a chuckle, "and I got to say that he can be pretty good. We don't see each other too often, though. The first time was on New Years after you ditched me and the last time was a few weeks ago. He helped me babysit Lida and Vasily's kids."

"I never ditched you," Lorna protested. She turned around in Nicky's arms so that she could sit backwards on her lap.

"You told me to go," she argued, linking her hands around Nicky's neck.

"I gave you my blessing because I could tell that was what you really wanted to do," Nicky clarified, "I didn't want you to leave."

"Okay," Lorna sighed, "I'll take the blame." She leaned forward to rest her cheek against Nicky's. They hugged one another tightly.

"So, Luschek babysat?" Lorna said skeptically, a few minutes later, "I never really dubbed him as a kid person."

"Would you qualify me as one?" Nicky asked, placing her hands on Lorna's hips and then stroking her thighs up and down.

"You told me before that you hated kids," Lorna replied, "back when we were at Litchfield. Remember at the Mother's Day event?"

"Well, in general, I suppose I don't like them," Nicky lamented, "but I like Vasily's kids in small doses, and I'd like my own hypothetical children."

"You want to have kids someday?" Lorna asked, running her hands slowly to Nicky's front and resting them over her chest.

"If the circumstances were right," Nicky shrugged, "if I was in a good relationship with somebody who wanted them too."

"Like me?" Lorna chirped up, sounding almost hopeful.

"Why not?" chuckled Nicky, "you never know." She dug her fingernails a little harder against the dress fabric that covered Lorna's thighs.

"I don't want you to be with Luschek, or Brooke, or anybody else," Lorna said seriously, "do you know how much that bothers me?"

"If it bothers you as much as listening to you harp on about the guys you were obsessed with bothered me, then I feel really bad for you," Nicky said curtly.

"I never meant to upset you," Lorna said, "I just couldn't turn my brain off about them before. I'm sorry."

"Water under the bridge," Nicky brushed her apology off, "you didn't really do anything wrong. I was the dumb one for falling in love with you when I knew you were never going to love me back."

"Why don't you ever believe me when I say, I love you?" Lorna asked, tearfully, "you mean more to me that anybody!"

"Now, that's what makes it worse," Nicky replied, supporting the back of Lorna's head with her hands, "knowing that we both love one another but also understanding that it just doesn't work with us."

"I think it didn't work before because I wasn't ready," Lorna said, "it wasn't because the feelings weren't there."

"I'll give you that," Nicky sighed.

"I'm ready now," Lorna whispered in her ear. She began trailing kisses down the side of her neck, before Nicky shrugged her off.

"How do you figure?" Nicky asked her skeptically.

"I know how much I love you," Lorna said softly, "how much I like being with you. It doesn't matter if it's at a wedding, just hanging out at home, or even in prison—you make everything better."

"According to Marka, I just make everything worse," Nicky scoffed.

"Well, she's an idiot," said Lorna, "I'm right."

"I just don't want to fall for this talk," Nicky said, "and then we wake up in the morning and discover you're feeling completely different."

"I promise, I won't," Lorna said. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against Nicky's.

"Will you give me just one more chance?" she pleaded, "I promise I won't disappoint you."

"One more chance," Nicky agreed, giving Lorna an uncertain smile. She cupped her beneath the chin and brought Lorna close again for another, more passionate kiss. As Nicky surrendered to the love she had been resisting for so long, her heart began pounding in her chest and her entire body began to tingle. Maybe when a love was this strong it was worth risking heartache for. All Nicky knew right now was that she was happy.

Nicky felt like her entire life had become a myriad of second chances. It would have seemed hypocritical to deny to Lorna what so many others had done for her. Her life was good right now and Nicky was in a better place that she had ever been before. She was living an honest, healthy, happy life. A lot of it was because of Red's influence, but Nicky knew that it was mostly because of herself. She was stronger than she had ever fully realized and she had so much to be thankful for. At the moment, it was for the beautiful petite woman she was holding in her arms. Everything was wonderful.

 **Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. I really loved writing it, but I am very excited it is now finished because that means Part 3 begins and Gloria is FINALLY coming home!**


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